Priorities - how do you decide?

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emmykins

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Recently I've been unsure about the future, including that of my horse, whether to loan/sell him or not etc etc and it got me thinking - what have you made your priorities in life - horses or home life?

What i mean by that is on one hand i could keep my horse, accept that's all I can afford and put all money into paying the mortgage off, getting a bigger house, nice holidays etc, which is what my boyfriend wants to do and i would like too, OR, accepting we'll live in our small house for a long time but put money into getting another horse and transport and competing?

Or is there some way to compromise? If you've read my previous posts you'll understand i am the most undecisive person ever when it comes to decisions like this. I'd like to have it all but don't think that's possible!
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It's really difficult especially if you have a family/OH who are not interested in horses and who don't always want to make financial sacrifices for them. If I was alone I would spend all my money on the horses, but now I try to keep a balance because OH is not horsey.
 
I have gone for the good horse, transport and competing.

We live in a semi detected and have a modest life style.

Luckily i have a very understanding husband.
 
Since I have kids and am married it's the cheep horse and the nice house etc.
I do have a 4x4 and trailer so I can compete but I only go out a handful of times a year, this year we haven't done any competitions because weddings and a lame horse stopped the chances of that.
 
Right now I've had to prioritise life over horses. Due to my OH leaving me back in May, I cannot justify the cost of full livery during the winter when that's £450 that could be going somewhere else. DIY isn't an option due to work.

That said, my plan is to work my butt off over the winter to get back on my feet so that I can buy another horse in the springtime.
 
This is a very difficult situation, one that I have recently been in myself and it ended up splitting my bf and I up.

He couldn't accept either the cost or time that the horse took. He wasn't willing to compromise in anyway and could not deal with me having anything in my life that took my time away from him.

He gave me the choice him or the horse................. I tried to come up with a compromise but it was all too little to late........

good luck!
 
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Since I have kids and am married it's the cheep horse and the nice house etc.
I do have a 4x4 and trailer so I can compete but I only go out a handful of times a year

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Thats me. Nice big house, and nice but cheap horses, local level showing etc.

OH is very understanding but if I was away all the time he would get naffed off...plus I chose to have kids and thus I want to be with them, not away all the time.
I think if you already had kids your choice would be made for you .....
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anyone who makes you choose 'me or the horse' isnt right for you imo, yes i know life isnt this black and white.
ive always told my bf i wont stop riding til i decid i no longer enjoy it, and hes a big help with horses helps me do field etc and i think really he actually likes my horse now, he'll stand there talking to her etc.
at the end of the day you only get one life, so you should do things you enjoy as much as you can.
 
When my old horse suddenly died, I did not replace her for 7 years. I rode other people's horses, so that I could spend my money and time on climbing the property ladder (doing up 3 houses in 7 years) - while working full time. Now, I have a nice detached house with horse facilities and a reasonable mortgage. I have a lovely horse but we are never going to set the world alight competing.

Horses are lovely and I would hate to be without mine, but they do not last forever. It is important to have somewhere decent to live and to make compromises to keep a good man happy.
 
QR: I chose to spend a few years working hard to build up my career and did not concentrate on the horse. Now I have my own company, a lorry, can event pretty much when I choose, have a nice horse, go on holiday two or three times a year, have a great flat with a sensible mortgage with my OH, we run two cars etc.

I sacrificed horses basically from my second year of a levels until a few years ago, then I didn't do much for the first three years or so of owning a horse, just local stuff. Now I can do more because my income and my lifestyle matches my aspirations, but it did require a lot of hard work and some sacrifices along the way. I don't have kids, and my OH has his own hobbies, so is perfectly happy that I go off eventing/training/competing whilst he does his own thing - we just make sure we make time for each other. When/if we do have kids no doubt some of this will change, but TBH I don't think either of us wants to have them until our income will let us carry on much as we are now but with children. Since we're both under 30, I think we've got some time yet
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It's all about what you want in life - I chose to wait a bit with the horsey stuff because to me that was the least important thing. I'm not a pro rider so the competing is just a hobby - and not one I'd sacrifice everything to do. Fundamentally I wanted a solid relationship, a secure roof over our heads, and a good job with prospects. Horses and Foreign holidays are just luxuries - I have never, ever understood why anyone would get into debt to keep a horse, and if I was struggling financially the horse/lorry/competing etc would go well before I defaulted on the mortgage or ran up credit card bills.
 
