PTS - huge & hard decision

Puddleduck

Puddleduck

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i need to make the big call for my special mare, my horse of a lifetime and best friend for the past 21 years.
She's had Cushings for about 5 years which has lead to seizures like epileptic fits and muscle wastage. I had a chat with my YO in April and said I would give her the summer and see how she got on. Had another chat a few weeks ago and agreed that she's not thriving, the muscle wastage is affecting her mobility and going through winter is not the right thing to do for her.
It's breaking my heart but I know I have to do the hardest but best thing for her, I'm just struggling to decide how. I've decided that she will be cremated on her own and her ashes will come home to live with me but I can't decide on the actual pts part.
I thought I'd decided on a quick bullet over injection but now I'm not sure. I keep thinking about it and visualising the gun at her head and I'm not sure I can live with the knowledge of her going that way. I've agreed with YO that I won't be there as it will be too stressful and emotional for both of us. We discussed the injection option however my worry is that my mare is a fighter when it comes to medical stuff and she may fight the drugs and make her final time more stressful and agonising than it should be.
I've been debating for weeks now and really need to decide. :(
 
You will not be a bad person or letting her down if you don't hold her at the end. If you belong to the BHS they have a Friends at the End scheme who will help and support you. I didn't hold my old boy; I didn't want the last thing in his life to be my hysterical sobbing; my wonderful friend stayed with him after I said my goodbyes.
 
Puddleduck said:
i need to make the big call for my special mare, my horse of a lifetime and best friend for the past 21 years.
She's had Cushings for about 5 years which has lead to seizures like epileptic fits and muscle wastage. I had a chat with my YO in April and said I would give her the summer and see how she got on. Had another chat a few weeks ago and agreed that she's not thriving, the muscle wastage is affecting her mobility and going through winter is not the right thing to do for her.
It's breaking my heart but I know I have to do the hardest but best thing for her, I'm just struggling to decide how. I've decided that she will be cremated on her own and her ashes will come home to live with me but I can't decide on the actual pts part.
I thought I'd decided on a quick bullet over injection but now I'm not sure. I keep thinking about it and visualising the gun at her head and I'm not sure I can live with the knowledge of her going that way. I've agreed with YO that I won't be there as it will be too stressful and emotional for both of us. We discussed the injection option however my worry is that my mare is a fighter when it comes to medical stuff and she may fight the drugs and make her final time more stressful and agonising than it should be.
I've been debating for weeks now and really need to decide. :(
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Oh dear, it is a horrible thing to have to do, but as caring owners we must do it. I went with the injection as my horse couldn't stand things that went bang, and I know she wouldn't have heard it, but I just couldn't have done that to her. From my own point of view, I didn't want a bullet ruining her pretty face either. Again, probably stupid but that was how I felt. She wasn't needle shy but the vet sedated her first and she was already very woozy when the final injection went in. She collapsed down onto the ground and just breathed her life away peacefully, no twitching or agonal breathing. I couldn't have asked for a better end for her. I'm not against the bullet, and there are times and situations when it is a must, but we didn't need that. Another plus was that I was able to stand with her throughout and afterwards. I can't stand bangs either (balloons bursting make my cry!) and I don't know that I would have been able to hold her for a bullet. A friend of mine has used both methods and she said the one thing that stayed with her after the first, which was by gun, was the sound. It upset her so much that she has opted for the injection ever since. I think if your vet is happy to take the time to ensure your mare is away with the fairies before he does the deed, then I would go with that. I'm sorry you have to make this decision but please don't hesitate. The temperature is dropping already and if you old lady is having seizures then she could hurt herself and then you will find yourself having to make a snap decision - my mare was epileptic and although she never did hurt herself it was always a major worry for me.
 
I have been having the same debate as you all summer OP. We knew at the beginning of summer that it was going to be the last one for our old girl.

I have decided to with having her shot - it is instant and she will know nothing about it. She will have a carrot and then she will go. I decided that I couldn't bear to watch the light slowly fade with the injection.

We have a lovely local knackerman who will come out any time I want - even at really unsociable hours if that is what suits, he will also take her away and arrange for cremation.

