Redwings - will they take a horses if you can't cope?

OP A big hug for you in a situation where your friends and family sound like they are adding to your stress rather than helping you.
If you can get to the summer (hopefully only a few months away now) - great if that feels like too much to deal with I would tell your friends and family that your mares tendon has gone again and very sadly she will have to be PTS very soon - and then go ahead and do it. A white lie but one that feels right in this situation - IMHO.

I love my horses hugely but I wouldn't put them above my own health (and stress really is a health issue). Horses don't think about the future nor worry about what they are going to do tomorrow. She sounds like she's had a lovely life with you and I am sure (if she could understand) she would not want you to put yourself through this stress on her behalf.
 
I'd be tempted to ask your mother if she would like to contribute to the cost of someone else looking after your daughter while you are at the yard and if she says 'no' tell her that your only option is pts. I'm not really sure what she thinks you are supposed to do, if she refuses to look after her grand-daughter.
Is there really no way that you can take your daughter to the yard? Could you get changed in the stable and take your clothes home? That's what I used to do when we were at livery. I'd have a pair of trackie bottoms over my work clothes and jsut take them off to go to work.
If you do decide to pts, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, you have explored every avenue and given her a lovely life with a peaceful end and a guaranteed future.
 
FfionWinnie said:
Padded puddle suit for daughter and wellies, she will love it!
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Yes, love puddle suits, and no doubt she will want a super little shetland like your daughter! What little girl would not.

OP there will be good days ahead to share with your daughter and no doubt some ponies which you can share. It will make up for this horrid stressful time.
 
FfionWinnie said:
Padded puddle suit for daughter and wellies, she will love it!
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I can't stress it enough, I'm not permitted to take anyone else on the yard! Puddle suit or no puddle suit. They took 6 weeks to decide if I was allowed to go on the yard when I first found out I was getting her back from the loanee and their main concern was I wouldn't be able to cope with her being a single mum etc and they stressed then in my second interview with them that I was not permitted a sharer or any other help. I took their offer as I had no choice, the horse was coming back to me, what could I do.

The clothes thing is something I can get round, I'll get changed there as you say. It was just another slap in the face on top of the other stuff. Just something that made my life a little easier thats all. She's not outright said she's refusing as such, it's just been made very clear that although they love having her, they are wanting to go on holiday/do their own thing and its a tie having her so much and that she doesn't get much time for herself. If she feels like that I just don't want to put on her at all to be honest bar the 2 days they have her whilst I work which I can't change. If I didn't have the horse it would purely be 2 days a week and no more. With the horse there are all the extra times they have to make sure they are in whilst I go and do them. I do see their point, they are entitled to their own life but it's making a difficult situation more difficult which I didn't actually think was possible.
 
OP have you talked to your parents about how difficult a situation you're in being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Perhaps ask them what they suggest you should do?
I'd like to think they weren't deliberately trying to cause you pain and stress so maybe they don't realise how upsetting their comments are for you?

You can't leave things the way they are as they are unhappy with childcare arrangements.
She has no value to sell (and presumably they would feel the same about selling her as PTS)
You can't keep her any more cheaply than your current situation
They are telling you it's 'unfair' to PTS

Honestly what do they want you to do???
 
I thought you said you could take her when the weather was better.

I am also a single mother by the way so I do sympathise but you just need to make a decision here.

Have you told the yard owners of your problem, ask them if its ok to have your daughter who will be very behaved with you, if they say no then move the horse or put it down, don't pass it on to anyone else because you can't do the final deed.
 
No, I can take her in summer because she'll be out in the fields which are away from the farm so they'll not know I'm taking her. It's an old run down farm with glass, machinery, rats etc all over the yard, no place for a 2 year old to be running round it wouldn't be safe. Its a nightmare trying to bring 3 horses in on my own, I couldn't do it with a 2 year old in tow. Move her where? I have no where else to go. I know I'm asking the impossible, just venting really, I know there is nothing anyone else can say or do.
 
