Please help! found out i'm pregant!?! what should i do

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can't really offer much advice I'm afraid, but hugs and hope it all works out for you.

Also, don't listen to what the anti abortion people have to say and don't let them sway your decision. Yes I am pro on the subject, but its YOUR decision to make and I don't think it helps people posting on here their views which (to me) look like an attempt at guilt tripping you into not having an abortion.

****Alsxx now ducks for cover....****

[/ QUOTE ]

This.

You must do what is right for you. Do not let people influence you by saying that others are naturally infertile and desperate for kids so you should have one; other people's fertility woes are not your concern. Obviously, you will need to speak to a doctor regarding problems conceiving in the future and get all the facts on the health risks that come with abortion before you make your decision.


[/ QUOTE ]

I am guessing this is aimed at me as I think I was the only one in this post to have mentioned fertility .

The op asked for views on those that have had an abortion and those that have had babies .

My point is that folk have went and had an abortion only to find out later on when they have wanted a child they then in turn have problems trying to concieve .

It does happen , I wouldn'r want the op regretting her decision .



QR .....

Why shouldn't the op listen to the anti abortion people on this thread ?
She asked for views on both sides of the coin .
"they" are only putting their point across or their opinion .

Just for the record I am neither anti or pro ..... depends on the situation .

Good luck to the OP in whatever you do .
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can't really offer much advice I'm afraid, but hugs and hope it all works out for you.

Also, don't listen to what the anti abortion people have to say and don't let them sway your decision. Yes I am pro on the subject, but its YOUR decision to make and I don't think it helps people posting on here their views which (to me) look like an attempt at guilt tripping you into not having an abortion.

****Alsxx now ducks for cover....****

[/ QUOTE ]

This.

You must do what is right for you. Do not let people influence you by saying that others are naturally infertile and desperate for kids so you should have one; other people's fertility woes are not your concern. Obviously, you will need to speak to a doctor regarding problems conceiving in the future and get all the facts on the health risks that come with abortion before you make your decision.


[/ QUOTE ]

I am guessing this is aimed at me as I think I was the only one in this post to have mentioned fertility .

The op asked for views on those that have had an abortion and those that have had babies .

My point is that folk have went and had an abortion only to find out later on when they have wanted a child they then in turn have problems trying to concieve .

It does happen , I wouldn'r want the op regretting her decision .



QR .....

Why shouldn't the op listen to the anti abortion people on this thread ?
She asked for views on both sides of the coin .
"they" are only putting their point across or their opinion .

Just for the record I am neither anti or pro ..... depends on the situation .

Good luck to the OP in whatever you do .

[/ QUOTE ]

Well what I wrote wasn't in response to you, CMT....it was in response to a couple of other posts along the lines of 'its not the unborn baby's fault' or whatever it was as cant quite remember 20 mintues or so past
blush.gif


Absolutely people that are pro and anti a subject can put their opinions forwards, but opinions when they are quite emotive are not particulary helpful I dont think - facts would be. If someone could post and say that having an abortion or not having an abotion is X Y and Z then fair enough, hats off to them.

That was why I suggested the OP go and talk to her GP who can give her all the information (or put her in touch with someone who can) on abortions, and then the OP can make an informed decision as to whether there is a risk in future fertility etc or not.

smile.gif
 
i am now 20 weeks with a very unplanned 3rd pregnancy. when we first out my husband and i chose the abortion option but i bottled it at the lat moment asa i could not bear the thought of harming it (it diddnt help i had started to feel movement) i found this website very helpful http://www.careconfidential.com/
they have a phoneline also & will talk through any issuess you may have without preduice or emotional ties.
if you need to chat more feel free to PM me.
 
It isn't a question of whether having an abortion would be 'selfish', it's whether or not it is the right time for you and your other half. Of course you would cope with the baby, but if you feel like you need time together and get yourself into a better situation re: career etc, then you should really do what is right for you.

If you are the type of person who feel like they could never forgive themselves for having an abortion, then you probably have your answer, but if you are not (and despite what anti-abortion activists say, there are plenty of women out there who have abortions and never feel a grain of regret), then make a list of pros and cons to help you make an objective decision - it sounds cold, but if you want to make a relatively unemotional choice it might help, though I'm guessing you might have already been through all of this in principle.
 
soph I dont get your theory there, if they had been aborted they wouldnt be up for abortion/on the streets.