We are arranging for a friend to come over in a few days and take lots and lots of pics of us with her and then I will have to make the phone call that has been breaking me since May but I cannot see her struggle through another winter.

And on that note I need to go, crying at work is not good.

Huge hugs to you OP.
 
If you aren't going to be there and your YO is happy to hold her I would go with gun. Injection is nicer for us, not them, IMO.
BUT get a very experienced person to do it, I held two last year for my friend and she got a pet crem man to come and do it, he loaded them up and took them as well, it was very quick.
 
Broadly speaking, I would use a gun on an alert horse who was feeling OK and injection for a really sick one. Years ago, my horse had to have surgery for colic. At the time, he was properly hunting fit and he fought the anaesthetic for the entire operation. However,years later when his time came, he was really old and feeling poorly and went immediately when he was injected. As for being there, I walked away as I was crying so much, it was really upsetting my horse and my vet told me to go. Horrible to go through, but please remember, she will know nothing before of after. The grief and pain is yours only, not hers.
 
I have only seen the injection, mainly because I always want to be there to hold my horse. The gun seems so violent to me. I would worry if it went wrong. The injection is not very pleasant either though if they fall very hard. Most just go quietly, but sometimes they take a bit longer. There is movement afterwards with both methods, but less so with the injection.

I don't envy you at all. It's a horrible thing to go through.
 
pansymouse said:
If you belong to the BHS they have a Friends at the End scheme who will help and support you.
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Just to clarify that you don't need to be a BHS member to get help and support through our Friends at the End scheme.

Puddleduck, we're very sorry you're having to make this call. It sounds as though your mare is in very caring hands.

Full details on the Friends at the End scheme are available at http://www.bhs.org.uk/welfare-and-care/euthanasia-and-friends-at-the-end. There is as much or as little support available as you feel you may need. In other cases, it also gives objective and impartial help to those who haven't yet decided whether it's appropriate to let a horse go.

We wish you the very best at this extremely hard time.
 
I've been there too :(

I choose injection, she was sedated first and then went - it was quick, I couldn't have handled the gun, to me it feels more wrong.
 
Puddleduck said:
i need to make the big call for my special mare, my horse of a lifetime and best friend for the past 21 years.
She's had Cushings for about 5 years which has lead to seizures like epileptic fits and muscle wastage. I had a chat with my YO in April and said I would give her the summer and see how she got on. Had another chat a few weeks ago and agreed that she's not thriving, the muscle wastage is affecting her mobility and going through winter is not the right thing to do for her.
It's breaking my heart but I know I have to do the hardest but best thing for her, I'm just struggling to decide how. I've decided that she will be cremated on her own and her ashes will come home to live with me but I can't decide on the actual pts part.
I thought I'd decided on a quick bullet over injection but now I'm not sure. I keep thinking about it and visualising the gun at her head and I'm not sure I can live with the knowledge of her going that way. I've agreed with YO that I won't be there as it will be too stressful and emotional for both of us. We discussed the injection option however my worry is that my mare is a fighter when it comes to medical stuff and she may fight the drugs and make her final time more stressful and agonising than it should be.
I've been debating for weeks now and really need to decide. :(
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Been there a few times, and it is never easy. I know there has been a big debate about either method, but my mares always went peacefully. I also could not think of a gun at their head then a hole in them.



My horses have injections yearly in boosters and more when they need clipping or injury or blood test, so to them injections are normal Something pointed at their head is not, they don't bat an eyelid when injections are done so they don't know any different.



In fairness if she is that bad and struggling then her fight may be less and she wont fight it. In your position I would go injection and tell the vet to sedate her with a little extra so she could not fight it. Thoughts are with you :(

What a special mare to have such a lovely owner.

I can Recommend Clive for cremation ( depending where you are ) such a nice caring sympathetic guy giving them respect right up till you collect them

http://www.equineandpetservices.co.uk/home.html
 
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FWIW, I had my old mare PTS via injection last autumn. She did not like people in general, and could get quite stressed about being handled. Despite this, she passed away quickly and very quietly. My vet is very good and quick with injections. She was sedated first, and I don't think she was worried beyond a minute or so, no more so than any close contact with a person she didn't know would have made her anxious. For me, the worst part was how quick it went - there one second, gone the next. Losing a friend shouldn't be that "easy". But of course, that's exactly what I wanted for her. It's a hard decision to make, and it took months before I stopped missing her every day when I arrived at the yard. But I don't regret when/how I made it.
 
