Overcoming anxiety in the rider/human!

[Carbonel]

I started riding in my 20s and always dreamed of having my own horse. I was lucky enough to have a house with some land in my 40s so decided with the help of my instructor to buy a couple of horses to keep at home. My instructor visits me at least once, sometimes twice a week and I don’t really think my riding is improving very much. However the real issue is that my anxiety seems to be going through the roof. I’ve always been someone that overanalyses. And I know that when I am anxious the horses get more anxious and it’s a vicious circle. I’m struggling with even just walking down the road leading them between fields. As soon as one of them starts trotting and panics a little, I try to soothe them but this puts me more on edge and I know I’m making it worse but I can’t seem to get my anxiety under control. Today I’ve had to take the horses from the field up to their stables for the farrier and just this very short walk, feels like a massive event. I have to plan the order of how to move them because I know one is worse when left in the field. Then when in the stable one starts kicking and calling and I know he’s panicking his field mate is no longer there, so I panic I have to be quicker. I keep increasing my visits from my instructor but it’s not helping, mostly because I’m anxious more when I’m alone not when she’s there. Today I feel like such a failure and I’m questioning why I’m even doing all this. I’m terrible at it and I’m just scaring myself and both horses. I’m thinking maybe I need to throw in the towel. Has anyone had similar and overcome it?

 

[webble]

Would it be possible to have another person around with their horse? Or move to a yard for a while to get your confidence?

If you dont mind me asking how old are you? There are a few threads on here about losing confidence with age and menopause etc

 

[gallopingby]

Would a small companion pony help? Sometimes 3 are easier to manage as unless you want to ride two at the same time there should always be a ‘friend’ around.

 

[BigRedDog]

I am almost in tears reading your post. I am on my own with 6 horses at home, I am not anxious about the management of them - but I know I could be if I thought about it too much. So I do understand.
I am anxious about riding one at home, I managed 4 times round the school 80% in walk and he was fine, no spooking. I felt a great sense of achievement.
I don’t know what to say on a practical level that could help. I will think and hopefully be able to offer for some advice. Just for now, know you are not alone.

 

[Flame_]

This isn't a confidence problem, it's a consequence of your inexperience and under-development of competence. Your anxiety is worry with good reason, you are envisioning likely problems that you aren't yet equipped to deal with on your own. Firstly, you require relatively forgiving, placid-natured, easy-going horses. Some types are known for being hot and highly strung, some, on the whole, are known to have more suitable temperaments for novice owners. It's never set in stone, there's variety in all breeds, but set yourself up to succeed as best you can by looking for beginner-friendly horses, if that isn't what you have already.

Horses are often pretty dramatic about being left behind going in or out of the field. I always take my two together, or the arab loses his mind, practice leading them at the same time. You could get a freelance groom to help you on the yard. They could do some jobs and if would be an extra pair of hands to assist if you're having trouble. You can overcome this but you won't feel more confident until you have taken steps to raise your competence.

 

[HopOnTrot]

Are they the right horses? What do you enjoy about them?

 

[Carbonel]

I am probably peri-menopausal as I’m starting to notice a few symptoms but I have always been more anxious than not… I’m a massive overthinker and Flame is right, I feel I don’t have the competence to deal with every situation that might arise so I catastrophise!

I’m not sure how to get the competence though as my instructor comes twice a week but I’m not as anxious when she’s here.

Both horses “should” be beginner horses. One is a child’s section A and the other is a quarter horse. The QH is the leader and very dominant in the field over the little one, but a wimp when separated from him for only a few minutes. He doesn’t have the best ground manners but he’s a kind horse and I’m working on the manners with my instructor. Neither are nasty at all and I got them both because I thought they would be good calm beginner horses and with others they are! I don’t think I can blame them that my anxiety is making them anxious?

 

[Flame_]

This is how I'd take them in and out...

Put headcollar on the QH, unclip lead rope and keep it in your hand.
Headcollar and lead rope on the pony. Lead pony straight over to QH.
Clip lead rope to QH.
Walk horses with pony on long rope in left hand, following behind. QH on right, rope gathered in your right hand, focus your attention on him.

 

[blitznbobs]

Controversial but is it safe to lead them together, or can you let them go and there is no where for them to go? Cos often you get a lot less drama if the want to be together by keeping them together . Yes they do need to learn to come in individually but not in moments where time is limited.