If I think MY reasons are good enough to abort that would be enough for me. completely regardless of the circumstances of its occurance. (though i would do everything poss to prevent that occuring)

I do have a bit of an issue with some saying the 'right reasons' as everyones reasons are different.
 
Are you sure that this isn't a troll. Sorry but what has the fact she may be pregnant, got to do with horses.
All so the Pro-Life people are doing a survey on late abortions, who had them and what doctors and nurses did them. she most probable knows where she can get councilling as she's at Uni.
 
I think this is a regular poster who has simply started this post in the wrong part of the forum - and it is a bit more serious than the usual tack questions - so we can overlook that, don't you think?
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can't really offer much advice I'm afraid, but hugs and hope it all works out for you.

Also, don't listen to what the anti abortion people have to say and don't let them sway your decision. Yes I am pro on the subject, but its YOUR decision to make and I don't think it helps people posting on here their views which (to me) look like an attempt at guilt tripping you into not having an abortion.

****Alsxx now ducks for cover....****

[/ QUOTE ]

This.

You must do what is right for you. Do not let people influence you by saying that others are naturally infertile and desperate for kids so you should have one; other people's fertility woes are not your concern. Obviously, you will need to speak to a doctor regarding problems conceiving in the future and get all the facts on the health risks that come with abortion before you make your decision.


[/ QUOTE ]

I am guessing this is aimed at me as I think I was the only one in this post to have mentioned fertility .

The op asked for views on those that have had an abortion and those that have had babies .

My point is that folk have went and had an abortion only to find out later on when they have wanted a child they then in turn have problems trying to concieve .

It does happen , I wouldn'r want the op regretting her decision .



QR .....

Why shouldn't the op listen to the anti abortion people on this thread ?
She asked for views on both sides of the coin .
"they" are only putting their point across or their opinion .

Just for the record I am neither anti or pro ..... depends on the situation .

Good luck to the OP in whatever you do .

[/ QUOTE ]

It wasn't aimed at you, or anyone who has experience of infertility after abortion, others mentioned fertility but I'm not sure if they'd been posted when you did. It was difficult to word it, which is why I tried to clarify by saying that the OP should seek medical advice on the risks.

What I'm trying to say is don't worry about the fact that other people, who have not had a termination, can't have kids naturally, that is not the OP's problem. It is not selfish to have an abortion because others have problems conceiving, which is something levied at those who have abortions or do not have children. Does that make sense?

I appreciate that people have experiences of it, but I think OP should seek medical advice regarding fertility before making the decision. Yes, she asked for both sides but I don't think people telling her that she's had her fun so she has to put up with the consequnces is particularly helpful, either.
 
No-one here can say you could or could not cope with the baby or what you should do. Though I am a huge believer in anyone who wants to do something, can do it. So if you end up wanting the baby, rest assured it may be hard, but of course you can do it.
 
Oh dear a lot of controversy on this!!

It is not a easy decision and all I can say is take your time it is not something to be rushed! Only you can decide. Everyone has all there different opinions and right to them although some are harsh and unnecessary. I know your young, scared and worried but either way you'll be fine. I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for parenthood financially, physically or emotionally! Same goes for abortions! Some people use it as a form of contraception and others life's are left in tatters not letting a minute going by without thinking of the what if's!!

Hope you make the right decision, and remember take your time this is a life changing decision
 
Ester what I meant was, there's lot of young girls out there (not saying OP young) That get in trouble, then dump babies (not that OP would do that)
Its so sad when there's so many people out there desperate for kids.
It was totally off topic but Mother hen, said I was Victorian, I was just proving my point that being irresponsible is not the way to go! Theres no point in being slap happy about having sex, think before you do it, I was on the pill BTW. Maybe OP was taking precautions, I apologise if she was
smile.gif


I dont agree in abortions, end of, but thats MY opinion, no one elses
laugh.gif
 
**this is my reply from soapbox**

I had an abortion when I was 20. For me it was an easy decision. The guy I was with wasn't exactly reliable or even a decent bloke. I felt that I had no right to bring a child into this world. I was living at home with my mum, step dad and 2 sisters, I had a "boyfriend" who couldnt give a toss and I was desperately unhappy. It would have been totally unfair to bring a child into that. I couldnt look after myself let alone a dependant.

To the person who said to think about people that cant have kids......that is a really nasty way of using emotional blackmail. I spoke to someone who was trying to get pregnant and failing to do so and she completely understood. Also to those who said about only supporting abortion in the case of complications-what about in the case that the woman was raped? She's hardly had her fun and is having to deal with it is she?

