Problems with a sharer... am I being unreasonable?!

Vixstar

Vixstar

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I share a horse 3 days a week, another sharer has him 3 days and the owner has him 1 day. I work full time, as well as doing an NVQ and an a-level and have the horse on thurs, fri and sat.

Now the sharer asks me to cover some of her days quite regularly because she is ill/has an interview/too much college work etc. Which I always cover.

A couple of weeks ago, my car broke down - and quite spectaularly too, the front suspension springs broke, meaning my car was literally sitting on the floor. As the car is a Japenese import, and has upgraded suspension, I had to find the correct springs and a garage that could fit them (very stressful beleive me!!) I let the owner know that I couldn't do the horse for at least a week because of the car, would keep her up to date etc (the stables is not on a bus route, and it was a struggle to even get into work). When I found out when the car was booked in, I told her and could carry on my days as normal (I still paid for these two weeks).

I then got a text from the sharer asking me to cover her day - I told her I can't because I don't have a car. She then texted me a couple of days later saying to me, "as I'm doing your days, can you do mine as I'm getting behind with my college work" again, I told her when my car was getting fixed and that it was not possible for me to get to the stables. She then texted me AGAIN asking me to cover a day as she has a uni interview and it will be a bit of a rush (erm, I work FULL TIME 9-5 and till manage to get to the stables twice a day!!!)

I gave in and said I'll arrange for a friend to take me, (she had to take time off work to help me out! she's a good friend!!) so she replied, great, can you do next monday and wed as she is struggling with college work as she has been doing my days!! As my car would be fixed by then, I agreed.

It's now thurs and I've done the horse this week for her, and get ANOTHER text today, asking me to swap my sat to a sun perminately, as she has just got a new job and has to work sundays!!! Now, I've been to plenty of interviews, and when they ask what days you are unavailable - you tell them!! Not just - yeah, any day is fine! I think it's a blo*dy cheek!

Sorry for the long rant - but arrggghhh had to get it off my chest!
 
My thought.....and it is just my thoughts,but shouldnt the horse's owner being more involved with who is looking after her horse on certain days. Surely,its her resposibility???
 
It does sound like she is being unreasonable. But also the owner shoudl be the one dealing with this - presumably she is theone who organised for the other sharer to cover your days?
 
hunting mad said:
My thought.....and it is just my thoughts,but shouldnt the horse's owner being more involved with who is looking after her horse on certain days. Surely,its her resposibility???
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Yeah it's a funny arrangement that the sharer texts me to cover her...sometimes the owner does too.

I did get a text from the owner to say that the other sharer is struggling with her college work and can I cover her days. I know college can be stressful, but she doesn't even ride the horse, so surely a hour away from the books in the fresh air would do her good?!
 
She sounds like she is taking the current situation one step too far and making it work in her favor. Its difficult because shes helped you out so in some respect you'll feel like you 'owe' but shes now taking the p*ss.

I'd just send her a polite text saying that things are getting a little out of hand and confusing so lets all go back to our days for a while etc. If you don't want to swap to Sundays don't just explain that its not the agreement.

Sometimes you need to put your foot down to put a stop to something otherwise it will get out of hand. Perhaps speak to the owner though so she can mediate.
 
All this texting business would drive me up the bend to be honest.

Sounds like nobody is taking any real responsibilty (not having a go at you, I can see why you were annoyed in this situation) but surely the owner should have more input here, not leaving you two sharers who are obvioulsy struggling to jungle the care of this one horse.

To avoid any problems you should all ideally just stick to your set days...no matter what problems either of you have, otherwise owner should sort the horse out as back up.

Perhaps forget texting and ring to sort thing out over the phone, it's too easy for people to fob people off by texts.
 
Sounds like the owner has a great deal here- two people paying for the privilage of mucking her horse out for her and taking all the responsibility!

You aren't being unreasonable, the whole point of sharing is that you have the enjoyment of being with the horse without the responsibility for everything. Have a word with the owner. You have an agreement for your certain days, the other days aren't your problem to sort out- it's hers.
 
Perhaps it may be a good idea to tell the owner and sharer that you prefer to only make arrangements directly with the owner, to avoid all the texts etc?

If you or the other sharer need to have people cover, and it does not work out any longer to do it informally in between you, arrange directly with the owner. Perhaps the yard can take on the extra chores against pay? If the owner is not available and/or unhappy about you or the other sharer needing cover, they can either ask for an extra contribution to pay for part livery rather than DIY on those days, or find another sharer...

If I were an owner who only saw my horse one day a week, I would strongly consider part livery so that I knew the horse would be taken care of regardless of any issues with the sharer(s).
 
