Really Down, Zero confidence feel rubbish!

McNally

McNally

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I've turned into one of those people that "horsey people" laugh at and make snide comments to and i am beyond guttedright now.
Ive never sold a horse and always thought i'd keep any animal til death.
Pony 1- I had about 20 years he wasnt easy but i loved him and we got on well. he retired in his 30's to VERY light hacking til 38 when he was pts. This ment my riding had all but stopped for a long time.
I bought a supposedly quiet TB gelding who was far from quiet- by many other peoples opinions not just mine. Things were ok he scared me sometimes but the next day id forgotten and i never lost confidence. It was only when my daughter started riding her new pony a young green just broken little chap i decided i couldnt cope with his unpredictableness and rehomed him to a TB rehoming centre.
This went wrong and currently he is back with me as they were unable to rehome him (see i dont just abandon my horses i will keep him until i find the perfect home for him)

I was "surprised" by some so called friends next with a TB who's come straight from a racing yard and not been sat on in 2 years. Being assured he was the perfect horse to nanny my daughter round i gave it a go and was seriously thrown twice out of the 3 times i tried riding him. Both times i was injured the second required a plastic surgeon to fix my face. I lost confidence after this and handed him back (cue bitching and sniggering behind my back for giving up so easy)
I was then offered a TB but this one had been in a riding school and ridden by complete novices for a few years- I took him on trial 6 months ago.
He comes with problems he's not got a good temprement but i dont need a huggy pony just something safe so i ignored that.
I think he also may have slight arthritic changes in his front fetlocks and maybe some kind of breathing issue- he gets worn out quickly and blows far harder after canters than i would expect him to, taking a long time to recover. Again tho' the fact that he was good to ride made me ignore these issues.
Then he went for my daughter in the field as she went to catch her pony. I had to start going with her to get hers in which is a shame as she likes to be independant with him and they are doing so well together.
This weekend for no reason he exploded into a huge bucking fit on the road throwing me off. Im very very sore but my main problem is the fact this horse i trusted so much has just flipped like that. It means i can never ever trust him again.
Now everyone is making comments like "oh another one to get rid of then" etc etc and just making me feel awful like a complete faliure.
I dont compete i just want a safe horse to enjoy and not have the worry about riding.

I feel like im being judged and that actually everyone else is right but at the same time i know i cant ever feel happy riding him again.
Sorry its so so long- thank you to anyone who managed to get through it without falling asleep!
 
oh no, sounds like you are not having a good time!

Not being harsh here but I want to tell you to man up and basically stop caring about what other people think or say - it has nothing to do with them and your safety and that of your daughters has to be top priority!!

I know it's hard, we all kind of care what other people think of us but would you rather be thrown again or get rid and find yourself an actual suitable horsey who you can have fun with?
 
Wheels said:
oh no, sounds like you are not having a good time!

Not being harsh here but I want to tell you to man up and basically stop caring about what other people think or say - it has nothing to do with them and your safety and that of your daughters has to be top priority!!

I know it's hard, we all kind of care what other people think of us but would you rather be thrown again or get rid and find yourself an actual suitable horsey who you can have fun with?
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Agree with this, hard I know when you feel people laughing, are they worth your energy...no! Go and look for an older and safer quiet cob or similar to enjoy and get your confidence back, maybe steer clear of ex racehorses, or TBs?
 
lol, I thought that was going to say man up and get back on!
I know that really its just so hard. Ive never been a nervous person and still work with racers so am handling difficult horses day in day out Its just the "what if"- When he threw me he galloped off up a busy road...what if my daughter had been there and her horse followed?
Thanks for your reply!
 
You and your daughters safety are paramount, your life your money your business, only if you were mistreating an animal or a genuine welfare issue would I expect others to poke their noses in.

When having any problems such as loading I told my oldest daughter the order of priority is that our safety comes first, the horse's next and the trailer/lorrys last, what others think or say doesn't come anywhere.
 
Totally agree with Pedantic.
You are probably a pony/cob person rather than a thoroughbred person. Get yourself a nice cob and enjoy riding safely again.
 
I have more respect for people that realise a horse isn't the right right one and do something about it than those who hang on to a horse risking themselves and their family when it's blatantly the wrong one.

Ignore other peoples opinions because they really are unimportant, you know what is right for you and your daughter.

A good steady horse that you enjoy will soon get you feeling better.;)
 
Ignore everyone else. It is so easy to criticise other horse owners yet all of us will get challenges along the way and I bet they would do the same as you in your shoes.
 
I don't think it's a 'man up and get back on', it's a 'man up and ignore what everyone thinks and do what will make you happy, i.e. get rid of the horse that is causing you difficultly and get a nice chilled out sensible horse that you can enjoy riding with your daughter'. I know all that is easier said than done, but horses should be a joy, not a chore. It sounds like you've had a series of horses that are harder work than you need them to be given what you want to be using them for.

