One for parents - having 'me' time!

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Sunny08

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I was highly amused this evening by a friend who suggested my husband and I don't enjoy having our son becuase we both like to keep up our own hobbies. My husband mountain bikes probably about 3 or 4 times a week, I have also been going out cycling 3 or 4 times a week but have recently had the a great opportunity to share a lovely horse so hoping to swap the saddle type but still have my own thing. My friend seems to think that becuase of this we don't 'enjoy' having our 3 1/2 month old son. In truth both of us our utterly and totally besotted with our boy and love having our family time with him and our own one-to-one time with him, especially my husband who is a farmer so sometimes struggles to find the time (especially over the recent lambing!). Personally I think having our own hobbies makes us better parents as we have an outlet to still be 'us' if you know what i mean, and the rest of the time we totally focus on our son!

I'm intrigued...Do other parents feel this, do you still have 'me' time?

Sorry meant to post this in Soapbox!!!
 
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hi

well congratualtions on have a baby its very impressive that you are that active with one so small :D:D

i love havin my horse he is my "me" time i think i would be in the funny farm by now with out him lol.

i have 3 wonderful boys who are in honesty a real handful but when i go to the yard i forget everything total bliss!!!!
 
ibot said:
hi

well congratualtions on have a baby its very impressive that you are that active with one so small :D:D
QUOTE]

I don't think I would be nearly as active if I didn't have my husband who absolutely insists I get time to myself, it started with a relaxing long bath then moved to me be being brave enough to leave the house and baby with him! Lol. we've also been blessed so far with a very (touch wood) good baby who since birth only woke for one feed a night then has been going all the way through since 9 weeks.
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Totally agree - it is vital! OH and I have always had our own hobbies or interests since our two boys were born (eldest is now 21)! I worked just one evening a week when he was 6 months old and it was a life saver!

I don't think it has anything to do with how much you care for your baby and being with him 24/7 could well drive you bonkers! ;) A happy parent is better for him anyway!!
 
'Me' time is a must and it is complete rubbish that you think any less of your son because you have/enjoy it.
 
I get none. My OH is crap and has never helped me. I can't remember the last time I even had a morning "off" getting the kids' breakfast etc etc and was left to stay in my bed while OH did it, in fact he has never done it. I think the last break I had was last October during school holidays when my Mum had them for a sleepover. My brain is mush and 99% of the time I feel like I'm going insane. Then OH shakes his head and tutts when I have a Baileys at night to unwind (just one glass, not the whole ferkin bottle!). Yet he can go to the pub for several hours and get plastered. I've had one night out this year and the kids were with me, at a friend's wedding reception. I left early as I had to drive home to get the kids in bed. OH stayed on and returned home in the daylight hours...

So no, you do NOT need to feel guilty because you have "me" time, bloody enjoy it!!!
 
mymare said:
I get none. My OH is crap and has never helped me. I can't remember the last time I even had a morning "off" getting the kids' breakfast etc etc and was left to stay in my bed while OH did it, in fact he has never done it. I think the last break I had was last October during school holidays when my Mum had them for a sleepover. My brain is mush and 99% of the time I feel like I'm going insane. Then OH shakes his head and tutts when I have a Baileys at night to unwind (just one glass, not the whole ferkin bottle!). Yet he can go to the pub for several hours and get plastered. I've had one night out this year and the kids were with me, at a friend's wedding reception. I left early as I had to drive home to get the kids in bed. OH stayed on and returned home in the daylight hours...

So no, you do NOT need to feel guilty because you have "me" time, bloody enjoy it!!!
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Oh no, mymare, if I was closer I would come and take the kids off you for a night!!! You make me feel very, very lucky! In the nicest sense possible your OH sounds like he needs a kick up the arse!
 
Sunny08 said:
Oh no, mymare, if I was closer I would come and take the kids off you for a night!!! You make me feel very, very lucky! In the nicest sense possible your OH sounds like he needs a kick up the arse!
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Aw thanks, but yeah a 1000 mile round trip to babysit is just a bit too far, LOL!!

