Really not coping

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tye_bo

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I'm a single mum with a young toddler, going through a stressful divorce and working full time. My horse was out on loan to a great home but she's now come back to me as the lady is wanting to do a bit more and my mare is old and can only really walk due to a tendon injury last year.

I've not even had her a week and already I'm over whelmed. I really can't cope with this. She's on a farm next to my parents but it's a private house not a livery and one stipulation of me going there was that they don't want anyone else going up so no chance of me getting a sharer or my dad helping me out. The advantage is it's cheap and handy for my parent to look after the baby whilst I see to her.

She's high maintenance in that she gets lammo so has to be on very restricted grazing and at the moment is coming in in the day time as her crest is up. On top of all the other stresses I have this is like the straw that broke the camels back and I just feel like it's too much. I don't know what to do, I just can't cope. I even thought about having her put down. I've had her since she was a youngster, I never thought it would come to this. Just so so stressed out with it all.
 
Whereabouts are you? If you post where you are there might be someone close who could help. Is there no possibility of moving her to cheap grass (restricted) livery?

((hugs))
 
Oh no you poor thing. Have you thought about putting her on retirement livery or full grass livery? A friend of mine did this when he horse was recovering from an injury over the winter. I think it was only £25 a week, and he was turned out in a field with other horses, checked every day and given hay. I'm sure they have fields for fatso's.
It sounds to me like you may have to move her to somewhere you can get help with her. How old is she? You could possibly PTS although I suppose it depends on what quality of life she has left, if shes pain free and can possibly be hacked around on then it would seem a little unfair to pts but peoples opinions would differ on this.
Chin up, the good thing about time passing is that the difficult times also do pass.
 
I'm in Derbyshire. The thing is with grass livery I'd still have to go up to see her every day. I can't afford full livery (in my dreams). No where round here has grazing suitable for lammos', it's all lush fields. If she was the sort of horse I could chuck in a field and leave (well not literally leave she'd still need checking every day) that would be half the battle but she's such high maintenance.
 
That does sound very stressful :-(

Have you only been at this farm a week with her or is it where she was before? Maybe you could explain your situation and get them to allow your dad there, any reasonable person would allow that surely! Rather than clearly adding stress to your situation!

At least you have your parents there to take care of the kids for a bit, and you have only had her back a short time so it will be shock to your already hectic routine but you might find it easier after a while.

Sorry you are having troubles, I'm sure there is a way to make things a bit easier :-)
 
Can you put the toddler on loan instead? ;)

What about dropping your working hours and sorting out some tax credits?

Never mind the horse, working full-time and being a single mother with a pre school kid isn't sustainable for you!
 
I've not heard of any retirement places round here?

No I've only been at this farm a week. It was one of their first stipulations - I had a 2 hour interview and they weren't sure how I'd cope with the baby and the horse and they wanted to make it clear I wasn't able to bring anyone else up there to help. They won't give in on that I know for sure.

I do get tax credits. I can't really drop any hours as I need the money to live. I have one part time job and the other part time is self employment which I do in the evening once my daughter is asleep.
 
To be frank, and please don't take this the wrong way, it sounds as though you are depressed. You have a lot on your plate, but so do many other people. Try viewing going to do the horse as going to the gym, to help you keep fit. Seriously, I would go to the doctors and tell him/her how you are feeling totally overwhelmed, and what you are going through. Sounds like a course of anti-depressants could turn your life around and get you over this hurdle by supporting you for six months or so.
 
I know where you are is cheap, but their stipulations are really making your life difficult. Somewhere else might be a little more expensive, but you could get a sharer who might even pay a little so it'd even out and give you time/breathing space.

Seriously, phone all the livery yards around and ask about restricted grass livery. A lot of places have a paddock put aside for horses that're prone to weight gain or laminitis, so you might be pleasantly surprised.
 
