Please help with nerves

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fardens

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I am a 40 year old mum with a huge nervous problem with my own horse. I have worked and taught in riding schools most of my life and bought my first horse 10 years ago when we moved to our own farm. Nero was a gent and we had a ball and clicked together. He died suddenly 2 years ago at 22 and I decided that my next horse would stay with me for longer and bought a 4 year old hanoverian who everyone in the family loves but I cant get settled with him. I have limited riding time as my 9 year old twin daughters are breaking their ponies in and need my constant attention. They are now cantering off on their own young ponies and I look on with almost jealousy as although I taught them and broke their ponies I would love that carefree attitude and feel I may be too old and should sell my horse to someone who would give him the fun that the girls have with their ponies.
 
The children are on holiday now so you must be able to spend more time with them.Could you somehow have a little time of your own to spend with your horse?
It sounds as if you maybe would have found it easier if you had bought an older horse that did not need so much time.
Go back to basics with him do some longreining or lunging to try and create a bond.
Dont worry that you dont feel confident enough to be cantering round with the children,they are young and probably fearless.Aim to go out for a quiet walk with them to start with you can go home and they can continue to canter off:D
Your horse does not know he is not having "fun" he will be happy eating.
If you really dont feel happy with him maybe think about selling and getting something else.Just make sure it is your decision not what other people think.
Take your time with no pressure he is a young horse.
 
be positive said:
The children are on holiday now so you must be able to spend more time with them.Could you somehow have a little time of your own to spend with your horse?
It sounds as if you maybe would have found it easier if you had bought an older horse that did not need so much time.
Go back to basics with him do some longreining or lunging to try and create a bond.
Dont worry that you dont feel confident enough to be cantering round with the children,they are young and probably fearless.Aim to go out for a quiet walk with them to start with you can go home and they can continue to canter off:D
Your horse does not know he is not having "fun" he will be happy eating.
If you really dont feel happy with him maybe think about selling and getting something else.Just make sure it is your decision not what other people think.
Take your time with no pressure he is a young horse.
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Thank you so much for answering - yes the children are fearless but it is so hard when you can teach and know all the rules but freeze when asked to do them yourself. I promised the children that we would finish their ponies during the holidays and so have spent very little time with my horse and with one week of holidays left the nerves are again kicking in that I will soon have to ride again. I do love my horse but he is so different from my first horse that i know it is me who is at fault but it is so hard to relax. x x
 
aha........ the perils of motherhood and getting older :rolleyes:...... that gay abandon with which one gallops over the thills ( literally) gives way at times to the what ifs and

what till happen to my children if I fall off and get injured

who will pay the bills " " " "

OH will have to get time off work " " " "



we give far more time to our children, house etc and far less to working with the horses, they are not our main focus any more. Some horses need that focus and the time and energy to make a relationship work...... some dont and can cope quite happy with less than total commitment.

I empathise totally..... been there and am now out the other side...... well sorta:rolleyes: ....... cos then we might not want to do the totally energetic stuff we did when we were young cos we dont bounce as well as we used to :D ..... maybe then we get to the place where we get that gay abandon back :D :D :D



It can be very hard doing all the work with the kids and supporting them do their stuff, I know , did it my own three then have shared my horse with three grandchildren :p ..... did not leave much time for "us".

I cant comment re your horse as I dont know him.......... but he might be happy to hack out and about / go on fun rides maybe with you and kids .......depends on what he and you term "fun", doubt if he has any ambitions he is "missing".


\if its that you feel he is too young / strong / not bonded to you so that you can relax riding him when with the kids .... then maybe it might be better to have a laid back family pone for the next few years till your daighters are either a bit more independant ...... or like mine grow up and find boys :rolleyes:


(((((((0)))))))
 
You have taught the children,obviously they are now doing really well.
Find a good instructor to come in and help you,ideally someone who will ride your horse as well during a lesson,i think that can really help as you can see what the horse can do.
As I said take it slowly you dont need to prove anything.He is a different horse find out more about him any enjoy his different ways.
If he is the wrong horse for you dont feel a failure if you sell and start again.:D
 
Aww thanks to all who answered. When the girls go back to school I think I will go back to basics with my horse and start with small road rides to build confidence and take it from there. Will let you know how I go.
 
Saw this post and just had to put my tuppence worth in. I am a 60 year old man whos old horse had to be retired so in a moment of what can only be described as the male menopause i bought a new young horse. My confidence was a bit shot as i was so used to my old pal and this youngster was really trying me out and i was getting more nervous not sleeping stomach cramps. Then one day i decided to get tough i downed a double whisky [not for everyone]jumped on the horses back and went out every time she tried it on napping spinning spooking i just booted her on and when required reinforced with the crop. Different horse now still had her moments but is easily motivated. I know the importance of schooling but was just not prepared to do all that as i just want a horse for hacking i have now found a bit of confidence again and feel i can handle anything that my mare comes up with. So the moral of this tale is dont sell just take deep breaths and master the bugger and you will enjoy riding again.
 
Hello,

I'm not a mother but do have experience of not being able to get a hang of my own nerves so know how frustrating it must be for you!

I just took my time and had support from other people so I rode with others, there may have been some words to myself too! I was putting everything off and making every excuse not to ride so started to tell myself to get on with it i.e. I'll just sit on him and have a walk about. I started to enjoy it and did more and more each time and slowly the nerves went away. I'm now galloping on hacks and enjoying it which I didn't see happening a year ago!

Are you scared of your horse or just nervous? Now your children are riding could you not have a little sit on your ned and have a walk about?

Sending you confident vibes, keep going you'll get there!
 
Cheers guys for all the support. It is lovely to have so much encouragement - our farm is very remote and I ride alone when the kids are at school so there is no one to tell me to just get on with it!!! I too have made excuses not to ride and would have make myself do it and always had a great feeling on the way home knowing that I could do it. I think my main problem now is that my horse is recovering from an abscess and has been resting for 5 weeks which is 5 weeks of nervous build up for me. It is great to hear your stories of beating these nerves and enjoying your horses and am determined to be in that position myself:):) Thanks again for listening
 
sally2 said:
Saw this post and just had to put my tuppence worth in. I am a 60 year old man whos old horse had to be retired so in a moment of what can only be described as the male menopause i bought a new young horse. My confidence was a bit shot as i was so used to my old pal and this youngster was really trying me out and i was getting more nervous not sleeping stomach cramps. Then one day i decided to get tough i downed a double whisky [not for everyone]jumped on the horses back and went out every time she tried it on napping spinning spooking i just booted her on and when required reinforced with the crop. Different horse now still had her moments but is easily motivated. I know the importance of schooling but was just not prepared to do all that as i just want a horse for hacking i have now found a bit of confidence again and feel i can handle anything that my mare comes up with. So the moral of this tale is dont sell just take deep breaths and master the bugger and you will enjoy riding again.
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this^^^ some times you just have to force yourself the first few times and its worth it!!
 
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