People who have successfully got through a confidence crisis . .

[Notimetoride]

I'm just getting to know new pony and found my confidence isn't what it used to be, so I'm on a confidence building journey with her, with my first formal lesson tomorrow. Now in my 40s, so would love to hear from people who have suffered a loss of confidence but have successfully re-built it

 

[Hanson]

Hi

I lost my confidence with my now old boy when I was in my late 20's...I bought a saddle that made me feel secure and did as much as I felt comfortable with... Some days I ooozed confidence other days got a panic attack at yard entrance. Thankfully I had supportive OH who also rides... He spent many hacks with his hat attached to front of bike, but only got on if weather was awful or situation was difficult.

I then managed to buy a second horse, a lovely cob who gave me bags of confidence.....sadly she had to be pts at 7 but she gave me back the confidence I needed.

Old boy is now 22 and still scare the *** out of me!!! And I am in my 40's. I love handling him but don't enjoy the ride. I have a lovely cob/WB cross mare who looks after me and my OH rides the old boy. Bizarrely my OH find the new mare frightening- and he is one who does not see fear!

Make sure your mount is right for you, you have the right tack and do want you really want to do each day, not what you think or have been told you should do when you ride......

Have the best of fun and savour each 'good' moment, join these up and your confidence will soon return.

 

[Dizzle]

Yes! I've never been very confident, even as a child or teen. I had almost a year off when I had my son, I managed two hacks on my pony before hack three she bucked me off, twice (saddle issue), that was October 2014, I stopped riding her properly but come January 2015 I was bored, I love riding and whats the point in having a horse if you don't ride. My best friend took me under her wing, she nannyed me round several hacks where I clung on for grim death (in walk) and slowly and surely... by March I had taken my horse out hunting for the first time in 3 years, by May we were doing pairs XC, we did several tiny solo hunter trials and a fun ride! I moved yards last week and fully expected my confidence to go again BUT actually Po and I have had (so far) three damn good solo hacks, probably the best ones we have ever had!!

With the right horse it can come back (before my mare I had the wrong horse and in three years my confidence never appeared).

 

[planete]

When I was breaking my present horse I was in my fifties and he was incredibly coltish and scared the living daylights out of me for a time (all possible physical problems were checked for). I took things one day at a time doing only what we could both cope with, being careful not to put myself or him under any avoidable stress until we had built up enough confidence in each other to behave 'normally'. We now trust each other completely but it was a long hard slog. I swallowed my pride, got off and led any time he threatened to throw his toys out of the pram in the middle of nowhere and even had my husband lead me on him one day he was being particularly brattish. I reckoned keeping us both safe was the top priority. What I did not do was stop riding him, we hacked out or schooled six days a week otherwise I might never have had the nerve to get back on. I could not afford to give up as he would have ended up rotting in a field, I tried selling him at one point and unsurprisingly people ran a mile.

 

[Jo1987]

I lost my confidence badly in my late teens due to having a horse that was completely wrong for me. He was nappy, spooky, stubborn and had no sense of self preservation. I kept him for 4 years, and my confidence was gone by the time I sold him (he's hunting/SJ every week and thriving!)
I didn't have my own for a couple of years after that, but had a job exercising p2p horses, which oddly helped me start to get my confidence back, they were sharp but well mannered and I enjoyed my time there a lot.
I then started looking for my own horse again - I found a 15hh 16 yr old connie x tb, not what I was looking for at all! But fell in love. He is quirky, strong, sensitive but absolutley safe if you sit still and let him do his job! He is sadly retired now at 20, and I have a 6 yr old cob, green as anything but so sweet and genuine - we've been xc schooling today, something I never dreamed of doing, much less enjoying! But I feel safe on him, I was always afraid to canter/jump away from a group, but my little cob does not nap at all, ever, and it was so liberating to land after a jump and canter quietly away from the group with no wobbles, spins, tantrums or arguments.
I was nervous, I think I always will be, but it did not stop me from doing anything. I had a great time, and by the end of the session, both me and my horse had gained in confidence
Good luck with your new horse, and enjoy the journey!

 

[Deltaflyer]

I lost my confidence badly with my old horse who used to dump me off in the ring regularly when we went jumping yet he'd happily jump a course at 1m at home or at clinics. I also got quite nervous hacking as he would buck if another horse went ahead of him. I actually let someone have him on loan when they asked and then gave up for six years. When I started again June 2013 I was ridiculously nervous at first but slowly realised that not every horse's sole aim was to get me off. I then bought myself a new horse, rising six and green as grass. This little chap has restored all my lost confidence and I actually enjoy going out jumping again and I trust him implicitly hacking no matter how sharp he gets. I stopped when I was 47 and started again when I was 53, I'm 55 now and riding and competing as much as I used to in my twenties with my pony.

