Pushy Parents.....

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I have two kids and have certainly seen all sorts over the years. I have been known to get frustrated with them at times aswell. We went to a hunter trial and there was an awful woman screaming at her child in the warm up area. She didnt seem to even take a breath. the kid was crying and clearly frightened of the pony. They went out onto the course and the mother actually ran round to scream at them over each fence. I did ask her is she should let the child try and just had a scathing look. She followed that poor kid round most of the course. They ended up with numerous penalties as the pony was totally confused. Child ended up on the floor etc. I could not understand what she thought she would acheive. I had to assume that they paid a lot for a pony that knew the job and the poor kid just wasnt at that level.
I always have a chat with mine on the way home, sometimes about what could have gone better but usually about how well they had done. Not winning necessarily but having tried their hardest . I am always honest though. If they made a mistake we talk about it . They still enjoy being out and are costing me a fortune otherwise we wouldnt do it .
 
doncha just love social media? ideal for bitter, nasty vindictive people who spit out bile and vitriol about others without knowing or caring for the facts, and all behind a non de plume. Perfect. The woman in question is well known to me and a dear friend. I own the pony, the boy was riding. Her points. firstly wearing full competition gear. Well tweeds , not dressage gear as was a late replacement rider, so was in fact competing. the child, 'no more than 5 or 6' is in fact 10 years old next month. he is one of the most accomplished boy riders, certainly in the south east. This boy, apart from all his other hobbies, hunts, jumps, does flat classes, all entirely at his own behest. despite 'riding' since he was 3, he never had a lesson until he was 7, and then by his mother, the woman allegedly berating him today, who by the way is a qualified instructor. As for 'living the dream through her child' this mother has been there, seen it, done it and has a T shirt for every discipline. This boy was ridden champion at the Society national breed show last year and is headed for the top, not because we'd all like him to, but because its genuinely what he wants, unless of course he decides he wants to do something else, and that'll be fine too. I think 'Equitum' is living the dream, except her poor child isn't up to it, so just spits out at others in revenge. How very sad, and what a nagging that kid got on the way home.
 
Gerry Hart said:
doncha just love social media? ideal for bitter, nasty vindictive people who spit out bile and vitriol about others without knowing or caring for the facts, and all behind a non de plume. Perfect. The woman in question is well known to me and a dear friend. I own the pony, the boy was riding. Her points. firstly wearing full competition gear. Well tweeds , not dressage gear as was a late replacement rider, so was in fact competing. the child, 'no more than 5 or 6' is in fact 10 years old next month. he is one of the most accomplished boy riders, certainly in the south east. This boy, apart from all his other hobbies, hunts, jumps, does flat classes, all entirely at his own behest. despite 'riding' since he was 3, he never had a lesson until he was 7, and then by his mother, the woman allegedly berating him today, who by the way is a qualified instructor. As for 'living the dream through her child' this mother has been there, seen it, done it and has a T shirt for every discipline. This boy was ridden champion at the Society national breed show last year and is headed for the top, not because we'd all like him to, but because its genuinely what he wants, unless of course he decides he wants to do something else, and that'll be fine too. I think 'Equitum' is living the dream, except her poor child isn't up to it , so just spits out at others in revenge. How very sad, and what a nagging that kid got on the way home.
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You're aware how pathetic that makes you sound right?
 
Haha this is making me laugh now, I didn't mention where I was in the country or at first even if the child was a male or female. Suddenly lots of people join the forum and start a mass defensive, funny how you recognised the person in question from my (apparently) wrong description of her.....

In reply to "Gerry Hart" my little boy is still a baby and isn't able to ride yet, as I stated before I wouldn't dream of talking to him that way, if he chooses to ride or compete when he is older, that would be great, I'll support him, whatever he chooses to do. I didn't have a pony as a child myself, so I am currently living my OWN dream of being a horse owner and competitor and really enjoy it, no one got a "nagging" on the way home, it was actually smiles all round at the end of the day, thanks :)
 
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If I am honest, this is what I detested most about showing. Watching the mother, done up as if going to a Society Wedding (why are the hats always tall purple pill boxes, and the skirts ankle length ?) dragging a child around on a "VERY" expensive "VERY" fat pony ? Everything immaculate and sterile. No smiles, no fun, no happiness - just "win win win". And win they do ! The judges know the parent, and it's a done deal.

