please help by Ruby aged 6 3/4

[Angua2]

Dear HHO....

I don't know where else to turn..... my world is in tatters! I have no idea what is going round my mums head.

She is waffling on about something called trailblazers 2nd rounds and that we only have 6 months to get our act together... I have no idea what she is on about as I thought our act was pretty good, I try and look pretty, don't put mum on the floor and I get fed and cuddles so life is pretty good.

OH no..... it all changed today.....

For some reason mum decided I needed a hair cut...... so now I am sporting a "pudding bowl" hair cut with a "hamster head" and to make matters even worse she cut all the hair off my belly..... brrrrr. Doesn't she know rugs don't cover that bit.

then if that wasn't bad enough she arranged for "aunty jane" aka the slavedriver to be in the school. Slavedriver made mum get me to use my backend..... no evasion in the book did any good (any one have any suggestions, I have tried giraffing, falling through the shoulder, spooking, grabbing the reins and tanking off.... and now I have nothing left in the repertoire). ON the upside though I did manage to make mum look like a muppet that couldn't ride *yes!!*

Then came my mums peice de resistance..... after I had settled down for the night she then goes an poisoned me, she claims it is for my own good and that I definatly need "wormer"...... Why, why do that to me..... was it because I made her look like a muppet?

Please help me HHO...... who should I call to report her cruelty, and do public phone boxes take carrots as she has taken away my phone since I called the TB injury helpline at the beginning of October to get suggestions on how to get out of work (although that backfired as their suggestion did actually hurt and I ended up on aunties bio-tics *blugh* they were horrid)


Ru

 

[Rudey]

TB trick of the trade..... hop round on 3 legs and pretend you're lame!! Just remember which leg you are faking it on

xx

 

[Slinkyunicorn]

Hi Ru!!

You can borrow our phone whenever you like

- we have International Horse Rescue on speed dial button 2. Button 1 is for International Dog Rescue - so its not just us that gets persecuted!!

Our mum is the same - gets the odd ideas in her head and then we have to pay the price!!

Have a few ideas for evasions you could try - there is the refusing to go forward and backing up instead (don't overdo it or you end up practising 'rein back' so she still thinks she has won, then there is the bucking/broncing when going into canter - great fun 'cos if you time it right you can pogo round the middle of the big cat litter tray!! There is also the pretend you are doing as you have been told and then start seeing tigers in one corner of the big cat litter tray - every time you head towards that corner go sideways with your eyes out on stalks!!

Hope it helps - good luck!!

As for the poisoning thing our mum hides it in our dinner - she says its 'cos we are so greedy we eat anything and don't notice - trouble is she is right...........

love

The Coblet and the Big Grey Lump

 

[competitiondiva]

lmfao!!!!!

 

[aregona]

Ruby, we feel for you, been there got the rug, best thing is, our mum hasn't got the better of us yet!!!!!!

My brother Pilgrim has a great trick, he's really good at home and everytime mum takes him to a xc event, he goes in the start box, comes out pretending he is back on the racetrack and before mum has figured it out hes facing the wrong wy galloping for home. and she tries to stop him, he stops and then wont move hehehehe.

get mum to slice your carrots into straight line and they fit in phone boxes then, store som so you have them when you need them.

good luck love from the nags at Fairbanks stables xxx

 

[MrsMozart]

My Dearest Ruby,

I feel your pain, I do really. May I suggest the spinning like a top - I find the use of a passing hedge for the rubbing off of rider an added bonus. Backwards, always at speed my dearest, tends to make their vocal chords constrict and instructions to be screeched - noisy admittedly, but mildly amusing.

The one thing I would not suggest is heading off at speed then doing a sharp left, because your human is very likely to do a sharp right. Then again, maybe your human bounces better than mine. All I know is it leads to chaos and mayhem, which is bad for one's complexion.

I will sign off now and trust that my words of wisdom do not fall on deaf ears.

Warmest felicitations,

The Dizzy One xxx

 

[Angua2]

Dear all,

Thankyou all for your replies. Mum hasn't figured that I am borrowing the laptop yet but it may only be a matter of time!

I have tried the going backwards thing and spinning, for a scary wheeli-bin thing that totally back fired as I ended up being made to go backwards passed it. I was so relieved when the monster didn't jump out. However going back at speed with foliage does sound positive

The pogoing canter thing sounds promising as does the spinning thing. No chance of doing the start box thing..... what is a start box anyway...... as mum doesn't do a whole lot of the hoolying across country thing.

Dizzy, I have already done the depositing mum at high speed round a corner.... although I went right and she went left (in my defence she was clinging on my left side for about 100 yards before we parted company.... she said I bronked while cantering on on a hack), think my mum may have bounced as she came home 10 minutes after I did..... but it did nothing for the reputation you are right

you have all given me soom food fo thought to ponder on while i munch my haylage

 

[Aoibhin]

hey Ru,
Hows my girl doing? im well & loving the new place but missinng you darling xxx
i have found sticking your head between your knee's & then tanking off to the left works well, mum only leads me out and she genrelly ends up on all fours swearing at me.
think i might have to stopping that soon though as she gets really cross when i make her hurt the bump (hmph whats she what a baby for she's got me!)

love to you my dearest Ru
Andrew
SWA
xxx