PTS Buddy (for want of a better word)

[PolarSkye]

Just curious really, when the time comes for you to have your horse/pony/donkey/mule PTS, if you felt like you couldn't hold him or her without being a total wreck, do you have a designated PTS Buddy - someone who you could count on to be there in your place . . . someone your horse likes and trusts?

I haven't formalized this yet and I would hope that I could do that final kindness for Kal, but if I couldn't trust myself to be calm, I would nominate one of two people (or both of them).

Have you thought about this and, if so, do you have a plan - or perhaps you have already been through this and you had a trusted friend/relative/fellow livery stand in for you?

P

 

[dianchi]

I think the BHS have a scheme like this.

For my girl I would make myself stand and do it, feel I would let her down if it was someone else.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

yes, when we PTS our little pony last year two friends were with our family of five when he was PTS.

we are going to do the same for when she her horse is ready.

after we all went to the local harvester for a wake.....the looks we got turning up in our horse gear, blotchy faces was interesting but it all helped.

its going to become a new tradition.

 

[Wagtail]

I didn't as I felt I needed to be there for Penny. And also I needed to see it to make sure that she didn't suffer. I WAS tearful but not sobbing or wailing loudly, and she had absolutely no clue there was anything up. So I know that my being upset did not worry her (probably because after two years of strict diets, she finally had a bucketful of racing mix! )

However, I am not so sure it was the best thing for me, because even though it was quick, she did fall really hard and onto her back kicking her legs. It was only for a couple of seconds, but that image plays over and over in my mind and I feel so guilty for 'tricking her' and taking her life. Even though there was no other humane option as she was facing months of box rest for a bad shoulder injury whilst being on a strict diet because of her laminitis. I just could not put her through it, especially as even if the shoulder healed, I would never dare turn her out in the field again.

 

[pip6]

Would always be there for mine, but have done it three times for friends. Whilst I could never leave them in that final moment, I understand some have to remember them alive and can't hold them. Hardest one was one shot by hunt, because of blood left. I made sure I had totally cleaned up before I went to owner and said it was okay to come out.

 

[BHS_official]

I think the BHS have a scheme like this.

We do indeed.

The scheme (Friends at the End) was launched earlier this year to provide help and support for those considering PTS (euthanasia), or who decide to go down this route but feel they don't have the right support available to them or don't know what to expect.

More than 100 of our volunteer Welfare Officers have attended training that will help them support horse owners through the difficult process of saying goodbye. BHS Friends will discuss the choices with owners, from the method of euthanasia to what to do afterwards. Many are willing to be there on the day to offer support, and some will even hold the horse if the owner doesn’t feel able. All BHS Friends are Welfare Officers who love horses and know what the owner is going through. It might help to know that if you don’t feel able to be there for your horse’s final moments, there is a horse lover willing to be with them.

All of our Friends at the End have lost horses themselves and received training from bereavement counsellors, so they have a genuine understand of the loss and grief that come when a horse dies. They aren’t there to take the place of a counsellor or vet, but they can offer an extra source of support. At the hardest time in a horse owner’s journey, our Friends are available to make it as smooth and straightforward as possible.

For others who are interested, Friends can also explain and discuss the other options available if you find you can't keep your horse for whatever reason - depending on the individual situation, it doesn't always have to end in euthanasia.

More information and contact details are available at http://www.bhs.org.uk/ownership-advi...nds-at-the-end.

 

[joelb]

My old girls were both done at home and held by my horsey neighbour/friend as I couldn’t stay beyond clipping for the jab. I did feel I’d let them down walking away but I didn’t want to see them on the floor.

On livery now and this thread has highlighted that I need a plan. Although I couldn’t stay with mine I would gladly hold someone else’s without the emotional attachment.

 

[Megibo]

For my girl I would make myself stand and do it, feel I would let her down if it was someone else.

This, specially as have had her 8 years already

 

[Poo Picker]

When it was time for my mare's end - and I choose to have her shot, I had a friend on standby who knew my mare very well as I wasn't sure how I would cope. In the end I gave her a hug and left my friend to hold her when she was shot as I could feel myself losing control and I didn't want to upset my mare. I then went back to see her laying peacefully on the grass before they took her away. I will always be gratefull to my friend for being there for both of us and I would happily repay the favour for any of my other horsey friends.

 

[hayinamanger]

I would have to be on my death bed to leave any of mine to someone else.

 

[joelb]

This, specially as have had her 8 years already

I don’t really see the relevance of length of service – I’d had my girls 30 and 15 years respectively. If you’re likely to make the horse more distressed nothing wrong with putting the animal first and leaving them in calm capable hands.

 

[Chestnut horse]

My very good friend, had to put her horse to sleep five years ago, he was 22yo Arab and she was 8 months pregnant with her first child, she had only lost her mum to cancer 10 months previously. I gave her the option of to be there or not as I was on hand, I really thought she would say just go ahead, but she was very brave and was there with him at the very end - I would do the same for mine. I completely understand why owners cannot be there as it is distressing,,,, as long as we do right by them - that is the best ending.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I would always be there for my own I have only had one of my own pts by the vet and wanted to be there, I have held or been with other peoples horses when they didnt want to do it, I understand some people just cant do it thats fine.

 

[Supertrooper]

My friends and I are always there for each other and we always stay with the horse. When it comes to them being collected then whoevers horse it is goes and one of us stays for that part xx

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

Polarskye, good subject to have brought up.