Its so difficult isn't it. I have a problem with this but in a slightly different way.

I work full time at a job that I detest and is a 2 hour commute, but it earns me good money and also have my own business that I love but doesn't pay much. The combination leaves me with virtually no free time when you include the home, family commitments etc

I have 2 unrideable horses and could afford a decent rideable one but am wavering badly as to whether to go looking as I doubt I have the time to do it justice (but I probably will buy one in the end!)

If only there were more hours in the day!
 
Only you can decide what is good for you. My OH and I are both horsy and have sacrificed a great deal to always have horses as that is both our passion. He used to compete, I have always been a happy hacker. We have 2 children, both adults now and have always been in debt. 6 months ago we returned our loan horses as neither of them are exactly what we wanted and we tried them for two years. Now we are horseless and eat a bit better, but we can't wait to find new ones, which we are going to do in a few years when we retire. We are still in debt though !!

I would never consider having a partner that was not horsy though, they are too important to me, I don't really feel complete without them.
 
It is hard to prioritise, I love my horses but I also like having a life & holidays plus I have a partner & mortgage. So I can't have it all; in a perfect world I'd love to go hunting every week on my armchair hunter & have regular holidays in the summer - well that's not going to happen!
So I've got a cheap fizzy little horse who's about as far away from being an armcharm hunter as you can get but she's low maintenence, cheap to keep & a lot of fun to ride. We go hunting occasionally (when she spends all day jumping up & down!) & we do the occasional fun ride (we have canter & trot all the way)
So she's not my ideal horse but she's ideal for the situation I'm in at the moment. Plus I manage 1 holiday a year, it's not the life I'd like but it's not a perfect world but it's fine. Without a lottery win nothing will be changing until the mortgage is paid off!!
I'm also lucky to have a partner who lets me do my own thing, mind you if he didn't he'd very quickly become an expartner! It works both ways though as he also has own hobbies.
 
Why on earth is it us woman who always have to make the sacrifices, plus put up with non horsey OHs. I fully sympathise with all of you, and I dont really think that that any one of us really has the answers, its up the individual really.

My problem is that I own a business which takes up most of my time, I am lucky enough that it pays me very well, but it leaves me with not much time to enjoy my horses. I live with it, but its a compromise, if I dont work so hard, I dont get paid, its as simple as that. My OH is not horsey and although understanding, moans that my livery bill would pay a chunk off of our mortgage. Its a hard one.
 
Oldmare & Poppymoo : when you find some spare hours can you let me know where to get them too?

Am sure I had far more time when I was younger, but my plan on leaving school was to earn money as much as I can for a year (the plan was to go to Uni as I was a year younger than the rest of my class) but got sidetracked to career = money, own house (bought first at 18), then marriage at 38 then child (1) and ultimately will get horsie in a year or two.

Only you can decide - try writing a list of pros and cons...
 
Oh, I'm so glad I'm not alone on this one!! I have been weighing this up for a long time and would LOVE at least another 12 hours in the day! Might be alright then!

I have lost 2 boyfriends to horses - they said 'it's me or the horse'
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(they clearly didn't know me as well as they thought!).

