Pondering about yard bitchiness

[Hanson]

Just reading some posts and wonder why we all seem to suffer with nasty people on DIY, part or full livery yards....and why it seems so acceptable?
I've moved yards twice to get away from nasty liveries and its so sad that this seems so common in the horse world.
Pointless post really, just felt need to express my frustration! 😬

 

[risky business]

I don't think it matters where you go really, you will always come across that one person that creates that atmosphere.

I tend to stay out of 'yard politics' now days, I say hello and thats my lot. I come to the yard to ride not have a social life so can quite easily stay out of groups that tend to form.

The yard my loan pony is on is awful for the bitchiness, it's constant so I just don't talk to anyone. Couldn't give a rats if they talk about me either to be honest.

 

[WelshD]

I believe it happens and I believe it could get unbearable

Having said that I also believe that some people are their own worst enemies - you only have to look on here and at facebook to see people that are defensive, bloody minded or overly sensitive


Having a grown up conversation these days seems to be reduced to scribbled notes, passive aggressive writing on notice boards, facebooking and texting

A good face to face conversation would nip a lot of bitchiness in the bud

 

[Slightlyconfused]

I'm pretty sure people talk about me behind my back, some even to my face but I don't really care. My horse my rules your horse your rules.

Don't care if they think my horses are wasted not going competing,I like schooling and hacking so that's what I do my horses don't care as long as they are fed.

People will always talk about other people

 

[NativePonyLover]

I believe it happens and I believe it could get unbearable

Having said that I also believe that some people are their own worst enemies - you only have to look on here and at facebook to see people that are defensive, bloody minded or overly sensitive


Having a grown up conversation these days seems to be reduced to scribbled notes, passive aggressive writing on notice boards, facebooking and texting

A good face to face conversation would nip a lot of bitchiness in the bud

.

I complete agree. I'm on a large yard & have been for over 3 years, I was warned it was 'bitchy' when I moved, but it suited my horse so have it a try. Honest, I've experienced less than when I was on a small yard.

Yes, there have been a few drama's - but it's easy enough to not get involved.

I treat being on a yard a bit like being at work - I'm polite, I say hello & goodbye to everyone I see & engage in polite conversation whilst waiting to use the hose. Of course there are some people I'm closer to, some I'll engage in more conversation, some I see socially & some I wouldn't cross paths with if I wasn't on that yard. Obviously, in the same way I wouldn't slate my boss to all & sundry in the office, I wouldn't talk about my YM - I'd go to them directly if I had a query or concern. In the same way, I'm completely non-committal if someone tries to talk about someone else to me. If anyone makes a comment about my horse or whatever - just smile politely. Does it really matter of someone thinks my horse is 'wasted' or should be in different tack or I shouldn't be doing Parelli? No, not really! Equally, I'd never comment on someone else unless asked directly & even then I'd be diplomatic.

Honestly, by behaving like a polite adult - you avoid most, if not all drama. Consider how you react to things to - for instance: it turned my next door neighbours non-horsey husband accidently put my rug on his wife's horse & used my feed instead of there's for a few days (I didn't know who it was at the time). Instead of writing passive aggressive (or just aggressive) notes for all to see or moaning to anyone that would listen about an unknown thief, I had a polite conversation with them & resolved it quite amicably. A similar thing happened to another person & you'd have thought WW3 had broken out ...!

So yes, I think it can happen - but there's a lot people can do to minimise it to.

 

[Ponycarrots]

It's like anywhere, you get bitchiness etc at work, school, uni, pub, neighbours, it's life.
I must admit in my experience horsey women do seem to be the most bitchy. I think it's because you have to be a strong person to own a horse and train it well, so opinions can easily take over! However I can't stand it and enjoy renting my little field all on my own where I can do whatever I want and not get told off by some brash bint

 

[Ponycarrots]

I believe it happens and I believe it could get unbearable

Having said that I also believe that some people are their own worst enemies - you only have to look on here and at facebook to see people that are defensive, bloody minded or overly sensitive


Having a grown up conversation these days seems to be reduced to scribbled notes, passive aggressive writing on notice boards, facebooking and texting

A good face to face conversation would nip a lot of bitchiness in the bud

I agree; I think facebook is the worst thing to happen to communication ever. Waste of time when you can just TALK!

