RANT:Should I tell YM where to stick it

OMG you have to leave, how can she even run a yard - does she OWN it or just manage it??

And I think you should gradually move your stuff once u give notice, and also deduct your regular hourly wage from the monies you owe - for how long it took to paint stables and do any other jobs, cos you ain't staff, and i don't believe liveries are meant to have to paint stables!!!!

What an old coo she is!
 
I resign
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If you're unhappy - which you clearly are - vote with your feet.

BUT (and it's a big one, which you might very well not want to hear)

YOU have to be responsible for getting into a better situation the next time around. Sorry, but YOU made the decision to do the things you did that you now feel unappreciated for, no one forced you. I know you said the owner wasn't doing them but again, why is that your problem. Presumably you saw all those things out of place when you moved in and possibly believed the owner's promises to change but again, not really your responsibility.

However, nothing to be done about that now.

There is NOTHING wrong with lending a hand and making arrangements which benefit all involved. If you are asked to do something you can and want to do, do it. If you are asked to do something you cannot or don't want to do, explain politely and firmly why you can't FROM THE START. If you are not asked to do something, don't. If you want something done which the person who should REALLY be doing it is neglecting, have a conversation about it and possibly OFFER your help but don't just go ahead and do it unless you are COMPLETELY prepared to do it only for the satisfaction. Favours are actually only favours if the recipient feels that way.

Spend your time and effort on your own horse and the things you agree to do ahead of time. That way you can avoid people who want to take advantage and help the people who truly want it and are prepared to see it as proper help, which they need to repay or at least thank-you for.

Ask your next yard BEFORE you move, what they expect of their liveries. If they say they don't want people to do things around the yard respect their wishes and assume that's the plan unless told otherwise. If they offer to trade you off or otherwise accept help, be sure you sort out what you will be getting for it. This isn't rude, it's FAIR. It's an honest way of letting everyone know what's expected in different situations and avoiding both exploitation and misunderstanding.

Sorry for the lecture, but you seem a nice, helpful person who just assumes everyone works the same way you do. By being a little stricter with your time and effort you will save it for someone who really appreciates you and you will both end up better for it.
 
I think Cruiser makes some valid points. Personally I would see that there is no question here, you MUST LEAVE! This arrangement sounds ridiculous.

In a new situation I would be very firm from the start as to what your boundaries are in terms of how much you are willing to yield/help out. I believe you have done far too much here and that the yard owner has manipulated you and walked over you. Next time around I'd be making sure the YO at new place does not get the impression that you will do whatever favours she wants.

I hope things improve and you find somewhere lovely for you and your horse.
 
[ QUOTE ]
If you're unhappy - which you clearly are - vote with your feet.

BUT (and it's a big one, which you might very well not want to hear)

Thank you for your very detailed reply, I'm happy to hear you !

YOU have to be responsible for getting into a better situation the next time around.

I totally agree

Sorry, but YOU made the decision to do the things you did that you now feel unappreciated for, no one forced you. I know you said the owner wasn't doing them but again, why is that your problem. Presumably you saw all those things out of place when you moved in and possibly believed the owner's promises to change but again, not really your responsibility.

I did it to be helpful and the YO were really pleased, maybe thats what put the YM into an even worse state of mind?


However, nothing to be done about that now.

There is NOTHING wrong with lending a hand and making arrangements which benefit all involved. If you are asked to do something you can and want to do, do it. If you are asked to do something you cannot or don't want to do, explain politely and firmly why you can't FROM THE START. If you are not asked to do something, don't. If you want something done which the person who should REALLY be doing it is neglecting, have a conversation about it and possibly OFFER your help but don't just go ahead and do it unless you are COMPLETELY prepared to do it only for the satisfaction. Favours are actually only favours if the recipient feels that way.

Believe me the YM asked me to do no end of favours BUT is the sort to say No when you ask for one back. This is why I've put my foot down, albeit rather late in the day LOL

Spend your time and effort on your own horse and the things you agree to do ahead of time. That way you can avoid people who want to take advantage and help the people who truly want it and are prepared to see it as proper help, which they need to repay or at least thank-you for.

Ask your next yard BEFORE you move, what they expect of their liveries. If they say they don't want people to do things around the yard respect their wishes and assume that's the plan unless told otherwise. If they offer to trade you off or otherwise accept help, be sure you sort out what you will be getting for it. This isn't rude, it's FAIR. It's an honest way of letting everyone know what's expected in different situations and avoiding both exploitation and misunderstanding.

Sorry for the lecture, but you seem a nice, helpful person who just assumes everyone works the same way you do. By being a little stricter with your time and effort you will save it for someone who really appreciates you and you will both end up better for it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you again for ALL your comments, I get the impression you know an awful lot more about Yard Etiquette than I do
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Thanks Mickey, at least I've learnt some valuable lessons
You can probably tell this is my first time at a livery yard(apart from a few months grass livery), I do miss not having her at home
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Sounds like the first yard we were at. The YO was a hormonal old bag - unless she wanted something and then she was sweetness and light personified. She couldn't give a stuff about the livery horses as long as she got her money - but we were expected to feed her horses in the morning, top up their hay if they had run out etc. She lived on site...
 
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