Wagtail said:
To be frank, and please don't take this the wrong way, it sounds as though you are depressed. You have a lot on your plate, but so do many other people. Try viewing going to do the horse as going to the gym, to help you keep fit. Seriously, I would go to the doctors and tell him/her how you are feeling totally overwhelmed, and what you are going through. Sounds like a course of anti-depressants could turn your life around and get you over this hurdle by supporting you for six months or so.
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^^^^^^^ This!!!!! ;)
 
Poor you. I thought I was stressed with a lami horse and a young baby but at least I have a sharer to help.
Have you thought of putting the mare in a grazing muzzle and turning her out? Apologies if you thought of that but mine is recovering from lami and the vet was fine for him to be out 24 hours a day in his greenguard on our rich cow grazing. That has saved me or my sharer from having to go up to the yard twice a day...
It doesn't sound like this yard is very suitable for you, is there nowhere else at all you can go? Other than that I would tell the yard owners that you MUST be allowed one other person to tend to your horse in case of emergency. Or threaten to leave.
Best wishes x
 
It may not be what you want to hear - but if your horse can only walk because of an injury (assuming that this is a permanent state of affairs) then the horse must be in some pain, you are not coping, the pony is elderly - maybe you should think about PTS, which would be far kinder than another lammie episode (very painful for pony).

Very hard decision to make, especially when this should be a fun time gettting to know your baby. xx
 
I did phone round Pookie (no one does restricted grazing) before I decided to go here - I knew it wouldnt be ideal not being allowed any help but I thought I could cope anyway.

Grazing muzzles rub her to the point of bleeding - I've tried all sorts including the basket ones, the green guard ones. They all rub. I've lined them with sheepskin and they rub.

There is no threatening them, they only had me there as a favour and don't really want horses there. It's not a livery yard so no skin off their nose if you see what I mean. I had to beg them to let me move her there. It's just so close me.

I get what you mean about the gym it's just time. My daughter is asleep when I leave at 8am, I get back from the horse at 6.30pm ish and then she's in bed by 7pm. I get about 20 mins with her.

Thanks will check the link out. I've never in 25 years of riding heard of anything like that round here though.
 
EllenJay said:
It may not be what you want to hear - but if your horse can only walk because of an injury (assuming that this is a permanent state of affairs) then the horse must be in some pain, you are not coping, the pony is elderly - maybe you should think about PTS, which would be far kinder than another lammie episode (very painful for pony).

Very hard decision to make, especially when this should be a fun time gettting to know your baby. xx
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I've not explained well, no she isn't in pain, she can walk, trot, canter etc in the field but it's just that I wouldn't do more than walk on her as I don't want to tendon to go again. I'm a happy hacker so suits me. She's 19.
 
poor you, you really do sound stressed. A visit to the doctors wouldnt be a bad thing just in case they can help. Looking at that link it looks great - unless you are walking to see to your horse you may find that when you total up the mileage a week (assuming you go twice a day every day) that you are quids in by using the suggested livery ! I would certainly consider somewhere similar for my retired mare if I didnt have my own land - then I could visit maybe once a month/week and spend some quality time with her.
 
meesha said:
poor you, you really do sound stressed. A visit to the doctors wouldnt be a bad thing just in case they can help. Looking at that link it looks great - unless you are walking to see to your horse you may find that when you total up the mileage a week (assuming you go twice a day every day) that you are quids in by using the suggested livery ! I would certainly consider somewhere similar for my retired mare if I didnt have my own land - then I could visit maybe once a month/week and spend some quality time with her.
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I'm at the end of my tether. The yard is just up the road although I drive as it's easier with having my daughter then I can leave her iwth my parents whilst I see to her.

The link looks fab, I wish there was something like that round here.
 
http://www.cheshireretirementlivery.co.uk/Facilities.htm

Might be a bit closer to you OP. I am no great expert in this stuff but if it was a route you wanted to go down I'm sure lots of local people on here would be able to help you find somewhere. Just start a new post asking for retirement livery and telling them where you are. They're good like that! Doesn't have to be forever. I'm sure you could have her back if/when you had time to.

It'll be ok in the long run.
 
