Parents of teenagers who lost interest

Part of the waiting til summer idea was to see if I can get used to him. It might be a case of not what I'm used to?
My horses have been 16.2 bigger moving calmer types this is a 15 hh fire breathing dragon! It's just not my first choice- but... on the other hand he is good in a way for my hip because if I really force myself straight (which hurts!!) He go's beautifully so it's almost like having someone on the ground critiquing my position!
When he's bouncy he's very bouncy though and it's more a case of I hanker after nice chilled hacks than jogging and bouncing everywhere!
 
Not totally the same situation but my daughter lost interest around the age of 13. Even though i could ride the pony I sold him and after a short break (which was quite nice) I bought a bigger one for me. Daughter then realised this one was much more fun and we shared him for a few years with her successfully competing on him while I just plodded around the lanes. She then bought her own and although muggins here does most of the stable duties while she's at work, I've never paid a penny towards to her horse's keep.

If you buy something for yourself she'll still have something to ride at home.
 
It seems to be a lot - school work, working on a yard and expected to do own horse (although you are doing it now).
I woud put the pony on loan with a view to selling and see what happens. We took on a pony on loan as the daughter couldn't bear the idea of it being sold. She didn't come to see it once and after 12 months the mother sold it to someone else.
 
OP, you might find he calms down with you, some horses adjust and your daughter probably likes bombing about.
If he has a dust allergy can he not live out? It would be cheaper!
I am not surprised she doesn't want to ride him as well as working with horses, I never rode mine when I had a job on a yard.
I lost interest at 14 and my parents sold my pony, which was a walke up call but a harsh one.
 
poiuytrewq said:
Ok, I've just picked her up from a friends and dropped her off at work. We were in the car so she had no escape!
I told her that I want to ride and that I can't have another horse etc, also pointed out that I work 7 days to keep them and if it wasn't for hers I'd not have too (dust allergy=more expense in Haylage/bedding supplements) He's fully shod and so on. My own is on free straw and eats free/cheap hay (farmer husband bonus!) So is cheap to keep.

Work is really important to her and I won't ask her to stop. She uses the money very carefully to be fair and has sole use of a horse there. The people she works for have been amazing to her and taught her so much. She pays for any competitions and mostly buys her own clothes etc
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I actually feel quite sorry for this young lady, it seems to me that she works hard, is a sensible, responsible girl and is being pressured on all sides. If Her mum wants her to keep on working on the yard, the yard wants her to ride their horse *and* she is working towards her GCSEs, which are only a few weeks away, I don't really see when she could find time to ride her own horse. It is a pity that she was bought a horse that is too quirky for mum to ride (perhaps his quirkiness is part of the problem?).
OP have you sat with her and worked out a timetable for when she could sctaully fit in riding her horse? I think that would be a valuable exercise and might even vindicate her!

GreenEyedMonster said:
I think the fact that she is working hard at her job and is desperate to keep him is proof enough, I know how it feels being a teenager myself, I am desperate to devote more time to my horses but exams and my teenage brain just make me so exhausted all the time that I'm hard done to convince my family I'm still desperate to compete!
!
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Amirah said:
My daughter lost interest and that was that really, so I'm stuck looking after hers, and have been for years. It's almost like a cutting of the umbilical cord for them, the no longer wanting to share a hobby with mum. She started acting as if she was doing me a huge favour going riding with me, and I had to do all the work, tack up and have the reins chucked at me afterwards. I soon gave up suggesting riding, it wasn't worth it.

Of course the umbilical cord can never be severed gently, they have to do it with a rusty hacksaw.
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Yes I've been through this with my son and it was pretty soul destroying tbh but luckily his pony has been handed down to my daughter but if she gets bored there is no doubt in my mind that, pony will be going, as much as I love the pony there's just no way I'm keeping another field ornament when I have several of my own that are surplus to requirements.
OP if daughters horse is not suitable for you then rehome him (sell or loan) and get one that would suit both you and your daughter should she ever find the time, maybe loan hers out and take one on loan yourself so your not stuck should circumstances change or alternatively find a part loaner for her horse to keep it ticking over
 
Doesn't sound like the OP's daughter has lost interest in horses or riding; she just has too much on between school, exams, working at the yard and riding other horses. I don't know the answer, but it's tough, learning how to balance your time, or not.

