Rant-why me?

as sweet as hunni

as sweet as hunni

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So this week could not get any worse, my dad decided to up and leave me and my mom, his reason being she doesn't love him, when in fact she always have and always will, he is hiding something, a few weeks ago i found him on dating websites messaging women to meet up for you know what, i haven't told my mom because she is in pieces as it is, he told us yesterday he was leaving, he left today, mom hasn't stopped crying for two days, she is so stressed because we have literally no money, im taking art commissions but no luck with them, he left us with no money(he has the 'worst' problems with his bank apparently,again he spends it all and makes excuses) and the best of it all we were coming back from horses and he was getting into car all 'poshed' up most likely of to meet someone.i just don't know what to do, mum hasn't payed rent in 3 weeks because he wouldn't give her any money.
:(
cookies if you got this far
 
You have my sympathy it is a terrible situation to be in.
You sound quite young and it is hard for you.
Your mum needs to try and sort out the essentials so you have somewhere to live and food to eat .My suggestion is for her to make an appointment with your local CAB( Citizens Advice Bureau)
They can advise her both on her position legally and on any benefits you are entitled to as well as debt management.
Try to encourage you mum to talk to someone and be there for her
What a horrible situation to be in hope you can start to sort things out.
 
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I'm really so sorry. That's an awful lot on your shoulders. However, I don't think your dad can walk away from her scot free. Try and talk to your landlord and contact social services. I just don't know really. I know your mom is devastated but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to get things rolling. Is there anybody who can help you for rent for 2 months while you get sorted? Sometimes we all need a helping hand to get us going again.

I don't mean this as harsh, but what's done is done. Now you both have to dig deep and find strength. It may mean that you will have to bare most of the brunt while your mom comes to terms.

Again, I'm really sorry. People never cease to amaze me with selfishness.

Terri
 
Are your parents married? I think that you should tell your Mum what you know. It won't hurt her any more than she does already. Of course she may be angry that you didn't tell her sooner. But if they are going to split up, she needs to know the real reasons why rather than looking into herself and what she may have done wrong. You poor poor thing. I would tell your Mum what you know and get her to go to Citizens advice. There may be some temporary support she could get.
 
what a horrible thing to do :( ditto going to cab but first thing Monday your mum needs to go to the benefits office and get herself on their books she can get an emergency loan to keep her going for the immediate future but she may need to push hard for it. if your father is not giving her any money she should get housing benefit as well. you can see what benefits she is entitled to here but as I say she needs to get there and push for them to get money to her. rent council tax and utilities are the most important bills to pay and if she has others they can wait for now. good luck its a horrible time but you will get through it :(
 
Ah I really feel for you. We had a similar five years ago where my father in law was having an affair. We were renting off of hm but because he was an angry man when pushed into a corner so we had to quickly move out and mov in with mum in law while he moved into our place. It was traumatic emotional and looking back I don't know ho we got hrough it. We were all very close and it was a massive shock. The good news is you do come through it with time. I would also suggest wha other hav said. Try and not to take responsibility for your mum as hard as that is, just be there to cuddle her. It's really important hat you have someone to talk to. Do you have supportive friends?
 
My mum has a part time job, but barley gets paid anything, and i have some friends that will help me through it i guess, im just worried my mum, thanks a lot guys, it does help to know someone cares
 
even with a part time job she would still be entitled to some benefits including housing which will at least keep a roof over your heads. Tell the landlord they can be accommodating so long as they are kept up to date with whats going on.

Can I ask how old you are because dependant upon your age your dad should also be paying for you keep and its money your mum is entitled to.

Afraid I would tell her too about the dating sites because at least then all the pain is over in one foul swoop.

What sort of paintings do you do??
 
I was in a similar situation last year. I would tell her about the dating sites because she would want to know.
Tell your mum to go to citezens advice. look on this website- it has a lot of information on it https://www.gov.uk/

dont be afraid to talk to your mum about money etc, she will most likely be relieved that you realize its a problem and needs to be sorted.

Your dad shouldn't just leave like that- he will most likely have to pay some money to your mum for you etc.

talk to your school counsellor or something, your mum may also need counselling if she's finding it tough, dont be afraid of mentioning it to her- I would reccomend relate http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html that's where I go and my mum used to go, you do have to pay but that could be sorted or go to a volunteer run counselling group which is free.

