PTS Buddy (for want of a better word)

When I lost my boy to colic I hadn't planned anything, it was all so sudden and it was something I'd never wanted to think about - but I knew I'd prefer him to be PTS by injection and it was done by a vet who absolutely adored him, and he loved her to pieces and was always so accident prone that he was used to seeing her regularly and not at all worried by her presence - she was his number one admirer, who always gave him cuddles and said how pretty he was.
I didn't think I'd be able to be there when he was PTS, but I'd been up with him all night and simply couldn't just step away at the last moment. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do as I've never seen any pet being PTS before, but I just couldn't pull myself away as I knew he found comfort in me being there. The scene is stuck in my mind and I don't think I'll ever forget how upsetting it was (I held it together for him at the time with tears streaming down my face, and broke down afterwards). I will be forever grateful for my mother being there when he was taken away, I wouldn't have been able to handle it I know she found it incredibly difficult too. The vet was wonderful as well, so kind, as always. I think the BHS scheme is an absolutely fantastic one, and I would have used it if it had been around when I lost him - the "friends" are truly incredible people.
 
I have always been there for every horse/dog/cat and consider it as part of my responsibility to the animal as an owner. I prefer to have the horses shot and you are not actually allowed to hold the horse for that but you can still be where the horse can see you (if it lifts its eyes from the bucket of extra special feed). It does help though if you are not on your own when the deed is done and I certainly don't want to hang around while the body is winched onto the van.
 
It would have torn me apart not to have been there with either of my two. My old girl died with her head in my arms.

I grew up with animals dying (I remember following the trail of blood left by the fox who killed my bottle fed lamb when I was about 5) and my dad is a vet, so I have always been used to "the end". Plus my dad put both mine down, I couldn't have left him on his own doing that.

Mine were both so brave, I owed it to them to be there.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I have always been there for every horse/dog/cat and consider it as part of my responsibility to the animal as an owner. I prefer to have the horses shot and you are not actually allowed to hold the horse for that but you can still be where the horse can see you (if it lifts its eyes from the bucket of extra special feed). It does help though if you are not on your own when the deed is done and I certainly don't want to hang around while the body is winched onto the van.
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This ^^^ totally.
 
I had my horse pts by the local knackerman. I had friends, family and even a stranger (thankyou TFF on here for offering) offer to be there/hold him but I very much wanted it to just be me. But I knew I would be too distressed to hold him myself. The knackerman could not have been nicer. I left them with him & a packet of polos and went and sat in my car. Upon my request, they covered his head and I went back to see him once the deed was done. Wouldn't have had it any differently. I have and would offer to hold anyone elses horse for them quite happily tho as I think it is one of the kindest things you can offer to do for some-one, especially if they may not want to ask.
But we are all different and I don't think there is a 'wrong' way to do this but I do think it is important to think things through so you have a plan if you have to make the decision at short notice. I'd already thought about it vaguely a few years ago and when I knew at the start of the summer I'd be making the decision this year I thought about it very carefully.
 
I always thought I would stay (have stayed with every other animal, and friends horses) but when Murph went, I couldn't do it. It had been such an exhausting and traumatic experience that there was nothing left for me to be able to hold it together. When we made the decision I was a hysterical mess, and although he was so far gone, he was still standing and I could not bear my last memory of him being collapsed on the floor after all we had gone through - I wanted to remember him as the massive Ginger Ninja that he was. My husband stepped up to the plate (thank god) but I had a back-up buddy in case he couldnt do it. I kissed him goodbye and walked away. I deeply regret not staying with him and I wonder all the time if he missed me and needed me there. But it was what I thought was right at the time and i didnt want anything to go wrong because i was howling the place down and causing more upset. Its a toughie and I am not sure you know until you get there.
 
BHS_official said:
We do indeed.

The scheme (Friends at the End) was launched earlier this year to provide help and support for those considering PTS (euthanasia), or who decide to go down this route but feel they don't have the right support available to them or don't know what to expect.

