Pity post - come talk some sense into me

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KHippo

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I've had the best & worst luck when it comes to horses.

First of my own was physically capable of low level eventing but she was a stopper & ruined my confidence jumping. We stuck to what she enjoyed & had the most wonderful fun times together until I lost her to colic at 22.

Second I bought as a 4yo with the most fabulous brain for the job. The boldest most bonded to me horse I've ever met & would do anything I ever asked of her. Physically she turned out to be utterly broken (OTTB) so again my expectations lowered for her & after 5 years we finally found the right balance of work & management that allowed me to hope this summer I might have a horse I could do some Prelim dressage with & hack & play with poles at home. Only to then lose her suddenly to colic 2 weeks ago.

It feels so dreadfully unfair that colic has got me twice. The horse world has changed so dramatically in the 20 years I've been in it. Hacking feels like dicing with death with terrible drivers on the roads just to get to bridlepaths, which locally all have rubbish surfaces so there's nowhere to even have a canter. Getting out competing is now impossible on a budget if you don't own your own transport or have friends who are able to ferry you around. Hay locally is £100 a bale. No yards offer 24/7 turnout alongside decent facilities. My horses have been my reason to get up in the mornings but I'm not sure I have it in me to go again a third time..? But what do we do with ourselves without owning horses? Have holidays? Pay off the mortgage? Go back to sharing?

I am currently taking a break & hoping the right answer will present itself to me when the time is right, but for now a pointless woe is me post to vent & see if anyone else has felt this way? What did you do? Anyone quit & regretted it?
 
Sounds like both your horses have been very lucky to have you as their person. Putting their health first and working with what you have is a very kind way to look at things.

I'm sorry to hear about your recent loss. Be kind to yourself and don't make any hasty decisions. Maybe volunteer with the local riding club at events to get your horsey fix while your mulling things over. As you say an opportunity may present itself.
 
I'm so sorry for both of your losses and I completely understand where you're coming from with owning horses now! I already feel like once I've lost my 3 I won't be getting anymore, and like you I wonder what life will be like after that as this has been my whole life for 25 years! its very sad what the world is coming too!

I really hope you find a positive compromise at some time in the near future
 
You are totally allowed to feel bad about losing your lovely horses to colic, and they were very lucky to have you. Please be kind to yourself.

I had to quit due to ill health (mine) and I regretted it every single day, except those where I was feeling too ill to care. Thankfully health has improved, we are back home and I am the proud owner of 2 lovely ponies. However it took 10 years to get back to my horse life.

Give yourself time, space to grieve and when things are right for you something will come along. Sending 🫂
 
I'm sorry - 2 to colic is heartbreaking.

I took a break when life meant owning was too much of a challenge. I had loads to ride (more than I had time for) because I rode for a friend on a big yard and then everyone wanted me. I'm not Carl Hester but I'm a decent rider and - more importantly - sensible and trustworthy. If you still want horsey stuff but without the owning pressure then offer up to ride and see what comes your way

I also did loads of riding holidays which I couldn't afford these days. I now have 3 and a small holding (so 24.7 turnout because the fields are mine to wreck) so you may come back to it again.
 
I dedicate all my time to my dogs. They still seem to get injured or go lame a lot but its not as devastating as when its a horse. We do loads of fun things together. and I'm off travelling with them indefinitely next month, not something I could have done with a horse.
 
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