Yes, he does, and some!!
 
hey mymare how old are your kids?? i dod totally understand my hubby was always working and we have no family so it was left to me. My youngest started school in sept and i am bored and loving the time all in one go. I get up do everything and then take kids to school then go to paddy until lunch time then come home to house and then kids again. Would not change it but i am starting to want something more just not possible :mad::mad:
 
Well done you for having the wherewithal to do that. I had Plans to do just the same but when it came to the crunch could not do it and still can't. And she is now 5. It sounds a lot of time that you have, but 3 hours out of a full weeks is not that much and as you say makes you all the more pleased to see your baby . Well done xx
 
For me personally, at 3 and a half months post partum I didn't have a social life or time specifically away from my baby because they are newborns and I couldn't bare(bear??) to leave them so young, but I certainly did have me time :) xx
 
Daisydo said:
Well done you for having the wherewithal to do that. I had Plans to do just the same but when it came to the crunch could not do it and still can't. And she is now 5. It sounds a lot of time that you have, but 3 hours out of a full weeks is not that much and as you say makes you all the more pleased to see your baby . Well done xx
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That is the truth of it really, I don't spend more than 3 hours away each week and in that time he is with my husband who is an absolute fantastic father and loves it as he gives our son a bath and puts him to bed.
 
TheSlingLady said:
For me personally, at 3 and a half months post partum I didn't have a social life or time specifically away from my baby because they are newborns and I couldn't bare(bear??) to leave them so young, but I certainly did have me time :) xx
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I think 'time specifically away from my baby' is a bit of a cold way to put it. As said above in truth it amounts to about 3 hours a week. My son was born just before lambing started so after a week at home my husband went back to work on our family farm and then was tied up every day dawn till dusk till pretty much the end of April. He missed our son terribly. When things calmed down again he wanted time specifically with our son and I felt it was important for him to have that space and that bond, due to his lack of breasts it can never be too long a period! In the meantime I found that I enjoyed having a bit of time to get myself fit again and have some space. It obviously works well for our son as he is absolutely thriving and a very happy, bonny baby who is content to be looked after by either of us. We haven't quite mastered leaving him with anyone else yet but luckily have all our family close by so will cross that bridge at some point I'm sure!
 
Don't wish your time away - it's so important to put in the hours when your kids are young.
I'm not saying at all you're not caring for your kids but this might prickle some nerves!
So many kids have issues due to emotional neglect - I'm not talking about not spending time and providing basic care but making time to do special things and encouraging them and building confidence and showing an interest.
I'm finding more and more that parents are 'there' but not really, as so many spend ages on facebook and internet games (yep I know what I'm doing right now:rolleyes:)
I know kids who think their parents are 'On Call' - call of duty game! Working at 'Gala Bingo' gambling on line! or just spend time on line chatting while their kids gaze at crap on the TV.
Yes I can remember the times when I was low - my husband in raf so we moved a lot and had no family nearby.
I usually found horses somewhere with my primed horsy radar and when the boys were at nursery I'd have a blast and pick them up afterwards covered in mud and poo much to the chunterings of other wives!
Now they're all grown up - we have good memories and I have my horse - but now spend all day teaching the little buggers - though do have long hols!

Sorry for the rant, guess I see things from another perspective - you reap what you sow:)
 
Me time is essential, for your sanity and to prevent metal health issues. If you spend a short time away to preserve your mental health for the long term, then you are not just a good mum, you are an excellent mum.

Your children need you for at least the next 18 years, so live your life, do not put it on hold. That does not mean that you cannot be there for them.

I had a much better balance when my kids were younger, but things are and have been very stressful and lots of pressure the last few years. I have observed that long periods of stress lead to depression in me, and very dehabilitating. Fortunately, am on my way up and onwards.

