Really not sure what to do

[Waxwing]

I haven't posted a lot recently but I have generally been enjoying riding our horse, predominantly walk and trot and hacks and lessons which have included an increasing amount of canter and it has been going well. I have had a few very positive lesson with good feedback from the instructor. However my daughter, who I share her with, after a good few months where they had been out to pony club a couple of time etc, has become less confident. The horse hadn't done anything specifically wrong, however she she said she was enjoying riding her less and since we got back from a recent holiday she has been refusing to canter on her. I haven't put any pressure on and have just told her to do what she feels happy with. She went out for a walk and trot hack on Monday and joined in a group lesson today, during which she got bucked off. I wasn't watching but the instructor said there wasn't any obvious trigger, they were transitioning from walk to trot so not doing anything particularly exciting. The instructor, who rides her regularly, rode her for twenty minutes after the lesson and she was foot perfect, walk trot canter, circles in canter and some counter canter etc and the instructor said she felt like her usual self. DD rode while we were away, and had a lesson on one of horses at the yard, who is not an easy ride last week, and did very well; however she is very clear she does not want to ride our horse again. The instructor today suggested that potentially they are not gelling, she suggested DD have a couple of rides on other horses and then see how she feels which I felt was sensible. On the way home DD talked about the fact feeling frustrated that she cannot do what she wants to do riding wise and how she feels she has lost all her confidence in the last few months. She also expressed concerns about the fact our horse tends to buck more when she rides her; in comparison she has only put one proper buck in when I have been riding her in fourteen months we have had her and there was a very clear trigger for that. Today was the first time she has put a buck in with anyone in the last three/ four months and she is ridden four to six times a weeks so it is no an everyday occurrence, however obvious I don't want my daughter feeling scared to ride or hurting herself.

Not really sure what they answer is; she asked if she could have a horse on loan but paying for two on full livery is not an option. I work full time and she is due to start college in September which is forty minutes from home so DIY isn't an option and I love the yard we are currently on. I'm also not sure she would commit enough time to riding to warrant having one that just hers. However I am also aware that having a horse when it goes well is really good for her mental health However riding is also good for my mental health and the current horse is one I can collect from the field in my lunch hour and take round the village knowing she safe passing double decker buses, motor bikes, tractors, delivery vans and anything we may meet. She is very good on the ground and has reached an agreement with the farrier where by if he cold shoes her only and accepts the fact very occasionally she is not in the mood to be shod (he is on the yard every week) she can now be tied up with a hay net while shod and will not create any issues. She doesn't automatically hot up on grass or in company ; she has been to pony club twice in a large country park and behaved well on both occasions. She got a bit enthusiastic when jumping at one point but then calmed, my friend who took my daughter felt the horse was enjoying herself and the more she did (jumping) the more she would settle.

What I am trying to say in rather too many words she is is a horse with many positives and and I am not sure selling and and getting something potentially more suited to what my daughter thinks she wants is necessarily the answer. DH is also very clear that he is not willing to go through the angst of buying another horse for a least the next five years. ( I bought the current horse but he helps with running costs.) I do have some sympathy with his viewpoint so the viable options really are keep the horse, have no horse, or possibly keep the horse and maybe try and find a local share/ part loan for DD.

Thank you if you have got this far; I mainly wanted to get my musings out of my head and on "paper."

 

[JenJ]

Could you get a sharer for your horse and then find a local share for DD?

 

[Caol Ila]

Your horse sounds brilliant and you seem very happy with her.

From what you’ve said on your other posts, your daughter goes through phases where she’s keen to ride the horse and phases where she’s not. Could you look for (and afford) a share/part loan? That’s very uncommitting and would give your daughter a chance to see if she “gels” better with another horse.

 

[Nonjumper]

Honestly, I'd do what your instructor suggested, and have your daughter take lessons on other horses and see how she gets on. If she's going to start college shortly she may very well move on to other things anyway.

As for the pair not gelling and that the horse bucks more when your daughter rides her, that's entirely possible. I remember when I was selling a pony many years ago, I'd ride him first so the potential purchasers got to see him under saddle before they hopped on and he always went well with no problems at all, until they got on .... He'd walk round quietly but the second they asked him to trot he'd buck and have them on the floor then just stand there looking at them smugly. This happened with several different people and we where shocked and embarrassed as it was completely out of the blue.

