Oldies - am I being pig-headed or should I think about calling it a day?

Hels_Bells

Hels_Bells

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I have had my 33yo boy for 18 years now (since I was 12). He is absolutely full of beans, gallops around all the time and is generally a very happy guy. However, he does have a few problems associated with old age, 1) arthritus which is managed with 1 sachet of bute per day, 2) very few teeth left which is managed via hay replacers which are expensive but he does very well on and 3) lately he has developed a certain amount of incontinence which means he wees quite a lot especially when he is excited (i.e. his food is coming etc) to manage this he wears leg wraps, turnout chaps and/or baby oil for waterproofing.

At the end of last summer we had a pony we had out on loan return home, she is 24, but is full of beans but her current loan home had outgrown her. The lady who had her was going to try to find her another loan home but my mum basically said don't worry HB will look after her bring her back here. This year is my final year of uni (I am a very old student). It has been a really hard winter and I have an awful lot on my plate. I have struggled to cope with three as my family are all completely non-horsey and I have to look after all three pretty much by myself, though hubby feels a bit sorry for me sometimes and helps out when he can.

In short, I managed fine with just my two boys but three has really tipped the balance. I want to find a new home for the 24yo mare as she is sitting there doing nothing, it completely wasted and whilst she can't do a full days hunting etc any more she could certainly do an hour or so and also would make a great hack. She is probably just going to sit there for the next 10 years which IMO does oldies no good. Also I can't devote the time to her she deserves.

My parents are fighting me tooth and nail on this and almost every day I get that "Sam (my oldie) is the problem" or "well you should have him PTS then it would be easier for you etc etc". I don't see why he should have to take the brunt of this. He is so happy and full of life, no one can believe how old he is and says he looks so well for his age, yet all I get from my family is that I should get rid of him. I don't mind looking after my 2 boys as I can cope fine, but the third horse has almost turned life into a mysery. She is really hardy so I tried to turn her out 24/7 with a rug on, mid February and I just got so much h*ll from my parents about it, my mum wouldn't talk to me for days etc etc as they think I'm being cruel to her etc - but I'm not she's a dartmoor and fit as a fiddle!!!

Am just feeling a bit down about it, again tonight my dad was telling me I should "get rid" of my oldie at the end of the summer and I'm sick of hearing it. If he's ready to go he will tell me or it will be clear if he starts to give up etc but right now, I think he's too happy, his appetite is enormous, he's full of life. Just because he's older and has a few old age problems is that immediate reason to make the call!!!??
 
I do feel for you. Your old boy is so lucky to have you and there is no way you should have him PTS. Though I am sorry I can't offer any help. It's hard. I have seven horses that I do by myself as well as run a taxi service for two teenage sons, all the cooking, cleaning and washing etc. This winter was extremely hard and it is all the more so when you are in your forties!
 
Your family needs a good talking to! Can you invite them round and explain it to them without getting upset, saying just what you have said above? They don't seem to have a clue how much work you are putting in and not to help you sounds really off to me. Say I am not coping, I am not happy, and if they want you to look after the 24yr old too, then surely they could do one day for you?

I suppose looking at it from their point of view, it would make more sense to put down the oldest, however I don't mean I agree with your parents, just that it appears to be the logical choice. But if he is still full of beans then it is no-one's decision but yours.

You will know when it is the right time, and at least you have spring just round the corner (honestly!) so life will get easier. So don't be bullied into doing something you don't want to do yet. 33 is a magnificent age, and you must be doing something right to have got him to that age.

Just reread the original post and think I might have to pop round and bop your mother one on the nose for you :) Of course a dartmoor can live out in February!

ETA: how about trying a loan home through the Pony Club - would she make a good lead rein or first pony for someone locally? Or could someone help you with her in return for rides or something? Just trying to think of practical ideas, but it's late so I have to go to bed.

Sorry this isn't very coherent, but felt I wanted to reply as it seems they are being quite unfair to you. If you are doing all the work, the decision is yours, IMO.
 
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No it is not a reason to get rid of your oldie. He has served you well and now you are serving him well. I cannot understand your parents stance on this and I find their attitude quite heartless (sorry I know they are your parents but I do :(). I have a couple of horses older than your boy and there's no way they will leave this great earth until they are ready. They won't be pushed out just because they happen to be old. I am sorry you have been put in this horrible situation and have no words of wisdom other than standing your ground and telling them that having him killed is not on your agenda at the moment.
 
