Really need advice! Its a long one!

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111ex111

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so have been sharing this TB for about 6 months now, owner has been around most of the time except the last month as she had a baby, owner didnt want me to muck out so fine.
anyway, have always hacked out with owners mum and her pony, taken TB around the road a couple of times on my own and was fine, TB has been out a lot on his own although not a lot past 6 months. Today was in the school and really felt like getting out and just taking him round the land of the yard for 10 mins, text owner and she said yep fine as my mum's friend was with me today so would be walking while I was riding.

so took him, hi viz etc etc, cantered up hill and TB was fine, stopped as soon as I said 'woha' and everything was normal. Turned round, trotted slowly back down hill as sometimes he can be a bit silly going down hill, something spooked him and he just took off at a full speed gallop, I tried everything to circle him but he just kept going, got to where my mum's friend was standing and he slowed down a bit but not enough for me to yank his head round, he then bolted round the corner which leads up to the road which goes to the yard (private road), I thought s*** he is going to go into the road, I shouted at him to stop which was probably not the best Idea, so I threw myself off into a bush about a meter from the road, he then galloped off back to his stable, I shouted that there was a loose horse and a couple of people came running to check I was okay. I got up and was fine but was so so terrifying, I was in tears!!

anyway, Owner has been a bit funny with me recently, dont know why :( I always offer to help but they say no. I buy horse presents etc and brought her new baby a present,i've just tried to be kind and helpful! sorry this is really long...

one of the workers at the yard had took all of horses tack off etc so I put his cooler rug on and walked him round the school to cool him down, then owners mum turned up and told me that owner had ridden him the other day for first time since having baby and that he was throwing his head around which he never used to do so must have been me and I need to hold him tighter and sort it out. there was no "omg are you okay?!". I was shaken up anyway so cried again!! horse was fine so went home, as soon as I got home had a text from owner saying "im upset you didnt tell me about what happened, you should not have been cantering back towards yard as you know he can be silly".

I wasnt cantering towards yard, I was trotting and he took off! and I was so shaken up I was going to wait till I had calmed down to tell her what had happened, I told her mum so at least someone knew. I also got a text this morning saying the brush I had brought him for xmas was really harsh so not to use on his body (its just a dandy brush and not harsh at all, horse always falls asleep when im using it :L)

so I dont know what to do, I havent stopped crying because I was so worried horse had hurt himself, my back is sore but nothing else, really knocked my confidence though as was terrified! at the moment I feel like I never want to ride again....
I have not felt comfortable with owner & her mum for a while now and I dread going because they make me feel like im doing everything wrong?! I know its there horse, but I have always just tried to be helpful :/


so I really need some advice, what do I do?!?!?
 
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Send a message back explaining what happened, i guess your possibly a bit too shook up to talk.
She may also be shook up thinking what could of happened.
Take an ibrofen and get.some sleep x
 
Vodkagirly said:
Send a message back explaining what happened, i guess your possibly a bit too shook up to talk.
She may also be shook up thinking what could of happened.
Take an ibrofen and get.some sleep x
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My mum rang her and left a message as I was in no state to talk :rolleyes: she then text my mum saying she will ring later, she is obv busy with baby so will just wait for her to ring.
I just feel so awful!
 
There are loads of owners out there looking for sharers right now (including me).
I would walk away from this horse and find something else, life's too short to spend it being unhappy and horses are supposed to be fun
 
Don't feel awful, I'm not being funny but it can happen to anyone. My mare ditched me on a road, no reason other than something spooked her. No one can blame you for a horse spooking. If my daughter or her friend had what happened to you my first response as a parent/owner of offending horse is to the welfare of the person xx
 
Ambers mum said:
Don't feel awful, I'm not being funny but it can happen to anyone. My mare ditched me on a road, no reason other than something spooked her. No one can blame you for a horse spooking. If my daughter or her friend had what happened to you my first response as a parent/owner of offending horse is to the welfare of the person xx
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I felt like nothing would have stopped him, if I turned him into a fence he would have jumped it. but just the comments from her & my mum made me feel terrible.
 
End the agreement.

You sound maybe a little overhorsed, but at the end of the day you do this for fun and shouldn't feel scared, awkward or uncomfortable. The pair of them don't sound particularly nice.
 
xspiralx said:
End the agreement.