Your kids want a healthy, happy well rounded mum.
 
monikirk said:
Don't wish your time away - it's so important to put in the hours when your kids are young.
I'm not saying at all you're not caring for your kids but this might prickle some nerves!
So many kids have issues due to emotional neglect - I'm not talking about not spending time and providing basic care but making time to do special things and encouraging them and building confidence and showing an interest.
I'm finding more and more that parents are 'there' but not really, as so many spend ages on facebook and internet games (yep I know what I'm doing right now:rolleyes:)
I know kids who think their parents are 'On Call' - call of duty game! Working at 'Gala Bingo' gambling on line! or just spend time on line chatting while their kids gaze at crap on the TV.
Yes I can remember the times when I was low - my husband in raf so we moved a lot and had no family nearby.
I usually found horses somewhere with my primed horsy radar and when the boys were at nursery I'd have a blast and pick them up afterwards covered in mud and poo much to the chunterings of other wives!
Now they're all grown up - we have good memories and I have my horse - but now spend all day teaching the little buggers - though do have long hols!

Sorry for the rant, guess I see things from another perspective - you reap what you sow:)
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I do completely understand and see what you are saying here. Please know I am not wishing my time away in the least, I absolutely adore him at this age and cherish every moment. Yes I have a 3 hours a week out when my husband is with him on his own but I am with him the rest of the time and when I am with my son, I am absolutely with him (he is sleeping now btw whilst I am on here!). We go out every day for walks or trips places, always make time for play, cuddles and fun.
 
My 'me time' is when I'm riding - if I'm not riding we all go to the farm but obviously I can't drag 2 children around on a hack (1 horse family). If I'm doing a quick ride then Bob and I come home to see the children. They both love to see Bob and they see how much mummy enjoys it.

It also gives hubby time with them on his own (even though Tom isn't his) and they go off and do allsorts of fun stuff. I personally don't believe my children will have 'issues' because I'm away a few hours a week riding! If that was the case wouldn't be all be home-schooling our children???? :confused:
 
Hey, I think it is perfectly healthy to have some interest of your own. I have two boys under 4 and I have kept up the horse throughout both pregnancies and births and after and would not miss it for the world. yes, it is a hard juggle but without my mare I would have long gone insane I think...
 
When my 6 children were babies, I never left them with anyone. I had to work 2 nights a week as a nurse, but put them to bed and then got back to get them up in the morning, so they didn't know I'd been away.
I couldn't bear to be away from them and thought that their childhood would pass far too quickly. Even time spent riding was done with them riding too, once old enough to sit in the saddle.

Now they are grown up with children of their own. However, they are happy to leave their babies with me while they have time off, but I guess, my kids think I'm just 'mum' to the whole extended family. The grandchildren/babies are happy staying at mine and aren't clingy or unsettled at all.

Makes me smile though, after bringing up my own without help (and an old fashioned husband who didn't get too involved ),the next generation is so chilled out about having personal time.

Good for them.
 
I would like to think once you have a child you are still a person, who might need time to themselves to enjoy themselves. I think a well rounded family had a balance of everything. I would never presume to formulate an opinion on you because you choose to go for a bike ride a few times a week, I think those that use it as a prong to question your parenting ability or love for your child are very strange individuals indeed.

I'm not sure I'd class them as a friend either!
 
Imo succesful pareting is all about rearing a baby to become a loved, confident, independent adult.
It makes perfect sense to begin by leaving little ones wiht their other parent to encourage bonding with both parents, tehn wiht grandparents and other family members before extending their socialisation and taking them to nursery, playgroups etc etc.

You will have a happy confident little child who isnt reliant on just one person fo rall his love and care - well done you. I actually find it more disturbing when mothers cannot let their babies out of their sight at all, even with daddy. This is often a sign of post natal depression.

Sounds to me you are a loveley happy loving family and your little baby is very lucky - you carry on as you are and ignore such nasty opinions.
 
Time to chill and recharge one's own batteries is grand :D:D:D

My two daughters went to nursery one day a week so as I could do other things. Most of it was household stuff, but just easier without a baby and then a baby and a toddler in tow :D

Both are growing up to be well balanced and excellent people in their own rights :D. We've had some teenage issues, but far less than many others, so must have done something right and been lucky :D

My two did learn early on that Mummy or Daddy would always come back for them/come home, so they quickly learnt that they could relax and enjoy themselves :D. Now they will look to their Dad for help/comfort/guidance almost as much as they look to their Mum :D:D:D
 
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