 

[Petalpoos]

Honestly, I'd do what your instructor suggested, and have your daughter take lessons on other horses and see how she gets on. If she's going to start college shortly she may very well move on to other things anyway.

This.

The horse is perfect for you and your daughter is going off to college and could well lose all interest in horses. I know she is your DD, but you don’t have to give up your whole life for her and your mental health is just as important as hers.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Keep this horse for yourself and let your daughter have rides or lessons on other horses to keep her riding fix.

I suspect that if you did sell her and buy another, your daughter might soon find fault with the new horse and find a reason not to ride that one either, and you’d either be back at square one or even worse off if you don’t suit the new horse.

You’ve been very supportive. You can continue to be supportive by letting her have lessons on other horses, or at most a share.

 

[bubsqueaks]

Give yourself time - often things will sort themselves out - having been through similar with my daughter you will find going to College opens up other avenues leading her possibly further away from horses which is natural.
If I was you Id carry on as you are for now with your horse letting your daughter ride others as suggested then see where life takes you all over the next 6 months.

 

[Goldenstar]

Is the horse carrying an injury is one question I would be asking.
Horses do sometimes show behaviours linked with pain with one rider .
There’s lots of potential reasons for this sometimes the feels able to express the discomfort with a particular person , sometimes the person themselves is doing something that causing issues .
Bucking has many causes sometimes it’s excitement , sometimes it’s a lack of disipline, sometimes pain is trigger so without seeing and knowing the horse it’s difficult to advise .
Horses react , that’s what important with bucking, what the horse reacting to.
That’s something for you think on .
On your daughter she’s off to college soon I would do as others suggest and get her horse time with lessons and other things.
You keep your horse she suits you I would not be changing horses for a youngster who is off to college soon.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Having personal experience of this we changed the horse. Mine had major confidence issues with a horse which was too sharp for her, she lost all confidence eventually. A few lessons on riding school horses and she was back to her confident self in no time. We bought a different horse for her and she’s flying now doing things I never thought I’d see her do. Mine is younger than yours.

Your instructor is correct, keep her for yourself if you can and see what happens with your daughter. No point forcing as I know how hard you have tried from previous posts c

 

[Pinkvboots]

I agree with keep the horse and get your daughter to have lessons on other horses maybe do one to one for a while to get her confidence back, then slowly introduce lessons on the one you own again not in group to start with.

I would however do the basic checks like saddle, back and teeth just to make sure nothing is not right and a vet check is need be.

I would then once she is riding more confidently have the talk about potentially her sharing something else if she is just not feeling it with the other horse.

I've lost my confidence in the past so know exactly how it is and you have to go right back and start very small, you can't expect to get on and do all the things you happily did before, I found little and often best even if you just hop on and walk around for 5 minutes to start with then just slowly do a bit more.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you she is a horse with lots of positives; I don't necessarily think we are perfect for each other but we have been making progress in the right direction.

Without regards to the cause of the bucking; in some cases it definitely is excitement and early on when we had her a combination of an influx of spring grass and the saddle not fitting properly appeared to be a trigger (we had no further bucks for a sustained period once she was moved to less good grazing and the saddle was adjusted. She has put in a few bucks with other riders but hadn't seen any bucking for the past three or four months.

She has regular physio and the saddle fitter was out last week and everything was fine. The instructor commented that when she rode her yesterday she was asking her to work a lot more correctly than DD had/ does and the horse was not objecting or resisting (the instructor is a very quiet and kind rider but very clear in what she asks for.) The physio is due again at the end of the week for a routine check at the end of this week and I will talk it through with her; she is a veterinary physio who is very clear that if she finds or feels there is something underlying she will advise the owner to consult with their vet. Her teeth were done a few months ago but I will arrange to get these checked again and seek a vet check if needed.

DD is planning to do Equine Studies at college which will include riding, so it may be that plus riding once or twice a week outside of college is sufficient in future. We will see.

