Really struggling on my own

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

Background: I used to be very horsey as a teenager/young adult, had my own (not very easy) horse for 10 years. I then had 15 years off, and popped out a few kids. Im out of practice, and a bit more pathetic than I was expecting!

I've recently got a tiny little 11.3 13yo Dartmoor mare to live at home. She's basically a nice little pony. She did a bit of everything in her last home, owner was high up in pony club, sold her as totally genuine first ridden.

BUT. This hasn't been quite my experience! she's fine on the road, but very prancey and spinny if I ever try to take her into a field. Extra complication is that we've now got a 12.2 on loan as a companion. My mare has very much established herself as the dominant of the two. There were a couple of all out kicking matches early on, which have now been resolved between the two ponies. I know this is very normal behaviour, but having seen her double barrel the new pony and really mean it, it's made me very cautious!

But now we're coming into spring and I'll really need to start lunging to keep the weight off when I move her onto the fresh grass in the summer field, although I will strip graze to begin with (never had lami, but obvs a risk) And lunging has to be done in a field- I've got no sand school. i had a go today, and I think I maintained an assertive front when she started pissing about, but afterwards I was shaking. We didn't actually do any lunging, I didn't get any further than leading her in a 20m circle, clinging on to her headcollar.

I had plenty of help lined up to be an extra pair of hands, lend moral support etc but now obviously no one is allowed up, and I'm all on my own.

Is it totally ridiculous to just leave them in their winter field? Ie never move them on to the fresh grass? It's currently a fairly bare (but not poached) nearly 1 acre. A nice long thin acre down a long hill, so some token exercise there I guess. As the grass starts to grow through, will that be too much, if it's starting from almost nothing? I'm very happy to supplement with as much hay as needed throughout the whole year.

What else do I do? Please be kind- I was never expecting to find myself in this position!

Oh ps I can't walk her out on the lane at the moment because I can't leave the kids, and I can't take them all with. Plus, new pony is not 100% with tractors, And I was expecting to have an extra pair of hands the first few time I took the two out together. Now we have a companion, my mare won't leave without her- jogs, spins, barges, yells etc.

 

[fredflop]

If you can leave them on a bare paddock and feed hay instead that sounds like a sensible solution

 

[EllenJay]

bless you - sounds like you are struggling ATM. In your boots, whilst we are in lockdown, I would definitely leave them in the winter paddock, making sure that they are not dropping too much weight.
Once lockdown is over, you need to get some experienced help in to show you how to do groundwork and safely lead/handle them both

 

[Archangel]

In your situation I would keep them in the winter paddock and feed hay whilst we are in this situation.

I might leave off the lunging as well until you have someone to help/support you. She sounds a little madam!

My lovely steady horses are a bit giddy at the moment. Touch of the sun I think.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I would definitely leave them in the winter field, put the water at one end and any hay at the other - voila! You've got a tack and if you could put some electric fencing down the middle to make a sort of 'u' shape, so that they have to walk twice as far, even better.
The best laid plans..........

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

The little devils!

Agree with everyone else: leave the blighters in the winter paddock with hay as necessary, rather than put them out on the spring grass where they're highly likely to develop laminitis, as well as their behaviour get positively demonic!

When restrictions are lifted, you could then get a professional in to help you, and I would deffo suggest that this is what you should do. Meantime, PLEASE take care when handling them; that means hat and body protector plus suitable boots and gloves. Make sure you have your mobile phone with you with plenty of charge on it. Keep yourself safe, especially right now when ambulances are gonna be pretty scarce.

 

[paddy555]

I'm afraid some Dartmoor mares are total little madams and are excellent at taking advantage of any situation.
They also get very fat very quickly so I would stay on the winter paddock and restrict their grazing. They are also experts at going under electric fencing. I have found I have had to be a lot harder with them than with a horse. If you are leading in a headcollar I would put something harsher on to get the message through as to who is in charge.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

Thank you all for being so kind. I never ever thought I'd be that useless mum that buys a foot perfect first pony and turns it into a total delinquent within 2 months. I honestly am competent, just massively lacking in confidence, and I think everyone's anxiety is sky high just now in general.

I have been wearing a helmet and body protector recently around them. I've been very relieved that no one can see me being so pathetic, but I'm glad someone else has suggested the same!

I'll continue with basic groundwork obvs, I bring them both in every day for a groom, pick feet, I've been able to worm etc, this isn't a problem at all. And I'll leave them in the winter field with their usual hay.

