Please help...

K

kateknights

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 March 2006
Messages
1,246
Location
Lincolnshire
Visit site
I am in total meltdown!
I have totally lost my confidence!
I have a 4 yr old and can't even bring myself to sit on him, i shake all over, I love him so much, but just can't ride him! He has done nothing wrong, is just a baby.
I feel awful for him, i am not doing him any good at all.
God i don't even know why i am posting, i am not even making any sense
sorry guys
Kate x
 
Kate, sending you a hug first of all! You haven't done anything wrong. Loads of us go through confidence problems all the time. Young horses are not easy.

It sounds as though you need the help of a good local instructor to come and help you through this. If you have a few lessons, and things start to get better, you will gradually get your confidence back. Its very important to get it right with a youngster, as they need to learn from you and become confident themselves. They get this from a confident rider, so you both need someone helping.

Don't worry. Ask around. There will be someone that can help.xx
 
Yes, i sat on him today in the field and had a plod around, he was fine and i was a wreck! My friend has been coming over to ride him once a week and again he is fine, it's just me!
 
Breathe!!! :)

Has he done anything to lose your confidence? Hard to handle...flighty etc?
If not can you ask someone to ride him whilst you watch and then perhaps when you can see he goes well maybe you can have a go and be led?
It takes time....my youngster has scared me stiff on occasions, the turning point was last year when her tarty antics annoyed me i no longer take crap off her!
She reared for the first time a few weeks ago because lots of dogs amubushed her...its scared me, i dont why but it did to the point i had a cry!
Last week she had a little rear again (out of excitement) This time i didnt cry, just growled and told her to get on with it...:)
Most people lose their nerve at some point i generally do when something happens that hasnt before...bucks i can deal with thanks to my old cob..rears not so much but now i know when to expect them i`m fine and laugh about it ....ask someone for a bit of help and im sure everything will be fine in no time :) x
 
I guess the main question is, what's happened to make you suffer such a loss in confidence?
I wouldnt feel bad for him, he wont care that no one comes to ride him, as long as he is fed, healthy and happy.
Is it something he's done to make you lose so much confidence, if so, could you look at getting a professional in to attempt to resolve his issue/s, whilst you concentrate on the ground work with him, to build up some trust?
 
Hi KK, I feel for you. Its horrible not feeling confident. Is there anything else you can ride to see if it is all horses that are the issue?
If it helps Im in Lincolnshire this weekend Fri-Mon if you need any physical support or a brandy! :D
 
God I really feel for you, I've been there and am slowly turning the corner.

I'd originally lost my confidence due to having an accident last year, but bought a new horse this year that was supposed to be 5 - just turning 6.
He's a wonderful lad, more steady than 95% of older horses - a gypsey cob with a gentle nature.

Everyone suggested he was only 4 (vet since confirmed) and recently backed - well thats when things just got worse, I went from being happy to get on albeit taking it slowly to being such a quivering wreck, and I just couldn't get on him in the end.
My horse like yours had done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve it or to justify the way I felt towards him.

It was all in my head, my imagination had gone into overdrive, it was mental.
I even decided to sell him.

Thankfully a good friend stepped in and helped and got me back on him and walking on him again, I'd even hack out - she basically babysat me and gave me all the moral support I needed. But I found I couldn't go further than that, so at that point I returned to taking lessons at a riding school on a plod, and I learnt to be comfortable in trot and canter again, and can now even do it out in open spaces.
I also have had my lad schooled to iron out his greeness.
Its cost me quite a bit of money, but I see it as an investment.

I've not ridden my lad again yet, I have my final lesson on Friday and start taking lessons on Billy on Monday - just hoping it all works.

I think the key throughout is help, professional help at that. I would seriously consider getting an instructor in as I have, if you get a good one, its amazing how quickly your confidence can turn a corner - I've only had 6 lessons at the riding school and in that time went from being uncomfortable on a horse and only willing to walk to being happy cantering down the beach - definitely down to a good instructor, she has done absolute wonders with my confidence x
 
First of all, chin up - we dont' all have to be gung ho all the time! Everyone is permitted a wibble!

Has he ever done anything to make you lose confidence in him? Can you remember a time when you didn't feel this way about working with him?
 
If you can plod round the field on him then start from there take things slowly and build on it. Keep your friend riding him so he's ticking over and just take your time!!
 
Thank you guys for all the replies.
No he has never done anything bad that makes me not trust him.
He is a baby at the end of the day, maybe i shoudn't have bought him a year ago.
He is a bit spooky, but then what horse isn't, he can be nappy towards the gate, but nothing bad a quick square up and he is ok.
I did fall off a friends horse last year, and i keep re living it! I wasn't hurt, just a few bruised ribs, but am juat scared stiff that i am going to fall off and always thinking of the worse possible things that could or might happen while i am on board.
I just can't see an end to this right now, and don't want him to get to the point where he can feel my nerves with me being so tense! To me at the mo it just seems like a lose, lose situation, that i can't see me getting out of, he is a lovely horse and i just don't want to ruin him!
 
Can you go to a local ridings school with some good quality horses and have a couple of lessons. Tell them what your problem is so you get a mature, compassionate instructor.

Then, when you have got your confidence back, take it slowly with your baby - perhaps get someone else to ride him in the meantime??
 
Do you think your fears are to do with the fact that he is a baby? Or do you think you would feel the same if he was older? What I'm getting at is, do you think it is a fundemental distrust in your horses personality and behaviour or only because he is young and is therefore more likely to have silly moments? If it's just because he is young then fear not, I completely understand where you are coming from and it's perfectly normal to feel like this. Is there anyway you could maybe get an experienced sharer that could ride him regularly for you and bring him on a bit then you could do more as he gets older as your confidence in him increases? I also second what others have said re having some lessons on a schoolmaster type, one that will really boost your confidence and I bet you would feel much more confident about cracking on with you boy.

Best of luck, I know how you feel x
 
I may have got this totally wrong here, but I get this impression that it's not your horse that you're scared of or have lost your confidence with (although to all intents and purposes that's what it might feel like). Reading between the lines, I get the strong feeling that the lack of confidence is, in fact, with yourself, and you are questioning your own ability to bring on a young and inexperienced horse. You say yourself in post #11 "he is a lovely young horse and I just don't want to ruin him!"

I know, I've been there and got the T-shirt. I was absolutely terrified about doing something seriously wrong when I backed the first of my boys. I was so scared of somehow, however inadvertently, damaging them either mentally or physically. After all, this was the first time I'd ever worked with such a young horse, and I would be the first to admit that I didn't know everything (and still don't - far from it).

I never sent mine away to be started, it was all done at home (well, the horse's home anyway) - but in order to build up my confidence, as well as to guide and teach both me and the horse, I did bring in a decent instructor to work with me - both on the ground and ridden, as frequently as I could afford to.

Please don't give up with your boy - he sounds lovely, and so do you. But DO make sure you get the regular guidance of an experienced person who you can trust and click with and I'm sure that you'll find that your confidence in your boy will gradually increase as the realisation dawns on you that you haven't "broken" him.

Good luck, and please let us know how you get on.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top