Personally I think confidence can come back to you if you find the right horse - good luck

 

[southerncomfort]

I had a bad fall about 3 years ago that left me very shaken. One of those 'I'm getting too old for this!' moments. Spent a long time feeling sick at the thought of even sitting on another horse.

I got myself a very steady horse and spent a good year staying very much within my comfort zone but realised that I was still scared stiff and, although I trusted that horse, the thought of riding anything else still terrified me.

Then fate took a hand and I inherited a welsh D mare. She is quirky and silly and daft and can be quite forward going but strangely has been the absolute making of me. She is all of the above but she is also safe as houses and would be devastated if she did anything to hurt her human. She is by no means a novice ride but she pushed me out of my comfort zone while at the same time helping me truly put my trust in her.

The right horse is absolutely key but sometimes it's not the quiet steady eddie that helps you get your confidence back, but the horse that pushes you a bit and makes you realise that you actually can ride! I now find that I laugh at the things that my horse spooks at rather than wanting to cry and get off.

Lots of luck, you will get there!

 

[SpottyMare]

Then fate took a hand and I inherited a welsh D mare. She is quirky and silly and daft and can be quite forward going but strangely has been the absolute making of me. She is all of the above but she is also safe as houses and would be devastated if she did anything to hurt her human. She is by no means a novice ride but she pushed me out of my comfort zone while at the same time helping me truly put my trust in her.

The right horse is absolutely key but sometimes it's not the quiet steady eddie that helps you get your confidence back, but the horse that pushes you a bit and makes you realise that you actually can ride! I now find that I laugh at the things that my horse spooks at rather than wanting to cry and get off.

Lots of luck, you will get there!

Agree with this.

After a bad fall in my late twenties and a break from riding for 15 years, and then about 2 years worth of riding lessons on beautifully safe, well schooled horses I was loaned a Welsh D gelding who is all of the above and incredibly opinionated to boot. I'm still getting there, but he's done wonders for my confidence and my ability to actually ride

 

[laura_nash]

I had trouble with confidence after getting my boy, even though he didn't really do anything wrong. He was just a bit green, and also tripped over and fell cantering once in the field. I think most of my problems came from the years before I got him, when I rode various friends horses or at riding schools and had a few scary incidents, nothing actually happened (no falls or injuries) but a few near misses and they had obviously dented my confidence. Once I got my own horse it all seemed to suddenly hit me and I was plagued by what-ifs, particularly in open fields. At one point I would feel sick and shaky driving to the stables if I was planning to ride.

I changed my horses management (including taking shoes off which solved the tripping), changed instructress and also stopped doing things because I "ought to" such as hacking out if he had been stabled in bad weather. It actually came back pretty quickly once it started coming back, particularly with the lessons. Part of my problem was a bad habit I had developed with my position which was making me insecure, so I actually had good reason to lack confidence. I also had a further boost in confidence a couple of years later after I had 9 months off to have a baby, not sure why but maybe partly because I was so glad to be back on board and partly (I think) because I had a load of hypnotherapy sessions as labour prep which were all about staying relaxed and not panicking and they seemed to carry over to the riding as well.

 

[blood_magik]

I lost my confidence after breaking my leg in a silly fall (I landed on my feet).
I didn't ride for 3 months and couldn't jump for 5, by which time my big horse had grown again and gotten a lot stronger. He didn't do anything wrong but I eventually got to the stage where a cross pole scared me.

My instructor recommended that I stop jumping that horse for a bit. I actually ended up getting a new horse that didn't have as big a jump and we started back at the beginning.
In October last year I decided to pop my big horse over a small fence and it actually felt ok so we officially started jumping again a few days later.

Ive got from happily jumping 1.20 on my old boy to being scared of a cross pole to popping the odd 1.15-1.20 fence again. Telling myself to man up seems to have worked.

 

[dibbin]

I lost my confidence in canter after a fall out hacking in December. I just kept at my lessons and didn't canter at all until I felt I was ready - even then, I had my first canter on my sister's horse as he's much less daft than Jazz. Still working through it but before Jazz hurt his leg I was definitely getting there!

Lessons with a sympathetic instructor who knows when to push you and when not to will work wonders. Good luck!

