Post Mortem Results- How do you cope?

Kokopelli

Kokopelli

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For those of you who don't know I lost my beautiful boy on saturday,

The post-mortem was carried out today and it was definatly atypical myglobuania, he really had no hope, the poor guy :(

Got in touch with the insurance today and we had him insured for £5000 and it looks like were going to be getting just under this so we have enough to find a new one.

But I don't want a new one I want Koko!! I miss him so much! Today I was riding this beautiful horse today which was probably nicer than Koko but I didn't care I just want him back I love him so much!

I know a lot of people on here have been through similar things I have recently and I would just like to know:
How you all coped?
When did you buy a new one?
How do you know you're ready to move on?
When does it get easier?

Thank you again for all teh support I'm getting off everyone on here you are all amazing!! :)
 
Everybody is different, there is no set rule on how long it takes. Some get on with it straight away, others mourn for years and can't move on.
Personally, I allow some time to think of all the good times, and usually within a month I've accepted whats happened has happened and leap into a new horse partneship - often they land at my feet!
Go with the flow, whatever you do will be the right think to do, but do give yourself some time.
All the best. x
 
I would wait it out for a while! I jumped into getting Hon when i lost Bobby to fill the hole and it probably wasnt the best idea (not that id have it any other way now!)

Once youve not had a horse for a while, you will want another you just have to accept your not going to get another Koko. Maybe its best to go for the complete opposite of him?

Hugs x
 
Although I can't say I know how it feels to lose a much loved horse I have lost people close to me and all I will say is you will know when the time is right to get another horse. Could be in a couple of weeks or months or maybe longer. Only you can be the judge of that.

What you must do though, is allow yourself to grieve for Koko


Sending (((hugs)))
 
All of the above. Grief doesn't follow a timetable, and you will be fine one minute, and sob the next, just allow it - people will understand. As for dealing with a PM, think of it in a positive way only. You will never doubt, you will never say "What if....?", because you absolutely know what happened, and that nothing could have been done. I firmly believe that PMs are only to the good, for these reasons, even (especially) in people, as it draws a very firm line under one part of the bereavement, and allows you to focus on getting through the grief,rather than debating causes. (((HUGS)))
 
I'm sorry to hear this :( I try to think of having Pharaoh put down as the kindest thing and he is now pain free doing as he pleases. I think about him every day but each day is getting less painful and i have stopped crying myself to sleep now. Knowing Pharaoh's post mortem results made me feel better though as I know 100% that there was no way he was ever going to get better.
You are lucky that Koko was insured but definitely do not start looking for one yet. It is alot to take on and you'd be best to wait a while. Pharaoh was not insured because of his condition but we are saving up and I will start looking after christmas I think. I have been set on getting an ex-racer for a while now and it will be different to Pharaoh so I also won't be able to compare the horses. I spent the first week lazing about eating chocolate and being miserable. Crying helped though, it really did. A couple of my friends were wonderful and texting me every day to see how I was and offered me rides and stuff :) I haven't ridden since mid september as Pharaoh was ill but I am hoping to get back on over half term. It kills me going to the yard though (have popped down to pat ponies and get some things) I expect to see his face and hear him calling but it doesnt happen :( This christmas will be hard though and I'm expecting it to be.
Just take every day as it comes and don't bottle things up. Once again *hugs*x
 
Firstly just wanted to say how sorry I am about your loss. I saw your post last night and it brought back memories of losing my boy earlier this year.

My advice is not to rush into anything. Give yourself some time to come to terms (as best you can) with what has happened. I lost another horse a few years ago to colic and rushed to get something else a couple of weeks later that ended up a disaster.

How long it will take you to feel ready will depend on you. It's a very personal thing. I lost my boy in April this year. He'd been ill since Xmas so I had time to come to terms with that. I bought my new mare in June but every now and then i get the odd pang of guilt. I expect although I love her to bits she will never replace my old boy.

I hope that you will feel ready at some point soon and get as much pleasure from your new friend as you clearly did from the one you lost.
 
Its not stupid at all! Losing a much loved horse is hard!