 

[EquiEquestrian556]

I agree; I think facebook is the worst thing to happen to communication ever. Waste of time when you can just TALK!

Really agree with this ^^.

 

[ihatework]

I believe it happens and I believe it could get unbearable

Having said that I also believe that some people are their own worst enemies - you only have to look on here and at facebook to see people that are defensive, bloody minded or overly sensitive


Having a grown up conversation these days seems to be reduced to scribbled notes, passive aggressive writing on notice boards, facebooking and texting

A good face to face conversation would nip a lot of bitchiness in the bud

This completely.

I've been on a variety of yards over the years and never had any major traumas with bitchiness. But then I'm reasonably laid back & confident and generally ignore those with wooden spoons or who act like plonkers. I have no doubt the odd person would 'talk' behind my back, but it would never cross my mind to care about their opinion anyway.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

There has been bitchiness and drama on every yard I've ever been on. I'm delighted to say that my current yard does not have this, maybe because of the age of the liveries, three of whom are over 60. One livery left this week and I'm selfishly glad, cos every day, there was a new drama and a new row: none of us want that. It's a calm place, I'd like it to stay that way. I only ever get peed off at the kid helpers who occasionally need reminders re being calm, not screaming and running round!

 

[skint1]

I think it's natural that people will talk about each other and I don't mind as long as it's not too personal or nasty, or where it will have a serious and undeserved consequence (such as stirring to get someone kicked off the yard). I'm pretty sure that people occasionally talk about me behind my back, or if not me then my daughter. Sometimes people even say things directly to me that I would never dream of saying to them, and if I did, they would hit the roof- but it gives an indication of what's being said behind my back!

In my opinion, a bitchy atmosphere can always be improved just by treating others how you would want to be treated and a generous dose of tolerance. Even if a fellow livery is not your cup of tea would it kill you to say "hello" when you're both on the yard? For the sake of the greater good maybe? Try to pick up after yourself, it doesn't have to be perfect, but you should respect that it's a shared space, and the perfectionists should stop trying to foist their impossible standards on to everyone else and also appreciate that it's a shared space. If "perfect" is not the yard standard, your constant moaning about it is not going to make it so, if it's that big a problem, find a yard neat enough to meet your standards!

And finally, always remember as well there's more than one road to Mecca, just because you've always done something in a certain way doesn't mean that' the only way, you might even learn something!

 

[Mrs G]

Ahh, a voice of reason, I'd share a yard with you any day Skint1, I agree completely.

 

[skint1]

aw thanks! I am not always so sanguine, sometimes I do get frustrated about stuff!

 

[Cortez]

Amazing. Never having had a horse at a livery yard I am not really au fait with what goes on, but it would seem to me that most dramas could be avoided by simply being a polite, mature adult. As in real life.

 

[WelshD]

Amazing. Never having had a horse at a livery yard I am not really au fait with what goes on, but it would seem to me that most dramas could be avoided by simply being a polite, mature adult. As in real life.

but people don't do that anymore - didn't you get the facebook memo?

 

[Penny Less]

I mostly worked with all male colleagues and found it totally unbitchy, but you had to get used to the male banter and tongue in cheek sexist comments. The answer ladies is an all male yard, if there is such a thing

 

[Ladyinred]

I believe it happens and I believe it could get unbearable

Having said that I also believe that some people are their own worst enemies - you only have to look on here and at facebook to see people that are defensive, bloody minded or overly sensitive


Having a grown up conversation these days seems to be reduced to scribbled notes, passive aggressive writing on notice boards, facebooking and texting

A good face to face conversation would nip a lot of bitchiness in the bud

Very true words.

 

[gunnergundog]

I mostly worked with all male colleagues and found it totally unbitchy, but you had to get used to the male banter and tongue in cheek sexist comments. The answer ladies is an all male yard, if there is such a thing

Ha! Totally agree.......the worst job I ever had in my working life was when I had to manage an all female group. I never made that mistake twice!