More than 100 of our volunteer Welfare Officers have attended training that will help them support horse owners through the difficult process of saying goodbye. BHS Friends will discuss the choices with owners, from the method of euthanasia to what to do afterwards. Many are willing to be there on the day to offer support, and some will even hold the horse if the owner doesn’t feel able. All BHS Friends are Welfare Officers who love horses and know what the owner is going through. It might help to know that if you don’t feel able to be there for your horse’s final moments, there is a horse lover willing to be with them.

All of our Friends at the End have lost horses themselves and received training from bereavement counsellors, so they have a genuine understand of the loss and grief that come when a horse dies. They aren’t there to take the place of a counsellor or vet, but they can offer an extra source of support. At the hardest time in a horse owner’s journey, our Friends are available to make it as smooth and straightforward as possible.

For others who are interested, Friends can also explain and discuss the other options available if you find you can't keep your horse for whatever reason - depending on the individual situation, it doesn't always have to end in euthanasia.

More information and contact details are available at http://www.bhs.org.uk/ownership-advi...nds-at-the-end.
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I had heard of this and think it's a wonderful idea/service. Kudos to you, the BHS, for offering and providing this to owners facing that last, final act.

However . . . I would prefer to have Kal held by someone he knows . . . either me or one of my two nominees . . . but that's just me. Both of the people I have in mind have been on the journey with me and Kal - one has known him since I bought him and has handled him regularly (and ridden him), and the other is his lovely jockey who really has a special bond with him. In addition, both of these people are very special to me . . .

I can see, though, that other people might not be so lucky to have people like this to count on - in which case Friends at the End is a godsend.

P
 
Thank you everyone who has taken the time (and courage/experiences) to share their thoughts on this very difficult subject. I have read many replies with tears in my eyes.

P
 
i have always held mine, cuddling them to the end.They were injected and just went peacefully. Its hard but would not have it any other way. I feel my duty to be with them as many sedatives done in their life time so I feel able to hold / cuddle till and even after they went.
 
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I had a friend from the yard and my OH there. Although I was tearful, I managed to keep it "together" enough to hold him, OH wasn't far behind me incase I couldn't do it. He went down quite gracefully once injected (much to my surprise for a horse who always tripped over his own feet!) and I sat there for a few minutes to finish my goodbyes before he was taken away.

I am glad I stayed, and I am eternally grateful to my OH wanted to be with me/my horse at the time.
 
Ladyinred said:
I would also be willing to help in the south east.
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I would be willing to support/help anyone in the South Lincs/North Cambs/Rutland area. I have been there for my own, and have supported friends. It is an awful time, and sometimes it's good to have an understanding, but emotionally detached, supporter :(
 
After fighting for five hours to save my colicing veteran who I had owned for 18 years I was in such a state when I made the decision to let him go I couldn't hold him; my wonderful friend who also loved him dearly did it for me. I have never felt I betrayed him or let him down at the end; he needed at calmer exit than I could have given him.
 
I have had to say goodbye to many horses and ponies, I'm only 24 but when my 3 tbs were PTS my mum held them for me. They were all done separate occasions but I couldn't be there, I said goodbye the evening before and left them with my mum knowing they were in good hands.

When our childhood ponies were PTS aged 32 and 27 my Dad came up, my mum couldn't cope and neither could I, my dad all though not a horseman but a farmer was the best person for the job as he could remain calm.

It's awfull when it happens and I still feel terrible guilt everyday with my 3 tbs.but I know there last minutes have been spent being spoilt and loved and shown respect.
 
I have always been there.
It's important to me to let them know at the end that I have loved them and am grateful for everything they've done. The other part is knowing that they will stand calmly and confident if I am there. And, it may sound mad, but I tell them to join my first horse, as I visualise green fields somewhere.
I cannot be there for the uplift part though.
 
Just wanted to say thank you for this thread.

