Re-lived my horses death in my sleep last night

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smanf

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Sorry, pointless post, but I have been on a bit of a downer all day because of it. I woke up in tears and it's brought it all back, I think it might be because the 6 month anniversary is looming (a week today). I miss Lloyd so much :( (I had him 20 years).

I am starting to wonder if losing him is at the root of the confidence issues I have been experiencing lately. My new boy is smashing and I am determined that we will have a happy life together :)
 
(((hugs)))

A few months ago i had a dream that Freddy was in the paddock and had just needed a couple of months field rest rather than PTS. It was so vivid and it left me feeling upset the whole day. I guess there'll always be days like that though no matter how long its been since losing them. At least you have your new boy to take your mind off it as it does help.
 
So sorry hunny have been there too mine was 8 months ago:( It gave me a real confidence knoch too and then I bought a horse that was too much for me so be careful on the rebound.
 
Six months is nothing when you have loved a horse for twenty years. I still miss my horses who died in 2000 and 2002, but the horse I have now is a godsend to me and I love him for what he is. Last night, I dreamed I found the horse I have now dead in his stable. He was on his back with his legs curled as if he was rolling in his bed of clean shavings. He had his navy blue rug on, which I put on him yesterday evening. I too woke up in tears and I was so relieved to see him this morning. So I know how realistic these dreams are and how much they shake you up. You won't forget Lloyd and it's natural to think of him and sometimes cry (or sometimes smile) at memories of him, but your new boy is a fresh chapter in your book of life with horses. Give him an extra cuddle tonight in memory of Lloyd. Sending you lots of hugs. xx
 
Janesomerset said:
Six months is nothing when you have loved a horse for twenty years. I still miss my horses who died in 2000 and 2002, but the horse I have now is a godsend to me and I love him for what he is. Last night, I dreamed I found the horse I have now dead in his stable. He was on his back with his legs curled as if he was rolling in his bed of clean shavings. He had his navy blue rug on, which I put on him yesterday evening. I too woke up in tears and I was so relieved to see him this morning. So I know how realistic these dreams are and how much they shake you up. You won't forget Lloyd and it's natural to think of him and sometimes cry (or sometimes smile) at memories of him, but your new boy is a fresh chapter in your book of life with horses. Give him an extra cuddle tonight in memory of Lloyd. Sending you lots of hugs. xx
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Lol, that's started me off again!! I certainly will give Indie a hug from Lloyd. Thanks for all the hugs :o
 
Oh gosh that's awful......totally understand, tho I had to decide for my 48yr old first pony as she dropped weight and went off her feed. I didn't want any invasive tests or for her quality of life to go (she was sound going for inhand walks etc)
Big hugs
 
You poor thing but I promise you it does get better and then you remember all the good times you both shared. You need at least a year to grieve properly so just accept these dreams and gradually you will find the rawness will go away.
 
I lost my dear big ginger boy Jack, three years ago now and I am always dreaming about him, I relive our wonderful rides we had together and it all seems so real, I often wake up in tears when I realise it was just a dream!
 
Thanks guys, I do have good dreams about him too from time to time, but the one last night really hit me! Us and our horses eh? terrible when they go. Maria 13, so sorry for your loss, I am at a stage where I can recognise, as other people have said, that the pain does become bearable (even with the odd re-lapse here and there!!) and they do stay with u x
 
Firstly I'm sorry for you smanf and anyone else on this thread who has just recently had their horse die.

Secondly it's a very interesting topic of conversation as I too had a mini-nightmare this week. One of my most treasured horses died just a few days ago too. I always have lovely dreams and it took me aback when I woke and found the dream I'd just had was not pleasant at all. It wasn't anything about the horse who died though and I've been trying to analyse it but haven't really come up with anything.
 
Oh poor you - those dreams are just awful and they can leave you feeling horrid for days. I dreamed for years after his death about my Dad, and would often feel very sad the following day. I have no idea why, but it is something your brain / mind just need to do and in a way it is a tribute to how much you loved the person who has died - whether a human, a horse or any other species. Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow x x
 
I have had numerous dreams about losing Dorey. Some are flashbacks, some are just horrible nightmares.

One dream I had started off nasty. I turned Dorey out in the old field at our old house and one of the girls on the yard ran over to warn me. "you can't turn her out, she might hurt her leg more". I turned around and said to the girl "she can't hurt herself, she's already dead." Then we watched Dorey gallop around her field like she was all okay again.
Then I called her and she cantered over to me and stopped at the gate. But the horse at the gate didn't look like Dorey even though in dreamland it was Dorey. The new Dorey was bay.

I woke up and knew in a flash what it meant. Dorey's daughter is bay.
 
How awful for you. It's strange what your sub-conscience can do to you. Sometimes bring peace then other times be traumatic. I dream of all my animals (past and present) and my children. Some are fine and others are horrific but that generally happens when I have something on my mind.
I never got to say goodbye to my Dad as he lived in the states when he died a couple of years ago but I dreamt about him sitting close to me but I couldn't get to him as there were people in between us. He was laughing and shouting over them that he was ok. Weird.
 