You sound maybe a little overhorsed, but at the end of the day you do this for fun and shouldn't feel scared, awkward or uncomfortable. The pair of them don't sound particularly nice.
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I love the horse, he has never done anything like this with me before, I always manage to stop him if he's being silly, I get what you are saying though about being over horsed, maybe I am, not really sure, although I have always been with one of them when riding except for the last month or so and they have bee happy for me to ride him!
 
Bless, poor you. It has happened to most of us once or twice in our lives.

I would have a look round for something else to share. And if they text you again, put a ps, I'm shaken up but not hurt, thank you, on the end of your reply!
 
End it. If you are over horsed, end it. If you are not over horsed, its a nutter, end it.

There are loads of other nice horses to share that will have much nicer owners :)
 
FfionWinnie said:
End it. If you are over horsed, end it. If you are not over horsed, its a nutter, end it.

There are loads of other nice horses to share that will have much nicer owners :)
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I dont think im over horsed. and he's normally completely safe hacking just a bit spooky, so dont think he's a nutter. so I dont know maybe im over reacting.
 
its such a shame when it does not work out, but they dont sound like very nice people. in their shoes i would have been more worried about you than the horse and would have phoned your mum as soon as i heard to make sure you were ok.

i agree with others look for something else to loan and try to find some nicer people.

what does your mum say?
 
They don't sound like good people to deal with.

Also if she rode the other day and horse was shaking its head, horse has never taken off before maybe 1+2=3???
 
Poor you, what a shock!
I agree with what has been said and would walk away. It could be jelousy of course and the owner is feeling miffed that you have the time to ride and build a relationship with HER horse? I take it you pay as a sharer and as such you should be enjoying yourself.
I hope your feeling better soon.
 
I would walk away from this one too, if you dont feel comfortable around his owners and feel they are constantly judging you (which is what it sounds like to me) then it cant be much fun.

I would also resent being "babysat" by her mother whenever I rode if I'm honest.
 
my thought is that she doesn t really want a sharer ......but either for help with costs or because of the baby her hand is forced. ........... whatever the reasons leave the stroppy bitch to get on and sort her own horse out,
 
Horse has had less work than usual because owner now has a baby? If I've read that right, I'd say there's your answer as to why he's more fired up than usual. Some horses need lots of work to keep them settled. Had the feed been cut down to reflect the lower workload? If not that could also be contributing to the problems. But, whatever the reason for the problems, owner has decided to blame you. So I'm with the others, tell her to get stuffed!

Even if the horses behavior is your fault (I don't think so), then it means you're doing the horse's training no good, so ending the loan is still the best thing to do since the owner (or her mum anyway) has expressed a wish for you the loaner to school the horse (or "hang on to it tighter and sort it out" as she puts it :rolleyes: ).

There have been people on this forum moaning they can't find a decent sharer. It's probably the same everywhere, so go find someone who will appreciate you.
 
Sugar_and_Spice said:
Horse has had less work than usual because owner now has a baby? If I've read that right, I'd say there's your answer as to why he's more fired up than usual. Some horses need lots of work to keep them settled. Had the feed been cut down to reflect the lower workload? If not that could also be contributing to the problems. But, whatever the reason for the problems, owner has decided to blame you. So I'm with the others, tell her to get stuffed!

Even if the horses behavior is your fault (I don't think so), then it means you're doing the horse's training no good, so ending the loan is still the best thing to do since the owner (or her mum anyway) has expressed a wish for you the loaner to school the horse (or "hang on to it tighter and sort it out" as she puts it :rolleyes: ).

There have been people on this forum moaning they can't find a decent sharer. It's probably the same everywhere, so go find someone who will appreciate you.
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well that's what I thought, but in her text she told me he is only going to get stronger and stronger as she is riding him now so she will have to monitor what work he does. they have also started feeding him more & feeding him sugar beet.


Obviously with new baby etc I have not seen her for the last month, just her mum, and her mum always complains that she is tired, and I offer every time im down there to muck out or do something else and they just refuse to let me help?! I actually want to muck out and do everything but im not allowed. I dont want things to end awkwardly though as a relative has her horse down there so would still be visiting and everyone else on the yard is so lovely!
 