YUCK ! I learnt to ride hanging onto the necks of sweaty, scruffy riding school ponies, and had an absolute ball. Our little shows were so laid back and FUN. Funnily enough, there were often no parents at them (mine were not interested in the slightest) and the stable girls ran the whole thing. If you fell off in a pile of poo, you laughed and got back on.

Rant over.
 
Funny that lots of people seem to know exactly who you were talking about and join the forum to defend them,
Glad you are out there having a go equitem .
I never had a horse as a youngster and funny enough my kids first pony is coming back for me to drive :)
 
Shysmum said:
If I am honest, this is what I detested most about showing. Watching the mother, done up as if going to a Society Wedding (why are the hats always tall pill boxes ?) dragging a child around on a "VERY" expensive "VERY" fat pony ? Everything immaculate and sterile. No smiles, no fun, no happiness - just "win win win". And win they do ! The judges know the parent, and it's a done deal.

YUCK ! I learnt to ride hanging onto the necks of sweaty, scruffy riding school ponies, and had an absolute ball. Our little shows were so laid back and FUN. Funnily enough, there were often no parents at them (mine were not interested in the slightest) and the stable girls ran the whole thing. If you fell off in a pile of poo, you laughed and got back on.

Rant over.
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oh they were the days then health and safety took over :(
 
I know - the rocking 70's when I learnt to ride ! If you could hang on at a full gallop, until the saddle slipped round from a broken string girth, you were doing ok ! My favourite pony was called Butterballs.
 
I went back to Molesey Pony Farm, where i started riding at 2 years old, and it has long been razed to the ground. I just stood there crying - so many memories and dreams at that place. Hours and hours and hours sweeping the yard that was still there...my first taste of horse poo sorting the muck heap, cleaning tack, all of that.

Now H and S have taken over, the magic seems to have gone (I teach at RDA and kids aren't allowed in stables and stuff), whereas I lived for the chance to clean out hooves and wipe a dock or two !

Sorry OP, I digress.
 
equitum said:
Haha this is making me laugh now, I didn't mention where I was in the country or at first even if the child was a male or female. Suddenly lots of people join the forum and start a mass defensive, funny how you recognised the person in question from my (apparently) wrong description
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The reason the lad was recognised was because you put loads of specifics in your post, and there can't have been many young boys on Shetlands competing successfully this weekend, let alone with a mum in full riding gear (and yes you did mention his sex in your first post). Anyone who is Facebook friends with the family could see the video of him competing (and incidentally he rode beautifully and deserved his great scores) and see what mum was wearing and put two and two together. Why shouldn't people who know them in real life put the other side of the story? Whenever I've seen him out and about he has been smiling and I think the last time I saw him he and his pony were in fancy dress and he was obviously having great fun.
 
showpony said:
Defo two sides to every story, eh?
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Yup.
Just like its best to exercise your energys on your own horses training welfare etc it's best to save your concern for your own children too.
As a non parents I have watched with amusement the varying parenting styles of my friends and family which range from the manically overprotective to we have four so a couple of loses is manageable at the other end .
I also did not realise that wearing a hairnet was offenstive
I hope mum and son had a lovely day out .
 
As a parent I have to say I am not pushy competition wise at all - saftey and fun come first. BUT, if I spent the night plaiting the ponies up say till 10pm and then up at 5 am to get to pony club or whatever, and they put in a half hearted effort that would Piss me off.

That sounds harsh but if they take part they make an effort, if they do not win, no problem but no half hearted bullshit.
 
Oh My Word you have found out my secret of fantasising about doing a dressage test, dressing up and pretending I m riding!
That was My son who was riding and unlike many children he ENJOYS his riding and he is very committed!
He voluntarily rides up to 6 a day and spends most if his time galloping about the country side. He too learned to ride with no saddle and regularily rides with no bridle! Must to everyone's frustrations lol!
I find it really sad that people find it hard to be beaten fairly and squarely by a 9 year old on a Shetland pony! Who incidently is only schooled by my son! If I was more computer literate I would post video!
But don't be glum he beat me too in the prelim with his terrific score.
I think you will find that I am one of the proudest Mothers! And soend alot if the time praising him! I may be competitive yes! But who wants their children to look stupid when competing! I saw several people yesterday who had not a clue where to go or what to do! Which surely you have to feel more sorry for! And not only is this degrading but dangerous too!
Jack and myself are by no way Dressage experts but I hate to waste to entry fees by not our best!
I m hardly horrid as I read the test for 2 complete strangers who did nt know where they were going!
I am so sorry if I offended you next time if yiu feel so much repulsion just tell me!
 
apachesky said:
Oh My Word you have found out my secret of fantasising about doing a dressage test, dressing up and pretending I m riding!
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:D :D

This thread is a prime example of why people should just mind their own business.
If you see something that concerns you, either talk to the person involved or forget about it. Don't just post about it on the Internet.