 

[oldie48]

I came to riding very late in life and Mr P was bought as my 50th birthday present, I rather stupidly took him XC schooling during our third week together. We went quite well really but at the very last fence we had a slight misunderstanding and I took a very heavy fall, breaking several ribs and a couple of vertebrae. I spent a couple of nights in hospital whilst they x rayed etc but fortunately I had stable fractures of the spine but the ribs in particular, were extremely painful and I couldn't ride for several weeks. I completely lost my confidence and it took a lot to get on board again. I just took things slowly and gradually I felt my confidence returning. I bought another horse at 60 and another at 65. I've had my ups and downs with both of them, still have Mr P though and eventually riding him was like putting on a comfortable pair of slippers, he's now 27 and retired. I think the secret to regaining confidence is not asking too much of yourself but setting small challenges so you keep moving forward. Also, focus on positives rather than negatives, think about what you have achieved rather than what went wrong. A good trainer who pushes you but keeps you safe is also totally invaluable. Good luck and don't give up!

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

Have PM'd you.

 

[PollyP99]

Me! I recently had a wobble based not on my lovely mare but on the behaviour of others, what I felt was fine riding alone but I am very nervous when im in a group. Result is I hang on to my mare in a group, say for a canter, so much so I hold her up and then she will start messing about. Sometimes broncing although I recently proclaimed she had bronced but had my go pro on, when you watch it I made her slow to the extent of the others disappearing into the distance, she simply objects and spins messes about so that was a revealing film!

I went on the confidence course run by horse combat guys, you do some simple. Excercises on board a horse, including riding into a rear and dealing with it, most liberating, you also practice falling safely from a wooden horse, again thought provoking and actually scary but you get there. Lastly a group hypnosis session with some great explanations of what fear is what it does why we have it etc.

Outcome, I am so much better, I do think what is the worst that could happen and I just get in with it, I have since completed an endurance training ride with 40 riders all coming passed me at various speeds and not a bit on panic set in. Now did it cure or did paying the fee (not cheap) for the day make me think got to work?

Don't know and don't care as I feel much better!

Proudly cantered the length of the p2p course today on my own, big achievement for us both and not a wobble.

Forgot to say, I am 50 this year, had a 20 year break in riding been back in the saddle for about 6years

 

[rachk89]

I had a bad fall almost a year ago from the mounting block when trying to get on an ex racer. He bolted, I broke my leg. I couldn't get onto horses easily, it took hours to get me onto the racer simply because I refused to give up, but still couldn't do it.

Best thing for me was hypnosis. My dad is a hypnotherapist and successfully managed to basically remove the memory of the fall from my brain. I still have slight anxiety issues but working on them with my new horse. He is brilliant despite being only 6. He knows when I am nervous and stays calm for me. Only plays up when I am relaxed oddly. If I am nervous he just plods along quite happily and waits for me to settle down. I know it sounds stupid but he does.

You could maybe try hypnosis though if you are up for it. Its not like what you see in films, you are aware of everything while the hypnotherapist is talking, and it all sinks into your unconscious mind where you know yourself the best. Doesn't work for everyone, but I am back to being a confident rider, more confident than I have ever been. Put it this way, I had a lesson with a dressage coach that works with Olympic riders and the only thing about my position he picked at what my hands (I have a bad habit of not closing my fingers). The rest was about the horses bad balance. If that had been a month before, he would have been yelling at me for being so tense and rigid in the saddle, as everyone else had been haha. It does work very well, but you have to be willing to let it.

 

[zandp]

My RI is totally fantastic, she teaches the eponaquest way and it's really helped me finally put the nail in the old confidence coffin. Telling myself to man up/just do it etc worked to a point but was like a sticking plaster and now I've got a whole new limb !

 

[puli]

I lost my confidence on my mare as she is a true bolter so on nearly every ride she would bolt. It got to the point that I would be shaking before I got on her and I just wanted to cry. Everyone was telling me that she was going to kill me and that I should get another horse. But me being me said no she is fine I don't want to stop riding her even though my confidence was falling. One day I took her out on a hack and she was ok, coming back up to the yard she bolted I could not stop her at all. At the time a car was revising and she would not stop and ended running nearly straight into the car. Someone at the yard had to shout at the driver to stop she he did not hit her even after that she carried on galloping and only stopped when we got to the stable. After this I had a massive wake up call and I knew that if I carried on riding her she was going to really hurt me or somebody else or herself. I also had two bad falls on her on the first fall she bolted and I smacked my head on a stone and was left unconuinses on the bridal path and damaged all the nerves down my back that was 4 years ago and i still have not gained full feeling on my back. The second time she bolted again and this time she tried to spin to run home as she did she slipped and landed on top of me luckily for me I was ok but it could of been very nasty. So I in the end got a new horse who is quiet and every since riding him my confidence has got better and better and know on hacks I am nearly up to my full confidence and I feel safe again. You can get your confidence back you just have to be patient.

