relationships and your horse

debsey1

debsey1

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 December 2010
Messages
416
Location
In the wettest county in the UK
Visit site
I am due to get my first horse (my Oh is buying it for me) in the next couple of months and I am really excited as this will be my first horse after years of riding but never owning my own. I am nearly 49 so I feel its now or never (mid-life crisis me thinks!)

However, my OH is now throwing obstacles in my way like 'why do I want a horse in the first place?', 'why do I want to have to get up at a ridiculous time in the morning to shovel up s**t?', 'you are never going to be home & housework will suffer!, and worse was the comment 'why do I want to be doing this at my age?'

I was so angry, I feel any enjoyment I'm going to have with my horse is going to be tainted. Do you think that he's worried that I am going to be spending more time with my horse than him? And do any of you suffer with snide comments or jealous OH/husbands?

Thanks for any comments
 
Sorry but i dont have much time for selfish partners! If it makes you happy then he should be less selfish. Can you encourage him to take up his own hobby?
 
Can't help I'm afraid. My OH is massively supportive about the beasts. It is true I am never home and do no house work but he rows competitively which takes up a lot of his time too so he doesn't notice that much.

Is he just pulling your leg? Can you explain how much it means to you?

Mine does take the pee about what a pain the horses are but he loves them really (from a distance) and is happy to have them as they make me happy. Maybe if you explain to your hubby how happy it'll make you he'll lay off a bit.
 
Congratulations on getting your upcoming horse. It really is very selfish of your OH to be talking like this. He needs to accept it and let you get on with it.
I have been with my OH for over 13years and had horses before we got together, he has still moaned at times over the years, only really about the money side of it tbh, not that he pays towards it, but has just seen me struggle at times financially.
All I can say is you need to tell him to accept it as this is what you want, because it makes you happy, life will adapt, the rest of us manage, you will be just fine :D
 
He's doing a lovely thing in buying you a horse, then ruining it by snide comments! I think he does sound worried he won't see you.

Horses do take an amazing amount of your time. I'm lucky that hubby rides too - I bought him a horse as an engagement present! Before that he used to spend hours helping me at shows/events - driving the trailer, filming etc.

Promise him that, even though he is right, you will put time aside to make him feel special. Make sure you scrapethe horse poop out of your nails and doll up now and again.. We have a girl who does the horses for us on Sunday mornings, so that we always get a lie in together (unless there's a show! oops!). I feel very lucky with my OH (he does complain now and again - has not got a halo!). We used to have a DIY who had a very jealous husband who resented the time and money she spent on the horse. He did have a point, she put it way above him! She hid things at the yard so he wouldn't see what she'd bought for the horse. I couldnt be like that.

As for the comment about your age - below the belt! Is he not a similar age? I'd have thrown that back at him. Perhaps he feels old at that age, but you don't!
 
my OH watches football and i dont say anything about that. If he thinks the housework needs doing then he can do it. Sorry but my OH knew i had horses when we got together. Yes i make time for him and i dont expect him to have anything to do with horses it gives me me time. however i would not stand for nasty comments. life is too short.
 
Mine used to be like that, on our first date he picked me up in his Ford Capri !!! (yes lucky girl wasn't I LOL) and first words out of my mouth were "I have to do my horse before we go anywhere" he said he should have run a mile then, but he didn't he took me to my horse and although he'd never touched one before he kind of grew to love her and now 24 years later he has his own horse and loves all 3 of ours as much as I do, moral ........... maybe try to get him involved too ? good luck and go for it, you'll not regret it.
 
Thanks for your reply, he understands that this will make me happy & has offered to buy for me :) The thing is, he plays a lot of golf so he understands the need for a hobby/a passion in your life other than your OH. I just thinks he's worried that when he comes home from golf I won't be there!! lol
 
I think you're right - he's worried that you'll be spending more time with the horse than with him (possibly true!) Good advice to have a 'date night' now and again!

