realising you've bought the wrong horse

hnmisty

hnmisty

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I've been wondering for a while, but today I came out with it all to one of the other ladies at the yard.

I don't think Barry is the right horse for me. On the ground he is lovely to handle, a child could lead him and he'd happily follow. He loves having a fuss made, although he pretends otherwise.

But ridden, we're just not really clicking. I have had some very nice sessions on him in the school, but today he was a bit of an idiot. He was walking round very calmly, then had a bit of a special moment as a car and then a tractor came round the corner (he is fine with both). He calmed down, went quite nicely, then a couple had the temerity to walk along the road (how dare they!) and he just planted and froze. I couldn't get him to move, and got off as it felt like he was going to flip. He is usually calm, but when he gets himself wound up he really gets wound up, and that's what I don't like (and tbh, don't handle very well).

I used to just jump on board my old pkny and ride everywhere and anywhere. I've only taken him out once on his own, and although he was sold as brilliant to hack in company and alone, he was sharper than I'd like. I'm adding a disclaimer here: he's never reared or done anything bad, but I'm struggling to trust him that he won't. I'm not the most confident rider, I am entirely capable but my confidence is easily damaged and he's not helping.

I've realised I'm just not really enjoying riding him. I used to love hacking, but now I only go out in company and when we get back I'm relieved we've made it back. It's not really fair on him, he's not naughty, I'm just not very confident on him out hacking.

The girl who had him before me did loads of SJ and XC with him, and I think he needs a busier life than I'm giving him.

So I'm thinking of selling, but he has his issues. He's not very good to mount on your own, I have someone to hold him for me. And just been diagnosed with very mild arthritis in his coffin joint (it's early enough that there was barely anything to be seen on the x ray). He's had treatment and vet thinks he will be able to do everything I wanted with him (I would love to get to be80).

Do I have a chance of selling him? Would anyone buy him? I am prepared to make a loss on him- I know I will, as firstly I am pretty sure I overpaid (£2600) and that was without an arthritis diagnosis. But I think he would do well with a confident teenager who likes hacking and doing local competitions. The friend I was talking to suggested ex racehorse groups (he's ex p2p). Are they just for advertising or could they do sales?

I feel like I've failed him and I'm making him sound awful- he's not a naughty horse (he has never done anything even vaguely malicious either on the ground or ridden), I'm just not really clicking with him, and I guess that at the end of the day, he isn't what I was expecting.

I spent the best part of 7 years dreaming about getting a new horse, so I want to be enjoying it.

Thoughts are welcome. Please don't be mean- it's taken a lot for me to admit this. Yes, I know he's an ex racer, but he's different from how he was when I tried him. I don't want to just ditch him, but I want something I can enjoy.

:(

PS sorry if this doesn't make much sense. It's kind of just my thoughts vomited out on my phone...
 
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Hey, there's nothing wrong in not gelling, all the thousands of horses and the thousands of people - think how lucky people are when they find something "perfect"!

I think it's a bloody expensive past time and you simply MUST enjoy it. If you can imagine yourself happier with something else, then find your boy a good home and enjoy your life with a new pal :)
 
Don't feel guilty, if you are not enjoying your riding then you need to change something, if you do not feel you have a partnership you trust with your horse it is not the horses fault or yours.

Just find your horse the right new home before looking for another horse for yourself. Good luck
 
Don't beat yourself up, you've given him a fair trial and you're just not really enjoying him.

I'm afraid that you will lose money if you sell him (due to the arthritis) but hopefully there's a good home out there somewhere for him. Hope you can get something later that you will enjoy.
 
Sell him, find him a nice home and take the loss if necessary. Then go find something that is very quiet that you can get your confidence back on, better to have to rev up a quiet one than calm down a fizzy one if your confidence is not great. Don't feel bad, I bought the wrong horse a few years ago, lost (a lot of!) money and some confidence but so glad I did as have had three years of fun since with my lad who I love to bits!
 
Oh dear poor you. My take on this is pretty simple. If any relationship isn't working it needs kicking in to touch. Horses are too expensive & time consuming to keep if they're not suited to our needs, & although the reality rarely matches up to the dream in your case it really does sound as if you need to move him on.

Will he sell? Well if you're prepared to take a hit on the price then yes, but you need to accentuate all his positive aspects. When people ask why you are selling, just say that he's not what you have been used to in the past & that you haven't really 'clicked'.