I think they need to learn this as a separate training task not when you are waiting for farrier etc

 

[irishdraft]

I bring my 2 horses in together then there's no upset, could you let the little one run behind if leading 2 is difficult. I leave a feed ready in the stable so they have routine of coming in and going straight in to their stables, I usually lead one and the other follows.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

This isn't a confidence problem, it's a consequence of your inexperience and under-development of competence. Your anxiety is worry with good reason, you are envisioning likely problems that you aren't yet equipped to deal with on your own. Firstly, you require relatively forgiving, placid-natured, easy-going horses. Some types are known for being hot and highly strung, some, on the whole, are known to have more suitable temperaments for novice owners. It's never set in stone, there's variety in all breeds, but set yourself up to succeed as best you can by looking for beginner-friendly horses, if that isn't what you have already.

Horses are often pretty dramatic about being left behind going in or out of the field. I always take my two together, or the arab loses his mind, practice leading them at the same time. You could get a freelance groom to help you on the yard. They could do some jobs and if would be an extra pair of hands to assist if you're having trouble. You can overcome this but you won't feel more confident until you have taken steps to raise your competence.

It totally can be confidence not incompetence I am not a novice owner and have had the same horses for 18 and 10 years, but when I began the menopause after a nasty accident I just couldn't cope with riding them like I used to my anxiety can go through the roof.

 

[scats]

You’ll get into a routine, just give it a bit of time. I’d be tempted to get used to leading them both (if safe). Mine know that Polly goes on the left and Millie on the right. Millie knows she goes through gateways/narrow gaps first and Polly follows. As a result, they sort of just slot into it when I go and get them.

They have just started to get used to the pony coming in first since she arrived. So they wait for me to come back after popping her in. It was a culture shock to them but they are getting to grips with it now.

The only time they are a bit difficult is in stormy weather. They wind each other up in the wind. It’s never too bad though. At worst I pop lead rope over Millie’s nose for added control.

 

[Annagain]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I got a new horse just as peri-menopause kicked in and my riding related anxiety was through the roof. There was a bit more to it than just that but I know where you're coming from. I'd never really suffered with my hormones before (I sailed through puberty!) so it took me a while to work it out.

For now, make things as easy as you possibly and safely can. Is there a field close to the stables so the horses can see each other if one is in and one is out or so they're not alone for long if you're getting them in one at a time? If not, can you manage to lead them both together so they're not alone, or is your route safe enough to let one follow you while you lead the other? Once you've got the easy way mastered, you can start to work on the rest. You'll get there.

 

[Flame_]

It totally can be confidence not incompetence I am not a novice owner and have had the same horses for 18 and 10 years, but when I began the menopause after a nasty accident I just couldn't cope with riding them like I used to my anxiety can go through the roof.

Right, but here we have a novice owner in a situation having to handle two, sometimes, distressed horses on her own. That is a potentially challenging, overwhelming and dangerous situation which should lead to justifiably anxious feelings. Increasing support, skills and strategies to improve the circumstances should vastly improve the anxiety. Women have become worse than men for attributing everything to their volatile hormones!

 

[mustardsmum]

Women have become worse than men for attributing everything to their volatile hormones!

@Flame_ Lucky you - you clearly have not reached the menopause or suffered from any its often debilitating effects. People have spent years trying to get its symptoms recognised and your thoughtless comment wipes that out. If I wasn’t on HRT, I would be crippled with “arthritis” just as my Great Aunt was. Only like me, she probably just needed oestrogen. Off HRT, I am in a lot of pain, I struggle to sit at my desk, to walk, to ride. I found lifting the kettle hard, because my wrists lost their strength. The menopause caused me to have anxiety riding too - and I nearly gave up after over 40years riding…. So please, don’t be so judgemental, many women struggle massively in all areas of their lives because of it. It DOES affect how you ride, your confidence, your strength and your ability to be rational. It’s not some silly excuse, it’s a real issue for many people.

@Carbonel menopause is def worth considering but so is getting someone to teach you some ground work to help build your confidence around your horses. Maybe concentrate on lessons on the ground which will also help with your riding. Try and get into a routine - it will help and also try and lower your energy levels and do things slowly rather than trying to rush and get stuff done.