My (very non-horsey) OH was very reluctant when I first got my loan horse, (mainly the expense, I think), but he soon realised how good it was - fresh air and exercise, lots of new friends at the yard and how happy I was. He came right round and when the time came to buy a horse, no one could have been more supportive. He has even said he might have a little ride one day!

I think he loves Hugo almost as much as me and has been up to the yard every day since we've had him - if only to cause a carrot frenzy!

By the way - first horse - age 51!! ;)
 
I have come across alot of very happy golf/horse relationships - it's a perfect match.

He will love the fact that you never moan about how much time he spends on the golf course.

Get lunch/dinner organised before you go out, then it is ready when you both get back totally wrecked from having your own separate fun times. You can then share your stories over a meal.

I got my first horse at 46, and my OH helps with the mucking out so that I can ride more. He has been much more supportive than I could ever have hoped for.

Although totally non-horsey he came with me when I was horse-hunting and told me if he thought the horse was a nice 'person' - he got it dead right with Rosie :D

My OH loves the fact that I am a much happier person, work no longer 'gets me down' and after time spent at the yard I am more 'smiley'.

Good luck, I hope it goes well :)
 
Hun it is a juggling game im afraid and some times a compromise must be reached - my ex husband took an interest in horses when he bought ( un be known to me a pony for my daughter errrr she was a week old lol)even though totally un horsey. My Ex partner had no choice lol but accepted my love for the horse my current partner fell in love with me because all though un horsey him self his passion is sailing and his TVR so loves my passion for horses in my life but still i compromise time with my horse to go sailing with him and its working great :) talk to him and keep talking and try to reach an understanding and hey get him involved - buy him a course of lessons you never know you may have to buy another horse for him in future :) sorry not much help though xx
 
It sounds as though he is really quite worried now that the horse is on the horizon as opposed to being a distant possibility. It is a big commitment in terms of time and money and he may be worried that you will injure yourself as well, or that you will not enjoy it as much as you expected.

I think it's unrealistic to expect not to have rows about it, especially at this time of year when you are (if on DIY) probably going to be at the yard for a good two hours a day, the car will be covered in mud (inside and out), your clothes and potentially house will be covered in mud and so on. Plus your OH will have helped you achieve your lifetime's dream and then have to listen to you moan about it non-stop:rolleyes:! Non-horsey OHs do put up with a lot, but ultimately he will understand that it is worth it as you are happier, fitter and probably slimmer than you have been for years!

Best of luck with your new horse!
 
Hi! I think the answer is compromise. You are lucky he plays golf so has a hobby of his own. My OH wasn't horsey when we met but he had just got a dog so we ended up hacking & walking together. When we moved to our new yard in June last year, there were a few other blokes riding and so he ended up having lessons and jumping!

I guess you will have to wait and see how it pans out really, and try to work around each other. Sorry if that isn't much help!

Good luck horse hunting!
 
im lucky that oh loves the horses and will pitch in to help. i have him mucking out and changing rugs, starting his proper riding lessons in the summer xx
 
That's what I keep telling him.....that I'll be happy, not that I'm unhappy now (lol, you have to be very subtle). I'll be doing DIY and I have explained that in the winter it will be tough with cold/snow/rainy, dark mornings, but the rewards will be great and the summer with longer days will be cheaper with 24/7 turn out.