Just remind your parents they will be old one day :D

Seriously its difficult but they are thinking logicaly but if your old boy is still enjoying his life there is no reason to pts.

On the plus side spring is springing and life will get easier, I do feel for you.
 
Dobiegirl said:
Just remind your parents they will be old one day :D
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Yes, and you'll be choosing their nursing home....... :D

How about seeing if anyone would like to share/loan the mare at your place? Then you could pass some of the care onto them but still keep an eye on the horse.

It would be a shame to put your oldie down when he clearly still enjoys life.
 
Could you offer the ride of the loan pony in return for some chores. Also I would imagine being a Dartmoor said pony would prefer being out 24/7. We keep a NF and a 21 year old arab x show pony out 24/7 - they don't even use the field shelter other than to keep out of sun/flies in the summer - if it rains /snows they huddle under the trees
 
Hopefully now spring is here, they can soon go out and you can concentrate on finding a new loan home for the mare?
 
Seems like your parents put you in this position by saying to the loaner of the dartmoor that you would look after her. Yes your old boy has a few minor medical issues but at 33 I think he can be forgiven for that! I would just turn round and tell your parents that they will get no say in what happens to the horses as they neither help with their care or (I assume anyway) contribute to their costs. Besides as Clippy says spring is pretty much here now, and that should ease the burden somewhat.
As to the darty being too old to loan I know several ponies who are in their mid 20's and all of them are still full of beans and doing everything their teenage sharers want to do with them - including XC with a great deal of enthusiasm!
 
Ok, I can see where your parents are coming from & as the owner of a 29 yo I can see your point of view as well.
Now spring is coming will they be going out - makes life a hell of a lot easier & buys a bit of time to think things through.
At 33 you have to accept that he is on borrowed time - what will you do when the inevitable happens be it next week or next year? If the 24 yo has gone out on loan what will you do for a companion for the other one - that may well be what is concerning your parents?
Can you keep the 24 yo where she is & get a sharer/loaner to help with the load - that would free you up & give you cover with a companion. If you advertise the 24 yo as rides in return for help you may be more successful than a full loan. Is she a good lead rein/first ridden. If she is you should be able to find someone at an arrangement that will suit you.
 
Thanks so much for your messages and support everyone, I do feel a bit better. My parents do actually contribute financially. They are good people in many respects but can just be a bit thoughtless at times. They pay for the 24yo and since she came back and they have offered to pay for the 33yo to offset me looking after the 24yo, but in all honesty I'd rather pay for my oldie and have less workload, also I just feel it was pretty thoughtless to assume I would be able to look after her esp in the most crucial year at uni, and just say bring her back and then get cross with me when I'm doing things my way etc. Also, throwing money into the situation just makes me feel that I have no say in the matter! It's a huge help to have them cover costs for my oldie as Hubby and I aren't well off, but if there's one thing I/we are less well off for it's time!

Problem with 24yo is that she was a fantastic pony but she can be a bit tricky, put her ears back etc and be a bit bargy, she was always a brilliant but challenging pony that needed a confident rider, sometimes difficult to find for a 13.2hh. I wouldn't be happy with her going to a complete beginner, she will lead rein etc but I wouldn't want her to bite or barge a small child (these are new habits she has come back from loan with though she has improved a bit since she has been back here). She really needs a small adult or teenager but not one that wants to razz her around too much given her age! I also totally agree about the problem that if anything does happen to 33yo my younger horse will be on his own. He is also likely to be pretty distraught as he is extremely attached to my oldie and is also a pretty intelligent and sensitive guy. But in an ideal world I would actually get another person with their own horse to come and livery at my place so I only have one horse to look after, but it has company...

I wonder if I should advertise 24yo for loan but to stay at present home?? It could be worth a try.
 
I would try the loan but to stay at your place option. I also do not feel the 33 needs to be PTS yet as he does not seem toi be struggling and you ae managing his needs well by the sounds of it. Our old horse lived to the grand old age of 36 but it had got to the point where if he went down he was starting to struggle when he got up. He was still full of energy and life though and like yours, although he hardly had any teeth he still loved his food.

He actually took the decision away from us as i found him dead one morning. Long story short he had either fallen and fatally injure himself or had a heart attack and fallen as a result. We knew he was on borrowed time anyway as we would never have wanted him to get to the stage where he couldn't get up.