On the other hand, was I the only teenager in the world who didn't lose interest? Is this a thing? My parents bought me my first horse at age 13, and then when I graduated beyond her abilities, my second (and current) and 17. The longest and least shight relationship I have ever had.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I actually feel quite sorry for this young lady, it seems to me that she works hard, is a sensible, responsible girl and is being pressured on all sides. If Her mum wants her to keep on working on the yard, the yard wants her to ride their horse *and* she is working towards her GCSEs, which are only a few weeks away, I don't really see when she could find time to ride her own horse. It is a pity that she was bought a horse that is too quirky for mum to ride (perhaps his quirkiness is part of the problem?).
OP have you sat with her and worked out a timetable for when she could sctaully fit in riding her horse? I think that would be a valuable exercise and might even vindicate her!
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I'm far from forcing her to do all this! I would absolutely love her to give up work. Ive even offered to pay for competitions etc myself (this was originally what she worked for). Its a huge hassle for me, her working. Its a good half hour drive and i often have to hang round waiting for her. She would hate me if i forced her to quit.
I do the mucking out and everything and am happy enough to continue that as i said. I know she has a lot on.
She loves his silliness- they are an absolute match made in heaven.
Yes I've tried a kind of rota where we planned in advance what he's going to do but if usually falls by the wayside after a few days.
 
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I don't think it sounds as though she has lost interest - just busy.

I was in an identical situation when I was her age and my mum ended up exercising my neurotic, quirky horse once I convinced her he was actually quite fun.

I think you either knuckle on accepting that GCSE year will be rough and you will have to pick up the extra work, or loan him out. It does make a bit of a difference that she has sole use of a horse at work, but you might enjoy riding hers once you're on?
 
Clodagh said:
OP, you might find he calms down with you, some horses adjust and your daughter probably likes bombing about.
If he has a dust allergy can he not live out? It would be cheaper!
I am not surprised she doesn't want to ride him as well as working with horses, I never rode mine when I had a job on a yard.
I lost interest at 14 and my parents sold my pony, which was a walke up call but a harsh one.
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He can and will live out in summer but we just dont have enough grazing for all year round sadly. I am thinking of a little field shelter in an all weather turnout paddock we constructed. Its bark so he'd not need bedding in it so he can be free range and just go in if and when he wants.
Yes she does tend to go flat out! She's also very strict that he go's correctly- given his head he is calmer.
 
I wouldn't say mine has lost interest but at the same age as yours op life in general has started to take over. The pressure at school is unbelievable nowadays, she has to stay behind a couple of hours a week as GCSEs are coming up, also was in one Saturday morning and even a morning in half term! She is constantly revising and also likes the occasional bit of time with her non horsey school friends. I don't call that being spoils or selfish it's just life of 16 year olds. Mine also has a job on Saturdays working at another yard, she also loves it there and she enjoys earning her own bit of money. She adores her pony but quite often doesn't have as much energy as she did a year or two ago. I help her with mucking out etc if she's staying late at school and our conversation the other day she asked for a day off in the week so she can get on with some revision, so I will do the jobs that day and he can also have his day off. She will be finished end of June and then has the whole summer to hopefully spend more time with him. I'm fully prepared for the day she wants to go off to uni ( hopefully) and then he will be mine but I doubt I will ride him as he is quirky but hopefully I will be able to find a rider for him. Let her get through this busy and sometimes stressful time see how she is after her exams.
 
At her age I would have begged for my own and for a horsey mum. Never mind one that looked after the horse for me too!

Sorry but she needs to either show her commitment or the horse goes. Plenty of teenagers manage horses and school/work life, especially with parental help.
 
