Really do not know what to do :/ - Sharing

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TinselTurkey

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I currently share a very talented horse who is absolutley lovley and I love him to pieces. I am fortunate to be allowed to be able to compete him affiliated SJ.

My instructor who has known this horse since he first came over to england which was about 8/9 years ago has taught me for about 3 years now ( Whilst I still had the pony and the year I have had the horse) and she has greatly improved my confidence and made me actually enjoy jumping. But sadly she moved abroad and won't be back for atleast another 2 years.

Ever since she has left sharing this horse has become an absolute nightmare. The other sharer and her instructor are going against what my instructor ( who has known him for 8/9 years so knows absolutley everything there is to know about him) has said, e.g in the fields he can't go faster than a walk because he picked up a bad habit of thinking he can just go fast and gallop because thats all he used to do. As a result he can get very silly in the fields. Other sharer decided that her instructor was going to ride him in the fields and walk,trot canter him on her day ( this annoyed me because me and his groom had just spent 7 months getting him sane in the fields and I was worried that cantering and galloping would undo all of our hard work) and then she said she was going to ride him on my day because her instructor was riding him on her day. This annoyed me because she arranged her own instructor to ride on HER day so she had her share of him on her day but because she didn't ride him she thought that she should have my day to make up for it. Ever since my instructor left her instructor has been texting my mum saying that my instructor told the other sharer things she shouldn't do which isn't fair ( We where both told the same things for our own saftey so in my opinion it was fair) Sharer and her instructor have now decided to completely go against my instructors advise.

As I had no instructor the yard owner told us that she would be taking over my lessons ( I was not exactly thrilled because she has never really liked us and we often got pushed to the bottom of the pile) It became a nightmare trying to arrange lessons as it was so hard to contact her and when we finally did arrange a lesson she did'nt turn up (fundly enough she manages to turn up to teach the people who buy dressage horses that she's allowed to ride). Last week I had a lesson with her and I lost all my confidence in one lesson. Firstly she barley gave my any time to warm up properley and I didn't get any chance to work on the quality of the canter and get some roundness in the canter and working on lengthening and shortening the strides and I didn't get the chance to do any bending of flexing or transitions to loosen him up and get him listening to me. We then popped down a small grid of 30-60cm (He didn't make any shape over them as he never really tries over small fences) She then called me in the center and proceeded to tell me that his technique is rubbish, and his quality of canter is virtually non existent. An instructor I had had a flat lesson with the week before walked past and they started to talk about all the things wrong with it right infront of me. She then proceeded to tell me that the reason we have no control and frequently get poles down is due to the bad quality of canter. We rarley have poles down, its mainly run outs/stops due to my numpty riding moments or lack of confidence moments. I felt quite down at the end of the lesson and I felt like everything I did was wrong and that I could'nt ride at all. My mum told me in the car that she thought she was making assumptions too soon.

I don't know what to do at the moment because as much as I love the horse, I absolutley hate the yard (We have had problems before with the YO using my share pony in the school on my days as she ''forgot'' even though my days where written down in 5 locations), at the moment I feel like everything I do is wrong, I have no confidence anymore and I actually do feel like I can't ride, The other sharer and her instructor situation is becoming very stressful. The only reason I'm still sharing him is because if I give him up I will have nothing to jump and compete or even ride as most people run a mile when they hear my age (I'm not interested in galloping round and ingnoring schooling like most people my age). I'm just feeling so fed up :/

Cookies and hot chocolatte if you got this far x
 
Your age should not matter and it wont matter to the right horse and owner.

Have you tried contacting the owner regarding the situation ?

There's lots of other horses out there, I know it might not seem that way but the right one always comes along if you feel you dont want to continue with the situation your in and nothing can be done to change it.
 
Plenty of other horses in the sea.

Is this a riding school? Why did the YO assume she would be taking over your lessons? I wouldn't be paying someone who I didn't think knew what they were doing - rather do things by mysef tbh.
 
lwvtb said:
Your age should not matter and it wont matter to the right horse and owner.

Have you tried contacting the owner regarding the situation ?

There's lots of other horses out there, I know it might not seem that way but the right one always comes along if you feel you dont want to continue with the situation your in and nothing can be done to change it.
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We haven't contacted the owner but we where talking to a good friend at the yard who is deputy manager and a past groom of the horse and she said she would try and speak to the instructor and the other sharer.
 
JFTD said:
Plenty of other horses in the sea.

Is this a riding school? Why did the YO assume she would be taking over your lessons? I wouldn't be paying someone who I didn't think knew what they were doing - rather do things by mysef tbh.
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It's a riding school, training centre and livery yard. And I'm not quite sure why, she just walked up to me just before my instructor had left around 2 months ago and said ''I'm taking over your lessons from now on''

I had a lesson today with someone else and I feel I have gained some of my confidence back as she was really positive and helped me when I couldn't get him to bend. I think i will probably have lessons with her from now on (she is also cheaper, so i'm saving money too).
 
I'm confused about oyur story.. who is the owner of this horse? If I was you I would discuss this situation with the owner and not let the deputy speak on your behalf..