I've never had a horse PTS before. Our little pony is getting on in years now and it's something I've started to think about.

I've always felt fiercely that it should be me with her at the end, however after reading this thread it's dawned on me that their is a good chance that I just won't be able to cope when the time comes. Having thought it through now I will make sure that I have my husband and/or Dad on hand should it become more than I can bear.

It's such a tough subject and I too have read this thread with moist eyes but much better to think about it and talk about it before it happens.

Thanks all.
 
I'd like to be the one but I know I will be utterly useless, so OH is my 'buddy' as he is much better with these things and my horse knows him and trusts him so it seems like the best option if it were to happen
 
I think the BHS scheme is a fantastic idea. Everyone copes differently with death & it makes me angry when people say they couldn't allow anyone else to be there.
 
Yes everyone is different. Of the two livery horses I have had PTS here, one owner was there holding the horse, the other didn't want to be so said her goodbyes and I took her inside the house for a coffee. Our lovely farrier who knew the horse very well, stayed with the horse. But there was no way that owner who chose not to be there loved her horse any less. I would always want to be there. It's a personal thing. But it is not a nice thing watching them die and I wish that I could forget it. It really wasn't a bad death, she knew absolutely nothing, but it's such a strong image that it will take a long while to fade away. My other three horses that were PTS were emergencies or in the hospital, and I was not there.
 
I think it is very important to be there at the end for a horse. Unless there is a medical reason why or you definitely cannot hold it together. It is, in my opinion better for them to have someone familiar near them.
When I was about 17 I worked at a riding school as a groom and the yard manager said that I should watch a horse be shot just once, so I knew what to expect in the future. I wasn't forced to watch and the yard manager talked me through the whole process. I realise now that she was preparing me for my future career caring for horses and I am so grateful.
I have since seen a large number of horses PTS mainly by being shot and for me it was always important that I was there for the horse, watched the whole thing and comforted them afterwards. It is not nice but I feel it is the last thing I can do for them and be with them when they go on their last journey. Straight after they were shot I would give them a nice stroke, remember that it is the same horse that I have see and cared for everyday for years and not to be scared just because it was dead on the floor. The imagine will never leave me of each and every one of them but I feel that I was the last person they will remember who showed them that they were loved and not alone right until the very end.
 
I've always been there for mine - and may have to do it again very soon unless a miracle happens! I know I can cope, and we have a sort of unspoken system here. We are not really a yard in the true sense, just a private house with 4 liveries. All of us over the years have been with our horses, but someone else, usually me, or when its been my horse my "senior" and much loved livery, is lurking in the background. The moment the horse is dead and the final goodbye said, the owner walks away and the 'lurker' takes over. Does the courtesies with the vet, rings up the fallen stock people if not already done, is there when they bring the lorry to take the body away, and clears up any blood etc. It works well and gets over what is always a heartbreaking time.

The most upsetting time - unintentionally - was when my lovely mare, Rose, was put down with colic. Nothing went right, and by the time she'd been put down and I went back into the house I was shattered. The lady who cleaned for us at the time had left the biggest glass of whisky ever ready poured on the kitchen table, with a single rose beside it. It just finished me.
 
my vets advised me rightly to stay away and I did, and I am forever grateful. I never saw life leave her, or her lying on the ground as a shell. I left her chewing on a haynet and gave her a hug on her warm skin. My YO would have held if I had gone ahead and done it at the yard.
 
It goes without saying that the hardest times in my life are when I'm having one of my animals put to sleep. It is terribly difficult but I have managed to be there for all of them (5 horses and many dogs). If I couldn't be strong and thought that I would be a crying mess then I would ask for help as I would hate to upset them more at that time, plus it must make it more difficult for the vet. My total meltdown comes when its done.
My mum though could never be there, she has to walk away.
If anyone needed my help I wouldn't hesitate to be there and I think that the BHS scheme is fantastic, if I couldn't do it myself I don't feel I have anyone else I could ask.
 
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