Really not coping

So because you can't afford to look after your horse you should have it put to sleep? Rather than try to rehome it? Sorry but animals have rights too.
 
Plus as previous post have suggested the op is possibly suffering from depression which makes her whole situation worse. I would suggest if she were mentally stronger things wouldn't seem so bad so perhaps that needs to be approached first before she makes and decisions.
 
Emalou - a very simplistic and idealistic view.

Circumstances do change and sometimes very hard decisions have to be made. The priority for the OP has to be the welfare (mental, physical and financial) of her and her baby. If this means her horse is put down, so be it. If a choice has to be made between feeding your horse or your child, there is no debate.
OP - If your horse is being kept next to your parents, perhaps your father/mother could speak to the property owners? After all, they are neighbours. If they are not horsy, they may not appreciate that all horseowners need a friend they can call on to help, and that it is unreasonable to ban anyone else from the place. What happens if you or your baby are ill? Will they 'do' the horse for you? Perhaps they don't quite understand the daily visits are a necessity, not a choice. However, perhaps they do, and are just being awkward. I think a visit to your GP would help, but any medication will take a little while to kick in. If you could find someone to help you/board your horse temporarily, that would also take some pressure off, even short term. If you decide that the solution is to have your horse put down, personally I would have no problems with that. I would only be concerned for you in the fact that you feel utterly desperate right now, and possibly depressed, and if you make that decision in these circumstances, you may beat yourself up about it later. If you feel you are calm and reasoning, and it is necessary for the benefit of you and your baby (at this age, anything that affects you, good or bad, affects her, too) then do what you need to do, and don't allow anyone to make you feel bad. Please have a chat with your doctor, good luck, and ((( HUGS )))
 
emalou2 I understand what you're saying and once upon a time before I had my daughter I could have thought the same thing. But things change and situations come up that I couldn't have forseen when I bought her 16 years ago. I thought she had a home for life with me.

Dunkley they won't have my parents they made that crystal clear before I moved. They specifically asked me what I'd do if I or the baby were ill as they would not put up with anyone else coming on the yard not even my daughter. Gosh no they'd not do her!! No way. If I want help then I'd have to move her it's as simple as that.

I'd feel terrible at having her PTS or sent to a sanctuary, I'd feel like a complete failure to myself and to her. I imagined my daughter growing up and riding her when she was old enough. I never thought it would come to this.
 
Move her to cheapish DIY livery, find a sharer, financial contribution to cover the extra cost but most importantly can help you out? Farm sounds a bit ridiculous, not letting someone do the horse for you if you're ill???!!
 
Could you stretch to putting her on DIY livery somewhere else and finding a sharer - one who only wants to potter out on a walk hack?

ETS just read that back. Sounds hard to find.
 
I don't think putting your horse to sleep would be a good solution for you. Regardless of whether it is right or wrong for the horse (many people have their horses PTS for financial or practical reasons), I really think that it would play on your mind in the future. The reason I say that, is that I very much regret having our rescue collie PTS when he bit (through fear) my baby in his walker. He was terrified of children. We saw him being thrown out of the car window (on purpose) when we got him. We had him for 5 years, and not a day went by when I didn't have to clean up after him in the house as his terrible start in life had left him with terrible guts. When we had the baby, he did warn us, and growled when he came near. He eventually bit him when my son rammed into him in the doorway. All these things I should have foreseen. We had him destroyed that very day. It was a mother's knee jerk reaction. He should have been rehomed with a childless person, but the NCDL refused to take him because he had bitten, and I guess that really, I had little choice. But it fills me with guilt to this day, and I very much wish I had tried harder to rehome him.

What I am trying to say, is that when you are in a better place (and you will be one day) you would most likely regret having your mare PTS. So regardless of what is best for her, it would be best for you in the long run not to do it.

Obviously, if you really have no choice (and sometimes we just don't), then PTS may be your only option.
 
You need to find somewhere else for her. This place is putting too much pressure on you and your panicking. Try to find somewhere else, perhaps that does part livery, or a more reasonable farmer (difficult I know!). Maybe somewhere you could take your daughter with you, so you'd have some time with her as well. This farm can't be the only suitable place in the area.
 
I wish I was nearer to you, just looking for a horse like that to share who needs just a calm walking hack.
 
I don't have kids, but THB the saddest part, reading through these posts, is that you only get to spend 20 mins a day with your own baby. Even without having the horse, it sounds like you don't get much time with her.
I can't offer anything practical, just hope that you can find some solution.
 
OP do you have any horsey friends from your past who might help perhaps someone who is managing an elderly lami sufferer already.
Talk to your parents see what they suggest be honest with them tell them you are not coping tell your best friend seek help and support its ok to admitt to your nearest and dearest it's all too much too often we put a brave face with our family's and closest friends.
If you can find no solution I would PTS ( I know people will jump on me for this)
Your child needs to be your priority and a mother overstessed about a horse is not good.
Good luck seek the support of your family and friends .
 
