Ok Hen....what about this

CAYLA

CAYLA

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I like the spiv bit.

Don't be or act like a fanny with your dog, it's not a bloody baby, it's an animal you have on the end of your lead a well adapted and potential lethal killing machine.......so stop acting like it's your child and be firm and take some responsibility for the out of control mutt you have created you spiv.
And stop feeding it's face full of sh!t, it's not hungry it's just greedy and u have created that little bin, by humanising it and feeling heartly sorry for it you spiv.
When you dog pulls don't allow it to do so because you are scared that pulling it back may offend it or hurt it's feeling and it may never love you again, because u look like a spiv being dragged down that road
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better
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Are u trying to say this is what I would write in my book
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Actually this is what I said to my friend with the 25kg cocker, who bust his cruciate 2 days ago............so she has now bought him some doggy steps to help him get on her bed
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what a spiv
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I think that looks like a bestseller actually!

Wish a few of the numpties I meet when I'm walking my ickle baby puppy wuppy, *ahem* I mean Henry, would read it
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[ QUOTE ]
Actuallu this is what I said to my friend with the 25kg cocker, who bust his cruciate 2 days ago............so she has now bought him some doggy steps to help him get on her bed
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what a spiv
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[/ QUOTE ]

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That would have been Henry in a few years time
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Could you please tell him this sad tale please, I keep telling him he is lucky to have a mean owner who is stingy with portions but he doesn't believe me
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[ QUOTE ]
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Actuallu this is what I said to my friend with the 25kg cocker, who bust his cruciate 2 days ago............so she has now bought him some doggy steps to help him get on her bed
crazy.gif
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what a spiv
smirk.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

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That would have been Henry in a few years time
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Could you please tell him this sad tale please, I keep telling him he is lucky to have a mean owner who is stingy with portions but he doesn't believe me
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Certainly..........
listen here henry, my friends dog is a little fat cripple because she his owner is a feeder
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this means she supliments her feelings and needs onto little fat Oscar and even though he does not need it, wolfs back this food inc, chips, burgers, add lib chews from an open and folded back carrier bag on the floor
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and any chew my spenk of a friend will dive on the ground for the retrieve for the little lard ass. so other dogs cannot get it first..........for this Oscar has now bust his leg, cos he is too fat to carry his load, so he now cannot go for walks or keep up with the other dogs and soon he will need a doggy lard ass mobile to take him places.........so if I was u, I would stop stealing all the food u can stuff in ya little greedy face and eat only what you mammy gives u
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Actually this is what I said to my friend with the 25kg cocker, who bust his cruciate 2 days ago............

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Is this the fat cocker formn the walking poiccies the other week
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?? Poor little bugger - he would be better off walking up and down stairs to lose some weight rather than climbing on the bed to sleep!!
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I assume she doesn't see any connection between obesity and the knackered cruciate - poor spangle
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Yep.............he is coming to stay with me at the weekend for 2 weeks where he will think his throat has been cut
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but indeedy she thinks it's jsut random unluckiness......but also blames her husband and says he should cut down on the amount of sausages he feeds him when she is out
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She told OH about the steps......he called her a crazy bint
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I will take a picci of him and measure his back.............he is literally square
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She also has a shepherd, and she is in perfect shape, but she says Oscar is her baby, the son she never could have
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He may think his throat has been cut but he will be so much better for losing the blubber - he will be able to be a proper spangle!!
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I'm sorry but I think you need to point out to her in your best diplomatic way that she is being a f*ckwit as there is no possible way that she would have given birth to a cocker - they have several more chromosomes than she appears to have!!
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Oooops - too much wine....
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Is this the friend who you mentioned a little while back who got upset because your dogs "scared" her ickle baby ? 25kg is a crazy weight for a cocker, had Buffy at the vets yesterday and popped her on the scales, she weighs 29.4 kg. She is a 9 year old (today) spayed GSD bitch, standing bout 23" at the shoulder. Vet commented on how well she looked so don't think I am starving her
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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Actuallu this is what I said to my friend with the 25kg cocker, who bust his cruciate 2 days ago............so she has now bought him some doggy steps to help him get on her bed
crazy.gif
crazy.gif
what a spiv
smirk.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

shocked.gif
mad.gif
mad.gif
mad.gif


That would have been Henry in a few years time
mad.gif


Could you please tell him this sad tale please, I keep telling him he is lucky to have a mean owner who is stingy with portions but he doesn't believe me
tongue.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

Certainly..........
listen here henry, my friends dog is a little fat cripple because she his owner is a feeder
smirk.gif
this means she supliments her feelings and needs onto little fat Oscar and even though he does not need it, wolfs back this food inc, chips, burgers, add lib chews from an open and folded back carrier bag on the floor
shocked.gif
and any chew my spenk of a friend will dive on the ground for the retrieve for the little lard ass. so other dogs cannot get it first..........for this Oscar has now bust his leg, cos he is too fat to carry his load, so he now cannot go for walks or keep up with the other dogs and soon he will need a doggy lard ass mobile to take him places.........so if I was u, I would stop stealing all the food u can stuff in ya little greedy face and eat only what you mammy gives u
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Thank you
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Tell your mate, Henry was 22.5kg when I got him, he weighed 16.5kg at the vets when he had his boosters last week, and now has discovered to ability to bounce so high he is nearly nose to nose with me
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He is such a happy dog now he is a slim boy, such a turnaround from the little lard-arse I hauled home in January!
 