Don't let anyone else make you feel bad either. It's not working out for you. End of.
 
Firstly! Well done for admitting this to your self, it's a very hard thing to face up to and not enough people do it!

I think you have a couple of options...

1. Are you receiving lessons....these under a good instructor will make so much difference! You both need your confidence boosting and you need to find ways to deal with the bouncy behaviour! I expect he is good to hack alone when the rider above is giving him plenty of confidence.

2. He sounds like he would sell quite easily if you are up front and honest about the arthritis. He sounds like a good competition type who would give someone plenty of fun....on pricing I'm not much help...but if he has experience under his belt £2600 doesn't sound over priced!

What ever you decide don't feel bad or that you gave failed him! You have to both be happy and confident.....if finding him a new home and you a new ride means you have to part ways then that is the best thing for you!
 
Thank you for the lovely replies :) I think this is hard because I've never sold before, both my previous ponies ended their days with me. I've had some loans I've returned (the longest of which was 6 months...which is how long I've had Barry), but then they've just gone back to the owner so it was simple.

He did do quite a lot competing with his old owner (up to about 3'-3'3" SJ), but the last of that was a year ago. Is mentioning that grasping at too many straws?

If I write an ad up later, would anyone be willing to read it and suggest a price (by PM, I don't want to be done for advertising on here :p). I have no idea on price.

Thanks :)

I just want a bigger version of my old pony!
 
TandD said:
1. Are you receiving lessons....these under a good instructor will make so much difference! You both need your confidence boosting and you need to find ways to deal with the bouncy behaviour! I expect he is good to hack alone when the rider above is giving him plenty of confidence
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I've been having lessons with a brilliant instructor, but haven't had one for a couple of months as we were getting the arthritis thing sorted out.

Agree entirely about the hacking out alone- he didn't actually do anything, was just very alert! I think a more confident rider wouldn't be at all bothered.

I say my confidence is fragile...but I've ridden some total nutters in the past and loved them. Speedy isn't a problem, feeling like they are about to explode sometimes is. I know any horse can flip on you at any point and for any reason, I just don't want to feel that very often! (Or because two people walked past...)
 
It does seem a shame but if he isn't the horse for you then you're best of finding him a new owner and you a new horse - both of you will be happier. He sounds like a nice type and i'm sure he will find a home
 
I felt exactly the same HNMisty - want another horse like my lovely mare! Am trying to sell the gelding I bought in May, for half what I paid for him, but no luck so far. Like yours he would be great for a youngster who I am sure would enjoy his small moments of excitement unlike me who dreads them! I dont think there is any shame in selling a horse if you dont gel - dont know how old you are but I am certainly heading for 'later life' and it is simply not worth the risk if they scare you. It is not a brilliant time to sell, but I am sure with patience you will find Barry a good new owner. Good luck, anyway!
 
Bar the arthritis issue I'm in the same boat OP - I used to love hacking and would be out for miles on my shared horse, just me and her - but since buying my boy (and being assured by seller that he was a perfect hacking horse) - I am not enjoying it. He spooks, spins, naps, freaks at the smallest things (and this is only when ridden, he's great on the ground) - and it's just not the relaxing pootles that I had planned! :( I'm currently getting help for him thanks to some true angels on here, but I'm still very much in two minds about his future. I'm not a confident rider and he will need a lot of time and work to come good - if it turns out that we really can't gel in our riding relationship then I will have to sell him :( xx
 
Tobiano- I am selfishly very glad there is someone in the same boat as me! I bought Barry in may too. I'm 25 :p for me, if I trust the horse I will do all sorts of silly stuff with them (I used to jump my old girl bareback in a headcollar!

Sologirl...good luck with yours too :) good on you for being brave enough to keep trying!

Now I'm thinking...am I just thinking this because he was a bit of an idiot today? Argh. I don't think I am though, but then I think...should I give him more of a chance? Then I think how much I had to work myself out to trying our first fully solo hack (bf walked with me on the other one). We got 50m down the road before he tripped and fell over, but it took a lot of working myself up to try!
 