But now I am older I want a secure relationship, house etc and one day maybe start a family so things have to change and I know that my horsey days are limited. But my horse I have now I have worked my balls off with and am just starting to do amazingly well with. I'm loving him and competiting him and I don't want to stop that at the moment. Why is it so hard?!
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Toughie!! I have never been one for wanting the nice posh horse that cost £10k, I have always and still am happy to have the basic Heniz 57 type.
My OH and I do not have a house yet (still with parents) but I know one day, this will be something that we would like to do (it has been discussed here and there). He knows my "obsession" with horses will be hard to break, and I know horses aren;t his be all and end all! With this in mind I have agreed to pay off most if not all my personal debts but the end of the year, so I can comfortably afford my Heniz 57 (aka HORLICKS!!) and then, continue to pay off more debt. The idea being is when we do start looking for our love nest, I know I can afford my Heniz 57 and a mortgage/house costs, with out my OH feeling he is paying for everything!! Saying that, he earns alot more than I ever will, so I think he would compromise in what bills I pay and what bils he pays..... well this is the plan anyway!!!

With all that said, I would rather have a Heniz 57 horse, and sweet modest house, than the next top 3 day eventer and small bedsit!!
 
i chose both!
i have a non-horsy OH and we own our house and i also have 3 horses and a career that, fingers crossed, is going the right way!

it has all been balanced out though... when we first got our mortgage 2 years ago i put my competition horse out on loan and was left with 3 youngsters who didn't require much time.

OH and i split all bills 50/50 so whatever money i have left is mine to spend how i like and ditto with him.

OH understands that horses are a huge part of my life and i wouldn't be happy without them, therefore he doesn't complain that i never see him at the weekend etc.

i have sold one youngster as she wasn't going to event but my 'proper' eventer is coming home this autumn so i can spend the winter hunting and having fun!!!
money from the youngster went into paying a chunk of the mortage off.

i suppose it is made easier as i don't want kids and am happy to forego an annual holiday for the horses- we are planning a trip to Cambodia next year though!

ideally we will buy another house in about 5 years (i'll only be 27!) and rent the one we are in now to keep as our pension fund
... or sell both houses in about 15 years and buy a little house with land; thats the dream i am working towards!!
 
I didn't keep horses while I was at medical school - there just wasn't time and the studies had to come first. I had friends who were out there competing a lot and they weren't that interested in their schoolwork but I knew that later on my qualification would provide me with enough money to be able to afford to do the things I wanted with the horses - competing and so on.

I would rather have a small house than a big one if it meant I could keep the horses and I accept that I don't have enough time to go on holiday very often because I have to look after them. I don't much like the idea of sitting at home of a weekend in my enormous 8-bedroom mansion with nothing to do (which is what would happen if I didn't have the horses)...

I wouldn't go out with someone who said 'it's me or the horse' - my OH is horsey too so that's both helpful and something we have in common. I do accept that horsey men are the exception rather than the rule but if we ever split up, I'd hope that I'd find another guy who had his own interests and wasn't insecure enough to be bothered by the horses!
 
I had a gap from horses while I did the career/marriage/kids thing......didn't miss them at the time because I was far too busy doing other stuff (largely involving alcohol with extended stints at post-grad study)

Fortunately now I have the money to have horses and a nice home, plus OH and kids.

OH was not horsey- I have succesfully trained him up and now he has his own horse, so does daughter. Son is not keen but will empty a wheelbarrow for 20p and poo-pick for a couple of quid so everyones a winner!

I dont compete cos I am a wuss....local showing is fine by me and plenty of hacking out, which I love. I may get more into SJ when my daughter is older and more self-sufficent but she loves going to shows so I end up being groom and general dogsbody.

When I finish work I am off down to have a lovely hack on my boy, check the other 2 and home for a glass of wine....OH is taking the kids shopping (
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......tis a nice life, but I worked hard for it......
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It used to be horses, but as I have spiralled further and further down with credit card repayments, bills etc I am rapidly coming to the conclusion I should change my priorities.
 
That sounds fab Millitiger - don't think i'm quite at the stage you are yet though!

I don't think there is a set answer really is there, just down to the individuals. I'm lucky, my OH doesn't moan about me spending time and money on the horse and would certainly never expect me to give it up!

I guess it's just about finding the balance between the two then and seeing where the future goes!
 
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