Big hugs, I know how horrid these situations can be but just think, find a new home for the unsuitable horse, find yourself a nice quiet horse and then you can get back to riding happily with your daughter and enjoying yourself!
 
Ignore them all!

Horses are too expensive and too much hard work for you not to enjoy it.

Fwiw I am in the same boat with my TB...I have 3 children and I am not any younger.
I want to enjoy riding (I just love hacking) - not feel like I am going to die every time I get on said Neddy.

I am going to find myself a nice steady Eddie to enjoy the East Sussex countryside with as soon as I can.
My TB is very talented and so clever, but I don't like him rearing when he has a hissy fit so he can be a very handsome field ornament. :)

Find yourself something laid back to enjoy.

Good luck :)
 
Poor you, good luck finding the right horse. I don't think you are stupid or wrong for trying a few TBs. I have been through various breeds over the years, I had a wonderfully talented IDx Sports horse, that was in no way straightforward and after 7 years of persevering and totally losing my confidence (and having a few years break!) I changed tack. Since my first pony (arabxwelsh) I have had a cob, an anglo arab, ridden arabs, WBs, Spanish etc. I have to say my exracer, who I was dubious taking on having never had a full TB and having heard such bad press on them, is the quietest and definitely the kindest out of all of them. I use him as a babysitter to my daughter's pony out hacking and I trust him implicitly. I have had him since he was 14 and he is now 17.

I am not saying don't try out some different breeds, just supporting you in having tried the horses you have written about so far... I don't think you are wrong at all! All breeds have good and bad examples out there, and I really believe you have to find the right person for you, just because you don't get on with a horse doesn't make it bad or suggest someone else won't find it their perfect match, or vice versa.

Good luck for the future. The perfect horse is out there somewhere for you, don't give up, but don't kill yourself trying to force making it work with the wrong horse just for the sake of others x
 
Thank you all so much, Its such a relief to know its not everyones opinion. I dont need to find a new home for this one as i have not actually bought it yet. The past 6 months he's been on loan with view to buy to me and up til now i had every intention of buying. Ive told the owner who didnt even ask if i was ok! and seemed not to believe me. I told her on Saturday she said she would have to try and make a stable avaliable but ive not heard since, How long do i leave that before following up?
TBH the first one i bought who i thought was rehomed then came back is the best of the lot and it wont be the end of the world if i keep him a while now as although fiery he never threw me in the 4 years i rode him. Long term i cant keep him as im no longer on a livery yard its just our horses now and he suffers with major seperation phobia so it would be a problem really.
I do have a semi retired ID X who suffers with lameness problems but has been sound a while now so i may just try at bringing him back into proper wordk and keep my fingers crossed he handles it.
 
I have too been in the possition of my confidence hitting rock bottom, But to the point that I would not lead any horse over about 13hh, let alone get on one without almost having a panic attack!
Some people are sympathetic and help, others just dont understand and find it funny that they are more confident than you. I was lucky that I had a good support base of friends who helped me massively and I now have a 16.3hh TB mare, work on a yard again and handle sometimes difficult horses, and can help other people when they are less confident!

You need to find a horse which is going to help you, not make matters worse. You are not doing yourself or the horse any favours by keeping him! Any body who finds this funny needs to grow up and realise that with horses everythng isn't just black and white.

Personally I would sell, get something along the lines of a cob as someone else has suggested which is safe and you can enjoy and not have the worry of it hurting you or your family!! Safety is of utmost importance, and any good horse man/woman should know this!

Forget what they think, do what is best for you and your family and I wish you all the best! :)
 
Ignore everyone else not easy I am currently one of those that gets laughed at and due to this two people no longer talk to me as I told them to keep their own business. U need a horse that is also safe around your daughter maybe go fora been there done that more expensive I know but may be the best thing hope you find something for you
 
Poor you you have had a bad time , I will just echo the other posters that I think TB's are not the horses for you look for a nice safe cob or similar whose job has always been hacking out and enjoying life that's a very different thing to a TB bred for its quick reactions and ability to run fast and perhaps broken to race at a young age.
 
if its such a one off thing, have you thought about what caused it? it would be a shame to give away a horse you used to like so much for sore teeth/back or something like that.

though if finding a reason wouldn't allow you to trust him again then thats fair enough- though when looking for a new horse that the temperment is the most important thing and just because a horse is one thing (e.g. a cob) doesnt mean it will necessarily be safe. good luck finding the right horse for you :)
 
Nothing worse than losing confidence and when you have children, yours and their safety is paramount.

The people that kindly 'surprised' you with a TB ex-race horse sound like a bunch of cretins. Whoever would do such a thing??!! You have to think of yourself only and don't listen to the 'advice' of such people. They will be laughing on the other side of their faces when a similar thing happens to them, based on their judgement I would imagine it's only a matter of time.

