on the verge of giving up

I

Izzydonkey

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Sorry its a long one but have to get this off my chest.

I realise how ungrateful I sound even as writing this but here it goes..

Where I work I keep my old mare there for free as part of work terms, and the owner also had a horse that had done nothing for about 3 years so asked if I want to ride him, as my mare is out of work I very happily said yes!! I've been working with him now for about 5 months and I know thats not very long in horse terms and have pretty much had to start from scratch with him but i'm losing the will to carry on. He has been brought in with his field companion for about 6 years now and as of 3 months ago we managed to get him in on his own and since then some days he comes in quiet as a lamb and other days he gets so far from his field friend and spins around me, barges me out the way and kicks out when i let go and he goes charging off back to his friend. Just to put this into perspective i'm used t a 14.2 calm cob, he is a 17.2 hysterical warmblood and i just don't think I'm cut out for this, he's fine when he's in and is usually ok to ride but I still have to lunge before getting on and am bored as hell with just being in the school as he is still too green to do much else with. There seems to be no pattern to his bad manners coming in and i'm starting to lose my nerve with him and don't look forward to riding anymore, its really become a chore to work with him. I can't afford another horse to buy or loan as can't afford livery for another as only one is in the terms. I know I should be happy with having a horse to ride but at the moment I feel guilty every time he has more than one day off a week as he is better in work but somedays I don't have time or energy for him. I also don't feel any connection to him at all which doesn't help.

Ben and Jerry's for anyone who made it this far, i'm off to cheer up looking at pictures of "the glory days" with my wonderful mare
 
No reason to feel guilty - it was lovely of the owner to offer you the ride, and you have obviously made progress.

However it is supposed to be fun, and it sounds more of a chore.

Unless something changes then just explain to the owner that you don't think that either of you are benefiting from the current set up.

As to the future, who knows what might turn up :)
 
Two questions really!

1. Do you just not want to ride this horse really? If that's the case, just tell the owners things are not working out for you both. As long as you do it in a constructive way, am sure they will be fine.

2. Do you want to ride the horse and are fed up because of the catching problems? If that's the case, then look for a solution! What about bringing the companion in first, then the horse will run back to him/her!
 
Maybe sit down and do a pros and cons list with riding the horse? It sounds like you need to make a definite decision one way or another.

If you decide to keep riding him then I would be looking to change the situation so you enjoy things more. Being "stuck" in the school doesn't have to be boring, but it certainly can be. Can you have lessons, maybe do some in-hand and groundwork? Bomb-proofing stuff can be fun and will help if you plan to hack eventually. Basically you need to feel you and the horse are learning something and progressing each time or it soon becomes a chore.

As regards the leading you need to put yourself in a safer position, it sounds pretty dangerous at the moment. A really long lead rope or lunge line (with gloves) will help so you can keep hold of the horse without getting dragged or kicked. Some kind of controller headcollar (I like a Dually) or his bridle will also help you stop him. When he tries to barge off let him go a certain amount (far enough he can't kick you) and then stop him with the rope, then put him to work moving him around, backing him up etc, until he is listening to you. Once he's not succeeding in getting back to his friend he should stop trying.
 
Life is too short and there's too many nice horses out there to be spending time with at best an unpleasant horse and at worst a dangerous one. You've tried, it's not working. I'm sure if you want to ride you can find someone with a spare horse to ride (if you were near me I could hook you up with 3 easily!)
 
This sounds rather familiar! I bought a very green 17hh ID and then fell pregnant, he had some time off turned out with my retired TB. It was a nightmare trying to separate them when it came to bringing the ID back in to work. He would barge, tear the leadrope out of my hand and charge off back to his companion. I remember thinking how am I ever going to manage this brute and crying a lot!
But I am now a year down the line and I have a young baby so I don't get as much time to spend with him as I would like but he has improved, I can safely in a head collar lead him out of sight and hack alone. It was just consistent, firm, regular, handling. We are still working on being in the stable alone....... But that's improving. The difference for me is he is my horse and I want to ride him and I am enjoying the improvement. X
 
I am wondering why he has done nothing for 3 years - does he take the p155 out of his owner? Is she just using you as a crash test dummy to sort out her rude horse?
 
He is the same with everyone, there really doesn't seem to be any pattern. Some days he is great, he has been all week. Then today, complete idiot, tried everything lost him three times and went to cry in my mares mane, I really don't want to give up, he just turns me into an emotional wreck on days like this. His owner does help me and he is generally getting better but she's very busy and its hard to be around at the same time. She often shrugs off his behaviour as being a warm blood and not to take it personally, but she has 30 more years experience than me. It's easier if I have help to open the gate but it's a quiet yard and I'm often alone and will not handle him if no one is about so trying to be consistent is hard. It's so frustrating, coming in from the field should be the most basic thing a horse should be able to do
 
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