Post Your Translations Of Horsey Jargon Here!

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Arizahn

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:D Just for fun! :D I think we have all come across things that are not 100% as described at some point, recognise any of these?

Very quiet hacking routes - No access to public transport for at least two miles in all directions....

Decent hacking routes - As above, but the occasional little boy/girl racer, or Sunday driver, doing about 60 mph around sharp bends...

Off road hacking available - Based on a farm, with very long driveway and possible access to stubble fields...

Miles of off road hacking - Based at a stately home, healthcare park, forest park, or stud farm...

Lives out happily - Stable at own risk...

Stables well - Won't stay out...

Show condition - Spotlessly turned out but probably overweight...

Great with the vet - Has had a lot of practice meeting the vet...

Good doer - Set up starvation paddock...

Potential to go far with the right rider - Mad as a box of frogs but has a jump/nice turn of speed...

Amazing future prospect - As above, but unbacked...

Grass livery available - We like to keep them out 24/7 in summer to save bringing in and turning out, but only in summer mind...

Sold as seen - It's your problem now...

Genuine reason for sale - Must go, preferably yesterday, but don't ask me why this is...

No timewasters - Look, just buy it already, ignore the dodgy leg...

(Private Seller) Selling as over stocked - Dealing in horses but avoiding taxman...

(Trade Seller) Selling as over stocked - Not suitable for work in our riding school/trekking centre due to health issue and/or behaviour...

No trials - Must be sold before the sedative wears off...

Much loved elderly companion - Can no longer be worked and we can't/won't retire the poor thing or PTS...

Rider has lost interest - Rider has discovered computers/dating/fallen off and lost nerve...

For sale as no rider - Has dumped rider once too often and they have now taken up knitting instead...

For sale as no jockey - Shetland or other small type...

Has seen the farrier - Seriously, the poor farrier couldn't get near it...

Never sick or sorry - Not actually an equine...

:D Feel free to add your own! :D
 
Lots of character/personality - sharp, opinionated mare.

On the same lines...

Very special horse - in all senses of the word.
 
Stunning - just like every other horse you have looked at

Low price only reflecting state of market - something wrong with horse

Price reduced for quick sale - seller wanting it gone.... And gone now!
 
Sweet - complete dope on a rope, doesn't do speed, don't expect to win anything but "horse/pony judge would most like to take home" in a gymkhana

Like this thread gave me a giggle when I needed one :D
 
Hunter advert.

Hunted in Ireland - fell in several dykes age 2, legs knackered, mouth of iron and a bad back.
Jumps well never stops - even when you pull the reins and don't want to jump.
Bold - covered in mud rash and large bald patches.
Never pulls - as long as you hold the neckstrap and don't touch his mouth.
Two days a week horse - Bonkers.
Thrusters horse - bonkers and no brakes.
Stands quietly at the meet - you have 3 seconds to get gloves on, tighten girth and down the port.
Never known to kick hounds - when anybody that mattered was watching
Excellent to lead a child from - rarely eats a whole one
 
Great second horse - will kill a novice
Lives out - can't catch it
Broodmare - unrideable
5* home only - not sure I actually want to sell but may not tell you that till after you've forked out £££ on a vetting
open to vet - especially if they'll tell me whats wrong with it
 
Horsey jargon from the horse's point of view:

Arena - place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.

Crossties - gymnastic apparatus.

Dressage - process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit.

Farrier - disposable surrogate owner useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply.

Fence - barrier that protects good grazing.

Grain - sole virtue of domestication.

Hitching rail - means by which to test one's strength.

Horse trailer - mobile cave/bear den.

Hotwalker - the lesser of two evils.

Jump - an opportunity for self-expression.

Latch - type of puzzle.

Longeing - procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.

Owner - human assigned responsibility for one's feeding.

Rider - owner overstepping its bounds.

Trainer - surrogate owner with mob connections.

Veterinarian - flightless albino vulture.
 