Losing interest is just a part of growing up, as is being selfish and wanting to try out new things and have Mum hold the fort. It's a short period and she will either move on or come back to horses. I kinda lost interest and really didn't ride for about three years but my Mum kept my ponies and then I took them over and still have horses now and I'm nearly fifty ( can't believe that)

If I read right then you said your girl is about to do her GCSEs .......I might have misread that. Her GCSEs are not this year they are about 5-6 weeks away. If you can try not to pressure her until they finish. I'm surprised she has time for a job really. Once those exams are done she is going to have a long Summer and that will be when you can make choices. If she is taking her exams her main activity should be revision........sorry can't help it I'm a teacher...?
 
Having a horse is a responsibility which at the moment she isn't accepting.

It sounds to me as if she wants the enjoyable parts, but not the day to day care. The job on the yard sounds like a good social thing for her, which also pays, and then she wants to do the fun things with her own without the preparation.

I'd be giving her an ultimatum too I'm afraid, either stop the yard job and do her own horse, or keep the job and loan or sell. She has her cake and is eating it at the moment and part of growing up is taking care of our own responsibilities. She's also being unfair to her horse and you.

I certainly wouldn't be flogging myself to look after something that was unappreciated.
 
I don't think it sounds as though she has lost interest at all. It sounds as though she is fitting a lot in to a busy year at school, and that maybe your set up doesn't suit her.

If she loves her job and rides and competes there could you move her horse there? It may be that having friends there and instruction and company makes it more enjoyable for her. Having horses at home can be very isolating and it can feel tough if facilities are limited too.

I wouldn't encourage her to give up the job if she enjoys it and is earning money (and using it reasonably sensibly) unless her studies are affected. It is great that she wants to earn her own money, and maybe if she would enjoy her horse more if he was at work with her she could contribute to the extra cost. I think it is great that she is hard working and independent.
 
It doesn't sound like she's lost interest if she is still happily going to work, is she riding at work? Is it possible she has out ridden her pony so to speak?

I didn't have horsey parents, I made it through my exams - with good results - and still managed Saturday job and looked after my horse who needed exercised 6 days a week... I think I would be looking to put pony on loan.
 
Hi, it's tricky to know what to advise without knowing you both, but maybe she's enjoying the company at the yard, would taking her pony there be an option?
Other than that, I think you should maybe take over the pony yourself if you can manage, it will probably settle once you ride regularly, or you could find another young person (or mother) to share with you from home
We have two ponies between four of us, and it works well as a bit of competition makes the girls (14 & 15) always want to ride, and if one doesn't the other will instead (cousins - which I think makes it easier)
Hope you reach an agreeable solution
 
I suppose an awful lot depends on what she is doing when you feel she should be riding. If she is doing schoolwork then fair enough, but if she spends most of her time on her phone, watching TV or on the computer, rather than riding, then I would definitely be looking at loaning the horse out.
 
I think a lot of people with horses are feeling a bit like this at the moment, it is the end of a long wet winter. 16 year old is heading for huge exams, Mum is fed up of the work. Why not turn the horses out and take the pressure of everyone until after the exams and then look at it all again?
 
This has just happened to me!!! Son off to uni, got serious girlfriend, now driving so independent , and has lost interest in his horse.. I am very sad, and today the horse has gone on a trial day with a new teenager , if she likes her, and yesterday she seemed smitten, then I think it will be done deal.. Once they get other interest, it's very difficult to motivate them... My sons sport is Polocrosse, and at least he said he wants to hire a horse for a few summer tournaments, but not the day to day riding needed to keep one, and the cost of part livery is expensive too..
 
OP, I have missed some of the posts, but how about a sharer?
Could either find a mum to ride in the week, or perhaps a younger teen to ride after school.
Even if they can pay for shoes then thats a bit helpful?

I had mine the other way, would rather be riding her own, than working in a job or working on my breakers etc..... we had discussions and compromised a bit... still kept hers but instead of 'helping' on my yard, I paid her for 'working' which meant jobs had to be completed and not half done or left for tomorrow.
 