I lost my mare about 3 weeks ago. The girl she was out on loan to is only 13 and is distraught, hasnt been out to the stables again yet. When she said she diidnt want another horse she wanted Holly we sat down and had a chat. I basically told her that Holly didnt teach her all the things that she did for her to give up when she left. She taught her all those things so that one day she could use them to help other horses. I also said that she shouldnt try to look for another Holly, cos she wont find one. She was special to us and will never be replaced. This seemed to help her a bit. so hopefully it will help you a little.

As others have said, there is no set time frame. Everyone is different. You will know when the time is right.

Trust your instincts. And keep Koko's memories strong! That way he'l always be with you!

Big hugs!!!

Emily
 
Kokopelli said:
I've not started looking yet but every now and again I see an advert which catches my eye, is it stupid I feel like I'm betraying him? :o
Click to expand...

No, it isn't stupid to feel like that BUT how about turning it round a bit: Koko knows what a good home he had, what a strong bond he had with you, that you would have done ANYTHING for him, that you were the best owner he could have had. Wouldn't it be better to feel that Koko could see that with all that he meant to you and all he taught you that you want to share it with another horse so that it isn't all wasted.

That's not betraying him, that's having him live on in what you learnt together.
 
You are not betraying him and you will know when you feel ready to get another horse. It may happen very quickly, a friend got hers within a week, although it did take her a long time to bond with the new horse. One month on I'm not ready to start looking, we are all different.
 
Don't be in too much of a hurry to replace your boy. Give yourself time to grieve. However I can't talk as I bought my mare 6 weeks after loosing my boy. She was the first and only horse I looked at but it took me a long time to really warm to her once I got her home. She had her issues and at times I was cross with myself because she wasn't my beloved Alby and not remotely like him and I wish I had looked around a bit more. But now she is my sweetheart and I love her to bits.

Each horse is unique and they will all steal your heart in different ways. I sincerely hope you are able to find another lovely horse soon. Your beautifull Koko will always be with you and there will never be another like him xxx
 
Huge hugs to you - what a horrid time :( xx

Everyone deals with these things differently. My last horse died very suddenly - one minute he was there, full of life and mischief, and the next he was lying dead in his stable. We think he had a heart attack, although I declined a PM so I guess we'll never know.

I said instantly that I never wanted another horse. I stuck to my guns for a good few weeks, and then I was offered the chance to go and groom for a friend, who is a semi-pro SJer. That was what made me realise I wanted to start looking for another horse - although I still felt guilty at first, like I was betraying Mickey's memory. But you do have to move on, and I would say that if you feel comfortable looking at ads and even ringing up, then do it - it's all part of the healing process. It was five months before we finally found Ellie, although we looked at 23 horses in the meantime!

Koko would want you to be happy, and if being happy involves finding another horse to share your life with, then go ahead and do it :) xx
 
Everyone deals with grief so differently, that we can't tell you how best to deal with yours. I never wanted to even sit on another horse again, but the fact that my YO had made me ride another while he was in horsepital was the main reason I did, as I wouldn't be ruining that "the last horse I sat on was Henry" thing. Mum suggested we get another about 6 months later, it was probably right for her but it was far too soon for me.

Koko won't be jealous and your memories of him won't be belittled in any way if you do decide to get another horse. The only piece of advice that I think is consistant for everyone, and fair for you, Koko and the new horse is to not try to get a carbon copy, and don't expect the horse to be the same as Koko. The people I know who have done this really struggled for a long time. So maybe get a different breed, discipline or aged horse with different personnality and needs. x
 
Don't rush! I get a lot of people come an try horses who have recently lost theirs, for the most part they don't even know what they want. It's hard to think as often you just compare horses and try and replace, which isn't going to happen. I think your best approach is to take a step back, ride a few horses that aren't ness. yours or for sale, maybe go and have a couple of lessons on a nice schoolmaster, try something new like western etc. and then think about what you would quite like to buy and go try some for sale. The right horse you will never find, he or she will find you.
 
Once again the advice on here has been amazing! Its helped a lot and I think I might ride some over the winter then look to buy in the spring unless one literally comes and finds me.