In a rush so can't read to end of posts. Sorry if someone has already suggested this, but I've always found cards in feed merchants' / saddlers' shops really good. Put down in as few words as possible your problem, what you need etc (don't even do sentences!). Perhaps someone might like your horse as a companion. Or a sharer somewhere else would be ideal. If you don't ask, you don't get! And no harm in sounding a bit desperate on the card!!

All the best. I wish I was near enough to help you.
 
tye_bo said:
Dunkley they won't have my parents they made that crystal clear before I moved. They specifically asked me what I'd do if I or the baby were ill as they would not put up with anyone else coming on the yard not even my daughter. Gosh no they'd not do her!! No way. If I want help then I'd have to move her it's as simple as that.

I'd feel terrible at having her PTS or sent to a sanctuary, I'd feel like a complete failure to myself and to her. I imagined my daughter growing up and riding her when she was old enough. I never thought it would come to this.
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In which case they are being utter, inconsiderate, ignorant gits :(
No one can cope without some sort of back up, it's ridiculous. I can't believe they won't even let you take your daughter up :mad: I would echo the suggestion to try and find a cheap DIY and a sharer/helper to take the pressure off for a while. But, at the end of the day, your welfare and that of your child, must come first. If you decide to have your mare put down, it is not a decision you will take lightly, and you quite definitely will NOT have failed her, rather more ensured nothing dreadful happens to her in the future. As you have unfortunately discovered, although loaning can be a perfect solution, it can also put you in the position of suddenly having to find space/money you may not actually have anymore if the horse is sent back. I hope you can find a solution quickly, as once that added stress is removed, you will feel so much better. x
 
Poor you OP, things will get better. Cheap or not, your yard is adding to your stress and I think you need to move to a DIY yard where either your parents, or a sharer, can help. If your horse is ok to walk and is calm, have you considered temporary loan to the RDA?
 
Thanks everyone, sorry just not had 5 mins to come back to this thread.

I've had sharers in the past three in fact, and they all turned out to be a nightmare. They've talked the talk but really not given a monkeys about my mare other than having something to ride and not cared about her. It's not even that I want things doing 'my way', I just want them to provide a basic level of care for her. My two friends had the same thing, one lady gave up when Winter came and told my friend she'd be back next to summer to start again then!?!? I know their must be good sharers out there but they are like gold dust and I've never had the fortune to meet anyone.

Plus she's a tricky one to share as she can nap so I'd say she's not a novice ride because of that but then again you could only walk out on her so would have to be a competent rider who is happy plodding.

RDA is good in theory but I used to help out there and I know how many different people volunteer. I just worry about sending her away anywhere that they won't adhere to the weight limit or stick to my limitations etc. I'm reluctant to send her where I can't keep my eye on her hence I'd never sell her etc.

My best friend is on the yard where I am now, and she just keeps saying that I knew it would be this hard when I decided to have her back. I didn't decide to have her back, I didn't have a choice and I thought having her so close to me would be a help to me.

Before I moved here I rang round every local yard (I've already been on most of them over the years) already. I thought for time and money this was the best option. I've thought about reducing my hours at work but I don't know if I could afford to do that, especially now I've got a horse to support.
 
I am so sorry Op for the situation you have found yourself in, it does sound stressful. I hope it all turns out ok for you, your girl and your horse, I have nothing to add to the advice given already but I really hope you can get the balance back x
 
poor you - it sounds as if you have already explored every option.
I don't think it is kind on you, your baby, or your mare to keep up this level of pressure, and I hope there is someone close to you who will help you to see that you have done more than your best. It sounds to me as if you have reached the end of the road with her.
Being pts is not an unkind option for a much loved horse. ( despite the opinions of some sanctimonious posters here,with limited life experience)
She has already been through the mill with your unsuitable sharers, and lami, and lameness, and you have nothing to reproach yourself with.
 
tye_bo said:
My best friend is on the yard where I am now, and she just keeps saying that I knew it would be this hard when I decided to have her back. I didn't decide to have her back, I didn't have a choice and I thought having her so close to me would be a help to me.
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Could your best friend help out, if she is already on the yard?

What about putting the baby into a pram and walking her to your parents' then you can at least be looking at her and talking to her? I agree with every-one who has suggested going to the doctor.
 
tye_bo said:
I.

Grazing muzzles rub her to the point of bleeding - I've tried all sorts including the basket ones, the green guard ones. They all rub. I've lined them with sheepskin and they rub.
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Yes does sound like your depressed go see your GP. Have you seen the dinky rugs muzzles these don't rub much at all like the greenguard ones do.
 
