Opinions on this ad please ?

burtondog

burtondog

Well-Known Member
Joined
2 December 2002
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902
Location
SE London/Kent, UK and Devon
www.michellehudson.co.uk
I've just placed this ad for a friend who doesn't have a computer. It will be going in H&H magazine next Thursday. So if you people think the ad is dreadful I might still be able to 'tweak' it before then.

8yo chestnut gelding advert

It's one of the H&H special offers, so very limited in the number of words I can have. It will have one colour photo, the headshot.

Any feedback ?
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Has he not done anything at all in his current home - competing, hunting, sponsored rides etc? I think most people will be suspicious that he has temperament or soundness issues if he has done absolutely nothing in the 5 years the owner has had him.
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Also agree you need a photo of him performing as the main photo rather than a headshot. Can you not get a better one of him jumping as he looks a bit like he is spooking over the jump!
 
don't put a headshot in the ad- full body shot of horse performing well.

head shots are only good on cute little thelwell ponies, not sports horses costing nearly £5k!!
 
TBH the advert wouldn't light my fire enough to ring (mind you it takes a fair amount to light my fire these days lol
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Rather than all the stuff about Warmblood part bred sport horse (although I would leave in the 'by carnival drum'), I would want to know comp record, is he good to hack, box, shoe, catch, traffic etc. If he hasn't done anything, or unless he has some major good points not mentioned, then he sounds an awful lot of money?

Sorry, I really don't wish to be harsh.
 
The advert looks like it was put together in a hurry, without a lot of thought. There are various phrases that don't really mean much. It doesn't say anything about hacking out alone or in company, clipping, catching, shoes, box. Has he ever done any dressage, what can he jump etc. To be honest the advert doesn't answer any of the questions the majority of buyers would want to know & at almost £5k more information is needed.
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The "Warmblood part bred sport horse" was added automatically when I ticked the various catagories but I'll call to see if that can be taken out and replaced with the "good to's". I don't think he's ever been out in traffic, we're on a large farm and can ride for an hour of so without needing to hit the roads.

I thought the jumping photo looked over bent too. These 3 photo are all I have to work with at the moment. So do we think the flatwork one would be the best choice ?

He really hasn't done anything much in the 5 years except live a very easy life, so no competion record worth a mention.

It's a bit of a sad story really. He was bought by our yard manager's partner as something for them to bring on together for her to jump but fairly soon the partner got sick and eventually this year he died from cancer. When he first got sick she suggested they sell this boy but he was determined he would get well and then do something with the horse so it was held onto much longer than it would otherwise have been. Now she's on her own with 3 horses. She's had the other 2 much longer which is why this is the one for sale.

No soundness issues but then he's done nothing so no stressers. As for temprement, he's just fairly typical of most warmbloods, although nothing bad I couldn't really wax lyrical about his temprement. How can I say this in much fewer words ?

Price is a tricky thing. If it were mine I'd drop the price right down just to find him a new home asap but her circumstances are different so I've just advertised it at the price she hoped for but with "ONO" added.

There's a lot of info here - someone please write me the perfect ad ....... a packet of biscuits for the one that's used or just the best one if I can't change it !

As for suggestions so far, nothing taken as "harsh". It's not my horse, so I won't take any of the comments personally plus I actually agree with most (if not all) of them.
 
I wouldn't go with the flatwork pic as he's not going very nicely in it - tbh if no comp record or anything then does seem a bit overpriced to me. Just put something along lines of PB WB by Carnival Drum, attractive allrounder with good temperament, hacks out alone/in company and good to shoe/box/catch etc. Showing promise over fences now needs rider with more time to bring out full potential. I don't know, something along those sort of lines I guess!
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I'm looking for a good riding club prospect at about that size, and you can get a lot more horse with better potential and record for that money.

Not knowing what he is like to hack on roads or take out to competitions would bother me. I'd expect to pay a fair bit less for him. Lovely chap though and if he were closer to £3k than £5k I'd be interested.
 

16 HANDS 0 INS
Chesnut gelding, 8yo, by Carnaval Drum. Works correctly on the flat and happily jumping 1m at home. Sadly not competed due to serious illness. Will make a top class Riding Club horse. £4,750 ONO.

Obviously change the part about jump height as appropriate - I just guessed!
 
[ QUOTE ]

16 HANDS 0 INS
Chesnut gelding, 8yo, by Carnaval Drum. Works correctly on the flat and happily jumping 1m at home. Sadly not competed due to serious illness. Will make a top class Riding Club horse. £4,750 ONO.

Obviously change the part about jump height as appropriate - I just guessed!

[/ QUOTE ]

I really like this. Short but tells the truth. How about if I just put "Happily jumping at home" with no mention of height
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and then just add the good to box, clip, shoe etc. ?

Which photo would you go with ?
 
Of those three I would chose the jumping photo (best of a not brilliant bunch), but the ad would attract much more attention if you could get a better one!
 
So, the ad was published in H&H yesterday. I had it amended to TGM's suggestion - Thank you (PM me your biscuit choice!).

"16 HANDS 0 INSChesnut gelding, 8yo, by Carnaval Drum. Works correctly on the flat and happily jumping at home. Sadly not competed due to serious illness. Good to box/catch/shoe/clip etc. Will make a top class Riding Club horse. £4750 ONO"

Last night my friend finally sent me some more pictures, which I've uploaded for her. She said she didn't think any of them were better than the original 3 but I actually think 1 or 2 of them are better than the one I had to use in the ad.

Which photo do you think is best for an ad ? It's too late now to change it but I'm curious for future reference.

Photos of Nibs

The good news is my friend received a couple of calls last night in response to the ad - so at least there's some interest.
 
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