PLease help, my advert writing skills are highly lacking :S

fornema

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10 December 2008
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She is not yet for sale but when i do advertise her i need an ad which reads well after many soppy ads i think this is the best i can do does anyone think they can improve it feel free to pick it apart :D


Fern is an 8 year old 13.2 hh Bay forward going showjumping Mare, who has been owned for 2.5 years and has been absolute pleasure to own. She is sadly for sale as owner/rider is off to university and she is totally outgrown. She lives to compete, She is a talented little show jumper having completed double clears upto 3’6’’ with a 5’4’’ rider. In the past three seasons we have competed in around 75 classes, only taking a couple of poles. She has not been affiliated as of yet due to riders age, although unaffiliated winnings are approx £80, having about 35wins and many trophies, (was Working hunter pony of the year 2008 at my riding club although rarely do we show); she is placed every time out mostly in the top 3 and is very rarely unplaced. She is extremely fast and corners very well, never backs off a fence. She is very confident XC and trained to 3’6’’, also competed once at jumpcross which is won in a very large class. As well as being very fast SJ she is also very fast on the flat and would make an excellent racing pony, and would for sure enjoy hunting. Lovely expressive paces, straight moving good at lateral work and flying changes well. Hacks alone/in company. 100% open to Vet, blemish and vice free never had a second unsound. unsound She is good to box/load/shoe etc Up to date worming, teeth and vacc. All her wardrobe(15+ rugs, boots etc) and tack is included.
 
Hello,

I hope you dont mind CC but I think your add is a little too long winded, I think metion the key points - talented show jumping, friendly nature, 100% in everything sad sale as grown out of or owner going to uni, mention placing and winnings and let her do the rest when people come to see her ;-)

Hope this makes sense and helps x x
 
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