 

[ROMANY 1959]

I have been on one yard many years ago and it was so nasty:/ bitchy place that I used to just go do horse ride and then leave and do same in evening...that was 20 years ago...when I bought my son a horse in 2009 and decided to stay on the yard I bought her from, I wondered what I was letting myself in for... But it's a lovely yard, there are mostly adults over 40 there, some have children and own ponies, some compete like we do, some just potter about the lanes and the children have fun days, gymkhanas ect.. So I must be lucky! Nice yard, close to home, nice YO what more could a woman want.?

 

[lurcherlu]

Queenbee got me on the yard she's on , it's ace , I've had horses at home or private fields for ten plus years now . The yard we are on is small 12/13 horses inc yo horses . There is one girl who is a stirrer IMO and the entire atmosphere can change when she's there , but that a who,e different story entirely . You just can't hell some folk

 

[Pippity]

I've only been on one yard with a bitchiness problem, and that was one particular woman who was given the boot because she was driving away RDA volunteers.

Otherwise, I've just refused to get involved with any bitching, always been friendly and polite, and other people have treated me the same in return.

Maybe they do bitch about me behind my back, but it doesn't affect me so I don't think about it.

 

[mytwofriends]

The last yard I was on was hideous. Unfortunately the YO and their family were the instigators so there was no hope! Now in a rented field with a trusted friend and I'm sorry, I just couldn't go back to a yard environment which is such a shame.

 

[Princess16]

After reading some posts on here re yards I am so grateful I am just on my ownsome on my field with just me to worry about. I really couldnt be doing with all the bitchiness that goes on.

My horse my rules !

 

[little-mis]

We have a total bitch on our yard. Her main aim is to intimidate you. Today I put up with her and her friends (who don't even keep their horses on the yard) pull the chairs up to the side of the ménage and watch me ride first and then my 5 year old daughter. It's a shame they don't have anything better to do with their time.
I am at a point now I don't book the ménage as if I do you can guarantee she will turn up. Sad thing is this women is old enough to be my mum and this is how she is willing to treat young children.

 

[peanut]

I'm on a large livery yard and there's always a certain amount of bitchiness and always from the same people.
Fortunately my unsociable hours mean that I don't see many people other than at weekends - it suits me just fine

 

[Evie91]

Well I disagree not all yards are like that. I have been on bitchy yards in the past but last yard I was on was wonderful. Helpful and supportive people, combination of a few DIY, rest part or full livery. Horses well looked after and ridden most days - I genuinely think that makes a difference than yards where people spend most of their time in the tea room!
You would often have an audience when riding but people would be offering support and encouragement. All sorts of riders from eventers, dressage to happy hackers and people all got on. YO vetted all potential clients. I wouldn't hesitate to go back.
TBF some yards I've visited I wouldn't keep a horse due to dire, cheap facilities, owners without a clue etc, lots of unsupervised kids ,heard stories on here about stuff being stolen!! I could see how that could lead to problems, it would upset me to see horses not being cared for well, so difficult really as to speak out would probably be deemed as bitchy - but as I say wouldn't keep a horse on that kind of yard. Most of us are hobby riders and a hobby is to be enjoyed
So much energy is used in negativity, so much easier to be nice and positive and polite!

 

[mushroom]

I genuinely think that makes a difference than yards where people spend most of their time in the tea room!

Golly, I didn't know such things existed on yards!

 

[Evie91]

Mushroom - think all yards I've been on have had a tea room. IMO yards where people spend more time gossiping than riding are likely to be trouble!

 

[rascal]

That's the reason we rent a field with just our horses on it. Yards, at least all the ones we have been on have been really bitchy. The other thing that drives me nuts is people borrowing things and not putting them back. The one person borrowed our big barrow, we didn't mind until she left it full of muck two fields from the yard. We left it for two days to see if she would empty it but she didn't. In the end I went and emptied it where she left it and told the yard owner why there was a big pile of muck in the field!

 

[PollyP99]

In life generally if people stuck to being polite things work out fine. I'm on a 36 horse yard and it's not bitchy at all, we don't have a YM we just all do our bit to keep things on an even footing. If I see a horse needs something I'll do it (straps hanging etc), if someone is riding when I pass the school I'll smile and say something supportive, I get the same back. No one says you should be doing x or y and I never would either. We are all of an age, ranging from late twenties to late 50s so no 'kids' were also all pretty much full time workers so we don't have time to sit and gossip I giess. Don't know but it works!