Really feeling down, daughter not interested in her own pony.

[poiuytrewq]

As every Saturday morning I'm stupidly feeling crap and really sad that we didn't go for a lovely ride and chill at the yard together with our boys. I should know it's not going to happen anymore by now!
As some of you may know we've had major pony problems and during that time my daughter was given the ride of a horse at a swanky little yard and it was a life saver.
I've literally spent so long getting her own pony rideable again because we loved him, not to mention the thousands spent on getting him right.
He's now ok, still a very hot ride but she copes.
She's just not interested though and it literally breaks my heart.
The reality is he's only got a year or so left probably due to his health problem this could be their last summer ever to get anywhere (he's an awesome little jumper)
I do understand we have no facilities and a naughty green pony or she has the option of lovely horse and beautiful yard and school etc.
I'm starting to really resent this other horse and all it's assosiated with as it's taken her attention totally. Her poor pony is lucky to see her 3 times a week. I muck him out and do everything.
I have threatened to loan him but think she knows this is unrealistic as who wants a one eyed pony who's loosing the sight in his remaining eye?!
Also she knows I love him!
So nothing can be done and this is a total pointless rant but I'm so cross right now.

 

[Ibblebibble]

most kids want to ride something that makes them feel safe while having fun, she may cope with her own pony but not actually enjoy riding him and it doesn't mean she doesn't love him.
you can't blame daughter if she has found a better ride and doesn't want to go back to having to cope rather than enjoy, ponies are supposed to be fun not a chore. if you had a sharp horse that you didn't enjoy riding or the chance to ride a safe one that made you happy what would you choose?!

 

[Tiddlypom]

I'm afraid that I can also sympathise a lot with your daughter. It's hard on you, as you put so much into getting the pony right, but if she enjoys the other horse more, who can blame her?

I would not be too keen on riding a hot, green, partially sighted pony either .

 

[springtime1331]

I don't think you can blame her, and if you do, you might find she goes off horses all together.

 

[honetpot]

Don't take it personally, children live in the now and their very focused on what they want, she is not a bad child just a normal self involved child. I expect she's thinking mums got it sorted so I don't have to worry about it, even my daughter at 18 left me with a elderly TB when she went to uni saying she didn't want to know if I needed to have him PTS.
Its coming to summer, if his condition is stable just enjoy his company for his sake and tell your self you will let him go if any thing else happens. You want your daughter to enjoy riding don't let this come between you and enjoy her success, I would be pleased that she was getting some enjoyment rather than struggling with a difficult pony.

 

[Tobiano]

Hugs and sympathy Poiuytrewq. As a mother of 2 I have to constantly remind myself never to expect anything from them or I will be disappointed. They are lovely but we are on to a loser if our happiness or peace of mind depends on them wanting to do what we want them to do. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. x

 

[JLD]

We have concurrent child based posts running. I too am a little sad my daughter has zero interest in the gorgeous pony we have in the field behind the house, but I love him and he gives me an interest beyond the children and reminds me who I am. He was also delighted by them scootering round the little yard this morning and let himself in to stand in the middle ( is v genuine pony ). I guess if they are all happy it's ok.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Hugs and sympathy Poiuytrewq. As a mother of 2 I have to constantly remind myself never to expect anything from them or I will be disappointed. They are lovely but we are on to a loser if our happiness or peace of mind depends on them wanting to do what we want them to do. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. x

Thank you xx

To the other replies, I know, I really do. We just used to have the best times together and I miss it. Now she only wants to ride with people at the other yard which is just a bit far for my horse to manage then go for a ride from. I have no one else to ride with and I'm feeling as sorry for myself as her pony I suppose. I do actually need a good slap!
I've given her countless chances after discussions with her and the vet to retire him (and keep him until we can't) but she's the one who wants to compete him this summer, he's perfectly capable and when she's on him she says she loves his liveliness as it is exciting? Maybe she's saying what I want to hear.
She had such high hopes and ambitions for him. Maybe I should take control and retire him?
That way I'll accept and get on with riding my horse in school time alone so we can go to the other yard after school as currently I keep saving him to ride after school and he ends up doing nothing.
Life's a bi*** sometimes. Poor pony is such a star and everything's against him.

 

[Native Pony]

As every Saturday morning I'm stupidly feeling crap and really sad that we didn't go for a lovely ride and chill at the yard together with our boys. I should know it's not going to happen anymore by now!

As a horsey mum you are among thousands of us who are left with the daily chores and maintenance of horses while children do their own thing.

My daughter had a beautiful Fell pony for many years but he spent the last three years of his life being ill with chronic laminitis. From daughter's point of view it just was not fun any more, so she rarely saw him. Now she has a young horse she can get oodles of enjoyment from once again and she is back in the game and interested again. I still get most of the 'unpopular jobs' to do myself but I am glad she has found a way to enjoy horses again.

It can be painful watching the slow decline of a horse or pony. It must be very hard on a young person whose pony it is. One way to deal with it is to distance yourself from it. Maybe that is what your daughter is doing. But at least she is able to ride another horse in the meantime. That's something to be glad about

 

[skint1]

I agree with Native Pony's wise words.

 

[Clannad48]

I think Native Pony has hit the nail on the head, I also think your daughter is distancing herself now believing it will prevent heartbreak when the time comes.

 

[eahotson]

How big is he?Could you ride him occasionally?

 

[wren123]

Hugs and sympathy Poiuytrewq. As a mother of 2 I have to constantly remind myself never to expect anything from them or I will be disappointed. They are lovely but we are on to a loser if our happiness or peace of mind depends on them wanting to do what we want them to do. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. x

Had to reply because I so agree, love my grown up children dearly but you are so right!! Sympathies to OP, at least she is still enjoying riding.