Thanks Jess I'll check out the link. Someone mentioned a horse sanctuary but I don't even know if they'd take her and also that means it's forever and I'd never get her back. On the other hand PTS is something I thought about which is awful as she's been such a good friend and is a lovely sweet thing its not fair. But I can't cope like this.
 
Sorry that you are struggling....we have all been there.

How about a call to the VHS (veteran horse society). Although I don't think they can take horses on, I am pretty sure they have contact details of people looking to rehome veteran horses, and indeed a friend of mine managed to rehome hers through them.

Good luck x
 
You're more than welcome. I'm not surprised you aren't coping. That is far too much for any one person to contend with.

I definitely think a very specific post asking for that kind of thing in your area would be worth a punt. You'd be amazed what isn't online that people on here know about! The yard I moved to at the weekend for one. And even if someone can't recommend a good retirement livery type home they may well know someone who is after a companion for a lami pony over the summer or someone who can help you out by putting her up for you for a while. It's one of the things this place is best at :)
 
Wagtail said:
To be frank, and please don't take this the wrong way, it sounds as though you are depressed. You have a lot on your plate, but so do many other people. Try viewing going to do the horse as going to the gym, to help you keep fit. Seriously, I would go to the doctors and tell him/her how you are feeling totally overwhelmed, and what you are going through. Sounds like a course of anti-depressants could turn your life around and get you over this hurdle by supporting you for six months or so.
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Extremely good advice and I think spot on too. I suffer with on and off depression and I would like to think I can spot some of the signs. I think the OP does sound as though it could well be depression. Have you tried talking with your GP or Health Visitor at all? You don't have to give ins and outs as I understand it is a personal area but I do think that getting some help with one part of your life ( ie your mental health) will help you cope with everything else. It is so very easy for things to get on top of us and some of us handle stress better than others. It is not being defeatist by asking for help. I do know of a retirement livery that has a good reputation but it is in another county to you and it depends how often you would like to visit and transport. If you would like the details Tye bo just pm me. Hang on in there x
 
Thanks FW. I probably am depressed a bit, I'm surprised I've not gone round the bend with the amount I'm dealing with and trying to hold down. I'm strung out, totally. I am practical though and it's not depression that means I've not got time for this. Just not got time it's as simple as that. I'd like to see my daughter for more than 20 minutes. Winter isn't going to be any different, summer is supposed to be easier and I still can't cope at this. I feel like I can't breathe it's so all encompassing and over whelming. Its too much.
 
You could try Di Fairclough at Castle View Stud - near Burton? Not sure if that is near you? She has all kinds of grazing from lush cow type fields to scrb for fatties. She's also very kind and decent, I think if she can help you, she will. Plus there's 200 acres of offroad riding
 
In my opinion I think it would be unfair to have your horse pts. You must be responsible for her as your circumstances have changed through no fault of your horses. I think the ideas about retirement homes are a good idea. I also know a girl that sent her mad mare to the blood bank to be a blood donor I don't know if that's an option? It's a shame when people struggle but if it was me I'd manage by hook or by crook. I made the decision to own a horse many years ago, one that's sometimes lengthy but for me as a responsible owner my mare is with me till one of us dies and I stand by my decision to own her. Even though my husband has tried to talk me into selling! Sorry it's not much help but I don't think pts is the answer just to suit your finances when she could have many years ahead
 
emalou2 said:
In my opinion I think it would be unfair to have your horse pts. You must be responsible for her as your circumstances have changed through no fault of your horses. I think the ideas about retirement homes are a good idea. I also know a girl that sent her mad mare to the blood bank to be a blood donor I don't know if that's an option? It's a shame when people struggle but if it was me I'd manage by hook or by crook. I made the decision to own a horse many years ago, one that's sometimes lengthy but for me as a responsible owner my mare is with me till one of us dies and I stand by my decision to own her. Even though my husband has tried to talk me into selling! Sorry it's not much help but I don't think pts is the answer just to suit your finances when she could have many years ahead
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I sincerely hope that your circumstances never change.....
 
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