I am sooo looking forward to this and he is being extremely generous but it's not going to be worth it if all we'll do is row. I'll have to be more organised the night before with dinners etc. But I do know is that I will be on my own on this, he has already refused to help out in mucking out etc, he isn't horsey minded in the slightest.
 
he will come round and he will fall in love eventually, try not to argue about it, but eventually he will come round, ive yet to meet anyone who fails to like the sweet velvety muzzle xxxxxxxxx
 
I have just returned to riding following a gap of 10 years met my hubby whilst i was in non horsey phase, he is from a very horsey family and then left home completely non horsey. He has always encouraged me to get back in the saddle since we met 7 years ago but it took till we got married for me to do that, he gave me the kick up the ass i needed. Now im on the lookout for my first horse. He has his own hobby motor racing meaning he is away every other weekend March - Sept all over the country. The last few years i have supported him whole heartedly driving a trailor with his race car and being 'pit girl' as he likes to call it when ever he's needed. Now im doing something for myself its quite interesting as his reaction although supportive i can see he is worried by time etc he has the advantatge of coming from a horsey family where horses were his parents life they were flat racers and had several and needed continual looking after this is also a disadvantage, i can see he relates the horses he experineced in his childhood to now me getting a horse.

I think compromise is the key and seeing you happy will be your OH top priority if he's anything like mine he will moan make comments etc but when you come home beaming with a smile on your face it makes him feel happy to be your husband. I know i joke with my OH about him looking at car pawn on the internet he now jokes with me about Horsey pawn :D we both like our independant time away from each other and although we take the mickey about each others hobbies when we get time together it is special and we both make more of an effort to have time together.....Sorry for rambling on....
 
Welcome to the eternal juggle beween horses and husbands. You are so lucky that your OH is treating you to a horse - I had to save up hard for mine, and I bought mine nearly 7 years ago at the age of just 42, so yes, I am the same age as you now. Most of my horsey friends admit to the fact that their OHs moan about horses constantly, unless they are involved themselves. Mine doesnt mind my horse, nor my daughters for that matter, he just minds the major amount of cash they cost me. Admittedly if I didnt have them I would be richer, but in another way I would be so much poorer. Enjoy your horse, if its been a life long passion that you are just realising (mine was), then dont allow him to knock it. I found my day just stretched oddly enough and I did manage housework, a then 9 year old daughter,cooking and oh, running a business as well. I still manage it, god knows how, but I do.

Oh, and yes, they can get a bit insecure about your horse, unless they are horsey men themselves (mine is not). I have to admit that there are times when I love my horse more than my OH - mainly due to the fact that he does not argue back and listens to me without judging me. Men sometimes dont like that, so keep that hidden. Oh, and you will also get very adept at hiding the receipts when you go out horse shopping. I am fortunate enough to have my own bank account, but he sometimes gets to see my account and wonders where all the money goes.

Enjoy your horse and when you buy him or her, post your photos on here.
 
btw, its your life as well, just because you are married you are not joined at the hip. Dont give in to other peoples demands you are entitled to this and the horse will be a god send to you. such a bad day at work is wiped clean as soon as baby calls to me and comes trotting over! xxxxxxx
dont give up on your dreams FOR ANYONE!
(P.S yes im married) x
 
i am not married but one of my friends is married to a non horsey husband and she makes sure they have horse free days at least once a month - she keeps her horses at home and he does help her out a lot - she gets a lady in to look after them for a day or weekend so she and her husband can go out for the day or to the theatre or for a weekend away.

Could you afford to have some help once a month to enable you to have an evening or full day or weekend with your husband without having to rush to see to the horse? If your husband is buying you the horse and helping you with the finances then you might want to make sure you give your husband gets some time too as otherwise he might feel he is just wanted to pay for the horse.
 
I luckily have a very supportive husband who knows how much Spot and horses in general mean to me, so I dont have issues with him about it, he actually said to me today 'are you going to the yard today or what?' he wanted me out of his way so he could have a nap! lol!
I would ride every time he is at golf, so that you are both out of the house at the same time, and I'm sure once you get into a routine of being out the house at certain times he will get used to it, he's probably just panicking that you wont be around ever and that things will suffer. Im sure he wouldnt have offered to buy you a horse in the first place if he really didnt want you to have one! Maybe get him a bit involved with your new baby? Im still on a mission to get my hubby into it! :D
 