I would always go with the gun, esp if she doesn't like vets. It's quick and they can't see it.
My boy hates vets, won't stand if they go anywhere near him. I know I wouldn't want to put him through the stress of that.
You know your girl best and you are doing the kindest thing for her in the end. We will all be here for you too xx
 
What a wonderful owner, she's a lucky horse. You are definitely making the right decision for her, hard as it is for you.

I am everyone's "holder" - if anyone needs me they know I'm there whenever necessary. If it's not my horse I'm ok - having said that, I have a friend who is my "holder" as I just can't do my own!! In the last month I've held 4 horses for various friends, all either old or too damaged to carry on.
My preference is to shoot. Our local knackerman has a silencer on his gun which is great as it just 'pops'. Without a silencer it is a bang but no worse than a firework (in fact, I think fireworks are louder!). The last one I held was done without a silencer & the 2 donkeys in the field didn't even jump...
It's so fast, he walks up to them quietly, gives them a stroke & a pat, brings the gun up as if it was a body brush & he is about to brush the face & they fall, carrot in mouth uncrunched. As long as you use an experience person there is no drama & they know their job so won't miss!
You could always get some sedation from the vet to take the edge off them if you prefer.
The hole is small and they do bleed a bit but it's rarely much (most bad cuts are worse).
I hope I haven't upset anyone describing this but I think the human mind runs riot imagining panicking horses & a big explosion which is far from the truth.
I have also been there when they've injected them. I've seen peaceful ones & ones where they've fought it. The fighters were hard to watch.
Whatever you decide, both ways are humane, there's no right or wrong way.
 
Clodagh said:
If you aren't going to be there and your YO is happy to hold her I would go with gun. Injection is nicer for us, not them, IMO.
BUT get a very experienced person to do it, I held two last year for my friend and she got a pet crem man to come and do it, he loaded them up and took them as well, it was very quick.
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I agree with this. The gun is quick. They are gone immediately before they have even reached the ground. If shes a fighter I wouldnt risk the injection to be honest. Sending massive hugs! Shes a lucky mare to have such a caring owner.
 
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I'm so sorry you are facing this decision! I personally would go with the gun, it is so quick! I had one shot a few years ago, it was instant and very little blood. (((Hugs))) xx
 
I had my old mare done a couple of weeks ago by injection.

The vet that came was familiar to her. The process went as follows. Vet popped in some local anaesthetic on the site in her neck where the cannula was going she then put a cannula into the vein. We led her out to her favourite paddock feeding her carrots, vet then sedated her so she was nice and dozy, the vet then gave the big final injection whilst we fed her carrots. The vet then took the lead rope off me just in case she fell in an unexpected way, the mare then dropped to the floor (with an enormous fart). There was no twitching etc, she sighed and she was gone. The vet stayed and checked her heart had stopped and waited until she had no blink reflex.

I have to say the vet was amazing and talked us quietly through the whole process. There was no fighting of drugs etc. and this is a bit of a myth as they now use modern drugs in a very large dose (hence the cannula). It was a really dignified and peaceful end.

All I would say is that use a good vet who is experienced at this as it is a particular skill. I have had them shot in the past and would still go for this option with a needle/vet shy horse but in this instance I really wanted the old girl to have a quiet, dignified and peaceful end which she did. We were with her throughout and it was sad but not traumatic. We didn't watch when the knacker man came to collect her as I don't like seeing that bit.

We also had her ashes back to spread across her favourite fields. Its not a nice thing to have to do but when its done properly its not horrific or traumatic.
 
So sorry you're having to make this decision. It's such a personal thing nobody can tell you what is the best. I've seen injections twice and would probably go for the same again as had no problems. The first was a 2 year old with a severed tendon. She was sedated and then given the final injection. The second was my old who had colic. He was already down and on his way so he just needed a helping hand and he went with his head in my lap.