 

[mulledwhine]

((( hugs )))

Although I am very aware that mini likes horses because she has always been involved in ' my hobby'

I feel sad for you , but it should be fun and something that cannot be forced upon another

So far mini is more obsessed than I have ever been, but I have always said, the minute she can't be bothered , then sadly Levi will have to go to another home

 

[mulledwhine]

Sorry just re read your post , mini was the same until she got her confidence back

Again I agree, she may be distancing herself from what MAYBE a heart breaking choice xx

 

[stormox]

Which would you prefer if it was you in your daughters position? To ride in a nice yard, good facilities and a horse you could enjoy, or to ride a pony that you say really has no future, in a place with no facilities? I know which I would rather do.......

 

[paddi22]

this sounds harsher than i mean, but i think you are being selfish. you want her to keep riding a horse she 'copes' with so you have someone to ride with and because you enjoy the two of you spending time together (which is completely natural and lovely thing for you to want). But on her side, she's probably thrilled to be making new friends and having excitement on a yard with a pony she enjoys and has clicked with. I know when i was a kid i'd choose riding with friends over riding with my parents. Some of my best memories as a kid are having fun with friends down the yard, and it sounds like its the same with her.

Make a decision on the other pony - don't be guilt-tripping her into keeping it if she isn't pushed. Either sell it, loan it or retire it. You are the adult paying and caring for it so it's your decision. If she's not doing the hard work with it then offload it.

 

[catembi]

Could you get a sharer for the pony? My Irish Sports Horse is no good to me as a competition horse as he has EPSM, but he has a happy hacker sharer who loves him to bits. She pays a bit towards his keep, & the best thing is that I've got someone to do stuff with. My ex-racer won't hack alone altho fine in company, so I've got a hacking companion & just this morning we hacked to a local sj/xc clinic together. Then if I get a trailer this year, we'll be able to go a bit further afield.

I was v v hesitant about replying to her ad (on preloved) wanting a horse to share as mine live at home so it's a bit personal having someone in my space, but I really like having someone else on the yard pottering about. If you could get someone interested in the pony, you'd have someone to do stuff with too! I am soooooo pleased that I got Adrian a sharer!

T x

(PS sorry, no idea re the daughter thing as I don't have kids or know anything about them.)

 

[catembi]

Meant to add - I didn't think that anyone would want to share a horse with EPSM & in fact got a telling-off for starting a thread on here asking, 'Would anyone want to share a horse with EPSM' (advertising, dontcha know), so just because your pony has some issues doesn't mean that he can't find a sharer to love him!

T x

 

[poiuytrewq]

I suppose for me it's also that loosing my little girl maybe.
There are no kids at the other yard, just two grooms who she adores and who are amazing with her.
We have decided this evening to retire him.
He will stay, I can't rehome or sell a pony going blind and he's had so many problems with his confidence it would be unfair and stressful for him to be rehomed. I'm not being big headed saying that but he struggled with a move of yard and the same owners/routine. He needs stability.
I'm sad, I just put his tack away. I know I am unlikely to ride with my daughter again- she's 14. Thanks for your replies, you've made me see sense x

 

[paddi22]

well done on making a hard decision and its a lucky pony having such a responsible owner.
14 is an exciting stage for a kid, but she has to go off and learn independence for a while. A few years down the line and she'l be back! It's a lovely thing to be able to ride with your parents, and she will appreciate more as she grows older.

 

[Kelly1982]

I actually don't think it's got anything to do with the pony.

I think she is actually enjoying her independence and the new yard and has got new friends etc away from mum.

Don't get me wrong she obviously loves you to pieces but at that age your starting to want to branch out on your own without the protection of your parents.

I would of hated riding with my mum every weekend, I had much more fun galloping round the woods with my mates, setting up a jumping lane and riding in places we shouldn't. Something my mum would of never let me do.

 

[Ibblebibble]

hugs poiuytrewq, it's not easy being a parent or the keeper of horses! I can understand your feeling of loss of your 'little girl' she's a big girl now and has found a new circle of people to ride with rather than mum, but you should be proud because you have made her the girl she is, one who is confident enough in herself to go riding at a 'swanky' yard with no other kids!

ps typing your name made me realise it's just the first line of the keyboard backwards lol, always wondered what it meant!!

 

[putasocinit]

Does it matter, or are you feeling let down, you love the pony, it is getting on in life, so let her let go of him as long as you can still keep him and let her move on to something else, otherwise you may put her off completely. She will ride with you again.

 

[poiuytrewq]

My user name is indeed the top row of the keyboard! I lost my sign in details and when I emailed to get a new password I found this whole new account I must have started ages ago and forgotten! Original hey
Um, yes it matters to me! I'm actually gutted.
I'm not going to put her off, why would I? I've never forced her to ride. I've spent my winter doing our horses at lunch time so she can go and have time to ride the other one after school.
He's been retired so those who think I've forced her can relax!
I've never forced her into anything just cometely supported and worked my ar** off for her to do the easy bits so kind of resent that implication.

 

[honetpot]

I have two daughters that rode, and there is nothing so frustrating than trying to get them out of bed to do them when you have worked hard to keep them, but that's life. My daughters stopped riding at about 17, I ended up looking after their mounts for the next five years but have to say its was my choice. They rode from being about four and we had lots of happy times, but mums are a drag and I am really safety conscious so I never begrudged them a blast out hunting or hacking with someone who wasn't me.
The only time I have ever got really cross with my youngest daughter is when I bought a foal and she complained that she would have to help me look after it after I had spent two years looking after her horse whilst she was at uni.
They are now both in their twenties, their old ponies are having to be PTS annually it seems and with every one there is not only sadness at the ponies death but the link to past happy times for all of us.