Thanks hnmisty - best of luck to you too! Part of me is wanting to hang onto him purely because I'd lose a %&$% fortune trying to sell him at this time of year lol - but if he comes good it will have been worth it. I have been to and fro between "aww he's only young, i'll persevere" and "I'm selling the little B-word this instant!!" as I do love him to pieces but don't know if I am good for him and vice versa. I need a steady hacking horse that won't grow to 20hh at the sight of a plastic bag, not a sissy little youngster that tries his luck every time I try and get him out alone - but sadly that is what I've ended up with!! If there was a "grow a pair of balls" pill I'd down a whole bottle rather than have to let him go - but at the same time I don't want him to end up ruined because of my own inexperience! *sigh*
 
I was in the same situation as you! Only the horse I had was a complete sod on the ground and lovely to ride!
In the end I was too scared to ride him or go near him without someone being there (I ended up with a broken hand!)
I put him up forsale for a lot less than what I paid yet when people came to view him he did his best rodeo impressions with my friend riding him so it was a big no no.
I actually did a swap in the end, horse for horse (well, yearling!') and I can honestly say it's the best thing I ever did!
My old horse is now happy where he is and has a lovely owner!
My little baby has now been broken in and he's a complete star!!
 
I have really struggled with my horse too. Love him to bits, but he really isn't very nice to ride! Nothing horrible but I often feel like he is about to explode when hacking alone. Doesn't really mean I can have the nice poodle around the lanes that I want.
However I have got a very nice instructor who is taking him out hacking on his own, she says his fine (!) but it is giving me the confidence to take him out more too.
I have owned my boy for nearly 2 years and I'm still not convinced he is the right horse but don't really want to sell him as he was past around a lot before I got him and took a long time to settle. Have a stupid guilt thing over him!
Maybe try getting someone else to ride him out might give you more confidence if you see what he does from the ground- mine looks very tame when you're not actually on his back- makes me realise it's all in my head!!
 
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Horses are bought and sold every day, for every sort of reason. If this one doesn't suit you, then sell him on and go find one that you like better. It really isn't anything to feel guilty about (when did owning a horse become like being married to it?). I have had literally hundreds of horses through my hands over many years - some I bred, some I bought - some I liked, some I didn't. 'Tis the way of the world.
 
To be perfectly frank, I have never understood why people keep horses that they don't match with. Far better to find the horse their perfect partner and the owner move on and find something more suitable for them too. I think trying to stick with it makes not only the owner unhappy but also the horse.
 
I agree that rehoming him would be the right option, though with the coffin joint issue I doubt you'll get much money for him. I'm in an ex racehorse group, and there are young, sound horses for about £700.

I also doubt you'll be able to find a home for him this side of winter, so I would really consider taking a couple of months to see if you can build your confidence with him. Try some ground work, perhaps some natural horsemanship, go on some fun hacks where he can gallop etc. Perhaps think about lunging him before riding if he's too sharp?

How long have you had him? Mine occasionally does the 'I'm going to explode' thing, but I've had him for two years and the exploding has never actually happened, so I'm thinking it's not an issue? I just let him have his moment of trembling and snorting and backing behind the leg, and then he seems to get a grip of himself and we carry on.
 
I think it must be such a relief to have finally made this decision (well almost) - it must have been in the back of your mind for a while ? there is no point carrying on with a horse that you just have not clicked with. I've no idea about resale values, but what i do know is that you can't go wrong with a lovely coloured cob :)
 
I was in a very similar position a few months ago. The buying / selling was a bit hairy, but having hit the other side with the next horse, I have no regrets at all and I'm pleased I made the plunge.

You know when a horse isn't quite right. The market at the moment is rubbish, and it's worth bearing in mind that it may take a while to sell. However if you can fight your way through that battle, there's a big feeling of relief to find at the end of it.
 
Could you do a swap? Find a teenager who is maybe ready to move onto something with a bit more but doesn't want to part with their more steady native/cob? I understand how you feel, if you don't enjoy your horse then you don't. I think also if you rode something else that suited you better it could put things more into perspective with your own horse. They are meant to be enjoyed!
 
Well done on realising this - I think too many people persevere with the wrong horse and can result in a loss of confidence, and does no favours for horse or rider.

I was in the same position only a few months ago - on paper the horse was perfect but something about him made me nervous. He had some issues too but honestly advertised him and was fortunate to sell him quickly, and to the exerienced home he needed.

I swopped him for a whizzy cob and we are having a ball! I feel that I could cope with anything he throws at me and have regained all my confidence.

Good luck!
 