Sorry Polos Mum, missed your post. I don't know what they expect me to do. I saw my mum briefly earlier and she was still in a mood about it, there's just no talking to her. I just wish I'd never bought her in the first place.
 
There may be something else that has upset your Mum that she is not telling you, families are very good at not saying what is wrong and what they mean.

You do sound so down, that I can only urge you to come to a decision that you can live with, then you can start to sort your life out.

You did not expect the horse to come back to you, you tried to do the right thing, so your options are very limited and you really do not have a lot of choices, none of it is what you want or would chose, which is why it is all so hard to come to terms with.

Do hope you feel better soon.
 
Where abouts are you OP? I do feel for you..only a small contribution from me, buy overalls you can keep in the car and put over your work cloths, sorry cant add any more to the good advise already posted! :(
 
OP - if you have a good relationship with your mum I'd sit down and have a good chat with her, if your relationship doesn't make that possible I'd tell everyone your mare's tendon has gone again and call the vet/hunt/knackerman (whatever your preference).
 
It is a sad situation, but I've been in it several times. Over the past 40 years, I've had five horses PTS, mostly old and getting poorly, one horrible one for behaviour reasons.

YOU are doing the RIGHT THING putting your horse to sleep. She won't know. Or Care. and it's so easy these days, not like the old days.

Your vet will do it. Have someone there, it's not easy, but it's the RIGHT thing to do.

PLEASE don't pass her on. to anyone.

hugs and love.

Be strong
 
If you are a single mum, & I guess you are on a relatively low income, you are entitled to help with childcare costs. So instead of two days a week, speak to your mum & see if she'd have your daughter 1 full day & when you do the horse, & use paid childcare the other day. And over summer, look out for perhaps a place in someones field, small yard etc who would offer cost price diy for the benefit of having another companion. Or other small cheap farms.
 
God why do so many people think putting a horse down because the owner can't cope any more is a good idea! We don't put children down because their parents can't cope or arn't good enough!
We have in the past brought an elderly mare who was for light hacking and kept her another 8yrs before she needed to be pts, and we've also got another mare who was retired from show jumping at 7yrs old due to kissing spine. She's my mums baby.
Not everyone wants to ride every day, compete or hack out for hours, some people just love horses and are happy to spend time grooming them or going for a gentle plod.
Don't put your mare to sleep, spend the time finding a good new owner and ask a small amount of money so you don't just get someone having her cos she's free. We paid £1k for the elderly light hack we brought including tack and rugs, and £500 for our retired mare including rugs. Your be able to tell if the person who comes to view her is right. My 71yr old MIL still rides and you know someone like that wouldn't be bombing her around!
 
sorry but you CAN'T be sure that someone will do the right thing and be the right person for an elderly horse. At some point, someone does have to make the decision to have a horse put down.

It is by no means the worst thing you can do for your horse.

Going to the sales and seeing the old horses on sale is heartbreaking. the only way you can be sure your horse won't end up there is having them put down.
 
Snorkey, take a walk round your local low end auctions. In addition to all the half feral youngsters, 2yr old backed cobs, & the potentially good prime age horses & ponies, you'll see old & injured ones, who generally go for meat. Or worse, get bought, damaged more, stuck back in another sales until eventually making it to an abbatoir. Hopefully in the uk & not live export. And ask yourself how likely it is that the **** who stuck it in the sale is the person who had it in its prime, or pre injury. Because I think you'll find it rarely is. Normally its horses that have been passed on when they were worthless, & they eventually end up there.
 
I feel for you OP. I can't help, I'm afraid, but please don't feel bad if you decide to put you horse down. Horses don't know about happy retirement, they just know about being eaten by wolves if they can't keep up with the herd. Either way, they don't lie awake worrying about it.

Do what you must. Your horse and your child will understand, whatever you decide. Other people should give you their opinions only if they are willing to give you a hand.

Shame on those who are making your hard life harder.
 