I would also end the agreement. Owner doesn't sound like she trusts you and is blaming you for things that the horse could just be doing to play her up (presumably she hasn't ridden for a while since she's had her baby). You sound like you've been reasonable and she sounds like a controlling owner.

There are much nicer owners out there who will happily let you do what you like with their horses on your share day (and I'm sure most would jump to your offer of helping to muck out!) Might not be what you want to hear, especially if you love the horse, but I think you should look for something new to help rebuild your confidence.
 
I would like to say that there are 2 sides to every story and things are not quite what have been said in the OP. I'm not going to go into it as i do feel you have been a little unfair in the way you have portrayed the owner and her mum as they haven't said things quite the way you have made out. Nor, can i point out, where you quite doing as asked in the first place.
I'm really biting my tongue on this but if you are that uncomfortable around them then it might be best if you call it quits and move on.
 
vam said:
I would like to say that there are 2 sides to every story and things are not quite what have been said in the OP. I'm not going to go into it as i do feel you have been a little unfair in the way you have portrayed the owner and her mum as they haven't said things quite the way you have made out. Nor, can i point out, where you quite doing as asked in the first place.
I'm really biting my tongue on this but if you are that uncomfortable around them then it might be best if you call it quits and move on.
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oh goodness :( I do not think I have said anything hurtful towards owner and her mum, just have explained what happened. I have tried to delete thread but dont seem to be able to. last thing I want to do is upset any body, I have always always tried to be kind and helpful for owner. I have explained what happened as no-one else was there except my mum's friend. could any body tell me how to delete this thread? I really do not want to make things worse :(
 
Your not making things worse so stop flapping.
The point is rather than come on here about it you should have gone straight to them about it, if you havent been happy then you should again have spoken to them. You havent said anything hurtful but people on here think they are awful, not really fair on them when they can't defend themselves.
Your biggest problem is you dont communicate with them, they dont bite.

I just think your being a little bit unfair but like i said if your not happy then find a share with someone else, they wont think badly of you so dont worry about that.
 
If she's just had a baby I would take anything said with a pinch of salt :)

Don't stress, just talk to them about it all honestly. If they aren't happy at the end, or you aren't, then end it. It's perfectly feasible to end it all amicably and as friends.
 
Have to be honest text messages are lethal, they never get across your message properly and can be read out of context so easily. In those instances pick up the phone and have a conversation. Horses bolt thats just the nature of the game if your lucky you never get one but the potential is always there. you might find that they just didn't realise that the horse had spooked and taken the pee rather than you having a jolly old play about that got out of hand.

Given she has also just had a baby you might find that she is hyper sensitive at the moment and a little jealous that you have the time to ride and she doesn't just yet.

If the conversation doesn't go well thats the time to start thinking about a change and looking for another horse. One of the downsides of not being yours is that when you buy a gift for the horse its not always appreciated. I keep my own stuff for all the horses I buy/loan/share from tack to grooming box people like what they like and your taste might be different don't take it to heart.
 
Hi Im HollieB's mum and I think I should explain a few things and put an end to this thread.
Thanks everyone for your support for my daughter she is VERY upset and just wanted to vent some feelings. Hollie has really enjoyed her time spent riding this horse, he is lovely and we seemed to get on really well with the owners. Hollie has had some anxiety problems and has really settled in at the yard and with the horse however as she has felt more comfortable she has wanted to help more and this has been difficult as the owners have their own routine and way of doing things (which its not a problem at all) and I think my daughter has taken anything said very personally, as she does, and so it has started to upset her. What happened yesterday was a one off incident she would never and did not do anything to jeapordise either horse or herself. She has always done exactly whats been expected of her. I dont know what VAM has been told but i suggest the owners speak to my friend who was the one there at the time. My daughter should not have written on this thread as all it does is cause problems. I will speak to the owners when they return my call.
 
Hollieeb's mum, I think that that would be the sensible approach. :)

Reading between the lines it does sound as if your daughter is overhorsed and a sensitive soul who has been uspet by feeling she is being blamed, whereas it sounds as if the owner has just said that she needs to hold the horse more, there are a few horses that will take advantage if they suss a rider is slightly less experienced, and if the horse was already heading for home and asked to trot he's probably taken advantage of the situation.

I don't see that there is any cause for bad feeling on either side, but worth considering that this horse possibly isn't the right one at the moment.
 
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