[ QUOTE ]
I like the spiv bit.

Don't be or act like a fanny with your dog, it's not a bloody baby, it's an animal you have on the end of your lead a well adapted and potential lethal killing machine.......so stop acting like it's your child and be firm and take some responsibility for the out of control mutt you have created you spiv.
And stop feeding it's face full of sh!t, it's not hungry it's just greedy and u have created that little bin, by humanising it and feeling heartly sorry for it you spiv.
When you dog pulls don't allow it to do so because you are scared that pulling it back may offend it or hurt it's feeling and it may never love you again, because u look like a spiv being dragged down that road
tongue.gif



better
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Are u trying to say this is what I would write in my book
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Can I suggest another paragraph for you:

Don't let puppsywupsy put his minging tongue anywhere near your mouth or face or even skin for that matter. The last place that tongue entered was probably his backside. Chances are he has also been feasting on whatever animal crap/decaying creature he could find on his morning walk too. Do you still love his kissy-wissys?,,,, spiv
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Next chapter:


"Right, u spivs, shaking the lead ineffectually and whimpering 'nooo', thirty seconds to a minute after your bitch has nearly eaten the face off an innocent puppy who commited the henious crime of walking past, is not going to cut it.
Neither is deploying either an electric or prong collar while she is mid-attack and agitating her further, she doesn't understand what the hell is going on, u spivs!
There is a reason she thinks you are weak, you are beneath her and she has to protect you from allcomers, U SPIVS!!!"

Ahem. Continue.

Dr CaveCanem VCM (very cruel mummy)
 
Oooh oooh ooooh can I write a bit too?

Ahem hem hem, here goes:

"Right you spivs, it's a dog, not a Barbie doll. It's got legs and everything, take it out of your damn handbag and let it use them. Ands take that bl00dy horrible diamante pink fluffy coat off it, it's got its own fur you spenk.

Just because it's little doen't make it a child subsititue or a atoy, it's a damn dog so treat it like one you spiv"

I thank you
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How about

'Let your dog off the lead to run about in an appropriate place such as a park or woods - not in the roads and other peoples gardens - spiv. If it fouls pick it up and put it in a bin instead of leaving it for someone else to do - spiv. When you do let it off make sure it will come back when you call - spiv - although I can totally understand why no self respecting dog would want to admit to being owned by you in public - spiv!!'

Enough spivs to qualify??
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Oh oh oh......


"If your dog is off the lead and is approaching someone with a dog on the lead who is waving their spare hand at you and asking you to call your own dog back to you, don't ignore them while your beloved, friendly dog sticks it's nose up the grumpy dogs arse while it's owner hangs on for grim death, u utter, utter spiv"
 
I think it should be called "For Dog Spivs and Their Ilk" by CALA
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Spivs of the world listen, if you have a dog with more energy than then National Grid, 20 mins on the lead is not going to cut it, so don't be surprised when it starts eating your Spiv Abode from the ground up.
Also if you have put so little effort into training your dog that it doesn't actually understand your Spivvy commands, repeatedly screaming them at it, is unlikely to work.... Spenk
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[ QUOTE ]
Oh oh oh......


"If your dog is off the lead and is approaching someone with a dog on the lead who is waving their spare hand at you and asking you to call your own dog back to you, don't ignore them while your beloved, friendly dog sticks it's nose up the grumpy dogs arse while it's owner hangs on for grim death, u utter, utter spiv"

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To elaborate on this one, "I am not interested, you spiv, that little Fluffy only wants to play , hackles and tail in the air are a bit of a clue that my dog doesn't want to join in game, spenk" (love that word
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)

And , not sure if this quite fits in the book ,but here goes

"listen you spiv, when you buy a puppy with parents of 2 different breeds, it is not a designer breed worth a fortune, it is a bloomin cross "
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And , not sure if this quite fits in the book ,but here goes

"listen you spiv, when you buy a puppy with parents of 2 different breeds, it is not a designer breed worth a fortune, it is a bloomin cross "
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Oh can this be on the first page please!
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And , not sure if this quite fits in the book ,but here goes

"listen you spiv, when you buy a puppy with parents of 2 different breeds, it is not a designer breed worth a fortune, it is a bloomin cross "
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Lets call a spade a spade - its a cross and what used to be commonly called a mongrel. You can get one at your nearest rescue centre and give them the money to help other deserving dogs you SPIV!!!!
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Oh oh oh annnnnd...

'If my dogs wanders over and sniffs your knees and you shriek like a banshee and wave your arms about then yes - he will jump up at you, you huge, gigantic, SPIV!!!!!'
 
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you steal all my best describing words and now my book.......u are passing off as your own
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How very dare you
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Another

For the muppets out there that look at a pretty dogs that u jsut happened to see stroling along the street last week and decide you want one, and you work 9 hours straight and expect that baby to sit and listen to some i tunes, relax on it's bed and hold it's breakfast in by squeezing it's privates tight with it's paws to keep that p!ss from flowing on your best carpet, and maybe file it's own nails to pass the boredom from the temptation of removing the door frame and ripping up your best shoes.................wake up and smell the coffee u spaz, you should have chosen a suitable dog not one that matched the furniture or complimented the colour of your eyes.
 
Look, you can be the editor, write the forward, have your pic on the front of the book, we will all be contributors.

Shhhheeeesh, you're still going to make all the money, U SPIV
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So what are we calling it, you're the editor?
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