Brilliant love this especially Finnish Lapphund's one!

Gentleman's hunter - you need to be Arnold Schwarzenegger to hold it

Hunted with a small lady - got a bad back and can't cope with a normal sized one

Seen hounds - ..... and bogged off at 100mph in the opposite direction

Competition home sought - only Mark Todd will be able to ride it

Hunted in Ireland - haven't got a clue what it did before it came off the lorry 2 weeks ago

:) :)
 
4 good paces..............don't expect to go far on this one!

Handled regularly...............but not necessarily often.

Potential to be.................anything you want. They ALL have poteneial for something
 
Not a novice ride…….. ……..everyone in a three mile radius of our stables knows it's bonkers.
Competition pony……………..bolts on hacks
Used to all farm vehicles….hasn't been out of our paddock by the farmyard for two years.
Looks after its rider………….won't canter
Kind eye……………………………we are struggling to find anything positive to say about this one.
easy to catch…………………..greedy.
Only for sale due to owner emigrating…That's how desperate we are to be rid of this horse.
readvertised due to time wasters……....failed the vetting
jumps for fun………………….regularly jumps out of the field
 
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"Genuine reason for sale" -- has genuinely bucked off rider one too many times

"Would suit confident rider" -- psycho
 
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For loan: fantastic horse to bring on, suitable for a capable and experienced rider- I don't want to pay to have my horse educated and I'm scared of him.
 
'Sold from the field' - I've seen it once or twice since it was born in the back of beyond somewhere.
'Not had much handling' don't come expecting it to trot on a triangle - Not now...not ever!!
'Potential cradle-stakes pony' - crafty little so-and-so who's jumped out of everywhere we've put him.
'professionally backed but not had time to ride him on so needs restarting' - went away like an unbacked loon, came home like a backed loon, been too scared to ride him since.
 
Quiet=Lame in both front legs
Very quiet= lame all round
Bombproof= deaf, blind and lame all round
Event prospect= big & fast
Dressage prospect= big & slow
Endurance prospect= bolts,can't stop it within 40km
Broodmare prospect= has uterus
Stallion prospect= won't pay for gelding
Finances force sale= spent it all on vet & hospital fees
Gaited= runs through them
Seen hounds/farrier/vet etc= from a distance, over its shoulder whilst disappearing at speed.
Has been shown= but didn't win anything
Never refused a fence= including the paddock, manege, gate to main road etc.
Recently vetted= previous buyer pulled out when they found out what was wrong
Sound= today
13.2hh=13.3hh
15.2hh=15hh
To make 16.2hh= sire & dam both 14.2hh
Spirited/Quirky= psychotic
 
Heart of gold = Half dead
Would excel at dressage = It tries to kill you if you aim it at anything resembling a jump
Green but schooling nicely = Trying to train it but it's hopeless
Would like her to go to a 'forever home' = Don't try returning her
Hard decision to sell = Not sure anyone would be stupid enough to buy this
 
Brilliant thread, really made me laugh out loud! :D

Just a couple to add from my experience of viewing horses to share;

Forward Going - Bolts
Suitable for Grandchild or Grandma - Buted up to the eyeballs
Easy to do in every way - For the price of 4 front teeth, 2 fingers and 7,500 packets of polo's
Loves cuddles - Loves to eat humans
Not a novice ride - Not suitable for anyone including Andrew Nicholson
Stunning - To look at as that's all you'll ever be doing
Change in circumstance forces share - I've just realised he has a huge problem so I want to blame someone else
1 day trial before agreement signed - If you're not dead within the first 24 hours we're all good
Loves the hunt - But not welcome
Lives out 24/7, 365 - Needs Sedalin, butt rope, schooling whip and a bag of carrots to get in a stable
Will take you to the top - of the road, in the back of an ambulance.
 
These are brilliant!!!!

One to add:

By Grand Prix stallion - unfortunately takes after his pig stubborn untalented and unsound mule of a mother.
 
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