I've been having lessons myself at a lovely local riding school, and I had one of their girls all lined up to come up and help. I'll put all that on hold and try again in a few months. (I'm also struggling with having all the kids home 24/7 when usually 2 are at full time school and one does his 15 hours of preschool. I don't have any time or space, or even head space, to be dealing with this properly)

Thanks again, you've all been very reassuring xx

 

[cauda equina]

Wearing a hat and BP isn't pathetic at all, it's sensible.
I'm leaving my fatties in their winter paddock too, with hay as needed.

 

[Quigleyandme]

Please don’t put yourself down any more. You are not in the least bit pathetic; in fact you sound very sensible and knowledgeable.

 

[Flicker]

OP, were you lunging her in a head collar? It is really hard to maintain adequate control of a horse on the lunge in a head collar, as I discovered to my cost with a horse who was the perfect gentleman in all ways. I was lazy and decided to give him a quick lunge rather than ride, he turned himself inside out and kicked the inside of his leg, resulting in a whopper vet bill and time off work. Now I only lunge in a bridle and roller, with the lunge rein threaded through the bit and over the head, and loose side reins. If you are nervous about lunging at the moment, I suggest you also use a bridle to maintain control. Also please make sure you have a hat on, and wear gloves!

 

[Jill's Gym Karma]

Definitely not pathetic to wear correct gear and ask for help when you need it! Far too many idiots around doing the exact opposite.

I think handling small, bossy ponies is a specialism in itself.

 

[be positive]

I have owned small ponies for many years and the concept of summer grazing is totally wrong for most, as always there will be exceptions, the last thing they need is to move from a well grazed paddock onto a rested field just as the grass is coming through, turn your thinking around and have summer bare paddock where they can eat what is coming through, although even that may be too much for any prone to laminitis, top up with hay if and when they really need it, not when they look hungry but if their weight drops.

Save the better grass for winter once the goodness has gone out of it, strip graze if possible and it should last and mean you use less hay, that field should then be ideal for the summer, the one that is rested could have hay taken off or be used by something else, my ponies are usually in work all year round and would still be at serious risk if they ever saw a 1 acre field that had been rested for 6 months, spring is a time of plenty but not for small ponies it is their time for lockdown and limited grass, one of mine was teetering on the edge of laminitis and is currently being very carefully managed despite there appearing to be very little grass where she was going out .

That has not addressed your handling issues but I think they are going to be something you will build up your confidence with and if they are not getting too much grass will be less of an issue anyway as the weather improves.

 

[windand rain]

Wearing a hat and BP isn't pathetic at all, it's sensible.
I'm leaving my fatties in their winter paddock too, with hay as needed.

I think you might find that n acre is a bit much for the two small ponies or you will need to keep an eye on their weight especially in May you might need to give soaked hay for fibre Protective clothing is essential

 

[Pinkvboots]

Leave them in the winter field and if you want to lead or lunge do it from a bridle not a head collar you will have more control.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

I have owned small ponies for many years and the concept of summer grazing is totally wrong for most, as always there will be exceptions, the last thing they need is to move from a well grazed paddock onto a rested field just as the grass is coming through, turn your thinking around and have summer bare paddock where they can eat what is coming through, although even that may be too much for any prone to laminitis, top up with hay if and when they really need it, not when they look hungry but if their weight drops.

Save the better grass for winter once the goodness has gone out of it, strip graze if possible and it should last and mean you use less hay, that field should then be ideal for the summer, the one that is rested could have hay taken off or be used by something else, my ponies are usually in work all year round and would still be at serious risk if they ever saw a 1 acre field that had been rested for 6 months, spring is a time of plenty but not for small ponies it is their time for lockdown and limited grass, one of mine was teetering on the edge of laminitis and is currently being very carefully managed despite there appearing to be very little grass where she was going out .

That has not addressed your handling issues but I think they are going to be something you will build up your confidence with and if they are not getting too much grass will be less of an issue anyway as the weather improves.

This makes total sense. So basically use for 12 months, rest for 12 months, rather than 6 and 6? But still stagger the move with strip grazing. And also, moving in the winter presumably means that each field only deals with half the season's "poaching"/trashing at a time? AND I guess this means using more hay in the spring (when the grass is too rich) but then less in the winter (by which time the grass is safer).

I'm a total convert- why did I never think of this myself!!

 

[be positive]

This makes total sense. So basically use for 12 months, rest for 12 months, rather than 6 and 6? But still stagger the move with strip grazing. And also, moving in the winter presumably means that each field only deals with half the season's "poaching"/trashing at a time? AND I guess this means using more hay in the spring (when the grass is too rich) but then less in the winter (by which time the grass is safer).

I'm a total convert- why did I never think of this myself!!