I agree that giving is six months or so to see where we end up is probably sensible; DD will be clearer about what she wants, I will be more sure if the progress the horse and I are making is being maintained , and if there are any underlying niggles this will give time for these to be explored.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Your MH is just as important as your daughter's has to be your starting point, imo. Keep your horse, who sounds lovely. Let your daughter build up her experience and skills by riding as many different horses as possible before she goes to college. This will probably mean lessons at your yard but could include lessons at other RS, trekking centre sessions and maybe even a riding holiday with friends. I guess that DD's confidence fluctuates with her hormones, which will settle as she grows up but she may have decided she has more important things in her life than horses by then.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Horses do certainly just buck out of excitement especially in a group lesson environment one of mine would find that highly exciting, I know because I used to show him and the canter round could get interesting

It could just be unfortunate that it's happening more with your daughter I also find with my other horse he can leg out or buck if his asked to canter by a rider that perhaps rides a bit more forceful than me, I tend to ride and ask very softly compared to my 2 friends that ride him so he gets a bit on the defensive.

Not saying that's the case with your daughter but is a possibility to maybe consider, or it could just be the horse is sensing she is not feeling so confident, my Louis knows when I'm not feeling it and he just tends to then do the same and it all goes to pot.

Flipping horses I wonder why we all bother sometimes

 

[Asha]

Youve had this horse for over 12 months now, and you still seem nervous to do a lot with her yourself ( reading between the lines ) .

As you know i tried the mare before you bought her, and i could feel a buck in her so i walked away. So my advice would be to sell to a more confident rider and get yourself and your daughter one you can genuinely have fun on.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you for all your responses. DD is actually going on a riding holiday next week which she is looking forward to. I tentatively considered selling late last year, but DD's mental health was all over the place and she was in her final year at school and we she would not have coped with the horse going. We then both started to make some progress and she started going to pony club etc and it was all feeling good. I have genuinely been enjoying our horse over the past few months and I think whatever decision I make needs to be based on what I want to do rather than trying to make it based on what both DD and I want. School is now over and DD is eighteen at the end of next year so I need to start thinking about what I want in the longer term.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

If you’re happy with your horse then keep her. DD is at an age when she could move on in many directions. Work, hobbies, boyfriends, leave home etc. as above she can get a horse fix elsewhere.

 

[Waxwing]

\i am going to see how things go for the next couple of months with the horse being "mine" rather than a shared horse, and will make it clear to DD that she can have as little or as much to do with the horse as she likes, and can have lessons on other horses if she wants to. Unlike late last year I am enjoying what I am doing on her at present, so whatever the longer term outcome we can tick along for now.

At present what I can do with the horse has been consistent with what I want to; however as I am feeling more confident I am starting to want to do more and it remains to be seen if I am able to do this with her . If DD decides she doesn't want to ride her anymore it is more important that I feel that she is totally right for me, and will continue to be so. When DD started going to pony club and seemed set to continue I was happy for them to do their thing and me to have a lesson once a week and a couple of hacks round the village. I don't have any particular goals; I just want to continue feeling happy and confident in what I choose to do, and confident that if I want to do a bit more I am able to do so.

I had a conversation with my friend who has been taking DD to pony club; she advised that during the last rally DD was holding her back all the time and when she finally let her canter over a jump the horse had a wehay moment because she was free to move rather than through any naughtiness. DD then cantered her over a couple more jumps and because she was allowed to canter the horse remained calm and did what she was asked. The horse is very light in the mouth so I am wondering if she became frustrated yesterday as she felt she was being held back too much. Just hypothesising; she generally behaves very well in a group and doesn't get upset with other horses around her.

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to comment; it helps me to order my thoughts.

 

[Bobthecob15]

\i am going to see how things go for the next couple of months with the horse being "mine" rather than a shared horse, and will make it clear to DD that she can have as little or as much to do with the horse as she likes, and can have lessons on other horses if she wants to. Unlike late last year I am enjoying what I am doing on her at present, so whatever the longer term outcome we can tick along for now.