It might sound daft but half the reason I think I'll go for it again with my boy (he has melanomas which will become a problem sooner or later so I know I'm facing this) is that he's grey and I can't bear the thought of the blood staining his coat. This is what I mean about it being personal - I doubt many others would have the same misgivings or reasons not to opt for the gun. I'm not squeamish at all and don't mind blood in normal circumstances but having his lovely white coat sullied at the end is too much for me.
 
Especially as you won't be there go for the gun. My friend held my boy for and despite having had both her horses put down via injection she said hers will go from gun from now on having seen both. So quick and instant and he literally left the world with a carrot in his mouth knowing no better. Whereas vets inject to sedate etc etc and I just don't think it can be as instantaneous. Particularly if your horse fights stuff, mine fighted sedation so he would never have gone by injection regardless. Good luck and sorry you are having to do this xxx
 
Clodagh said:
If you aren't going to be there and your YO is happy to hold her I would go with gun. Injection is nicer for us, not them, IMO.
BUT get a very experienced person to do it, I held two last year for my friend and she got a pet crem man to come and do it, he loaded them up and took them as well, it was very quick.
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I agree

I don't like the idea of sedation unless there is no other options for animals, I worry that is just prevents a physical response to fear rather than preventing the fear itself-research is starting to back this theory too.
the vet wanted to sedate one of my dogs before PTS and I said no as I thought it would freak him out more if he could not make his body respond to the fear he was feeling (he did not like to be restrained as he got older) even if it did make it easier for us-the 2 nurses in attendance who knew the dog agreed.
 
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Sorry you are facing this, I had my mare pts yesterday, she'd developed cushings related laminitis and I just couldn't let her go through the box rest and resetriction at her age.

My mare is also a fighter, I was worried about the gun as she hates strangers and would probably fling her head at the wrong moment so would need sedating first anyway which meant I might as well use the vet for pts.

She had a dose of sedation (after vet trying without against my wishes) and had two injections to finally do the deed. While that sounds awful she really wasn't aware and I was feeding her apples and carrots which she still managed to eat, the worst she did was toss her head a few times and by the time she went down she was gone, so in all it probably took longer than the gun, but she wasn't aware of much that was going on and I don't regret choosing that method. I just wish I'd insisted on sedation rather than allowing the vet to try without first, but hindsight is a wonderful thing and when you are stressed it is easier to go along with the professional. When she finally went though it was quick.

Whatever method you choose remember that they are both humane when done correctly.
 
From my personal experience I would always have mine sedated first. My vet did this with my girl & she just gently laid down he then gave her the final injection & she just went to sleep it was so peaceful.
I wished Id of had my other horse sedated before the final injection as it makes a big difference with them already laying down to falling.
Thinking of you it's such an awful decision.
 
Puddleduck said:
i need to make the big call for my special mare, my horse of a lifetime and best friend for the past 21 years.
She's had Cushings for about 5 years which has lead to seizures like epileptic fits and muscle wastage. I had a chat with my YO in April and said I would give her the summer and see how she got on. Had another chat a few weeks ago and agreed that she's not thriving, the muscle wastage is affecting her mobility and going through winter is not the right thing to do for her.
It's breaking my heart but I know I have to do the hardest but best thing for her, I'm just struggling to decide how. I've decided that she will be cremated on her own and her ashes will come home to live with me but I can't decide on the actual pts part.
I thought I'd decided on a quick bullet over injection but now I'm not sure. I keep thinking about it and visualising the gun at her head and I'm not sure I can live with the knowledge of her going that way. I've agreed with YO that I won't be there as it will be too stressful and emotional for both of us. We discussed the injection option however my worry is that my mare is a fighter when it comes to medical stuff and she may fight the drugs and make her final time more stressful and agonising than it should be.
I've been debating for weeks now and really need to decide. :(
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First - I'm so very sorry that this time has come . . . but how lucky she is to have such a kind, loving, responsible owner to put her first. Big hugs - however you do this, it won't be easy - which is why I think you are monumentally brave and selfless.

As to how - I really think that's a very personal decision. I hope some of the posts on this thread have helped make things clearer for you - and I will be thinking of you and your beautiful mare.

