Please excuse me while I die of idiot disease.

[Bowen4Horses]

very nearly locked FF in my car with a tin of paint.

.

how? how on earth?

good god, you're both mad...

 

[Jesstickle]

I DEMAND sympathy.

You're all useless.

My mother also did megaphone hands and very nearly locked FF in my car with a tin of paint.

Poor man is never going to come back.

I offered to become a lesbian! What more do you want woman!

 

[tinkandlily]

i offered to become a lesbian! What more do you want woman!

pmsl:d:d

 

[Bertthefrog]

Your mother is a legend.....

Whilst I have to admit to nearly spitting my tea all over the laptop working my way through the threads - I would like to offer some words of comfort....

A gorgeous guy I had met once before appeared unannounced on my doorstep - I too resembled a bog body and probably didn't smell much better. I have now been married to him for nearly 6 years. Besides - it'll give him the opportunity to take the mick out of you mercilessly for months to come.....

 

[blitznbobs]

I think you should gather all these posts together and write a book... you'd make a fortune..

Blitz

 

[Vodkagirly]

Starzaan

Its punishment for not worshipping the lovely mechanic

 

[tinkandlily]

Your mother is a legend.....

Whilst I have to admit to nearly spitting my tea all over the laptop working my way through the threads - I would like to offer some words of comfort....

A gorgeous guy I had met once before appeared unannounced on my doorstep - I too resembled a bog body and probably didn't smell much better. I have now been married to him for nearly 6 years. Besides - it'll give him the opportunity to take the mick out of you mercilessly for months to come.....

Come to think of it, when i met my OH i had just finished a full days work on the yard, and in desperate need of a bath, and we have been together for 4 yrs. They must be attracted to the smell of horse

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

I am so sorry, but if I laugh any harder I will indeed expire.

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

As sorry as a sausage weilding mother wearing whelk earrings and singing "You are my sunshine!".

I'm going now, whilst I can still breathe.

 

[dibbin]

Aaw ... *makes sympathy noises*

Chin up, maybe he thought you were marvellous, and now he's seen you at your worst, every time he sees you from now on you'll look better than that!

I've been with my OH for 2 years, we re-met at a barbecue at which I was wearing flowery shorts and playing touch rugby; I later got drunk and fell over a lot. He asked me out a week later. Men are weird, they find weird things attractive. Although of course you are lovely and beautiful and drop-dead gorgeous even in your fleeces and slippers - I mean that in a non-lesbiany way, as always - and NOT AT ALL WEIRD. Not at all. Nuh-uh, not in any way.

I think your mum is, though, sorry. But so is mine - the first time she met OH she was in the middle of getting her hair dyed by my gran and looked like she had some kind of placenta-type thing on her head. True story.

Anyway, sympathy ... there there

 

[somethingorother]

Some men like the natural, cave woman, fleece overload look you know

But the saussage thing is priceless! Hahaha. Mad mother, that must be where you get it from.

You always make me laugh

 

[Natch]

There are no words to describe how funny I find this post. Nor emoticons. Classic.

 

[Kao]

The sausage comment, and the rank comment.
Made my day :')

 

[DH1]

Just a thought.... I wonder (after Starzaans book is a best seller) who will play the part of Starzaan and the Farrier in the ensuing movie ???

 

[dibbin]

Remember, we will also need someone to play Mr Mechanic, the farrier's flatmate, and of course Starzaan's Mum.

 

[[69117]]

I shall play myself. Nobody can welly dance like me.


And then maybe I'll get FF to play himself and I'll get to snog his face off.

Even if it's just pretend like.


And my mechanic is still very much around and is still lovely, but for some reason FF still makes me feel sick and fluttery and ridiculous.

POO.

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

I DEMAND sympathy.

You're all useless.

My mother also did megaphone hands and very nearly locked FF in my car with a tin of paint.

Poor man is never going to come back.

How??????

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Remember, we will also need someone to play Mr Mechanic, the farrier's flatmate, and of course Starzaan's Mum.

Who's going to play the sausage...???

 

[brighteyes]

I'm sorry but I am helpless with laughter... Please become a nun, as I almost can't take any more.

*wipes tears from eyes and picks self up from floor AGAIN*

 

[[69117]]

Well she was desperately trying to make him spend time with me, and going about it in the way of a mad woman from mad land. So she did her sausage dance, then did megaphone hands, then got all mental and started trying to make him come and help me paint my yard.

At one point I'm sure she nearly picked him up and put him in my car, paintbrush in hand.


Now, in an ideal world, he would turn up at the yard one day this week, ready to help me paint. But in Starzaan world, these things don't happen, so I'll paint all by myself, and then hear that he got eaten up by his own bum or something equally hideous, and will not be shoeing my horses ever again.

 

[DH1]

POO indeed

Starzaan you must have a terminal case of lust for the Farrier if you are pass on the chance to song the face off:-

Johnny Depp
John Abraham
Orlando Bloom
RobertPattinson
Josh Holloway

etc etc etc......

 

[mik]

brilliant!

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

I know I'm going to regret asking this, but please do tell me, the sausage dance is in no way related to the welly dance is it....?

 

[brighteyes]

On the other hand, after today's experiences with a spontaneously exploding lorry tyre and the resulting traumas before the lorry was able to trundle off up the motorway again...

...can I have some of whatever it is you are on?

 

[tinkandlily]

At one point I'm sure she nearly picked him up and put him in my car, paintbrush in hand.

I bet that was embarassing, how did FF react? Did he have a look on his face that said GET ME OUT OF HERE?

 

[[69117]]

POO indeed

Starzaan you must have a terminal case of lust for the Farrier if you are pass on the chance to song the face off:-

Johnny Depp
John Abraham
Orlando Bloom
RobertPattinson
Josh Holloway

etc etc etc......

Sadly, I would choose FF over anyone.

Bloody FF. Bloody mother.

Bloody sausages.


(and no MrsM, the sausage dance does not follow the welly dance, although if another section of the sausage dance followed the welly dance, I would not be complaining!!!!)

 

[tinkandlily]

and then hear that he got eaten up by his own bum or something equally hideous, and will not be shoeing my horses ever again.

Thats the funniest thing i've ever heard

 

[farriersmum]

OK so I am reading this with the laptop on the arm of the sofa, and the OH is on the sofa too; he said, what's wrong with hr, get her to get her kit on and ask him back!
Simples!

 

[Vizslak]

PMSL...like seriously, I have tears rolling down my face...HHO has never done this to me before! Oh my!

 

[[69117]]

Farriersmum - your OH clearly has big swingy brass balls made of manliness and bravery.

I do not.


I have also given up on the farrier ever adoring me.... or even partaking in a casual face lick.... so I really shouldn't be as mortified as I am.

But it would be nice to not have looked like the rank sausage wielding maniac that I am.

 

[flirtygerty]

Pretty please, can I play your mad mother, I've had plenty of practise