Atm I feel quite sorry for my yard owner who is actually getting told off for killing Koko! The poor guy it wasn't his fault it was just one of those things, although I will never put a horse in that paddock ever again and will warn anyone else who puts there horse in there.

Thank you so much everyone the advice on here is just amazing and helps me remember why I became apart of this forum xx
 
When I lost my horse to grass sickness (confirmed by post mortem) in April 2002, it was like dropping into a void and I thought I'd never get out of it. It didn't help that my Mum had died four days before my horse. A friend of mine said there were hundreds of horses out there who would love a nice home, then another friend said I should get another one. I said it wouldn't be the same, and she said it's not MEANT to be the same, it's meant to be different! After 4 months with nothing to look after and no point to anything, I decided to take on a little rescue pony, only a year old...I saw him on the internet and his face called out to me. I've had him 8 years now. He's my world. But it DOESN'T mean I love the horse I lost any less.
 
When we had our old boy put down a couple of months ago, I was devastated. I couldn't even look at another grey horse without feeling as if I was going to burst into tears. The way I coped was by trying to stay strong. I knew he wouldn't want me to be upset about him, and also I knew he would want me to carry on using everything he taught me to help other horses and ponies. He wouldn't want me to give up. It has made me even more determined that horses are what I want to do for the rest of my life. I cried all the time when he first went, but it has got easier with time. I couldn't talk about him for ages or look at photos without bursting into tears but now I can. It doesn't mean I miss him any less - I still have times when I wish I could give him a hug or see him for one last time.

So I know what you are going through, and I know how much it hurts. People talk about being in pain emotionally and you don't think anything of it until you experience it for yourself.

We have other horses anyway so we haven't replaced him. But I wouldn't feel guilty about buying another horse. He knows how much we love him and he will never be replaced. I know he would be proud of us for giving another horse the love and attention that we gave him.

*hugs* I promise it will get easier with time.
 
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As others have said it does get easier with time but you will never forget or replace Koko as not only was he unique but he will always have a special place in your heart. And definitely don't feel guilty when you do get another horse and enjoy it, but equally try not to compare it too much to Koko.

I lost my lovely Toby nearly three years ago and still miss him so much now. He was only ill for about 36 hours and although we got him into the local vet hospital sadly he died there despite their best efforts and worst of all no cause of death was found at his post mortem.

Don't rush into replacing your lovely boy but I think that when the right horse comes along you will know, even if it isn't what you thought you were looking for!
 
I lost Mazzie very very suddenly in a trailer accident. I actually got Genie the very next day. However Genie had been due to be vetted and come home that day anyway, and to be honest she really helped me cope as I had to keep going to the yard and functioning for her.

I'll be honest with you, I was a mess for quite a while, and over 2 1/2 years on it still hurts at times, but not so much and not as often.

My situation was very different to yours though. Genie would have been coming anyway, and Mazzie was up for sale so I had done my best to distance myself from her. I also did not just go out the next day and buy a horse.

In no way would you be betraying him by looking for another. If you try one and they feel like the right horse then go for it. It will get easier with time, and I found that keeping myself busy really did help.
 
You can only do what's right for you. Although other people's experience is always helpful so that you don't feel like you're the only person going through it, everybody's different.

I lost my old boy every unexpectedly, although he was 27 he went incredibly quickly with colic. It was horrible and such a shock at the time but now I know it was the best for him. He suffered for a couple of hours at the most and I've seen some horse suffer for months. In time I hope that you will see the same for Koko, he didn't spend months suffering and you did all you could to help him.

As Ebony was semi retired I was already considering buying another horse before he died (as well as not instead of) but still felt that I was betraying him when I started looking after 5 weeks. I also felt that maybe he knew and decided it was his time to go and free me to look, which made me feel terribly guilty. It seems daft now but your emotions aren't always rational. But there's only so much Neighbours and Home and Away after work a girl can take, so soon the boredom overtook the grief and I knew I was ready.