I had never really heard of 'summer grazing' until I came on here, I have had my own land, liveries and also worked on other yards for many years, the land usually gets rested when it needs it, grazed before it is too lush and the small ponies follow the bigger ones if possible.
I see why people rest the land all winter but it is not always in the best interests of anything other than the few equines that can cope with lush grass, if it has also been fertilised it is no wonder we see so much laminitis, overweight horses and ponies and the need to use muzzles to limit intake, muzzles are a very new idea which can work well but I would prefer less grass in summer so they can be less restricted, it is hard seeing the land looking like a bog in winter, this year was one of the worst, but it does grow back and while it is recovering it is probably far safer than the fields that look beautiful that are full of potentially lethal grass, with many now having exercise cut back or stopped I expect an increase in laminitis this year and some very difficult times ahead for owners.

 

[Orangehorse]

The grass is growing now. My paddock has been a disaster bog looking more like a ploughed field - but the grass is growing now. Looser droppings, horse ate hardly any hay last night. Beware Laminitis.

I would say that your little pony is taking the piss, why not try to set up some Horse Agility type training things, it is fun and makes you concentrate better than going round in circles.

 

[poiuytrewq]

I think two ponies would be better off staying on winter grazing so no problem there! As above chuck hay in for them and try to relax. It’s a tough time and you really don’t need added pressure, there’s no hurry or time scale on these things

 

[rextherobber]

Honestly, it isn't you, it's her! My mare was dreadful, when I first bought her, totally NOT the horse I'd tried, both on the ground and ridden. After 2 months, I was literally dreading going to the yard. But I kept on, and gradually things improved..She was unsettled by the move, once she realised she was here to stay (too awful to pass on!) she got over herself, and is the most wonderful horse now. But it took a surprisingly long time - about a year, but that was just her, I'm sure others are more phlegmatic

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

Honestly, it isn't you, it's her! My mare was dreadful, when I first bought her, totally NOT the horse I'd tried, both on the ground and ridden. After 2 months, I was literally dreading going to the yard. But I kept on, and gradually things improved..She was unsettled by the move, once she realised she was here to stay (too awful to pass on!) she got over herself, and is the most wonderful horse now. But it took a surprisingly long time - about a year, but that was just her, I'm sure others are more phlegmatic

I have been pretty much assuming it must be me! She was only with her last family a year, and she was angel for them in all ways. It's so hard knowing whether to take a step back and let her settle herself in the new environment and with the new dynamic of the companion, or whether I'm unwittingly setting her up as "dominant" by avoiding anything that causes conflict! I mean, if we do encounter a "difference of opinion" then I always make sure I don't back down, but hen I probably will try and avoid that situation arising in the future, where probably I should be reinforcing rather than avoiding. Sigh. Very reassuring to hear that you got there with your mare though- did you have to put in some serious hard work, or did you back off and let her "come good"? X

 

[rextherobber]

I have been pretty much assuming it must be me! She was only with her last family a year, and she was angel for them in all ways. It's so hard knowing whether to take a step back and let her settle herself in the new environment and with the new dynamic of the companion, or whether I'm unwittingly setting her up as "dominant" by avoiding anything that causes conflict! I mean, if we do encounter a "difference of opinion" then I always make sure I don't back down, but hen I probably will try and avoid that situation arising in the future, where probably I should be reinforcing rather than avoiding. Sigh. Very reassuring to hear that you got there with your mare though- did you have to put in some serious hard work, or did you back off and let her "come good"? X

I just kept on keeping on, if you see what I mean. I don't believe she would have got better staying in the field, she didn't have anything physical wrong with her, it was purely that she didn't like me! I forced myself to do something with her every single day, in the beginning that was as simple as bringing her into the yard. Just little things. I ignored most of her behaviour and rewarded the good. With ridden work, if I rewarded the good, she instantly reverted to the "bad", almost like, "Damn, she actually wanted me to do that - so I won't!", but if I ignored it, she carried on with the "good". I did quite a lot of dodging, mostly teeth, (though she did manage to cow kick me when I was on her once), I didn't raise my voice or react, I and just resumed whatever it was I was doing as soon as possible. I read and watched a lot of Michael Peace books/videos. One day, I realised she hadn't tried to bite, kick or squash me against a wall for a couple of days, and it kind of built up from there. Now, she really is a horse in a million, I trust her completely, but naps terribly if anyone else rides her, won't be caught by them, and gets jealous if I do anything with another horse. She's never boring!!