It will be hard for the next few months, but you've still got your mum, you can still breathe, you are going to live and its best to be strong for your mum. just let her know how much you love her, write her a letter, help with the house work, sell old clothes, get a part time job, just try and do all you can do to help her. Im not saying you wont need help too but seeing your mum happy is the best thing in the world x
 
Hunni, it will be ok. Not today nor tomorrow, but it will get better. I wish I could help better than words. But we're thinking of you and this is a great place for support. Hugs.

Terri
 
Very sorry to hear this, its alot of responsibility for you to take on but you sound a very sensible 14 year old.

If she doesn't already your Mum should also be able to get tax credits if her job is low paid.

Also agree with talking to your landlord, in my experience they will often cut you some slack if you have been a previously good tenant but they do like to be kept informed with whats going on.

As others have said it does get better however s**t it seems at the moment.

Hugs to you and your Mum.
 
Sorry this has happened to you.My husband up and left me in July this year.I have 3 teens,14,17 and 19.The two boys are in college and my daughter is in school.I went on JSA.
Hope your mom feels better soon.
Try to be positive.
 
At that age your dad definitely has a responsibility to help to pay for your care. I really hope you all get the help you need don't be afraid to contact your dad either. Mid life crisis or not he's still your dad and sometimes they need a shock to the system to cough up.
 
Hunni, your Mum needs to go to the local council to apply for Housing and Council Tax benefit. This will help pay the rent and the council tax. As long as she is working 16hrs per week she will be entitled to Working and Child Tax Credit. Stay strong, it will get better - you have your Mum and she has you. :)

Also if your Dad works, he should pay child maintenance. Child maintenance is no longer taken into account when assessing Housing and Council Tax Benefit and doesn't affect tax credits, so actually the more maintenance she can get for you, the better off she will be. It will take a few weeks for everything to be assessed though - it won't happen overnight.
 
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Hunni, I'm so sorry to hear this.
I don't have any more to add to what everyone else has said.
Be strong, support your Mum as best as you can, but don't be ashamed to cry or ask for help yourself. Feel free to PM if you want someone to talk to. (((((HUGS))))).

(If it's any consolation, life is full of good and bad. You need to make the best of the situation you find yourself in at any particular time.
I lost my Dad 2 weeks ago, then just found out on Thursday that my 3 year old pony (who my Dad bought for me) is pregnant to a big warmblood colt ).
 
First thing I'll say is that while it's s**t now, it does get better. Personally I would try and tell her about the online stuff as it's better for her to know now than find out later.
Also your father has to pay maintence for you and your mom can get help with the rent and other benefits even if working. She really, really needs to go to the citizens advice burea, they're very good and will help out with everything like that.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

It does get better and you will get through this, I promise!
 
So sorry that you are finding yourself in this unhappy situation right now, it must make you feel very unsettled and worried about the future, what you need to remenber is that lots of families go through a breakup like this and people do come through, find their feet, and manage to get on with their lives. It is important that you talk to your mum, tell her how you feel etc. Please pass on the good advice already given in this thread, and in particular the bit about keeping your landlord informed, your mum will be entitled to some financial help, and will have certain rights as a tenant but if the landlord is kept fully informed of the situation it is likely he will be willing to be more understanding than if he simply doesnt get his rent. You sound like a very mature young person, please remember that in life we cannot always control what happens to us, but we can always choose how we deal with it, and how much we let it affect our future, if we face the truth we can always find something to learn from it and make us stronger. You and your mum may be facing a big challenge right now, but you will come through, and you will be ok.
 
sorry you and your mum are in this position. firstly i would tell her about the online stuff, she may stumble upon it one day anyway then feel she can't talk to anyone about it so maybe if you tell her then at least she will know she can talk to you about it.

your mum will be entitled to help with her housing and also tax credits, tell her to go and find out about them. there is an online thing that you can fill in and it will give you a guide to the amount she can claim.
http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/start/who-qualifies/quick-questionnaire.htm

^^^^ i think that's the right link.

your dad will have to provide for you whether he likes it or not.

if you are worried about the rent for your horses then maybe speak to the YO and let her know you are having a difficult time and maybe work in return for a reduction in their liveries.
 
:( Haven't really got any further advice to offer, just wanted to send you lots of hugs x

Like someone has already said, unfortunately, lots of parents split-up and as tough and scary it is now, it will be OK, and you and your mum will learn to live without your dad in the house.

Just try and stay positive and try not to let it effect your school studies. Your mum will of course be very upset now, and rightfully so, but I'm sure she will be strong again- it just takes time xxx
 
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