SNORKEY said:
God why do so many people think putting a horse down because the owner can't cope any more is a good idea! We don't put children down because their parents can't cope or arn't good enough!
We have in the past brought an elderly mare who was for light hacking and kept her another 8yrs before she needed to be pts, and we've also got another mare who was retired from show jumping at 7yrs old due to kissing spine. She's my mums baby.
Not everyone wants to ride every day, compete or hack out for hours, some people just love horses and are happy to spend time grooming them or going for a gentle plod.
Don't put your mare to sleep, spend the time finding a good new owner and ask a small amount of money so you don't just get someone having her cos she's free. We paid £1k for the elderly light hack we brought including tack and rugs, and £500 for our retired mare including rugs. Your be able to tell if the person who comes to view her is right. My 71yr old MIL still rides and you know someone like that wouldn't be bombing her around!
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While it's lovely that you and your family are such kind, good owners (and obviously financially stable too!) you must also realise that homes like yours are like hens teeth or rocking horse poo? The reality is that there are too few good homes for half the horses in the country let alone an aged mare with significant soundness issues - sad but true. If the OP was too sell her mare as you recommend there is only a one in a thousand chance that she would find a home like yours - the alternatives are so bad that that would be a gamble that I wouldn't be happy to take.

OP,

What about asking your mother what she suggests you do with your horse? It might be that she's just feeling unappreciated/tired/put upon and will come out of the hump soon. But the reality that your friends and family need to accept is that she is your horse, you do the work (admittedly with their assistance) and you pay her bills so any decisions that need to be made are yours and yours alone. I've found that asking people when they try and interfere if they want the horse lock, stock and baggage forever more has them backing off at speed! Or as somebody else said - lie, tell them that the tendon has gone and that there is no other option. Whatever makes a difficult time easier for you is acceptable in my book.

I do understand that PTS is far from the easy option especially when the world and their wife have an opinion. I've been there and the guilt is horrific BUT the one time I let myself be persuaded to pass a pony on I had to take her back a year later and deliver her to the hunt to be shot on arrival. It took me that year to track her down and I know of 4 homes she had in that time, each a step down. That was 20+ years ago when horses had more value than they do now...things have got worse since then. That pony suffered so I could learn a very hard lesson. She could have been saved all that upheaval and been PTS at home if only I'd had the balls to do what I knew in my heart was right at the time.
 
Oh OP, my heart goes out to you.

As many others have said, do what's right for you, the reality is rehoming an aged horse with previous tendon issues isn't going to be easy in any economy, let alone the doldrums we find our selves in now.

I'm afraid I can't really rate your friends who are saying its not fair on the mare. Reality check for them, once she's gone shes not aware of anything, head in a massive bucket of tasty feed could be a last thought for her, "yum mum brought me yummy food cheers mum".

Though agree actually making that decision is incredibly hard, I have 2 aged field ornaments who are costing me a fortune, I love them dearly, and at the moment I more or less cope with them most of the time. But it has crossed my mind when they've been unwell (little lad had lots of recurring lameness issues) that possibly pts would be the better option. If I lost my job tomorrow I couldn't pass them on, I would have to grow a pair and PTS.

I guess what I'm saying after all that drivel, is I can see it from both sides, but you have to do what is right for you and your daughter, to hang with anyone else.

Hugs to you OP.
 
I would pts as soon as you can. She is 20 had a good life? she wont know anything about it. I really think in todays climate horse owners need to take responsibility for their horses and be tough. Much better to PTS then to just give someone else the problem of a 20 year old horse.
 
Thank you everyone. It would fantastic for her to go to a lovely home but as has been said they are like hens teeth and I've asked friends and anyone horsey I can think of. I can't move her, before I decided on this yard I exhausted all options of other places, this is the cheapest and closest and the help my friends give me make it the easiest.

I suppose deep down I don't feel me struggling is a good enough reason to end her life. Sometimes I think if she did do something to her tendon again it would be a no brainer for me to PTS. I'm in Derbyshire, I know someone asked where I was.
 
tye_bo said:
I suppose deep down I don't feel me struggling is a good enough reason to end her life.
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I do really feel for you, it clearly shows what a great owner you are that you care so much.

