Okay, here goes, advert draft one...

metalmare

metalmare

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Okay... Edited (deleted the ad)... Didn't mean to be naughty...

If anyone would be willing to give f/back please would you let me know so I can pm?

Thank you for all the really sound advice given so far... I'm about to redraft.
 
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before this thread gets pulled....


Lose the whole paragraph about his back treatment. That is something to discuss when people phone/view, no need to have it in the advert IMO.
 
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This will indeed get removed the moment it's spotted. :rolleyes:

you'd be better PMing people the ad on request and getting feedback that way. :)
 
These are the photos I would use:

URL=http://s240.photobucket.com/user/alex_bradley88/media/IMG_0797.jpg.html]
IMG_0797.jpg
[/URL]



 
I agree with PMP but would add that I would put an up to date pic of him being ridden minus the gadgets to show him as he is now and also remove the paragraph saying the pic is from when you first rode him.
 
Oops, thought it might be naughty, wasn't sure. And my pictures are too big :-( can I delete the post?

If anyone would be willing to give feedback, please would they let me know so I can pm them?

Thank you for the advice re the back treatment paragraph.
 
I think it has way too much info, agree get rid of the back, also no need to say he hasnt been loaded in a while.
Also would just say he is a snaffle ride or bitless wouldnt include the gadgets bit, some people like their gadgets!
 
sandi_84 said:
I agree with PMP but would add that I would put an up to date pic of him being ridden minus the gadgets to show him as he is now and also remove the paragraph saying the pic is from when you first rode him.
Click to expand...

Okay, good point. I think I have a more recent pic somewhere.
 
metalmare said:
Oops, thought it might be naughty, wasn't sure. And my pictures are too big :-( can I delete the post?

If anyone would be willing to give feedback, please would they let me know so I can pm them?

Thank you for the advice re the back treatment paragraph.
Click to expand...

You'd have to ask admin to remove it, get an up to date ridden pic on there too!

ETA: Oops sorry cross posted! :D
 
metalmare said:
Oops, thought it might be naughty, wasn't sure. And my pictures are too big :-( can I delete the post?

If anyone would be willing to give feedback, please would they let me know so I can pm them?

Thank you for the advice re the back treatment paragraph.
Click to expand...

If you posted less than 15 mins ago, you can do back and edit.
 
snooples said:
I think it has way too much info, agree get rid of the back, also no need to say he hasnt been loaded in a while.
Also would just say he is a snaffle ride or bitless wouldnt include the gadgets bit, some people like their gadgets!
Click to expand...

Good point!
 
I got fed up half way through and stopped reading. It's too wordy and long. Is not a story you are telling. You need to shorten it by about 3/4s.

Ie Teeth, vax, wormed up to date. It's not important to say he's been trimmed, say he's barefoot if you want. Don't tell a story about the saddler and the saddle. Just say comes with tack which has been recently refitted. I would mention the muscle wastage when folk phone you, not go into it in a long winded way in the advert.

100% to shoe, box, clip, catch (whatever else) and just call him a chestnut roan with flaxen mane and tail, you can explain the colour further to any viewers if they are interested (they probably won't be!). Remove the eye catching, that's your opinion, you need to use photos which show his eye catching "ness" not talk about it.

The absolutely most important thing is good photos and even better a good video which shows him in traffic or doing whatever he is good at (I don't know if he's good in traffic cos I got bored and clicked on a pretty palomino advert to the side of his :p)

ETA stop using his name over and over and those photos are not good enough sorry!
 
LOL - how could you not want our life story???

At least you know I'm honest ;-)

Okay, really good points... I will make amendments.
 
snooples said:
I think it has way too much info, agree get rid of the back, also no need to say he hasnt been loaded in a while.
Also would just say he is a snaffle ride or bitless wouldnt include the gadgets bit, some people like their gadgets!
Click to expand...

I agree with this. Also, I'd lose the second photo and I'd agree with using one of him ridden.
 
Too much detail!

You don't need to talk about him being barefoot in the ad, nor when he last had his feet done or saddle fitted. Or about his back treatment. Tell people on the phone, but not in the ad - it makes it seem almost as if you're flagging potential issues where there aren't any.

In an ad, stick to the facts, don't embellish. There are certain things people will be looking for to check boxes - ie. good n traffic, snaffle mouthed, hacks alone and in company, has competed at xx level, schools at xx level. Stick to those things, keep the detail for when people phone or come to see him.

Don't use the second photo, it does him no favours.
 
I have now redrafted, if anyone would be happy for me to email the (much shorter) redraft.

Also, does anyone have an idea of a ballpark price. Not so much what I should expect to get for him, but what I should advertise him for?

Is this pic any better? I don't seem to have any decent conformation shots of him... He's not all that photogenic.

 
Could you get somebody to take a camera up with you? Get him spruced up, they'll be looking their best with summer coats at the moment, and get a good photograph of him stood up properly. It makes such a difference, I wouldn't even look at an ad without a decent conformation shot!

Too late to comment on the ad though!
 
You really need to tart him up, get a good confo shot and a good ridden shot. If he jumps, a jumping shot would be nice. Try to get a friend to help you as it will be so much easier to get nice photos with assistance.

Examples of what to aim for. :)
533117_482966018406362_799735510_n.jpg


3633041850_4_horse-pony-equine-equestrian.jpg


Mib&Pony.JPG
 
Honestly, if you haven't got a better shot than that, I wouldn't use one.

See if you can get one with his summer coat, and with him looking alert and happy.

Price wise, is this a green 13yr old cob that hasn't done much more then hack and is quite sharp and spooky? I'd say £800 or so, not inc tack.
 
Bah, I'll never get him looking like that... The daft thing is still holding a bit of winter fluff! ;-)

Yes, I'll get some better photos - I think a helper makes a big difference.
 
xspiralx said:
Honestly, if you haven't got a better shot than that, I wouldn't use one.

See if you can get one with his summer coat, and with him looking alert and happy.

Price wise, is this a green 13yr old cob that hasn't done much more then hack and is quite sharp and spooky? I'd say £800 or so, not inc tack.
Click to expand...

That sounds about right, I paid £1000 including saddle and full wardrobe.

Is that to accept, or is that to advertise at?
 
You need photos of him doing more than standing around. What is he good at, take good pics of that.

For instance, I bought my mare from this photo (after I'd viewed her obv) for a really low price. Terrible terrible photo

0733bb38279f50439170b26aa6644bcc_zps876de8d5.jpg


This I took at the viewing (it isn't a good enough pic for a sale pic anyway but it shows you that the horse looks completely different from the ONLY pic used in the advert!)

780fe08bb744fa5ccb3da5741239cfff.jpg


You need really really good pics, I have thousands of pics of my horse and I'm not sure any are suitable for an advert, they need to be taken specially and carefully to show his best everything.

Pm me the new draft if you want me to rip it to shreds again :o:p (in the nicest possible way!)
 
Very good advice. What is he good at? Moving unexpectedly at speed, eating and sometimes looking innocent. I will take a special photo tomorrow and polish him up as best I can.

I have plonked an ad on preloved for now as it's free, just to test the water, which I will pm you the link to. Once I have a decent photo and I'm satisfied with the wording I may use another site, if I'm not getting the interest from preloved.
 
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