 

[millikins]

We had a very similar experience to RtR, we bought a Dales mare last June. She was 4, bred by seller, no problems reported. She was vile, so vile we tried to send her back. She was bargy to handle, no respect for personal space, threatened to kick. She was very possessive of the other ponies and charged you if you tried to take one out of the field, we always wore a hat and carried a whip after that. When ridden she continually ran backwards or bucked. But that was then, it's taken a while but she's actually a big clumsy sweetie who had been allowed to get away with being a madam and was upset and insecure and unfortunately her way of telling us was to be rude and aggressive. Persevere, native pony mares can be challenging until they accept you, if she was a good pony before she is probably just very unsettled and trying it on somewhat.

 

[be positive]

I have been pretty much assuming it must be me! She was only with her last family a year, and she was angel for them in all ways. It's so hard knowing whether to take a step back and let her settle herself in the new environment and with the new dynamic of the companion, or whether I'm unwittingly setting her up as "dominant" by avoiding anything that causes conflict! I mean, if we do encounter a "difference of opinion" then I always make sure I don't back down, but hen I probably will try and avoid that situation arising in the future, where probably I should be reinforcing rather than avoiding. Sigh. Very reassuring to hear that you got there with your mare though- did you have to put in some serious hard work, or did you back off and let her "come good"? X

I am still unclear on one thing, you call her 'your pony' and describe a few issues you have had that you are struggling with but are you riding her? you may be tiny but so is she, she was a 1st ridden in her last home and that is the job she knew, the change to being ridden by an adult unless you are of a similar or smaller weight and height to the last rider could bring a completely different set of problems for her to cope with, not least finding a saddle to suit an adult who is physically different to a child.

Sorry if I am reading this wrong but you make no mention of how she is with your children so I am making the assumption it is you riding her and not, as I first thought, your children, I have no issue with adults on ponies, in fact I encourage it, but do know it can bring up things such as saddle fit also many really good childrens ponies are that way because they were born good and stay that way because a child has a slightly different approach, many are suspicious of adults and may play up if the adult is not a pro, sometimes even if they are.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

I am still unclear on one thing, you call her 'your pony' and describe a few issues you have had that you are struggling with but are you riding her? you may be tiny but so is she, she was a 1st ridden in her last home and that is the job she knew, the change to being ridden by an adult unless you are of a similar or smaller weight and height to the last rider could bring a completely different set of problems for her to cope with, not least finding a saddle to suit an adult who is physically different to a child.

Sorry if I am reading this wrong but you make no mention of how she is with your children so I am making the assumption it is you riding her and not, as I first thought, your children, I have no issue with adults on ponies, in fact I encourage it, but do know it can bring up things such as saddle fit also many really good childrens ponies are that way because they were born good and stay that way because a child has a slightly different approach, many are suspicious of adults and may play up if the adult is not a pro, sometimes even if they are.

Sorry I didn't explain. I got her as a LRFR for my kids. The plan was that They'll carry on with their lessons at the riding school, I'll get to grips with this pony at home, we'll just do some lead rein hacking round the fields/lanes, and then maybe in the autumn we'll investigate pony club. She's good as gold round the kids, and she was hackingvout down the lane perfectly until we got her a companion that she now won't leave!

For what it's worth, this is exactly what she did in her last home! She was living on a farm, did some hacking, a bit of pony club, but also went weeks without being ridden (she ended up being a spare third pony for two kids who had moved up).

I think I'm just going to have to readjust my expectations, with regards to time frame at least!

 

[millikins]

Sorry I didn't explain. I got her as a LRFR for my kids. The plan was that They'll carry on with their lessons at the riding school, I'll get to grips with this pony at home, we'll just do some lead rein hacking round the fields/lanes, and then maybe in the autumn we'll investigate pony club. She's good as gold round the kids, and she was hackingvout down the lane perfectly until we got her a companion that she now won't leave!

For what it's worth, this is exactly what she did in her last home! She was living on a farm, did some hacking, a bit of pony club, but also went weeks without being ridden (she ended up being a spare third pony for two kids who had moved up).

I think I'm just going to have to readjust my expectations, with regards to time frame at least!

Do you have room and enough money for a 3rd? A small rescue pony perhaps? There have been many posts on the forum from people who have had major issues with 2 equines and separation anxiety.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

Possibly.... I've got enough land, but only two stables. I'm using one for storage at the moment, and the other is acting as a field shelter (yard opens directly onto the field). Two little ponies are sharing quite happily, but three would be a squeeze! And I don't think I've got the emotional capacity to worry about ANOTHER pony! I might end up going down this route, but I'm definitely not rushing into it any time soon!!

Do you have room and enough money for a 3rd? A small rescue pony perhaps? There have been many posts on the forum from people who have had major issues with 2 equines and separation anxiety.