At present what I can do with the horse has been consistent with what I want to; however as I am feeling more confident I am starting to want to do more and it remains to be seen if I am able to do this with her . If DD decides she doesn't want to ride her anymore it is more important that I feel that she is totally right for me, and will continue to be so. When DD started going to pony club and seemed set to continue I was happy for them to do their thing and me to have a lesson once a week and a couple of hacks round the village. I don't have any particular goals; I just want to continue feeling happy and confident in what I choose to do, and confident that if I want to do a bit more I am able to do so.

I had a conversation with my friend who has been taking DD to pony club; she advised that during the last rally DD was holding her back all the time and when she finally let her canter over a jump the horse had a wehay moment because she was free to move rather than through any naughtiness. DD then cantered her over a couple more jumps and because she was allowed to canter the horse remained calm and did what she was asked. The horse is very light in the mouth so I am wondering if she became frustrated yesterday as she felt she was being held back too much. Just hypothesising; she generally behaves very well in a group and doesn't get upset with other horses around her.

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to comment; it helps me to order my thoughts.

Such a difficult decision when it’s your child’s horse and not just yours, I totally empathise! I’m sure you will do the best by your horse and your daughter.

I agree against taking to PC etc, in our experience if the combination aren’t confident with each other it just sets them both up to fail x

 

[Sanversera]

This.

The horse is perfect for you and your daughter is going off to college and could well lose all interest in horses. I know she is your DD, but you don’t have to give up your whole life for her and your mental health is just as important as hers.

This

 

[Waxwing]

Hi thank you again for your responses; just thought I would update that the veterinary physio was out today; I talked through had happened earlier in the week; she didn't find anything amiss and overall feels that the horses is looking and feeling a lot better than when we first got her. She has given advice on stretches etc and work to incorporate into her schooling. The instructor on the yard has ridden her each day for the last three days and she has been working happily and willingly with no issue. The instructor also spoke with the physio and provided feedback on the horse is feeling when ridden. I will hack tomorrow and have a go at intro dressage on Sunday. The physio said she might have been in discomfort if she is season and feeling hormonal.

 

[eahotson]

Hi thank you again for your responses; just thought I would update that the veterinary physio was out today; I talked through had happened earlier in the week; she didn't find anything amiss and overall feels that the horses is looking and feeling a lot better than when we first got her. She has given advice on stretches etc and work to incorporate into her schooling. The instructor on the yard has ridden her each day for the last three days and she has been working happily and willingly with no issue. The instructor also spoke with the physio and provided feedback on the horse is feeling when ridden. I will hack tomorrow and have a go at intro dressage on Sunday. The physio said she might have been in discomfort if she is season and feeling hormonal.

To start.Good luck in your intro and enjoy it.Secondly some partnerships are just not meant.You and your mare seem to get on but for whatever reason this is not a partnership that is working fir your daughter.Getting her rides,various,on other horses will hopefully be a way forward. As your daughter us growing up and going to college soon I would consider my own needs and keep the mare for myself.

 

[Waxwing]

We had great fun at the Intro dressage; horse was very laid back and behaved really well and I enjoyed it. DD came and watched and wanted to ride and now said she wants to ride the horse lots over the summer. We will see; I will book her a couple of private lessons and see how she goes; totally her choice if she wants to or not. I personally had a great time yesterday, first time going out with the horse, first time warming up on grass and DH and I took her home on her our own and unloaded without any support from the yard staff (first time for that too.) DH is not horsy but calm and sensible. Little bit proud of myself and looking forward to doing something else low key in the near future.

 

[SEL]

We had great fun at the Intro dressage; horse was very laid back and behaved really well and I enjoyed it. DD came and watched and wanted to ride and now said she wants to ride the horse lots over the summer. We will see; I will book her a couple of private lessons and see how she goes; totally her choice if she wants to or not. I personally had a great time yesterday, first time going out with the horse, first time warming up on grass and DH and I took her home on her our own and unloaded without any support from the yard staff (first time for that too.) DH is not horsy but calm and sensible. Little bit proud of myself and looking forward to doing something else low key in the near future.

Well done!!

I really do understand how much of an achievement this feels - so concentrate on what you're getting out of this and if your daughter chooses to ride that's great, but otherwise it sounds like you're building up a great relationship.