How long have you had him? Its your decision at the end of the day but if it was me I would persevere abit longer some horses you bond with straight away others take a little longer. Maybe you could get a confident friend to hack him out for you just to show you its nothing to worry about and put your mind at ease. My horse was a nightmare when I first got him but I've still got him 15 years later. I'm sure he will eventually settle down. I think you'll find it very rewarding if you did carry on it all worked out in the end.
If you do really want to sell him though don't feel guilty if you think he will be happier with someone else just make sure they are right for each other though before you let him go so he doesn't end up being sold on again and again and also thoroughbreds are going for next to nothing in today's market so you probably wouldn't get your money back that goes for any horse actually atm.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
 
Sidney2178017 said:
I was in the same position only a few months ago - on paper the horse was perfect but something about him made me nervous. He had some issues too but honestly advertised him and was fortunate to sell him quickly, and to the exerienced home he needed.

I swopped him for a whizzy cob and we are having a ball! I feel that I could cope with anything he throws at me and have regained all my confidence.

Good luck!
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I think that's it exactly. He doesn't do anything nasty, but I'm just a bit nervous. Usually in the school at least it's fine in the school but he can get silly over stupid stuff (like the walkers). Usually it's people leading their horses across the gravel out to the field, today was the first time he's been so stupid at something so utterly ridiculous. I say "stupid" and feel like a wimp compared to the things some horses do, but it's enough for me.

I'm really happy to read you have found such a dream partner (and for all the others who have been in the same situation and also found their Ones), gives me hope!

Myprincess, I've had him 6 months. I think if I got someone else to hack him out then I would just be thinking he was ace because they were more confident.

I know I'm going to make a massive loss on him, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't mind, of course I do, it took me a long time to save for him. But I would rather see him go to a home where he will be really enjoyed, and where he will have a busier life, which is what I think he likes. And if that means taking a big loss, I will. I also want to make sure I find him a good home, and again, if that means taking a big loss I will. Yes, I would consider a swap, although I never thought they were very common?

I want to get back to being desperate to ride all the time! Now I feel like it's something I should be doing because I have a horse, not because it's something I really love, and that makes me a bit sad.

Thanks for all the kind words, advice and shared stories of happy endings!
 
Was here myself a few months ago though I had 2 horses...sold the older of the 2 at 5 years old and was the best decision I could have made. The horse I kept is the love of my life and I love every second I spend with him. He is not ridden as he is not ready til next spring (hopefully) but I'm starting regular lessons as of next week to sort my own issues out before I send my lad off for schooling.
Life is definitely too short to be unsure or feeling like its all a chore xxx
 
Just to give different perspective though, he doesn't sound like he actually does anything wrong.

He sounds like he is waiting for you to give him some confidence, and your current issue is all in your head. (not that it isn't just as scary - been there!)

He sounds lovely. In your place I would persist. Comparing him to another horse isn't fair on him, ,he is different and you need to learn to enjoy things with him.

Why not see if you can find someone who is confident and capable to work him once or twice a week for him, to build his confidence, and just keep your riding to stuff you are confident with, like lessons.
 
hnmisty said:
I think that's it exactly. He doesn't do anything nasty, but I'm just a bit nervous. Usually in the school at least it's fine in the school but he can get silly over stupid stuff (like the walkers). Usually it's people leading their horses across the gravel out to the field, today was the first time he's been so stupid at something so utterly ridiculous. I say "stupid" and feel like a wimp compared to the things some horses do, but it's enough for me.
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That makes me wonder if he is very noise reactive. I think I'd be asking the vet if he could have arthritic changes in his neck/poll (and then treating that). Horses with back/neck/poll pain seem to get a headache and become very noise reactive. When I was bucked off on the road by my ID mare because of a back problem (she reacted to the noise of a car) I bought a very sensible confidence giving Draft horse, while the ID was being treated and rehabbed. Unfortunately we lost the ID to a completely separate illness but I can certainly related to the feeling of relaxation you get from not worrying about extraneous problems on a hack.

ETA If all is found to be well with his neck etc, I think you are very sensible to consider advertising him in the Spring. I have seen girls completely put off riding after swapping a sensible native-type for a bigger, sharper TB.
 
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My ex racer feels like he might but i trust him, i bought the wrong horse, stuck with it for 5 years then sold and my current horses are paying the price babysitting me

Now u have admitted follow up and find something u click with. Although he may sell better in April/may

We'll done fessing up and good luck.
 
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