Opinions please - non-horsey OH dilemma/guilt/selfishness...(warning l

[4whitesocks]

Horses are my passion & my main reason for moving back to the country (bought house & moved out of city last summer w. OH) - OH doesn't have a similar rural diversion in fact at the moment he doesn't really have any huge 'hobby or interest' but was fully on board with the move to the country - i.e. I didn't bully him into it!
I have saved the money to buy a patch of land myself where I could build stables (due to sign & exchange contracts in 3 weeks) - €15,000
We have had a government savings scheme here for the past 5 years & mine is about to mature - this will pay for most of my stables (looks like between €16,500 & €20,000 depending on what I leave in/take out of my 'ideal' set-up)....so by the end of the summer I should be able to have it all paid for/built move Sid home & just about be able to afford a second hand trailer & hopefully be able to change my car to something that will tow

My dilemma is this - we are hopefully going to get married in the next year or so (mind you I've been saying that for a while!) and this money would easily pay for a wedding, fantastic honeymoon and finish whatever else we have to do in the house...
I earn more money than my OH so is it fair that I am committing all my savings to something that is mine alone & not a shared interest/project.....

By bringing Sid home I would be away from OH less (as in travel time to yard etc.) BUT would hope to start competing more so weekends would be taken up by travelling to shows etc.
I need his support to help with feeding/mucking out rugs etc in case I have to work late etc. & in theory he's on board with this.

In theory the extra patch of land & stables do add value to our property and it would be fantastic to have that asset there for if & when we have kids - the potential to keep a pony is a huge plus & I'd love to be able to give my kids what I had as a child.....

I'm starting to ramble now but I guess what I want to know is am I doing the right thing - having a horse & specifically Sid is a lot of the reason I can get up in the morning and do the 9 - 5, it gives me such stress relief & keeps me sane - I would be totally unbearable without him or at very least access to horse(s) but is it fair to my OH to sacrifice something we could both share (like a fantastic wedding) for the sake of my passion???
Honest thoughts & opinions please! (well done for getting this far!)

 

[charlie900]

I got married on the cheap, just me him and 2 witnesses IMO its the marriage that matters not the wedding

 

[bikina]

If your other half doesn't understand your passion- you need to find another OH! Its your money, and while it is a nice idea to spend it on the wedding, shouldn't you be going 50/50? Encourage him to get a hobby as if you will be out with your horse a lot its important he finds something he enjoys to keep himself occupied. And remember, weddings don't have to be expensive - if you want to be with him forever, wait until you can both put the money in to make it a dream wedding - or tie the knot somewhere cheap and cheerful with some close friends and family. Sorry I haven't meant to sound offensive in any of this! Good luck, whatever you do!

 

[luane1]

I am afraid that there is too much commercialism surrounding weddings. I would go for the stables they will add value to your property. I also got married with 2 witnesses and we had a good party in the pub afterwards

 

[SSM]

This project is for life, the wedding is for a day - financially which one is the most viable? If you went for the flash wedding, fantastic honeymoon and sadly the marriage did not last you would be kicking yourself for spending the money (well I would).

As said by Gerald O'hara in Gone with the Wind - Do you mean to tell me, Katie Scarlett O'Hara, that Tara, that land doesn't mean anything to you? Why, land is the only thing in the world worth workin' for, worth fightin' for, worth dyin' for, because it's the only thing that lasts

 

[airedale]

A horse is for life
A wedding is for the photographs

Sorry but I'd go for the horse - you have that 365 days a year - and it's an investment in the land - which you wouldn't buy if you didn't have the horse

The holiday - costs just as much and lasts 2 weeks

The horse is environmentally friendly
Honeymoon - if by airplane - environmentally unfriendly

Nope - don't think you are being selfish - and I know exactly what you mean about the horses meaning you get up in the morning

If OH is happy in the countryside would he be interested in having a dog/chickens/veggie garden - i.e. something HE could do with the land - dog agility perhaps - lots of people do that

then if he gets an 'interest' you should take it in turns - he goes to shows and helps you and you goto his competitions and help him - turn and turn about at the weekends

 

[Weezy]

There is no WAY I would splurge savings on a wedding over using it to purchase property and having a hobby! A wedding is over in a heartbeat and costs WAY too much money these days. No, you are not being selfish. My OH prefers me not to work, therefore he pays for EVERYTHING associated with my riding - yes we do argue sometimes regarding the horse and costs, BUT he knows I would be incredibly unhappy without horses in my life and he would never ask me to foresake them - I do keep offering to work!

 

[k9h]

It is one of the reasons I dont want to get married as the money spent on a wedding is a decent deposit on a house.
So you have MY answer it would be the stables. Plus like you said they will increase value on your home where as the wedding wont!

 

[Sooty]

I am probably not the right person to answer, because I simply cannot believe what some people spend on their weddings! One day and *puff* it's gone. You have saved for five years; wouldn't it be better to have something tangible to show for it? Surely the land is a better investment all round than a flash wedding and an expensive honeymoon? When I got married we had a catered barbecue and a barn dance, it cost a fraction of a traditional do. You can still have an amazing wedding day, just not an expensive one! As for a honeymoon, again - there are lots of fantastic places to go that don't cost a fortune.