 

[Equine_Dream]

I lost my confidence nearly 2 years ago when I got my old mare who turned out to be a bolter. She would tank off for home almost every time I hacked her out and she had absolutely no brakes or regard for her own safety or mine.
I was completely petrified and thought I would never ride again. I then met my OH who persuaded me to look for another horse. I then got my beautiful amazing little gelding who has given me so much confidence. I'm now looking for another horse to get back into hunting.
Baby steps is the key. Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with and take it slow. One day you'll just be riding alone and it will hit you how much youve come on

 

[FairyLights]

yes been there more than once. OP there is nothing wrong with taking things slowly. mounting and getting off for example. just walking round the arena or out hacking. it isnt compulsory to trot canter or jump! keep it all doable and small baby steps. you'll get there and enjoy your horse again.

 

[AngelitoCaz]

I'm getting over confidence issues atm, the things I've realised are you need a friend/instructor who knows when to push you and when pushing you would result in a breakdown and to keep trying baby steps, I was waiting to not be scared anymore but that's not going to happen so I'm doing a bit more everytime and it gets less scary

 

[supsup]

My confidence took a knock after my gelding bucked me off at speed a couple of times. It took quite a while to get back to where I was comfortable cantering him out hacking under most circumstances.
I think the way out of a confidence crisis is for you to "own" every step, and to take very small incremental steps. You have to practice those small steps over and over until all nervousness is gone, and your brain no longer automatically goes into "worst case scenario" thinking. Find people who will support you. And instructor is an excellent start.

I ended up being pretty scared of cantering out hacking in a group of three or more horses, and of going at speed (galloping). I had a really supportive friend whom I could practice controlled cantering with out hacking (first only in front, later behind/next to each other, with a gap behind her horse etc.). Having lessons also really help to reprogramme my brain to think of other things (namely my instructor's advice) while cantering, instead of my brain playing the bucking scenario on auto-repeat. I'm still not a fan of galloping fast though, but I think that goes together with being a bit of a control freak and not really enjoying the feeling of the horse going full-out without having instant reliable brakes.

 

[Enfys]

I put the mare that tried to kill me and crashed my confidence in foal (good in all other ways except she likes to rear, before anyone has a go at me) and got another horse.

Not anywhere as beautiful as my other mare, but safe, and sane, and such fun, I like riding again now

 

[Shantara]

Me! Completely lost all confidence on Ned, he didn't do anything wrong, I just could see every little thing that could go wrong! A spook, a trip, a car...you name it, I thought it!

I found some lovely ladies to ride with at my then new yard, and I got the parents to walk out with me. Thankfully Ned is a star to handle on the ground, so if things got too much, I would just get off, walk a bit, then get back on. That helped a lot!

Good luck, I know how frustrating it is! You can do it

 

[Silmarillion]

I lost my confidence badly in my late teens due to having a horse that was completely wrong for me. He was nappy, spooky, stubborn and had no sense of self preservation. I kept him for 4 years, and my confidence was gone by the time I sold him (he's hunting/SJ every week and thriving!)
I didn't have my own for a couple of years after that, but had a job exercising p2p horses, which oddly helped me start to get my confidence back, they were sharp but well mannered and I enjoyed my time there a lot.
I then started looking for my own horse again - I found a 15hh 16 yr old connie x tb, not what I was looking for at all! But fell in love. He is quirky, strong, sensitive but absolutley safe if you sit still and let him do his job! He is sadly retired now at 20, and I have a 6 yr old cob, green as anything but so sweet and genuine - we've been xc schooling today, something I never dreamed of doing, much less enjoying! But I feel safe on him, I was always afraid to canter/jump away from a group, but my little cob does not nap at all, ever, and it was so liberating to land after a jump and canter quietly away from the group with no wobbles, spins, tantrums or arguments.
I was nervous, I think I always will be, but it did not stop me from doing anything. I had a great time, and by the end of the session, both me and my horse had gained in confidence
Good luck with your new horse, and enjoy the journey!

This sounds so much like me! I had a Welsh Cob mare as my first pony, she ruined my confidence but I kept her for about four years. I then rode anything I was brave enough to get on, and I rode at work. I eventually bought my lovely old mare, safe as anything, who gave me it all back with her and most of it has stayed with me since she died.
I now have a cheeky little monkey who has an enormous buck! I never thought I'd ride a bucker, and I do get worried, but I'm more than capable of coping and he's pretty predictable so I can mostly avoid if I need to.
I am now not afraid to have LOADS of straps in front of my saddle to hold on to (breastplate, **** strap, and my reins are tied to my breastplate so I can't lose them!) and I am not afraid to get off and walk if necessary. I have also taken all pressure off (for other reasons) and no longer compete, which has also boosted my confidence as I don't HAVE to ride.
I now love riding and my horse makes me laugh when he's naughty (he squeals!) - I also don't find myself avoiding situations that could make him misbehave, quite the opposite as I go out on my own with him somewhere that will probably wind him up so he can let off steam and I can learn to deal with it and teach him how to handle his excitement.
Confidence is amazing when you have it, but so fragile!