Two of the 3 are dinky rug ones, one I'd cut out the bits to try and stop it rubbing, the other my loaner lady stitched sheepskin in to try and stop it and they both still rubbed her raw. The green guard one rubbed too. And she could get them off too so they were never guaranteed to stay on her any length of time.

It's time/location regards me walking to the farm - I don't get back from work till 5.45 and she's already at my parents (next door to farm) as they have her whilst I'm at work all day.

I don't think the doctors will help me, it's lack of time/money/divorce that's stressing me out and I don't see how they will address those issues?
 
Could you call the RDA, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't breach any guidlines, but to put your mind at rest? I understand what you are saying ebcause I'm the same, I would find it very hard to loan mine out, but it will make your life easier, even if it's for six months. You could visit often and when you're situation is better, move to a DIY yard where there is more flexibility.

Don't discount the sharer idea either, a bit of napping is probably fine for most experienced riders, it could be that somebody older would like to take horsey life at a more leisurely pace, but obviously you'd have to move yards for that. The time that you spend travelling to another yard could be offset by having a sharer for a few days.
 
I totally sympathise....such a hard situation.

Do not discount depression...please at least ask the doctors...if it is then you cannot function and it will be draining your energy.

IGNORE - all people you tell you 'they managed' and you just 'do what you have to do'...it isn't helpful and a young child is hard enough...with the other things it is no surprise you are finding things tough.

In your situation...I think I would be looking for a DIY livery where you can buddy up with someone.....its quicker to do 2 horses once than doing 1 horse twice! does that make sense? There are load of people with lami types who are struggling and would welcome help from an equally sympathetic owner.

Put an advert on Preloved, local tack shops and local facebook pages for horsey bods... as Jesstickle said...put up another post on here.

Sounds like your parents are supportive, perhaps if you move your horse they can help....As for money....its so tough...but you may find you can save on something somewhere to enable the extra for a DIY yard....easy for me to say but just a thought.
 
Only a guess but could it be as simple as lack of sleep rather than depression - it will seem like the same thing but lack of sleep will leave you seriously unable to cope. Surely friend would be happy to share some duties - it might mean that you do evey other night rather than each night ! or - electric fence horse off from others - maybe round edge of field in track system so she has to walk alot (hopefully this will mean you wont need the muzzle).

Over the extended bank holiday hopefully u will be able to spend some quality time with your little one and catch up on some sleep and it will all suddenly seem a litter brighter.
 
tye_bo said:
I don't think the doctors will help me, it's lack of time/money/divorce that's stressing me out and I don't see how they will address those issues?
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I have been reading this thread for a few days and didn't really have anything that I could add over-and-above what other's have posted. I really feel for you and it certainly isn't an easy situation.

I'm no expert, so it may not technically be depression but it sounds enough like it to find out. What I can comment on, however, with first-hand experience is what help you can get to deal with feeling this way. I was very dubious that the doctor could help me - I was exactly like you in thinking "this is my problem and what can you do to change it". However, I really got to thinking what could be the harm in trying - and I have to admit it really helped.

You are correct in that you have to address the base causes of what is causing the stress etc but what can be aided is how you feel about it whilst that process is going on. I took the tablets given to me for around 10 months and came off feeling back to my old self (although I will say that the first few weeks where they warn of side effects such as feeling sick are correct). If you want to ask any questions about anything, PM me, I'm happy to share my experience

Really good luck with finding what works for you.
 
How big is the horse and it what way is it highmaintenance?

Knowing a little more may help people offer some advice x
 
Thanks all. My friend won't help me no. She shares her horse with another lady (the actual owner) so only goes up a few times a week anyway herself.

I'm less bothered about the depression/sleep issues, it's practical solutions to this as I can't cope with her. Thank you for all your advice by the way it's much appreciated.

She is electric fenced off from the others in a small paddock and I'm extending it very slowly every few days.

She's 14.3hh welsh D x Dales and I say high maintenance because of the having to restrict her grazing so much in summer as she's had laminitis when I loaned her out once before. She's not one you can just turn away for the summer. She's 20 this year, a really lovely girl very sweet natured.

The more time goes on the more I just feel less able to cope and think even with 'help' it'd be too much for me right now. I have to have an operation this summer and god knows what I'll do then as I'll be out of action for a while. It's the straw that broke the camels back or that's how it feels.
 
Bless you. I know you don't want to PTS, and I certainly wouldn't ever suggest you did, but I will say that if you did then it doesn't in any way reflect badly on you.

OP, if you can't find somewhere you can turn her away near you could always send her to a yard somewhere else that will have her on retirement for a while. There will be someone on here who lives locally that can check on her for you I'm sure. You sound about ready to snap and you need a break. If I had my own yard I would gladly take her on holiday but I'm only on livery so can't offer much in the way of practical help :( but if you do decide to send her pretty much any where in East Anglia I'm happy to go and visit her for you a couple of times a month and take you photos/generally report back.
 
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