I too have a 24 yo pony who has been out on loan a couple of times previously. unfortunately he is essentially just in the field doing nothing save for the odd hack in the summer but that's his own fault cos he's naughty, still thinks tractors and lorries are terrible scary monsters and has a tendency to spin if he wants to canter!! Hence we cannot really loan him out again!

I think maybe you should see if your parents could help more than just financially. They are the ones who said you'd have the pony back when they didn't seem to have asked you if this was ok.
 
I cant see how 1 more horse can make such a difference to the amount of time and effort needed, there are many ways you can cut down the time to do something and if you just get on and do it without moaning about it you will be surprised how quickly you have finished what needed to be done. There are loads of people out there wishing they had a pony/horse and you are complaining, just get on an enjoy them and give them all the love they deserve and need you will be rewarded oneday for it and maybe your parents will then be behind you rather than against you. None of them deserve being PTS or even loaned out at the age of 24, that one needs to start enjoying its retirement. Not only will your parents be old one day but so will you and hopefully you will not be in a situation where you are put out on loan because you are not wanted!!!!
 
I can understand your family - one more does make a difference and they can probably see you getting exhausted

The 33 is now incontinent and on bute, and you have extra tasks due to the incontinence. I think if it was my pony I would be considering whether quality of life was still good, or whether he is being kept going as you have such an emotional bond.

At the end of the day only you can decide, but I think one of our old ones is going at the end of the year as he is getting bullied by the herd and pushed out of position, but he has had a lovely life and better than most.
 
beeswax said:
I cant see how 1 more horse can make such a difference to the amount of time and effort needed, there are many ways you can cut down the time to do something and if you just get on and do it without moaning about it you will be surprised how quickly you have finished what needed to be done. There are loads of people out there wishing they had a pony/horse and you are complaining, just get on an enjoy them and give them all the love they deserve and need you will be rewarded oneday for it and maybe your parents will then be behind you rather than against you. None of them deserve being PTS or even loaned out at the age of 24, that one needs to start enjoying its retirement. Not only will your parents be old one day but so will you and hopefully you will not be in a situation where you are put out on loan because you are not wanted!!!!
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Goodness, where on earth does that level of judgement come from?

By keeping a 33 yr old and a 24 yr old she is already putting a lot more time and love in than many people would. The easy option would be to put the oldie down - and she's not doing that!!

Also, a 24yr old native pony is totally different to a 24yr old thoroughbred. These ponies go on and on - I learned to ride on a pony who was in her 30s and you'd never have known it. If a horse or pony is still healthy, fit and enjoying work, why retire them just because of their age?

Anyway OP, I think you should put the pony out on loan to stay at your place. I'm sure you'll find somebody easily, particularly if they don't need to pay for livery costs [or less than the market rate perhaps.] She sounds like a cracking pony with a lot of fun to give someone.
 
Good grief, that was helpful (not) beeswax, although I see your occupation is down as doing "as little as possible" whereas the OP is currently in her final year of university.
This may well be why she feels snowed under and you have difficulty empathising with her situation.

Hope you find a solution to your predicament Hels_Bells, as some have said, things tend to ease up with the warmer weather and a "Ride for Help" ad put in a local tack shop may just give you a welcome breather.
 
It is a shame you are so far away - I know someone looking for a companion pony which can also be lightly hacked.

No question that you should have your horse put down because someone tells you to. It's your decision and no-one else's.

Seems pretty tough for you to have all that to cope with by yourself, but chin up, spring's here and there will be (hopefully) lots of potential loaners coming out of the woodwork any minute now!
 
Sounds like the best thing to do is try to find a loan home for the 24 year old. She sounds like she needs to be in work, and there doesn't seem to be any legitimate reason for the 33 year old to go yet.

Is it completely out of the question to loan out the 3rd horse if you can't find a loan home for the 24 year old? I'm guessing that one is your current riding horse, but it may help you both financially and time-wise to loan that one out for a year or so (perhaps to a teenager who is going to uni in the next couple of years) until you have finished your degree. Just a thought, since final year at uni will be hard work and you won't have that much time to ride anyway.
 
I would offer a loan with view to keeping the pony at yours. You will hopefully be able to find a really keen child who is unable to afford their own horse, but if you only want them to cover costs, that would make it much more affordable, probably no worse than a weekly riding lesson.

Good luck and don't make a decision on your oldie until you know you need to. You would regret it if you were pressurised into it and it would be an ongoing "thorn" between you and your parents.
 
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