 

[FFAQ]

I accidentally bought a hand-reared horse 6 years ago (didn't know he was hand-reared until I started having problems with him a couple of weeks after I bought him). Things eventually got to the point where I was scared to handle him at all. I was a novice, having just lost my first horse to grass sickness after only 2 months. Yes, I know, I shouldn't have bought him!
Anyway, eventually I sent him to Dan Wilson to be retrained, and now he has perfect stable manners. He can still be bolshy to ride, but once you have the conversation about who's looking after who with him he settles down. I need to work him every day or my confidence goes again. Unfortunately, I have been very slack over the last 2 years and our work together has been extremely sporadic, but I know now that he will be absolutely fine so long as I take the time I need to build up my confidence again. When I start work with him again I will probably just sit on him for the first time, then maybe do a couple of steps the next time and gradually build it up.

I think having supportive friends and instructors probably really help, but for me in my situation it's something I need to work through in my own time.

 

[On the Up]

I lost my confidence completely last year after a couple of falls and I have learned to say no to anything that's too much or too soon and stay completely within my comfort zone. I changed my saddle which has done wonders for my seat and I have finally found a couple of very understanding and empathetic friends who have been there themselves. They understand! I havnt cantered for nearly a year, it doesn't matter. I'd rather get off each time feeling like it was a positive experience regardless of what we did, than risk going backwards again. It's so horrible to not be ble to enjoy your hobby!

 

[hoir14]

In december i had a bad fall off of a horse that was new to the yard, he spooked, bronked, spooked again and i ended up getting smashed into a fence. From there i had loads of problems with my back and heve only just got back to riding in the last couple of months and i am still on painkillers on a daily basis. I suffer from anxiety also so my confidence is really lacking at the best of times. When i first attempted to get back on (a different horse that i have complete trust in) i stood on the mounting block and had a panic attack, mainly because of the 'what if's' running through my head. I work at a riding school so not being able to ride is out of the question really as i need to be able to take horses and riders out for hacks. I began to build a bond with another horse on the yard that was on box rest at the time recovering from being kicked. when she was ready to come beack into work i decided to do it myself as i had ridden her before the injury and really liked her but never really got to know her. So i basically just started off getting on and walking a couple of laps of the school then getting off and as her fitness increased, so did my confidence! I think it was good to bring her back into work as i wasnt able to do any more than she could handle so i wasnt forced to do alot, starting to ride different horses and doing a bit more i had lessons from one of the instructors at the riding school who knew exactly when to push me and when not to, this helped alot! Today was also a good day for my confidence as i got back on the horse that i originally fell off, it was a big achievement!

I would just say to take your time and just take little baby steps, find a horse you are comfortable with and an instructor that you get on with and knows what you are capable of and just when to push you! Its all about the little victories i find 😊

 

[I*HM]

I had a major confidence crash and a few wobbles since.
My confidence was shattered by a combination of poor instructors and inappropriate horses on returning to riding after quite a bad injury. I was continuously overhorsed and then made to feel inadequate when I couldn't ride said horses and had an instructor who would put me in uncomfortable situations. I also witnessed some pretty bad incidences and accidents that really shook me. I was also surrounded by the wrong people, who fed my anxieties. Instead of telling me to "suck it up" of that I can actually do it, they would agree when I talked myself out of things.
As an naturally anxious and doubtful person what I really needed was a good instructor to tell me to suck it up and do it -queue adrenaline rush from jumping the massive (only perceptively so) fence or going for the gallop etc etc and the realization that nothing bad would happen. She knew when to push me and had a good measure of my abilities. I just had to realise that its all in my head and I really am a lot more capable than I give myself credit for. Recently I had another wobble (had been riding a friend's horse who scared the daylights out of me and I decided it was because I was totally inadequate - a well meaning but misinformed friend then concurred) went back to said instructor with an hour I was jumping 1m grids on a less than straightforward ride.

For me it really comes down to being surrounded by the right people and having a bit of faith in my own abilities, I'm not nearly as hopeless as I think and don't need people to tell me "hmm, maybe just don't bother"