Perhaps I'm not so positive after all

Cazza525

Cazza525

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Well after all,I'm generally feeling horrid. Felt so positive this morning (even after another sleepless night!).

The yard today just didn't seem right,almost empty without him. The others are just fine and enjoyed the fuss,groom and gentle work I gave the youngster.

However afterwards I just suddenly felt dispair,and hopelessness. Poo picking was painful for me (if you get my jist) and I unfortunately had to do a little more cleaning due to it not raining,if you understand me.

I didn't have him long,but by goodness it was long enough to grow fond. I am pleased about the little time we had and am almost proud of myself for what I have done. It just hurts so blinking much!

Sorry guys.......terribly self obsessed post. Just feels better to write it down.
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I'm sorry you're feeling blue bt you can't expect to get over it so soon.
The hurt lasts for a long time but it does get easier.

I still have the odd weep for my boy and I lost him 6 years ago.
 
so sorry for your loss. know where you're coming from with the poo picking thing. When i lost my mare i couldn't face poo picking up after my 2 little ponies thinking that i should have been doing it for her as well
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can remember feeling very cross - i suppose it's just part of the grieving process.
It will get easier with time, i still have bad moments 3 years on, but it does become less painful. Try and remember the good times and look after yourself x
 
We lost one of our beloved horse in November and it took about a month before I was not crying every day and feeling bereft despite having 2 other horses to look after.

I still miss him and certain things set me off now. I hope that I will never not miss him but that it will get easier to think of him without it hurting so much.

Give yourself time. Be kinder to yourself and take a hug.
 
I lost Monty 10 days ago. It still doesn't feel like it's happened. I have to admit that I have cried every day at the field. His bucket and headcollar etc is still there and it is horrible not having him waiting by the gate every day for me.

Take comfort in the fact you gave him a happy ending and cared for him until the end. I hope in time the pain will fade, you just have to take it a day at a time. x
 
I didn't say yesterday as everything was so raw,but after the man had taken him away,I was there on my own and got his headcollar and lead rope that he was PTS in and found a corner of my bottom paddock. I buried them and said a few words,the sun came out and I had a little cry....actually for the first time.

I then walked up to check the others,as they had been in the paddock beside where it had been done (for no other reason than we had no choice and wanted to keep him happy.

As I walked accross my top field,I heard the hunting horn and in the field beside mine,the local hunt were out. They stopped at my top entrance and had a chat and I mentioned what had happened. The local huntmaster knows me well and was very understanding. I was very happy,as this was a perfect tribute to Harry,as he used to love his hunting........irony I spose,but I had to smile......
 
It will get easier - I had my 7yo boy put to sleep in December and cried every day for what seemed like ages after. Only yesterday I thought to myself I couldn't remember crying for the last week or so. Dentist came today to do the mare, and found myself shedding a tear on the way to the yard - lifes just not fair! But it will get easier - I only just cleaned his bridle about 2 weeks ago and his rugs are still hanging outside his stable...........

And its lovely what you said about the hunt passing by
 
Oh honey, it is still so raw and painful, but it is early days. Time really is a great healer - it doesn't go away, just changes perspective really. The only way I can cope with carrying on with the daily chores around the yard when one of mine has gone is to remove all trace of them; buckets, headcollars, brushes etc, until the time comes where I can handle them with a sorrowful smile rather than shedding tears. It works for me though i do think what you did in the field was a lovely gesture if that's the right word. Chin up, you know you'll get through this, but don't beat yourself up in the meantime. x
 
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