As an instructor, I have come across many pushy parents, and have always said something where I've been concerned.
However, I have also seen many COMPETITIVE parent/child combinations. Totally different kettle of fish.

Glad your son is enjoying his riding :)
 
apachesky said:
Oh My Word you have found out my secret of fantasising about doing a dressage test, dressing up and pretending I m riding!
That was My son who was riding and unlike many children he ENJOYS his riding and he is very committed!
He voluntarily rides up to 6 a day and spends most if his time galloping about the country side. He too learned to ride with no saddle and regularily rides with no bridle! Must to everyone's frustrations lol!
I find it really sad that people find it hard to be beaten fairly and squarely by a 9 year old on a Shetland pony! Who incidently is only schooled by my son! If I was more computer literate I would post video!
But don't be glum he beat me too in the prelim with his terrific score.
I think you will find that I am one of the proudest Mothers! And soend alot if the time praising him! I may be competitive yes! But who wants their children to look stupid when competing! I saw several people yesterday who had not a clue where to go or what to do! Which surely you have to feel more sorry for! And not only is this degrading but dangerous too!
Jack and myself are by no way Dressage experts but I hate to waste to entry fees by not our best!
I m hardly horrid as I read the test for 2 complete strangers who did nt know where they were going!
I am so sorry if I offended you next time if yiu feel so much repulsion just tell me!
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But why would you do that when you can do it on here behind a computer screen :rolleyes:

Keeping yourself to yourself at shows, unless of course you witness horrific abuse to either animal or person is much easier. Your boy sounds like a star in the making :)
 
apachesky said:
Oh My Word you have found out my secret of fantasising about doing a dressage test, dressing up and pretending I m riding!
That was My son who was riding and unlike many children he ENJOYS his riding and he is very committed!
He voluntarily rides up to 6 a day and spends most if his time galloping about the country side. He too learned to ride with no saddle and regularily rides with no bridle! Must to everyone's frustrations lol!
I find it really sad that people find it hard to be beaten fairly and squarely by a 9 year old on a Shetland pony! Who incidently is only schooled by my son! If I was more computer literate I would post video!
But don't be glum he beat me too in the prelim with his terrific score.
I think you will find that I am one of the proudest Mothers! And soend alot if the time praising him! I may be competitive yes! But who wants their children to look stupid when competing! I saw several people yesterday who had not a clue where to go or what to do! Which surely you have to feel more sorry for! And not only is this degrading but dangerous too!
Jack and myself are by no way Dressage experts but I hate to waste to entry fees by not our best!
I m hardly horrid as I read the test for 2 complete strangers who did nt know where they were going!
I am so sorry if I offended you next time if yiu feel so much repulsion just tell me!
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I had commented on the post negatively but in a generalisation of experiences of pushy parents - in all walks of life. The type of people we all come across.
However, reading your post and those that have defended you just goes to prove that nothing should be taken at face value, especially when on social media.
Being competitive is something that children lack nowadays and to be brought up to be competitive is no bad thing.
It is refreshing to read just how dedicated your son is with his riding and I wish you and him all the best for the future - it looks bright :)
Would also love to see some pics !
 
cambrica said:
I had commented on the post negatively but in a generalisation of experiences of pushy parents - in all walks of life. The type of people we all come across.
However, reading your post and those that have defended you just goes to prove that nothing should be taken at face value, especially when on social media.
Being competitive is something that children lack nowadays and to be brought up to be competitive is no bad thing.
It is refreshing to read just how dedicated your son is with his riding and I wish you and him all the best for the future - it looks bright :)
Would also love to see some pics !
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How do I down load these?
 
Hmm, I wonder what people think when I help my daughter warm up for SJ comps.
You would here me utter phrases like.....
"That was total and utter crap"
"Are you actually going to start riding today or just look pretty?"
"Good job XXXXX is so good cuz you sure aint helping her"
"Perhaps we should just put her back on the lorry now and save the embarrasment".
The point is, I've taught my daughter from the first moment she sat on a pony. We have a great relationship and all the above is just our usual banter which she understands the meaning of, i.e you need to ride your horse.
When the roles are reversed she can be just as vocal! Oh and I'm often in full riding gear as likely to be competing in later classes.