In addition to the BHS friend at the end, which is really helpful to many as there are people out there with no horsey friends they can ask closeby.

I'd also advise anyone (horse owners, yard owners) to check out the 'Just in case' and 'Owners plan' documents from WHW http://www.worldhorsewelfare.org/just-in-case as they are really helpful to complete & keep AT THE YARD - you just never know when situations may arise, whether you are on holiday or uncontactable, this at least sets out your wishes and makes YOU think of what you may want done

 

[natalia]

It's an awful job, our huntsman won't let you stand holding them when he shoots, so I normally say a good bye and then walk out of sight for the shot. Pop back round once the deed is done. It's very easy to be impartial when its not your horse, I'm normally OK and quite hard but cried my eyes out when a friends mare went, as we had been trying desperately to save her for the past two hours and it had been v. stressful.

 

[Alec Swan]

I've had several friends ask if I will represent them at the allotted time, and hold their horse. I really don't enjoy putting horses down, whether as a spectator or performing the act, but always feel strangely privileged when others have asked for my help. There is a perverse sort of pleasure though, and it's to be found by taking a pride in what i'm doing, and knowing that I've done the job properly, humanely, and with instant resolve. Strange perhaps, but there we are!

Alec.

 

[Shysmum]

If anyone in the County Durham/North yorks border area needs a PTS Buddy, PM me. I have personally PTS a lot of horses (in the RSPCA), and would be willing to help. x

 

[Worldiscomplete]

I had to have my 9 year old pts this april (equine grass sickness). I'd only had him ten months. I discussed with the vet what is best; ie gun or injection, me holding or not. It was his opinion that what was best for the horse was for me to say my goodbye, leave and it would be done instantly. True to his word, it was. He preferred the gun as he knew it was so quick and for the owner not to be there so he could get on with it. I'm grateful that he took the decision from me, as I honestly didn't want to be there but then I didn't want to leave my boy. I'm glad too that my final image of him, whilst distressing, was of him standing, and nuzzling my hand. Its so difficult, I wrestle every day with should I have still been there, or not. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was to walk away.

Planning and talking about the pts subject is good and helpful but at the end of the day, you'll never truly know what you'll do until you're faced with the situation. And then, you'll do what's best for you and your horse.

 

[welshied]

I was there when one of mine was pts a couple of months ago but my YO/friend held him for me.

 

[babymare]

I personally wanted to be on my own. just baby me and vet. I planned it methodically rugs in field if needed to cover, feed, posh headcollar ready- just my way of coping. to have anyone there would have been an intrusion for me. it was a quiet personal time.after i cleaned her stable out(blurred eyesight with tears) but please that was my way of "dealing" and coping with it.sometimes a shoulder to help is worth its weight in gold x x

 

[onemoretime]

I think the BHS have a scheme like this.

For my girl I would make myself stand and do it, feel I would let her down if it was someone else.

Yes, the BHS do offer a service whereby someone will come out and be with you or if you can't bear to be there they will stay with the horse whilst it is PTS. They will also stay with you and help you come to terms with the upset and trauma.

 

[gingerarab]

I have done so for my very best friend and a horse i knew throughout his life and she will also do the same for me if needed with my old boy who she has know all his life, its a real comfort knowing if i cant do it she will and the horse knows her well

 

[Kat]

I hope that I would be able to be there myself, if I couldn't, I think my husband would. If he couldn't my YO would step in, she was lovely last time we had a horse pts on the yard and my girl is used to being handled by her. Otherwise I am sure my sister would step in.

 

[frozzy]

I have done it twice for my friend who did not feel able to and also for all my own when the time came. They all go with nose in a bucket of something tasty if still able to eat, but my once in a lifetime pony had a heart attack at the gate of the field aged 27. Considerate to the end. I dont think there is anything wrong if you nominate a friend to do this last kindness if you feel unable to keep it together.

 

[Ladyinred]

I would also be willing to help in the south east.

OH helped with an elderly pony last year... owners had her over 20 years but couldn't bear to be with her at the end. She knew OH quite well as either he or I fed her every morning so she wasn't worried or upset. She departed life with a mouth full of carrot and polos and knew nothing.

 

[Arniebear]

I stayed with my lad back in july, just couldnt bring myself to leave him on his own tbh. I would stay for any of mine but i would also help a couple of friends if they ever asked

 

[catembi]

I left Catembi at the vets, gave him a cheery pat & went. He'd been left there once or twice before for xrays, so he assumed that he'd have a boring morning being x rayed & then I'd come back to get him at lunchtime, so he wasn't at all upset.

I found the whole thing unbearably distressing & I didn't think it would help proceedings to have me wailing & upsetting him. I simply couldn't have been there, & certainly couldn't have watched or held him.

T x

 

[splashgirl45]

i have been through this a few times..the first time i held my horse when he was shot, he fell and was still immediately but i couldnt get the image out of my mind for years. my friends husband stayed while he was taken away and my friend made sure i went home with her before this happened. the other times the horse was sedated by the vet and i stayed feeding mints till they were really dopey and not taking the mints, i then walked away and the vet shot... this is how my current horse will go....my lovely vet who is no longer with us, suggested that i didnt watch them fall and i am really glad i listened to him as i can still see my first boy fall and its been 30 years!!!!!!

 

[Love]

My mum held my my boy for me as the vet strongly advised I didn't as I was only 17. Although my mum isn't horsey she used to love going down and brushing him and just having a chat - he loved her so I couldn't think of anyone better. I will always be so grateful she did that for me - it really did upset her.