My OH hates my horses - he complains about the smell, the money, the time, everything! He admits to being jealous about the time they take and the affection they get from me. However as when he isn't sat on his bum watching sport hes sat playing his xbox, he doesn't do housework, he doesn't walk the dog and he doesn't cook so when he starts complaining I tell him to get off his backside and do something productive - it generally shuts him up.
 
devilwoman said:
Mine used to be like that, on our first date he picked me up in his Ford Capri !!! (yes lucky girl wasn't I LOL) and first words out of my mouth were "I have to do my horse before we go anywhere" he said he should have run a mile then, but he didn't he took me to my horse and although he'd never touched one before he kind of grew to love her and now 24 years later he has his own horse and loves all 3 of ours as much as I do, moral ........... maybe try to get him involved too ? good luck and go for it, you'll not regret it.
Click to expand...

I LONGED for a boyfriend with a Ford Capri ...
 
I'd start complaining about the amount of time he spends on the golf course and know doubt he likes new golf clubs which I know are expensive. Had this many years ago,when my OH started complaining about the time I spent with my first horse (1/2 hour) so I started nagging about the hours he took for 1 game with his golf friends. Many years later going on 42, he helps me muck out, does ride and doesn't complain about expense, bought our own land and stables, so lots of repair work, holidays around haycart time. Keeps us both fit and happy and he still gets the odd game in now and then each year lol.
 
I've just finished a 3 month loan 'trial' where I went to the stables every evening and I'm about to start my first full loan (at the age of 32).
My OH is totally non-horsey but has been great. I'm never home before 7pm on a week night (8pm if I ride) so he has been lumbered with doing dinner every night. When I walk through the door I leave a trail of shavings and hay (I try not to but it gets everywhere!)
I haven't had a single complaint - he even helped muck out on Christmas eve and Christmas day.
I do tend to pressurise myself though - I know hes usually sat home alone so I put myself under pressure not to be at the stables longer than I have to.
He works Saturdays so I need to make saturdays 'housework days' to make up for all the housework & cooking he does in the week.
He cycles a lot so if I have shows etc he tried to organise a bike ride with his mates for the same day so we both have our own hobbies.
 
Thanks for all your replies. I think its going to be a case of having to be really organised, like I said earlier in this thread, the winter months will be tough as I don't get home from work until 6.30pm then I'll be off down the yard to bring him/her in. Hopefully, on some evenings I'll be able to pay YO to bring him in for me. In the summer months it'll be a whole lot easier.

Men are funny creatures, they don't like change, they are creatures of habit!

But I feel now this is 'me time' the kids have left home 5 years ago and it's now its the time for me to follow my passion. Thanks everyone :)
 
I was in the same sort of position a couple of years ago. I have had a horse for the last 3.5yrs, but 2 years ago my OH moved in with me and it definately put a dampner on my riding. I dont think it helped that he moved into the area and didnt know anyone. I felt that I couldnt spend any time with my horse, but decided to stick to my guns. He has gone from wanting nothing to do with my horse to now helping out loads, he even had a couple of rides out on my friends horse!! We bought him a bike so he could cycle while I rode and he has now taken up golf so he has his own interests. It now works really well. You only live once, go and live your dream, good luck for your new horse x
 
My OH did this when I got my two last year. Guess it's difficult for him to understand why I wanted to take on such a massive financial/time commitment when I was riding my friends for free. He just couldn't grasp that its not the same!!

He does make comments every now and then about me spending all my time up there but he has got used to it and I've tried to find a balance between spending the time between the three of them!! He will feed and clean out if I can't manage ( he doesn't always do it with a smile though!) and he does come and do the heavy manual bits that I can't like fencing etc.

Your OH is probably a bit daunted by the responsibility himself and is worried about how it will fit in to his daily routine. I struggled for the first few weeks but I manage it fine and we both work full time.

Go for it though, don't let it put you off. I am so glad I did it. I waited 30 years!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top