 

[Identityincrisis]

I don’t think your horses do sound like novice owner horses…. Especially the A!! They may be children’s ponies but they are sharp as hell and very wired. I would work on the ground with them, using more than just a headcollar to give yourself more control, remember, these things only need to be in use when the horse is being an idiot, the rest of the time they can be benign. I recommend the Richard Maxwell videos, i use his techniques to lower my Arabs anxiety, moving their feet, lowering their head and engaging their brain helps.

And for you, i have found hypnotherapy very effective

 

[soloequestrian]

Have you space for one or more livery horses? It's interesting to see how dynamics change between horses when there are different individuals (horses I mean) involved. Also you would have people around more which might help, even just to know that if an accident happens there is someone there to help pick up the pieces.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Right, but here we have a novice owner in a situation having to handle two, sometimes, distressed horses on her own. That is a potentially challenging, overwhelming and dangerous situation which should lead to justifiably anxious feelings. Increasing support, skills and strategies to improve the circumstances should vastly improve the anxiety. Women have become worse than men for attributing everything to their volatile hormones!

Let's hope your hormones never give you any trouble eh what a ridiculous and quite frankly an insulting thing to say.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Could you put a bridle on both of them to lead them to the field that way you have a bit more control.

 

[Flame_]

Let's hope your hormones never give you any trouble eh what a ridiculous and quite frankly an insulting thing to say.

Lets hope you never have any problems that aren't purely a result of menopause that no one is interested in helping you resolve because you must be the whole problem and needing more HRT.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Lets hope you never have any problems that aren't purely a result of menopause that no one is interested in helping you resolve because you must be the whole problem and needing more HRT.

I didn't say it was the whole problem but it can certainly add to it because you seemed to completely shut the idea down hence why I commented on it.

 

[Flame_]

Here, it quite likely is the whole problem! If a bloke had posted exactly the same thing would anyone assume the issue here was him and his hormones? I'm not disputing that menopause could play a part in someone's anxiety, as could addiction issues, but neither of those should be assumed to be the problem more than circumstantial problems.

 

[shanti]

I was feeling this way less than 12 month ago. I was at the point of giving up horses all together, the thought of even going into the paddock filled me with dread.
It was a terrible feeling, made even worse by the fact that I had packed up my family and moved over 2000ks away to a different state, purely so I could have horses at home on my own property.

It really does take time! It has taken me 2 years to get where I am now, and I still have a long way to go. With some help from my instructor, one day it just started to all fall into place and each task became less daunting.

On Monday, my young Standy decided to take a bite out of my arm while I was putting the lead rope around his neck, it was a whole mouth bite and I have a shocking big bruise, it completely took me by surprise. But the biggest surprise to me was my reaction! Where 6 months ago I would have totally freaked and called a friend to come over and catch him for me, I delt with it calmly and carried on without so much as a shaky hand.
I was so pleased at my response, that afterwards I was telling my husband and he commented '' I don't understand why you are so happy that your horse bit you''

If you ever want to have a chat, feel free to message me, sometimes it can help talking to people who totally get how you are feeling

 

[exracehorse]

I hit the menopause and my anxiety was and still is… horrendous. It can stop you from thinking clearly.

 

[motherof2beasts!]

Space for a livery or 2? Would be good for your confidence to have someone to hack out with and more horses so one is never alone. Just vet them thoroughly !

I lead two together with no issues , maybe a short term soloution. Can you not ride out as ones alone ? Is the A just a companion ?

 

[ThreeFurs]

I handwalk my two oldies, tb and wb, both rising 29 around the raceways between paddocks once or so a week, and usually their docile as lambs, and love a chance to get out and have a nosey. My wb though got excited with other horses hooning around last week to the point where he literally lept up and down on the spot.

I thought shit, he's going to bolt so I did the TRT stuff, asking him to bend and lower his neck towards me, then give on the leadrope. A few of these and he was focused back on me, theory being that a horse with a bend in its body, towards you is far easier to control than one stiff as board, pointed towards where it thinks 'safe' is, and about to take off.

So I would recommend your trainer starts filling your groundwork toolbox asap. Halt 'park', step back, hindquarter yield, shoulder yield, head down -- all that good stuff so you know what to do when things get hairy.

I would also always wear a helmet and gloves when leading them, I'd use rope halters, or even bridles, if that road you mentioned from field to tie up is public.

The handling stuff will come -- you see it in experienced horse people, that calm authority, being quiet in your body, deliberate and keeping every you expect from your horses really clear. Flame is right, this stuff can be learned. And it will help with anxiety.