I didn't actually mean a rota for the pony' work, OP! I was suggesting that you identify time in your daughter's day/week when *she* has time to something with/for the pony, time when she is not at school, at work, eating, sleeping or revising, or fulfilling her commitment to compete the yard horse. Is there actually any time available? If not, it would be unreasonable to expect her to be responsible for the pony's day to day care.
 
I expect that she enjoys the yard job as she enjoys the company of the people she works with as well as the work and the feeling of getting paid.

Does she have many friends on the yard where she keeps her horse or is it just you and her mainly doing the horsey activities? As teenagers get older socialising outside the family often becomes more important. She may not have lost interest in horses but may be looking for a different type of environment with more people her own age to be around or just being away from her parents.

Whatever happens now the situation is not going to get easier with regard to time, if she stays in full time education then she will have more work and if she leaves education to go into full time employment she will have less free time/holidays.

If the horse is going to be difficult to sell due to health issue and behaviour issues then you need to start thinking about what options you have - perhaps a get a sharer in the first instance and see how that goes. You could even use some of the sharer income to have some lesson on the horse yourself to see if you can get more used to his way of going and more confident so you could enjoy riding him too.

Being a teenager is not that easy, it is a big transition time in life with many choices about the future needing to be made, sometimes without the experience or emotional stability required to make these decisions. I do think that if possible it is good for young people to have as many different experiences as possible rather than just focusing on one activity, as this helps them with decision making and identifying what they enjoy doing. The yard job will be a good learning experience for her and if she can fit in a couple of days riding after school and maybe getting a sharer in to help on the other days might allow her to have the freedom to fit in more experiences rather than spending all her free time with her mum and her horse which probably is not expanding her horizons that much.
 
This post has made me realise I'm going to stick to my guns and not relent and buy my daughter a pony - she can share mine and then buy her own if and when she wants!

OP it's so tough being a mum isn't it! Is moving ur horses to the yard where ur daughter works an option? Or at least her horse? Juggling two yards is a nightmare at the best of times!
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I didn't actually mean a rota for the pony' work, OP! I was suggesting that you identify time in your daughter's day/week when *she* has time to something with/for the pony, time when she is not at school, at work, eating, sleeping or revising, or fulfilling her commitment to compete the yard horse. Is there actually any time available? If not, it would be unreasonable to expect her to be responsible for the pony's day to day care.
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Ah yes, I re - read and realised I'd got it wrong! Sorry!

The horse wouldn't be hard to sell probably, he's a lovely person, very honest and tries his heart out. The allergy is manageable.
A sharer might work yes, maybe someone who'd like to compete a bit or hunt and i'll do the hacking- at least that way he's not so wasted.
We are alone yes and yes its boring and I miss a yard myself (which I suppose is partly why I've had enough of not even having her input?)
She mostly does sole charge at work so although they do have other grooms they don't regularly work together. She covers time off mostly.
 
My mum was (still is!) quite strict about thing

When i was a teenager she told me the ponies would go if my school work slipped - i was too scared of losing them to let that happen.
She didn't allow me to get a job until after i had finished education, so that it did not cut in to my own horse time and she subsidised my competing.

She gave me two choices, full commitment to my ponies, or no ponies at all.... I am forever grateful of her being like that with me.
 
Fortunately neither of my daughters aged 18 and 22 have lost interest and if anything they support me and ride my horse too when I cant, and have him tacked up and ready for me when I finish work. They do more of the work than me now but it wasn't always like that. When doing exams etc I did everything possible to make sure that they had time to revise and concentrate on schoolwork.

My opinion is though I bought the horses/ ponies for them so ultimately it is up to me to take care of them and pay for them.

I have part loaned my younger daughters 13.2 jumping pony she has grown out of and one of my elder daughter's TB horses much to their horror but they both have come to realise that it was a good decision, which allowed them more time to spend on the others. Maybe look at the part loan option it helps financially and with the care of the horse.
 
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