Sorry, didn't mean to rant, but some views on here really got my back up.
 
crazy.gif
Having an abortion isn't necessarily irresponsible. In fact, some times it is the most responsible thing to do
crazy.gif
 
When me and my partner were trying for a baby we were told I only had a 25% chance of conceiving and I would have to be referred for assisted conception, so we booked in and I was given hospital appointments and a date to start treatment. In the mean time we bought a house and didn't realise until we bought it just how much work it needed and how much money it would take, it needed totally gutting (new floorboards, ceilings, heating system, EVERYTHING)! So we decided to put the baby plan on hold and I reluctantly cancelled the hospital appointment to start treatment. However the day I was supposed to be going to hospital to start treatment I knew something wasn't quite right, so I did a test that morning and it was positive! We were both over the moon but scared to death we were well in over our heads and although abortion was never an option it was still scary but I believe everything happens for a reason and whats meant to be will be! We wouldn't change a thing and I never knew I could love as much as I love my little girl x
 
I've been here too at 21 when I was with my childhood sweetheart of 4 years it was the single most difficult decision of my life but 5 years later I am now with the love of my life we have bought a house and am in the financial position to support a family (and a horse) You never can choose the right time but I think in this life we are allowed one mistake ! Go with what feels right in your heart x
 
If it helps I'm 24 have 2 kids and 1 on way! 7r old girl , boy 1 on Friday and I'm 4 months preg again, i had this one I'm carrying whilst on the pill and it was a shock (had planned anymore!) i wouldn't change any of my kids for anything there test at times but reward from them is fantastic and well worth pregnancy/labour.

I was only with my ex a year when i fell fell pregnant and i was 16 to boot so Ive been where you are now, i decided to keep my baby and ended up with a beautiful 7yr old now who doing best she can as school and is a credit to me! my ex and me latested 6 years and i had my son with my OH just after i think it was year together.

abortion is a long possess you have 2 phone consultations, a scan and then the procedure doesn't happen in a day over week or 2, could you deal with this? could you see your baby and still go through with it? you need to sit down alone pair of u and think about it then get together and talk it through fully its not easy or quick decision and medical procedures depend how far you are.

If you need anyone to talk to PM me. Ive never had a abortion but Ive had procedure like one for a miscarriage i had so i know what its like.
 
Hi,

I don't think there is anything wrong with abortions. Look at the society we live in today. Kids bringing up kids... I would much rather someone had an abortion than bringing up a child in less than perfect conditions, sounds harsh but in several years time you will have perfect conditions... If however you feel that you cannot go through with it I have no doubt everything will turn out well in the end. You sound (from what I can tell)very mature, bright and with a good head.... Much more so than than any of the young mums I made my point about further up in this post!

Try and let your gut feeling take over and trust yourself. Best of luck either way.
xx
p.s my points at the top of this post were not directed at you.
 
I'm entirely pro-choice.

OP - I have never been in your situation and I thank my lucky stars for that. I have always been incredibly careful because I know how difficult I would find such a decision. I think you need to ask yourself several questions:

1. How did you actually get pregnant, honestly, were you careless? Was that carelessness perhaps a tiny little bit intentional? I believe that if you are determined enough you can be pretty darn certain that you won't get pregnant, and that most accidents involve a certain amount of "what will be will be" "takes the decision out of my hands" recklessness. Did a small part of you take a risk because you want a baby?

2. Is your boyfriend the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or is he Mr Right Now?

3. Do you want children in the future? If so all you are doing is changing the timing and the order in which you do things.

4. If you have an abortion, how will you feel afterwards, in a year, two years etc. What if you had problems conceiving in future? While abortion shouldn't affect your fertility, some people experience fertility problems even when they have conceived naturally before.

5. What support do you have? What are the barriers to being able to have this baby?

You would be surprised how people adapt and manage with a child who didn't plan their pregnancy. My sister had an unplanned baby and her partner left when the baby was small. 8 years on it has been the making of her, and she has done a brilliant job of bringing up a happy well adjusted pleasent child against the odds.

You are actually in a better place to have a baby that you will be for a few years. You could have this baby now, defer your PGCE and have a year off with baby, you could do you PGCE with baby in a uni nursery (possibly doing the course part time) and then get a job when baby is a bit older. If you don't have this baby, you probably won't be in a position to be able to take maternity leave until you have been in your job two years and at that stage you may be concerned about the effect it will have on your career progress.