I wouldn't get back on that horse - just turn it out til the owner can take it back.
Cobs can be bossy buggers too so don't assume any cob is going to be great but they are a good starting point though may not be your 'type' as you seem to be drawn to TB's. I have a cob-x, she's a feisty little madam but knows her job.
Take your time choosing. Good luck with things.
 
I've been where you are so know how you feel totally. Take no notice of others. Agree with what others have said get yourself a nice safe cob, I have and my confidence has come back and I'm back out hacking on my own.
 
Ignore them - what kind of friends are they if they don't support you. When you have children your priorities change. Try your old horse or look again for a nice sensible mount - of any breed, not all cobs are plods or sensible.
 
I know exactly how you feel having had a couple of falls in the company of my 10year old son and another jumping a 40cm jump! I haven't ridden since July and have sold the cob I bought a year ago which was supposed to get my confidence back after having a very spooky TB on loan.

I have ridden nearly all my life and have hunted and even competed in a team chase at the National Championships, albeit round the novice course, which was scary enough! This was on a TB, who is sadly retired now, but he was a marvellous, safe chap, so they're not all nutters!

I used to roll my eyes at timid riders when I was young, and yes, the horse world is all about bravado, however, now it's me that's scared, and like someone else has mentioned, it got to the point where I thought I was going to die every time I got on, so I decided not to. You are not a professional rider, it's your hobby and it's supposed to be enjoyable.

For me, it was about admitting I'd lost my confidence, and I have found that people have been quite supportive, rather than gossiping and laughing behind my back, which they might have if I had made excuses. Luckily I'm not on a livery yard, so don't have to put up with catty comments.

The memories of the pain have faded, and I may get back on board somebody's quiet schoolmaster soon, but I'm not going to go out and buy another horse until I'm quite sure I still enjoy riding.

Don't listen to what the bullies say. You have to put your health and safety first for your family's sake. You do not have to ride anything you don't want to.
 
First of all you seem to have had a rough time so (((hugs))). It doesn't sound to me as if you abandon or get rid of horses easily so ignore those sniping people and hold your head high - you know you have done the right thing.
I no longer ride but if I did it would have to be 100% (or near enough) safe as I have a job, mortgage and a family and cannot afford to be injured. You are not being uncaring or cowardly or silly. You are being practical and have had a couple of nasty incidents. Being a parent makes these things much more shocking I think.
Do what you need to do to be happy and safe and never mind the rest of them.
Good luck.
 
touchstone said:
I have more respect for people that realise a horse isn't the right right one and do something about it than those who hang on to a horse risking themselves and their family when it's blatantly the wrong one.

Ignore other peoples opinions because they really are unimportant, you know what is right for you and your daughter.

A good steady horse that you enjoy will soon get you feeling better.;)
Click to expand...

It takes a lot to admit you're having problems, so I respect you. Wish you the very best of luck, having previously lost confidence myself, I know it can be regained, so you will feel better in time. I sold my 'too much for me' boy and feel better on something a bit quieter, but my current horse can still turn it on for hunting which is all that I care about, but he is safe.
 
If the current problem was mine on trial, I'd have it checked out for any recently occurring physical issues before panicking. If it was always safe before, and you were suspecting an issue, see what's happened for your own piece of mind before you send him back. Nothing fancy, just a vet out for a trot up,back check and opinion kind of thing.

If he does go back, a sensible cob/large pony is the thing when it comes to hacking and just having fun. They don't mind so much if they don't canter everyday, are less spooky, cheaper to keep and easy to deal with.
 
agree with others - stop thinking about what others are saying to you and get a nice quiet cob and enjoy yourself with your daughter. it is an expensive hobby to not enjoy.
 
You mean you don't want to be thrown onto the road and onto the front of a fast moving car, while your daughter screams helplessly from the back of her terrified pony?!!!

Why ever not:rolleyes:
 
Hi a very wise friend of mine said having a horse is like a marriage and if it is not working get a divorce and give both involved a chance to meet the right partner :)
 
It takes courage to come out in public and say you've lost your confidence. Big cyber hug to you. Forget what others think/say - put your safety first and perhaps suggest they excercise the horse for you!

If the bucking incident was so out of character, perhaps it was pain related? Might be worth checking this out. Even if you don't want to get on him again, at least you'll know whether it was pain or personal!
 
haha, I havent come out in public and admitted ive lost it! Ive just told people i dont know and who dont know me as i needed to get things off my chest and get some support which i most certainly did!
This forum is amazing for times like this where i struggle to tell "real" people issues.
I work in Racing so thats probably the most unsympathetic industy to be in as regards to this sort of thing. People at work get launched on a fairly regular basis ;-)

Ive decided probably to quit the want a fit in work horse and chill for a bit. My old boy (who's actually only early teens!) is having shoes put on next week and i will casually see how much he can cope with, saving myself money, injury and time..... sound like a plan?!

BIG BIG thank you's to everyone who responded i know i havent replied to everyone but have taken on board all your comments xx
 
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