All that said there are some truly horrible parents out there but some of the time you really need to understand the relationship before getting the true picture. Can't comment on this case as I wasn't there.
 
apachesky said:
How do I down load these?
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I use photobucket. Resize the image in photobucket to about 500 or 600 then press the last box (img code) then copy onto the post you are writing.
There is I'm sure an easier way so will stand back and allow someone to advise on that!
 
^^^ And to be fair PaddyMonty, on the couple of occasions when I've seen you out and about you are just as hard on yourself as you might be on your daughter! It comes of being competitive, understanding you're not perfect and having a desire to be the best you can. I wish that more people instilled this into their children nowadays. Telling them all they can be brain surgeons if they want is far less worthwhile than telling them they'd better learn to add up or they won't be able to check the change that the till in MaccyDs is telling them to give.
 
I was a child in the 90s, it was before they made sports days at school team activity and children were competitive, if you lost, you tried harder next time.

My mum wasn't a "pushy parent", but she didn't praise bad riding, I got shouted at when I rode like a sack and when I got a ribbon I was as happy as larry. Being shouted at for riding like a pudding hasn't emotionally scarred me, and I would say it has made me a better rider in the long run.

I feel sad that the OP was so quick to judge, but by his mother's post, he sounds like a happy child with a healthy ambition - what is wrong with that?
 
*hic* said:
^^^ And to be fair PaddyMonty, on the couple of occasions when I've seen you out and about you are just as hard on yourself as you might be on your daughter! It comes of being competitive, understanding you're not perfect and having a desire to be the best you can.
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Very true. I've never pushed my daughter to compete. If she wants to compete she has to find out whats on and sort out entries. Some years ago I discussed with her the two types of competitor she could be.
1) She could go in just for the fun of competing which would be fine with me as long as she didn't then moan if not placed or my most hated thing, blame the horse.
Or
2) She could compete to win and that meant putting in the hours at home. Doing her very best at comps and most importantly, when it goes wrong to look for the reasons and spend even more time at home correcting the problems.
I dont mind if she is disappointed not getting placed provided she has given it her best. God help her if rides below her ablilty and then moans about lack of placing.
However, both my kids (son used to race karts) know that the most important thing about competing no matter how it went is to smile at the end of it.

ETA yes you are correct I am hard on myself. Even when I win I still remember all the little errors I made in the ring and the things I could have done better then go home and work on it.
 
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This thread is hilarious. When I was a child, yes we had ponies and mum was happy to take us to shows and pc rally, but she was a novice herself so it was pretty much left to us, if we weren't good enough, we learnt how to improve, if we wanted to go to a show, we spent the day before washing and cleaning ponies and tack and plaited up ourselves early in the morning. If we rode rubbish, we let ourselves down,it was up to us how seriously to take it or not, and mum was a glorified taxi driver who supplied the picnic
 
PaddyMonty said:
Hmm, I wonder what people think when I help my daughter warm up for SJ comps.
You would here me utter phrases like.....
"That was total and utter crap"
"Are you actually going to start riding today or just look pretty?"
"Good job XXXXX is so good cuz you sure aint helping her"
"Perhaps we should just put her back on the lorry now and save the embarrasment".
The point is, I've taught my daughter from the first moment she sat on a pony. We have a great relationship and all the above is just our usual banter which she understands the meaning of, i.e you need to ride your horse.
When the roles are reversed she can be just as vocal! Oh and I'm often in full riding gear as likely to be competing in later classes.

All that said there are some truly horrible parents out there but some of the time you really need to understand the relationship before getting the true picture. Can't comment on this case as I wasn't there.
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I used to coach a girl whose parents were totally unhorsey. We had a terrific banter going on which I'm sure would have raised a few eyebrows, but we had a great laugh (and she did very well).

I think kids SHOULD be taught to truly do their best, and that if they don't then they won't succeed. Far too many kids are mollycoddled into thinking that the whole world will love them whatever happens as long as they have had fun :rolleyes3:
A few years down the line they'll be down the payday loan shop having gone at life half heartedly (as inadvertently taught by ma and pa) wondering where it all went wrong.
 
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