 

[eahotson]

We had great fun at the Intro dressage; horse was very laid back and behaved really well and I enjoyed it. DD came and watched and wanted to ride and now said she wants to ride the horse lots over the summer. We will see; I will book her a couple of private lessons and see how she goes; totally her choice if she wants to or not. I personally had a great time yesterday, first time going out with the horse, first time warming up on grass and DH and I took her home on her our own and unloaded without any support from the yard staff (first time for that too.) DH is not horsy but calm and sensible. Little bit proud of myself and looking forward to doing something else low key in the near future.

Well done.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

We had great fun at the Intro dressage; horse was very laid back and behaved really well and I enjoyed it. DD came and watched and wanted to ride and now said she wants to ride the horse lots over the summer. We will see; I will book her a couple of private lessons and see how she goes; totally her choice if she wants to or not. I personally had a great time yesterday, first time going out with the horse, first time warming up on grass and DH and I took her home on her our own and unloaded without any support from the yard staff (first time for that too.) DH is not horsy but calm and sensible. Little bit proud of myself and looking forward to doing something else low key in the near future.

Well done! You have every right to feel proud of yourself.
As others have said, enjoy your relationship with your horse and let your daughter build up her own relationship with the horse, which us bound to be different from yours with her.

 

[Fransurrey]

I had a conversation with my friend who has been taking DD to pony club; she advised that during the last rally DD was holding her back all the time and when she finally let her canter over a jump the horse had a wehay moment because she was free to move rather than through any naughtiness. DD then cantered her over a couple more jumps and because she was allowed to canter the horse remained calm and did what she was asked. The horse is very light in the mouth so I am wondering if she became frustrated yesterday as she felt she was being held back too much. Just hypothesising; she generally behaves very well in a group and doesn't get upset with other horses around her.

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to comment; it helps me to order my thoughts.

This is quite feasible. I rode my friend's horse a few years ago and she was way more forward going than I was used to. I was unintentionally holding her back a lot. I was consequentially bombed off with once (thought I was a goner - she was a TB and it was rough ground) and then later I had to hold her back due to the other horse having a shorter canter stride. Cue me sailing over the head of said horse after an almighty hand stand. Looking back she must have been very frustrated.

 

[Ceriann]

Congrats and so positive to see the progress you have made with your partnership. It does take time with all horses, especially if you have a blip. I bought not long after you and will be taking mine out for our first competitive outing in August. We’ve not had your issues but mine wasn’t settled or working well until I got a connie saddler out to fit her in a new saddle and the different tree has been game changing. It affected my fragile confidence so seeing you work through yours is so encouraging. I would hold onto your mare - your getting into your groove now and trusting her. She will feed off that too and you’ve got your happy cycle.

 

[Waxwing]

I am now looking at boxing to a local forest for a guided walk and trot ride in August. There is riding club group I found on Facebook, in the next county to me, but not to far to transport, who do semi regular forest rides and offer slow or fast versions. She is good in company and generally very relaxed if following another horse in walk and trot. Thankfully she is not marish around others, one napped into yesterday, their rear end into her shoulder and she just ignored them. Iwant to gently expand what we do at a pace (walk and trot for now) that I am happy with.

 

[Waxwing]

Today I managed my first short canter out hacking, it wasn't very long but it was calm and controlled. One of my friends rode one of the stable horses who is very quiet and was guaranteed to stay behind. In the last six days we have been out for our first dressage test and had a canter on a hack. Small steps but I am very happy. My daughter chose to rode our horse in a lesson earlier in the week ( I rode the horse she was due to ride.) We swapped at for the last five minutes as she could have a canter on the other horse and I cantered ours. She has just ridden ours bareback down to the field after I had hacked her with a big grin on her face.

 

[eahotson]

Today I managed my first short canter out hacking, it wasn't very long but it was calm and controlled. One of my friends rode one of the stable horses who is very quiet and was guaranteed to stay behind. In the last six days we have been out for our first dressage test and had a canter on a hack. Small steps but I am very happy. My daughter chose to rode our horse in a lesson earlier in the week ( I rode the horse she was due to ride.) We swapped at for the last five minutes as she could have a canter on the other horse and I cantered ours. She has just ridden ours bareback down to the field after I had hacked her with a big grin on her face.

Onwards and upwards.