Pair bonding - separation anxiety

[agmp]

Hi all,

It's been four days since I moved my boys from a livery yard to our own place. In the main I love it, although feel like spending every waking moment about worrying about all sorts, particularly whilst I am at work!

I've had one of mine for over six years and the other for 18 months. At our old yard I could separate the two, my big boy (who I've had for longer) was always chilled about being separated and the little one would occasionally call but eventually settle. The big one is reasonably used to being alone as before I had the little one we had been in a paddock on our own (surrounded by other horses) for a while.

At our new place the big boy is still reasonably okay about being on his own while the other is brought in/turned out etc, a little more "alert" but manageable. But the little one just does his nut in, to the point I thought he was going to rear up over the stable door earlier. Box walking and getting himself really worked up. He can see the fields from his box and I was literally a couple of hundred yards away and bringing the big one in. If I bring him in last he freaks out in the field instead. Also he's a bolshy little sod at times and expects to be brought in first.

I don't want to leave my big lad out of work for that long because he has been coming on so well, we've just figured out half pass and really want to get out at the winter dressage comps, but at this rate I am really worried about even taking him out to ride or do ground work with.

Do I just get on with trying to work the big one (baring in mind seeing or hearing his buddy doing his nut in makes him think there must be some incredible danger lurking) and hope that they both eventually settle? What can I do to try and give the little one a bit more confidence - or will it ease with time as they settle. In the main I think they have settled reasonably well, they are both a bit stronger and bit more spooky but generally I think they are doing okay with the new place.

I hope to be getting a third (and maybe fourth!?) horse/pony early spring, but just struggling even with turn out/bringing in with his separation anxiety. Just find myself wondering if I have made some huge mistake leaving our livery yard to go it alone!

They're even throwing synchronised bucks in the field! never seen the little dude move so much as I have in the last few days!

 

[Shady]

OP it's only been 4 days!! give it time , it's so new to them ,took mine weeks to settle, every new noise had them whizzing around the field or hanging out their stable doors when we finished them after a week in our new place, i'd leave your big guy a bit longer, you all need to calm down! another horse could free you to carry on working and help the others anxiety but i don't have the experience to really say yay or nay on that one, i hope somebody else does but you did do the right thing in moving, it's just early days and your worrying. xx

 

[Wagtail]

Getting a third usually makes things easier. They WILL also get more used to it. I had a problem when I switched the two youngsters here from 24/7 turnout in the field to going out in the sand at night and coming into the stables during the day. It was murder for the first week turning them in and out as one wouldn't be without the other. Now though, they have settled into a routine. One will go out first and not panic whilst she waits for her fieldmate. However, I have had to relent and bring them both in together in the morning as they both jostle to come through the gate at the same time. Luckily, I don't have too far to lead them and they are generally well behaved for a two year old and three year old.

Your field looks absolutely lovely!

 

[Dazed'n'confused]

Arghhhh, I feel your pain!!! I have horses at home & am currently trying to settle my 4 yr old into our routine! There are days when I could cry/give up/lay down & scream (delete as applicable!)
Briefly, I bought & backed my mare at my friend's competition yard, then took her to my local livery yard to see a bit more of life! She has been an absolute poppet - totally unbothered about being in/out on her own, nervous going round the field alone but doable & completely unconcerned if she had to stay in. Brought her back home at the beginning of Nov & all hell broke loose! I knew it would, I've been here before!! I think it's my 'nanny' pony that is such a busy body that she makes everyone else insecure & clingy!!!
All is calm until I turn the pony & 2 yr old out in a morning & walk straight back to then ride the 4 yr old! She's seriously given jumping out consideration & whizzes round her stable like a nutter but she is gradually getting used to it. I had a mirror that I'd used for the other mare at weaning & I put that back up - it did help a bit so maybe something to try OP?!
To be fair to mine, she's ok when I get back to her, albeit very alert & keen to go join the others. She's terrible to ride atm - jogging & can only think about the others unless we're quite a long way from home but that's also a young thing (I hope!)
The other 2 mainly settle in the field with the odd whinney, bar the odd bad day when they too are morons!! They are always glad to see us back however!!
Bringing in is the same - 4 yr old first then the other 2 together as neither of them can be left alone!
On the up side, with there being 3 of them, I've been able to take the 2 yr old for short walks on her own & she's actually been very good about it to say that she's never left the pony since weaning! The other two need smelling salts by the time we get back but I let them get on with it!!
I'm having to be tough on myself & them & just think keep going, it'll get better (which it is, slowly)! Even if I give the 4 yr old a day off I still make sure I take her for a brief walk up the lane away from the others & make a point of not turning her out straight after the others! This seems to keep the routine & everyone copes!!
Good luck, stick with what you're doing & hopefully you're two will get used to it! Try not to worry too much (it's hard when they're at home coz it all seems to be totally your responsibility). If you did get another that would definitely help....

 

[Tapir]

I have two at home and take each of them out alone. The one that is going out is always fine and the one that is left behind is left in a stable with the top door closed, so they can't come out over it, a stable mirror, and a couple of decahedron treat ball things to distract them.

I started off just going out for 15 mins or so, happy in the knowledge that the left horse was very unlikely to do itself any harm in that time, and built it up from there. Now I can leave either of them for up to a couple of hours without any issues. It's also made it easier to turn them out separately although my set up means that generally I bring in/turn out one and the other just follows behind.

It does take nerves and determination to keep going when you've had a stressful time but horses get used to all sorts of stuff. Good luck