Oh no :( I totally understand, my boy was PTS with a broken hind leg 2 years ago. I dream about him sometimes and he's always lame in my dreams, it's horrible.

xxx
 
I feel your pain - I've had the same dream about four times since I lost my precious Kelly in November 2011.

In the dream I get a text telling me to go back to my old yard, and when I get there Kelly's there in her old stable. People were telling me she hadn't died, she'd been stolen and they'd got her back. She's in really poor condition, thin and dirty, but I'm so happy to have her back.

I rush off home to tell my OH the good news, but though he's really happy for me he tells me we simply can't afford two horses, and I have to choose between Kelly and Sham...

I wake up in tears, then I feel so down for a day or so after. :(
 
I can sympathise...happened to me also.

However, like someone else said, the worst dream [I have very life like beleivable dreams :o] was one where he wasn't PTS and was still happily in his field before. Waking up half thinking that, then realising, was excruciating.


And I wonder why I rarely sleep. I hate my dreams, they always carry on like the day is going on, I never feel like it's been an actual nights sleep as wake up thinking the days just carried on! :o
 
I'm still suffering from losing my boy 1 and a 1/2 years ago. I will never forget the little monster and not a day goes by where I don't miss him or my new even naughtier horse does something annoying and I wish for him instead! Awful I know but it does get easier.

I put some lovely photos on the wall above my bed and one on the side table, it takes that awful pain away when I used to find a photo of him when looking for something else and got really emotional.

This way his face is in my life every day but as it becomes part of the look of the room it doesn't stand out to me every time I walk in. This has really helped me.

My thoughts are with you. I ate 50 sausage rolls when he died, made my stomach ache for a few hours instead of my heart. Although will probably end up giving me heart diesease!
 
Oh... the forgetting... I went through about 3 months of waking up ready to put her out every day :(

The worst was getting drunk. Even 8 months later I'd randomly call or text someone, whilst drunk, to ask "is Dorey definitely dead? You SURE she's gone?". They'd then have to tell me all over again what had happened and break my heart again.

Seriously. Don't drink if you're having these dreams :(
 
Serenity087 said:
Oh... the forgetting... I went through about 3 months of waking up ready to put her out every day :(

The worst was getting drunk. Even 8 months later I'd randomly call or text someone, whilst drunk, to ask "is Dorey definitely dead? You SURE she's gone?". They'd then have to tell me all over again what had happened and break my heart again.

Seriously. Don't drink if you're having these dreams :(
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I can totally relate to this. I lost my beloved wee TB mare 9 weeks ago in fairly horrific circumstances. Every morning Im awake for five mins before I get this thought, like a punch in the stomach, reminding me she is gone. I dont drink but can imagine I would be exactly the same as you if I did:/
 
Irishdan said:
I can totally relate to this. I lost my beloved wee TB mare 9 weeks ago in fairly horrific circumstances. Every morning Im awake for five mins before I get this thought, like a punch in the stomach, reminding me she is gone. I dont drink but can imagine I would be exactly the same as you if I did:/
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I hate it. That horrible moment when your brain wakes up and registers that there is no more Dorey.

I still have days when I've obviously had a good dream and it all suddenly catches me back up.

Why is there no official counseling service for people who have lost horses? It strikes me as being such a massive trauma!
 
In the first year after loosing benson, I had vivid nightmares of the accident in which he died.
But, after about 18 months or so I think, I had such a lovely dream about him, where he was in the back of his stable, and could speak to me, he told me he was ok, he didnt blame me, and the fields he was in now were lovely and green, he had no pain, and no worries. Ever since that dream, I dont think I had the nightmares.
So it does get better. Hugs. xx
 
benson21 said:
In the first year after loosing benson, I had vivid nightmares of the accident in which he died.
But, after about 18 months or so I think, I had such a lovely dream about him, where he was in the back of his stable, and could speak to me, he told me he was ok, he didnt blame me, and the fields he was in now were lovely and green, he had no pain, and no worries. Ever since that dream, I dont think I had the nightmares.
So it does get better. Hugs. xx
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What a beautiful post (even though it made me cry again!) It would be lovely to think of all those horses out in green fields, with the sun on their backs.
 
benson21 said:
In the first year after loosing benson, I had vivid nightmares of the accident in which he died.
But, after about 18 months or so I think, I had such a lovely dream about him, where he was in the back of his stable, and could speak to me, he told me he was ok, he didnt blame me, and the fields he was in now were lovely and green, he had no pain, and no worries. Ever since that dream, I dont think I had the nightmares.
So it does get better. Hugs. xx
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OMG!! That has really set me off, tissues out and everything!! It's a good job the rest of the guys are out on site!!
What horrendous trauma you must have been through xx
 
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SORRY!!!! i must admit, it made me cry for days, but really put my mind at ease. it was so real, I could smell him when I woke up, and i could feel him on my hands where i had stroked him. Quite surreal.
 
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