It took me 3 months to find Archie. I went to see a black 15.2 Section D (Ebony clone) but he was too quiet for me and they said they had the right horse for me. Out walked a grey 16.3 IDx. I said no he's too white and too big but they persuaded me to ride him and we just clicked. Five years later I adore him but he'll never be Ebony. I'm so glad I ended up with something so different, I compare him to Ebony enough as it is!

You'll never ever replace Koko but you might find another horse that will help to fill the gap a little and you'll know when the time is right. Hugs
 
So sorry again about your boy :(

I've just had my boy PTS but I had a lot of time to prepare for it and I did a lot of grieving before it even happened. I wanted to start looking straight away and I've found my perfect horse and pick him up on Saturday.

However, when I lost my other horse who died very suddenly it took me a long time to get over it and I got Legend over 8 months later. It's not that I loved Legend less, in fact far from it, but I think being prepared makes it easier once they have gone.

As others have said grief comes out in different ways and over different timeframes. Just do what is best for you. Don't listen to other peoples advice and do what you feel is right.
 
Reading your post made me well up. I've lost two horses in the last year... River had been sick for a long time and I got Luca, in part to help ease the pain of what I knew was coming - the vet had always said it was just a matter of time.

Luca I lost suddenly and it was a real shock to my system. I decided to start looking straight away - because I needed to have something positive to focus on... that said I've had Bella 3 months now and I've really struggled to bond with he in the same way. She is very different to the boys and I find myself aching for them sometimes, but she does help - I needed the focus as I was going crazy.

The hardest thing is accepting that they are all different and that I won't see the ginger or grey faces again.

You will know what is right for you - and don't be hard on yourself for your reasons - whatever helps...

And big hugs you'll never loose Koko he will live on in your heart

xx
 
You do what feels right for you. Personally, a void doesn't work for me but I'd caution against looking for another Koko/ a Koko lookalike, however strong the temptation. If one falls into your lap, however, there's no harm in careful consideration.

In a way, his loss to a rare but essentially untreatable disease ought to make things a little easier to bear. No fault lies with you and nothing you could possibly have done would have changed the outcome. Your conscience should be totally clear. Your head and your heart just need to catch up.

There are no rules to the grief process, but a jolly good wail usually does you the power of good.
 
so sad for your loss take a few months and think about things dont try to replace what you had, fill the gap that they have left, you have to start a new chapter. Good luck RIP Koko
 
I am very sorry for your loss, it must have been such a shock.

I lost my horse in May and had put down a deposit on another within a week. However, my situation was a bit different because I knew my horse's days were numbered (he was terminally ill) and as I was unable to ride him I had been looking for another anyway.


I still have to fight back the tears every time I think of my boy, but it is only five months since I lost him.
 
I'm sure the right horse will find you when the time is riight. I was lucky i had Pip already when i lost Sov after 20 years. But i think i would have looked quite soon, as the void left by not having a horse at all was huge for me.
 
Big hugs to you xxxx

As others have said 'grief and mourning' do not follow a time table.

I lost my beautiful boy Christmas 2008 through someone elses fault.

I still had another horse to look after and help him through his grieving which lasted 9 months.

I did have a horse on loan about 1 month later-more to help my little one, but then the owner would not sign the loan agreement, so went out the very next day and got a TB mare-that became the love of my little ones life but sadly she got injured in the field. I don't know why but sometimes the next horse you get seems to get ill as well-happened to 5 of my friends all locally!

I then got another horse given to me who stopped my little one from grieving and they bonded well which allowed me when the time was right for my mare to be pts. I would have never gone out and got such a horse like I have now got-totally different!

I still can't talk about losing my beautiful boy-it hurts beyond words but one thing my boy would have wanted was for me to carry on riding and playing. I do remember the good times but can't visit the frequented places.

As others have said don't rush and you will know when the time is right

xxx
 
Take your time, some thing will turn up that will be the one, they usually turn up when you don't look

Agree with the others about your not betraying him.

When I lost my boy, my world was in pieces, but I was lucky I already had another sitting in the wings ready to step up. We mourned together. I still miss the boy and he was irriplaceable, but I love the current horse just as much as I did the boy, in a different way.

A friend lost a horse through a freak accident and she had another within a month.
 
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