I don't know how old you are but seeing as your posting on here and have opinions I think you should confront the other people (other sharer/instructors/YO) yourself so that the outcome is best for you. Or take your mum for back up if you are nervous..

You obiviously care for this horse :) good luck!
 
The owner of the horse is away studying to be a doctor and is rarely at the yard. It would be hard to meet the owner due to school for me and uni for her. If I rung her do you think this would be ok or would it be better to try and arrange to meet her?
 
think you should defo give her a call - you are obviously trying to do the right thing and having lots of lesson improving owners horse schooling too. is there any way you could get another horse or that one to yourself?
 
Speaking as someone who has been the owner of a shared horse, I would definately want to know what was going on with my horse. Don't hesitate. Call her and explain the situation, and your concerns for the training of what sounds like a fairly valuable competition animal.

If she doesn't care/sides with the other sharer/doesn't listen to you as an adult, then it is sadly time to look for a new share. You have to be able to enjoy the horse, otherwise its just going to become a chore for you to ride :(
 
The problem is there are two sharers with two different instructors, the owners is obviously not around to take charge and there is a bad case of chinese whispers.
The 2 sharers need to be open and honest with each other and fair too.

The yard manage needs to but out and sharers book lessons with instructors the they work well with and that will turn up.

The horse is the number 1 priority so everyone should be wanting the best for the horse not themselves.

As much as you like this horse if it isnt going to work then you will find another.
 
pebblemania said:
think you should defo give her a call - you are obviously trying to do the right thing and having lots of lesson improving owners horse schooling too. is there any way you could get another horse or that one to yourself?
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I can't see the other sharer giving her share of him up so I guess thats not an option. I was talking to my parents a couple of days ago and at the moment we can't afford to buy our own horse we where talking about maybe loaning one and moving it to a different yard (if thats ok with the owner of course)
 
Im sorry thats a crap situation to be in - I would also advise talking to the owner as especially in full livery situations yard owners often listen to the owner :). If you are in an area local to Patchetts and have transport/are willing to make your way by train or bus(see your pic) so are we and there are a couple on our yard and local yards for share where you would be allowed to jump and compete! PM for more info, everyone is looking for a sharer going into winter and one lady on our yard had a sharer all summer and she has given up for winter!
 
MissSBird said:
Speaking as someone who has been the owner of a shared horse, I would definately want to know what was going on with my horse. Don't hesitate. Call her and explain the situation, and your concerns for the training of what sounds like a fairly valuable competition animal.

If she doesn't care/sides with the other sharer/doesn't listen to you as an adult, then it is sadly time to look for a new share. You have to be able to enjoy the horse, otherwise its just going to become a chore for you to ride :(
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Agree with this, I would also want to know, does the sharer know that other people are also riding the horse, I'm assuming that since they are using it for lessons they are aware.
You are paying to share this horse, is it in the contract what the share entitles you too and this can be pointed out the next time they try and remove one of your days.
Age would put me off someone sharing a horse, I would want to meet them and see them ride and know that they could cope with the horse, other than that I tend to think younger riders bounce better, it's as you get older you start to splatter instead of bounce :)
 
if you have the time to do a full loan then contact the owner, state your concerns and explain your situation calmly and firmly. Then ask is the option there to take this horse on full loan with you and only you involved in day to day riding and management (obviously owner retains a say in what happens with the horse.) If this is not an option tell her you are giving notice on the share. When contacting her really try and avoid it being a he said - she said type of explanation as unfair as it is that will make you come across as young and childish even if it is the truth. just explain that you have some concerns and having had a great relationship with the horse and worked out a system that works for you and him it is now failing due to the other riders issues.
 
The situation sounds very bizarre and complicated.

Its not easy when you're young but you need to not let yourself be pushed around by these people.

I think two sharers and two instructors is probably a recipe for disaster to be honest - people are always going to disagree - and if I was you I would look for another loan or share.

However, while you're in this situation, you need to accept that you can't change what the other sharer does with him. She will naturally accept the advice of her own instructor, and is entitled to do so. But it doesn't mean she can ride on your days - so tell her no next time she tries to do it.

You are not obliged to take lessons from anyone you don't want, so don't have any more lessons with your YO. Find an instructor you like.

Lastly, there's nothing that wrong with your canter so don't get disheartened.

But really it all sounds like a nightmare situation so I'd get out as soon as you can.
 
That sounds a very difficult situation, especially as you are so young, must feel like all the adults are ganging up on you. You do sound like you know what you are doing when you refer to quality of canter & shortening & lengthening, it is very unprofessional for 2 instructors to discuss you & pull you to pieces.

If I were you I would write a brief list of the main points concerning you then call the owner & ask to discuss, you may not get the outcome you want, in which case perhaps investigate the option at Patchetts that someone mentioned, if you do get the outcome you want then great, you can move on & enjoy your horse. Good luck!
 
Thankyou for your replies everyone.

The general suggestion is to contact the owner and explain the situation and if it does not work out look for another share/loan.

I might ask my mum to phone the owner instead of me as I'm not the most confident in these situations and depending on what the owner says I might give it a little longer and if it does not work out still then I will look for another share.
 
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