 

[anniedoherty]

I have to say that I agree with everyone else. I got married two years ago in an expensive hotel set in a beautiful mountainside BUT I saved loads of money by only having a handful of guests. The day was perfect and I wouldn't have wanted a lavish do for hundreds of guests anyway so it suited me and OH fine. I would say go for the land and build your stable, it will last you a long time and bring you loads of pleasure and you will still enjoy your wedding day no matter what type of ceremony you have or where you hold it. Good luck! Annie x

 

[Jellicle]

I got married last year and we did splash out a bit, so I can see why you might want to, but, it seems to me that an important factor is your OH! It'snormally the woman who is keen on a big wedding (to over-generalise) and the man is not so bothered. Is he bothered or not?

 

[Blizzard]

[ QUOTE ]
There is no WAY I would splurge savings on a wedding over using it to purchase property and having a hobby! A wedding is over in a heartbeat and costs WAY too much money these days. No, you are not being selfish. My OH prefers me not to work, therefore he pays for EVERYTHING associated with my riding - yes we do argue sometimes regarding the horse and costs, BUT he knows I would be incredibly unhappy without horses in my life and he would never ask me to foresake them - I do keep offering to work!

[/ QUOTE ]

Im like you Weezy, OH prefers me not to work and of course Im happier too, having enough time for the dogs and horses, he was totally non horsey last year but Ive converted him and it helps because he understands how much they cost, I mean the farrier is out on fri and they are being wormed on sat, so there is £150 gone then. He knows how happy they make me though and they are pets to him. If he complains I offer to get a job, I would gladly do so, but he is happy earning the money.

Land is definitely more important than a wedding, what are you paying for, a good day out for other people, you cud get married in Tesco and it wouldnt matter, what matters is the marriage and your future together, and what better gift to your future than your own land.

 

[muddywater]

I have been married for 39 years this year, we had a cheap wedding we needed the money to buy a home. My husband encouraged me to take up riding again when we first got married, he bought me my first horse 6 years ago up until then I had been sharing various horses. From a man who knew nothing about horses I have taken him on a Ranch holiday in USA to beach riding in Cuba and he loves it providing he can ride western, he is now talking about learning to drive when we retire, he always jokes he has no time for a hobby as I am his hobby.

 

[Broodle]

Well, I am going to take a slightly different tack to others, and suggest a compromise...
It seems to me that there is nothing selfish in taking the opportunity to buy the land. Like you say, you have saved hard, and it will add value to your house and therefore ultimately benefit your OH. Also, those sort of opportunities don't come up every day. But, if it were me I don't think I could justify spending such alot of money on getting the *perfect* set-up now, when there is a wedding to think of. Could you not downsize your plans for the stables, and still have money left over for a lovely, but not ott, wedding? In future years when you're flush again you could upgrade the stables etc.
This issue is close to my heart actually as I really want to own my own horse again, but my OH and I also want to buy a new house... I also earn more than my OH and it does rankle at times that I can't spend *my* money as I wish. But ultimately it is not *my* money, it is *our* money, so my personal wants must take second fiddle to our joint needs.

 

[amage]

Being perfectly honest while having a lovely wedding would be great i really feel that spending the SSIA on stables erc would be much better. at the end of the day it will add value to your property and like the ads keep saying "make your SSIA work for you"!!

 

[clipclop]

It depends how important your Wedding day is to you.

Again I am the wrong person to ask as I could see absolutely no point in throwing money at one day which would make absolutely no difference to the quality of my Marriage. So we did our Wedding on the cheap.

Go for the field and then you can have your Wedding reception in a Marquee on your own land thus saving some money!! (That is what we did).

Of course you need to discuss this long and hard with your OH. It is his life too.

 

[4whitesocks]

Thanks folks - funny my Mum (god bless Mums) said the same thing to me about the marqee!)

Katie the option I am going for is 'on the cheap' with the stables - spending on the outside structure & dividing with safe gates until I can afford to block it all out inside....

I don't think an expensive wedding is a good use of money & nether does OH to be fair - I think the pressure I am feeling is probably down to the fact that as the one that earns more - I will be the one that has to contribute most to that aswell...I guess sometimes I wish I was in weezy's & St. b's position (ladies do you know how lucky you are!!!)

We had a chat on the way home this evening and I asked him straight out if he thought I was being selfish - he doesn't at all and maybe it really is because he doesn't have a a hobby or past-time that is as all consuming as horses are that makes me feel more guilty...

Anyway - thanks for the reassurance folks - wobble over - onwards and upwards...mind you it is funny hearing my plot referred to as 'land' - it's teeny....renting grazing to supplement locally (and don't tell OH but I have grand notions of buying the whole field in the next 5 years....well you have to think big!!!)

 

[clipclop]

[ QUOTE ]
(and don't tell OH but I have grand notions of buying the whole field in the next 5 years....well you have to think big!!!)

[/ QUOTE ]

And why not!!!

Go for it. It just as well be yours as someone else's

 

[ecrozier]

I agree with everyone pretty much, I got married in Feb and we had a garden party in my OH's aunt's garden overseas, and really only my close family were there. Having another party here in the summer but olnly because my dad has given us money specifially for that! Otherwise we wouldn't have done that at all!
I'm very lucky though, as my OH is now just as horsey as me, so I never have to feel guilty about the time I spend with them, in fact he probably spend more money on his horse than I do on my 2