realising you've bought the wrong horse

[Flame_]

It takes longer than a few months to build up a trusting partnership IMO. If you enjoy riding this horse a lot of the time and you are only frightening yourself about what he might do, rather than anything he's actually done, I just think you need to stick at taking small steps forward and building confidence in each other. I honestly wouldn't give up yet if plenty of stuff is working, unless you just don't really like the horse to ride generally or believe that, for you, he's unsafe.

 

[hnmisty]

Pearlsasinger, that's very interesting. I've got the vet coming out this week or week after so I'll see what she thinks

Flame- that's what I was unsure of, I got my old ponies so long ago that I can't remember this getting used to each other period. But I just know I'm not really enjoying it. And I am not sure I ever will. For me it would be a question of how long do I keep going without having fun. I just want to get back to absolutely loving riding again and not worrying, and maybe that would eventually happen with him but I just don't feel it. My confidence is easily lost- it was lost on the loan pony I had before I got Barry, he was brilliant to hack solo...until he started just running backwards with no warning.

I think tbh, I need a nice confidence giver. Someone said maybe he's just after some confidence from me- maybe. But I just can't give it to him, but plenty of other people could, I think.

 

[JustMeThen]

It's not failing - as you say, it's just that the combination has to click and sometimes it doesn't. That's not your fault or any reflection on you as a rider but if you're not clicking and not enjoying it, I'd say find him a new home so you'll both be happy.
Good luck and hope you do find him a good home and you a forever horse

 

[JustMeThen]

Myprincess, I've had him 6 months. I think if I got someone else to hack him out then I would just be thinking he was ace because they were more confident.



I want to get back to being desperate to ride all the time! Now I feel like it's something I should be doing because I have a horse, not because it's something I really love, and that makes me a bit sad.

The only think I'd add is that I was in this boat when I'd had my boy six months; wary of riding him, never sure what he was going to do, although he'd never really done anything, wondering if I'd made a massive mistake in buying him... now, ten months later, I feel I've really cracked him. I know him inside out and am quite happy with him. It'll sound weird to say I'm selling him, but that's only because I've realised his forte isn't jumping, which is what I want to do, not because of him, if that makes any sense!

 

[hnmisty]

Well, I was going to write an advert up tonight, but he's currently hopping lame for some totally unknown reason so I guess not! So it looks like another visit from the vet in the morning. Yay.

I can't wait to go home for Christmas I don't do fed up or stressed, but right now I am feeling very sorry for myself!

 

[theresat]

What did you do?
This is identical to a horse my daughter has, lovely on the ground and can have some really good schooling sessions, even hacks, but suddenly out of nowhere gets worried and stressed. If she gets off him and walks by his side he is fine and trusts her but its like he doesn't realise she is there when she is on his back. She has had lots of lessons on him by good instructors.

 

[Dizzle]

I had a similar issue with my first horse, I loaned him for six months then bought him home so we knew each other very well. I carried on for two and a half years, during all this time I never actually fell off him but we slowly eroded each other’s confidence to the point I was starting to resent him, I moved him to a new yard where the hacking involved busy roads and although good in traffic I didn’t trust him.

I ended up giving him away to a racehorse rehoming charity, I was honest with them, I didn’t want to sell him as a ‘cheap’ horse as I’d seen who ended up with cheap racehorses and he didn’t deserve that, in the right hands though he would make a cracking RC horse as he went beautifully for RI’s etc.

I then decided to have a break from horses… three weeks later I found myself driving 100 miles to visit a friend’s yard, there was a little New Forest pony that wasn’t suitable for the riding school and liked jumping, I rode her in the school and I could hardly get her to move and she refused to use half the corners. Head girl rode her for a few mins and pony went beautifully.

I hacked her out and we had a canter, on the buckle then took her on the roads and she napped leaving the yard! It was a terrible viewing but she was so easy to handle and we could canter on the buckle!

That was 18 months ago and she has turned out to be the best thing I have ever bought, I love being a horse owner again and although it has taken a long time for my confidence to return it’s been worth the wait, funnily enough I have actually fallen off the pony. And got back on!

I gave it a good go with the old horse but I couldn’t carry it on any longer and I’m really pleased I made the decision to move on.

P.s Old horse is now happy in a new home with a more confident and better rider

 

[theresat]

I'm glad she is not on her own with this. Thinks she is the only one with a horse like this. She's had him for almost 5 years and despite making some progress with him recently (had been off for a year with injury) he will suddenly and out of nowhere have a 'moment' where something seems to bother him. Then a case of flight I think. Jogs, sometimes canters off, doesn't listen. If in school and someone walks by or the trees rustle if its a bit breezy he will spook and act like an idiot.
She desperately wants him to be relaxed and happy so they can enjoy riding together, but he's had a good chance at 5 years and it is time consuming and hard work for her whilst trying to fit it her job too. Maybe she will have to consider a new home for him but she worries he will end up in a home where he is not understood. Having read all the posts on this subject though I think this is maybe her best option.

 

[hnmisty]

I sold him to a very nice lady and he went to his new home at the end of January. By the time it got to that stage, I was 99.9% certain I was doing the right thing. I went out for one last ride the day he was going and it made my mind up 100%. He didn't do anything but I was pooping myself pretty much the entire way round. The lady who has bought him is used to things his size (her other horse is 17hh+ so to her he's small) and is used to TBs. I will be looking something smaller next time!

I had started looking at ads for my new horse, then was offered the chance to go to Texas for 3-4 months for work! So I'm putting buying again on hold until I've finished my PhD. I'm going to do some riding out in Texas, then look for a share when I get back.

As lovely as he was, it is a weight off my shoulders.

 

[eahotson]

I sold him to a very nice lady and he went to his new home at the end of January. By the time it got to that stage, I was 99.9% certain I was doing the right thing. I went out for one last ride the day he was going and it made my mind up 100%. He didn't do anything but I was pooping myself pretty much the entire way round. The lady who has bought him is used to things his size (her other horse is 17hh+ so to her he's small) and is used to TBs. I will be looking something smaller next time!

I had started looking at ads for my new horse, then was offered the chance to go to Texas for 3-4 months for work! So I'm putting buying again on hold until I've finished my PhD. I'm going to do some riding out in Texas, then look for a share when I get back.

As lovely as he was, it is a weight off my shoulders.

Result! Happy for you both.Enjoy Texas.

 

[Bayneddie]

V pleased there was a happy ending for him.

And just wanted to add that I love his name!!!

 

[hnmisty]

Thank you both

Bayneddie- he really is a Barry as well, it suits him right down to the ground! I wish I could see a photo of him as a lovely foal to see why someone went "I know what to call him!"