Financially, you OH can work while at uni, you can work until you are 8 months pregnant. Your OH could take a year out of uni if necessary or could finish part time so that he can work more hours to support you. You will be entitled to maternity allowance and other benefits.

Think things through. You aren't in a dire situation, if you want to you could make this work. But if you believe that it is the right thing to do, have an abortion. It is your right and no one should judge you for it.

Best of luck.
 
I am pro choice also. I think you need to think about how you can provide for your baby? Do you live together? Would you be able to afford a baby given that you are both in education / training? If I were in your shoes, I think I'd lean towards the abortion route (even though my what-would-be mother in law is anti-abortion) because I would like to know I could provide for my child. I currently have a secure job which is ok paid and myself and boyfriend have just bought our first house. I still don't feel I'm ready for a family yet because I still don't feel I'm earning enough to give it what it wants!!
 
I think it is entirely the OPs choice. Only they can decide. I don't think I could have an abortion at a late stage but early on I feel the foetus is just a bunch of cells, it is not a 'human' in my opinion at that stage.

If you're not ready/your situation isn't right then do what you feel is right for now. Don't think "what if" about the future. That'll be what it will be. Don't let people use the emotional "oh, but all those people desperate to have children......" that's not your problem/issue. You are still very young you don't know what lies ahead (noone does) so do what feels right for you now.

Plenty of babies are lost through miscarriage/still birth etc, I don't see abortion as any different. Maybe I am just cold hearted! For what it's worth I don't believe in IVF either. If a baby's not meant to be it's not meant to be.
 
Clinically....and this is a quote from one of my medical textbooks....

'' There is no association between ToP (termination of pregnancy) and subsequent infertility or miscarriage/pre-term delivery'.

You should not go ahead with the pregnancy if this is your worry....that you may not conceive again.....its an unfounded myth.

I am pro-choice...you make the decision that is right for you and your partner at this time of your life. Sure...you could go ahead with the pregnancy and everything work out wonderfully...or you could resent the child...you can't really know TBH...

Its a decision only the pair of you can make.....but what I'm trying to say is don't go ahead with it for fear it may be your only chance.

(((((Hugs))))) and good luck with whatever you decide.
 
I would say have the baby, there is never a right time to have children, and it sounds like your in a happy relationship.

I personally have never had an abortion, but i have had a few friends that have and it left them severley screwed up, basically its hard because you are playing the hand of god.

I wish you luck, and dont leave it to long, if your going to have it done it needs to be in first 6wks. It becomes a visible life force after that, which moves has arms and legs and a beating heart.
 
I think its a very hard choice, you and your partner need to really sit and talk very openly about your feelings and views. I had a scare in my early twenties and convinced myself i was pregnant. It was an awful time. I really do think that choices are there to be made and it is up to those affected to make the choice that is best for them.

People will say to you " you can fit your carreer and social life around the baby" etc etc BUT your life is completely different with a child, you have a massive responsibilty and it makes you grow up very fast. At the end of the day other people can make opinions and give you advice what they would do but they have not got to live with your choice. Hope you make the right choice for you and your partner.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I am pro choice also. I think you need to think about how you can provide for your baby? Do you live together? Would you be able to afford a baby given that you are both in education / training? If I were in your shoes, I think I'd lean towards the abortion route (even though my what-would-be mother in law is anti-abortion) because I would like to know I could provide for my child. I currently have a secure job which is ok paid and myself and boyfriend have just bought our first house. I still don't feel I'm ready for a family yet because I still don't feel I'm earning enough to give it what it wants!!

[/ QUOTE ]

It is entirely up to the OP but personally I couldn't justify an abortion to myself on purely financial grounds. Children don't actually NEED that much, and whilst they CAN be expensive many people manage to raise healthy well adjusted children purely on benefits. Although not ideal the benefits system is there as a cushion for when life throws you a curve ball. Don't be ashamed to have the baby and claim benefits if you need to.

My sister was left with no option but benefits when her partner left her and although it doesn't leave you much spare cash you can make it work.
 
Actually...I think you'll find that children are massively expensive....even more so as they grow up......
wink.gif
...I know mine are......

I suppose you could/can bring up a child on benefits...but its not something I would chose to do. Personally I think children should have the best opportunities and have the best you can give them....and whilst they may not NEED much, they will want what their friends have and do get ridiculed/picked on for not being the same. Very sad...but also very true.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top