I read your situation as worse than just struggling - if your parents refuse to look after your daughter what will your plan B be? If they get really difficult might it start to impact your work (if they won't look after her while your at work).
What happens if she starts to struggle with her weight and need expensive hard feed, or if she gets a minor injury that needs £400/600 of stitching and antibiotics?
She won't get any younger and her injury won't get any better - but you could struggle on for many years just waiting for her to get really ill so you feel OK about PTS. Is that how you want to remember her? and I personally couldn't help but let some resentment creap into the relationship in this situation and that's not fair on her either!

As a responsible owner it sounds like you will care for her until PTS time (which I personally think is absolutely the right thing to so for oldies) you are just waiting for that time to come, it's not if it is when that you have to decide.
 
I put a horse to sleep 5 years ago as he had surgery on his tendon (hole in it) then re-damaged it.


regardless of the re-damaging it i would have had him pts anyhow....

theres no shame in saying you cannot afford it/cope etc.....


i wouldnt have passed him on (he was 10), as god knows where he would have ended up - he could have gone into a nice companion home.....then their circumstances might have changed and he would be passed on again etc.....no-one can guarantee the future...!! no-one!


so dont feel guilty about pts - in this case i think its the kindest thing to do - for your horses future and for your sanity.

good luck.
 
I think as polosmum says. It's worse than struggling. Yes it's horrible, but she won't know, it's horrible for you to deal with but you will probably feel relief once you make a decision.
 
tye_bo said:
Thank you everyone. It would fantastic for her to go to a lovely home but as has been said they are like hens teeth and I've asked friends and anyone horsey I can think of. I can't move her, before I decided on this yard I exhausted all options of other places, this is the cheapest and closest and the help my friends give me make it the easiest.

I suppose deep down I don't feel me struggling is a good enough reason to end her life. Sometimes I think if she did do something to her tendon again it would be a no brainer for me to PTS. I'm in Derbyshire, I know someone asked where I was.
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I feel for you. I have a 20 year horse in a similar situation (field ornament, tendon, cushings, etc) and his issues do limit my life a bit.

I have promised myself that if the cushings gets worse then I will have him put down, but there is a little bit of me that says if he has had 20 years wonderful life and I make the decision to PTS without having the pain of cushings/laminitus at the end, would that be better? ie I am being selfish waiting for him to be in pain to make the PTS decision for me!

Just one thought, if the weather was better would it help and would managing him be easier? Maybe, if you promised him one last lovely Summer but not to do another Winter, that would be a pretty good compromise.
 
Sounds to me as if you aren't quite ready to PTS yet. How long before they can go out? It has been a really long hard winter and I think lots of people are feeling dragged down at the moment. If your mum wants to go on holiday it presumably will only be for a week so could you call upon your friends to do your horse that week in exchange for you helping them another time? I do feel for you as it is easy to say PTS when it's someone else and I do agree it is sometimes the best thing to do but it's not quite so easy when it's you having to do it. I wish you all the luck and don't be made to feel guilty if you do take the PTS route as this is the kindest and bravest thing you can do for your horse.
 
Thank you everyone, I've taken some time out but wanted to come back and update everyone who's been kind enough to comment. So many posts summing up how I feel.

Snorkey, I wish we lived closer or I had a box and I'd be taking you up on your kind offer.

JoannaC you're right, I'm not ready to PTS just yet. I've found this charity who try and pair up horses with new owners/loaners. They screen to some extent the applicants/new homes and the whole process just sits more comfortably with me than putting an advert in a paper. So I've signed up to it and my mare is listed on there which was a big step for me and I felt a bit sick but she's on. I don't know if they'll be any takers but its the best I can do for now and I'll see if anyone turns up.

Just thought I'd post it for anyone else in the same boat http://horses4homes.net/
 
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