P
 
Both methods are perfectly acceptable, personally I'd always go for the gun/knackerman/hunt as it's far more instantaneous than a vet with needles, also far safer IMO with a horse that's not overly keen on strangers, as the knackerman does not have to get us as close as if injection was being given.its also a heck of a lot cheaper than an injection.
 
I have had many beloved PTS and from my own experience I always find bullet faster...HOWEVER I will only ever use this route if the horse is sedated first, full of treats and they don't know a thing this way I promise you.

The last time I had to face this was April this year, a TB who had kissing spines, was a picture of health, VERY full of beans, however more likely pain related antics.....we filled him with guiness in his hard feed and copious treats, he couldn't believe his luck bless him, by time he was full of treats the vet had sedated, then bullet, down, in less than a second.

Unless they are sedated I wouldn't use a gun, once did this without sedation and it wasn't nice and pretty convinced the horse bloody knew! Probably not but you know how things are...

Everyone is different, if you have a good gunman they will put a bag over the head as soon as horse hits the floor, they are dead gone, and no blood for you to have to face which is pretty hard.

If you think your mare will fight, gun everytime, this is why with a high blooded TB I chose bullet, then there is no doubt it is quick and fast BUT SEDATION BEFORE every time no matter how good a shot your guy with the gun is!! that way horse is unaware and having seen this several times with my own eyes I KNOW they are quite happy swimming around in their own happy place in their own sleepy throughts before they are shot. It has to be the kindest way but I appreciate for some people it is quite brutal sounding/experience for us.
 
Apache Warlord said:
I've been there too :(

I choose injection, she was sedated first and then went - it was quick, I couldn't have handled the gun, to me it feels more wrong.
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Me too.
It helped that my vet explained exactly what was going to happen.

As it is, I am confident that pony went without being at all distressed, with a tum full of carrots and apples.

OP I was lucky to have someone there with me... if you can arrange for a friend to be there with you, I would recommend it.

Your horse is lucky to have you xx
 
I'm so sorry that you are in this position. If you really don't want to be there, would be it more helpful to you not to know and leave it to the YO to organise if that has been offered?

This is such a difficult thing to have to go through, so please make sure you have plenty of support and do use the BHS Friends at the End service if you don't have anyone close to help you.

Bless you, what a lucky horse to have been loved by you xx
 
unicornystar said:
I have had many beloved PTS and from my own experience I always find bullet faster...HOWEVER I will only ever use this route if the horse is sedated first, full of treats and they don't know a thing this way I promise you.

The last time I had to face this was April this year, a TB who had kissing spines, was a picture of health, VERY full of beans, however more likely pain related antics.....we filled him with guiness in his hard feed and copious treats, he couldn't believe his luck bless him, by time he was full of treats the vet had sedated, then bullet, down, in less than a second.

Unless they are sedated I wouldn't use a gun, once did this without sedation and it wasn't nice and pretty convinced the horse bloody knew! Probably not but you know how things are...

Everyone is different, if you have a good gunman they will put a bag over the head as soon as horse hits the floor, they are dead gone, and no blood for you to have to face which is pretty hard.

If you think your mare will fight, gun everytime, this is why with a high blooded TB I chose bullet, then there is no doubt it is quick and fast BUT SEDATION BEFORE every time no matter how good a shot your guy with the gun is!! that way horse is unaware and having seen this several times with my own eyes I KNOW they are quite happy swimming around in their own happy place in their own sleepy throughts before they are shot. It has to be the kindest way but I appreciate for some people it is quite brutal sounding/experience for us.
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this is how i have done it but i feed treats till horse is very dopey and then turn and walk away and don't look at them on the floor or being loaded....this way i remember my horse standing and happy......it makes it not quite so awful to cope with....my cushings mare is 24 and ok at the moment but i am dreading the time she isn't and will make my decision based on her quality of life...so sorry you are going through this but you are doing it for your horse and not yourself...so a good decision...hope all goes well on the day..
 
Sending huge hugs. Had two PTS recently, both by the hunt. Efficient and quick. It's a personal opinion as to how the horse goes, I have a needle phobic 22yo so think he'll go in the same way but I won't be there.
 
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