Agree to sticking to set days and changing unless holiday/real emergancies etc.
Also i wouldn't swap my saturday for the sunyda, but then that's just me, i'm stubborn and weird, but would you risk maybe loosing your share of the horse if the other sharer tell the owner and she gets funny'#?
 
Thanks for all your comments :) I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable myself!

Well I have replied to the sharer to say that I can't change my days as I have other obligations. I also said I don't mind doing the extra odd day here or there to help you out, but not a perminant change. - Obviously if it doesn't work for the owner, then I'll juggle it around. But I don't want to give in to the sharer as she seems to be taking the p***!

Believe me, I'm all for sticking to my days and it worked well when I started sharing in October. The owner told me to liaise with the sharer to work out which days suit, which we did. But every now and then I would be asked to cover her day which didn't bother me, as I love looking after the horse. But it seems to be a bit too frequent to my liking. As IMO we are there to help the owner look after the horse, and I'll do my bit whenever I can.

The horse is stabled on a private yard (he is only 1 of 3 horses there) so there is no part livery, or any other help for that matter.
 
Sounds like you all need to sit down and sort things out. Why not just call each other instead of all the texting? I must be getting old but it's no way to try to sort these problems. Ask the owner and the other sharer if you can all meet to discuss the arrangements, then take it from there.
 
I think it's something the owner needs to sort out. Swapping an odd day here and there is fine and when I shared I was happy to swap every now and then, but if it's all the time it's ridiculous. If I was the owner I'd be looking for a more reliable sharer then the other girl as she doesn't sound very committed.
 
Vixstar said:
Now, I've been to plenty of interviews, and when they ask what days you are unavailable - you tell them!! Not just - yeah, any day is fine! I think it's a blo*dy cheek!
!
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And if they want a member of staff for Sunday then they would not employ someone who refuses to work sunday! With the job situation at the moment anyone would be foolish to turn down a job because they don't want to work Sundays.

That said it is not your responsibilty, if she can't do it any more and you still want Sat then she will have to sort it out with the owner
 
At the end of the day, as long as you stick to the days you want, and as someone said, changes for holiday cover/emergencies etc are fine but it does sound like other sharer is taking the proverbial.

What you need to do is when she asks, and if you say no, you can't cover that day, mean it, don't give in as she will then continue to harass you until you do give in each time! You have your set days and once of twice is fin in helping out. She knew she had college etc when she started with the horse and it's not your responsibility to then be caring for the horse on her days unless YOU WANT TO.

Also, speak to the owner and say you don't mind helping on occasional times but the other sharer is getting ridiculous in the amount of time she can't do/speak to the other sharer first and make it clear you have your own commitments etc and can't jump through her hoops.
 
horsegirl said:
And if they want a member of staff for Sunday then they would not employ someone who refuses to work sunday! With the job situation at the moment anyone would be foolish to turn down a job because they don't want to work Sundays.

That said it is not your responsibilty, if she can't do it any more and you still want Sat then she will have to sort it out with the owner
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But surely, she shouldn't apply for a sunday job if she has a horse to look after on that day?! I mean, I wouldn't arrange an interview for a sat job, knowing full well I have the horse to care for on that day. I think she just assumed she could swap her days over.

Besides, I thought her college work was getting too much to look after the horse, let alone take on a job :rolleyes: - cheeky comment I know, but it's how I feel!
 
I would think that with all the extra days you cover for her that she should be paying more towards the horse's keep, and you pay less, after all you are covering for her side of the bargain.

Why should you be paying the same as her if you are doing the lions share?
 
IMHO I dont think your being unreasonable at all but I would however tell the owner that you have been doing more days over the past few weeks to help her out and have been more than happy to help her but this is now happening on a weekly basis and is now interferring with your life as you can never plan to do anything in case you get a call asking to do her days aswell and with no car at the moment it is making it extremely diificult for you to do this. I know uni/college can be very stressful so why doesnt she tell the owner she cant do it until she's finished? I worked full time did my horse twice a day worked in a bar/nightclub 5 nights a week when I first got my horse and I still managed to do my BHSAI inbetween that so if she wants the horse badly enough she should find the time to do it.
 
I definitely think it is down to the owner to arrange this. But yes she is obviously taking the p because you are being to nice to her. Tell her you are sticking to your set days thats it if she can't make her own she should inform the owner not you.

I do wonder how people have the front. It does seem that the more you help the more they take advantage.
 
Crikey - she doesn't sound like she's really got the hang of the idea of the horse being her responsibility on her days, does it?
 
can't the owner cover the days the sharer can't do if she is only doing one day? surely if one of the sharers cant do a day for whatever reason they tell the owner and it is the owners responsibility to find cover as it is her horse.
 
sod that!! your not a skivvy, you have an agreement to share on your days and if the other sharer cant do them the owner needs to sort it not you!!
 
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