Restoring child's confidence

[Nay16]

Hi
My 6yo had a fall off her pony and it has really knocked her confidence. She rode again the next day, but only went a little way down the road and was really terrified and crying and wanted to get off. I tried to big her up as much as I could, telling her she was brave just to get back on and how well she was doing. I'm really worried that this is going to put her off, and I feel it is totally my fault! She was on the lunge when it happened, pony went into a trot and she lost her balance, unfortunately, her foot got caught in the stirrup and she was hanging off for a while, so it really shook her. Usually, I'm over-cautious and always there to grab a leg or something just in case, this day I decided we'd be braver and it all went wrong! I'm kicking myself for doing too much too soon. Is there anything I can do to restore her confidence or is it just a case of baby steps?

 

[Red-1]

I think I would change the equipment so she is not in danger of being hung off the side of the horse again, and tell her that the new equipment will stop that happening again, for a start.

I would not try riding again until new, safe, equipment is bought. I would tell her that she isn't allowed on the pony until you have made it safe. I would make a thing of changing it so she is safe and in the mean time just have a nice time not riding.

When the new safety stirrups, smaller leathers or whatever arrives, she can test them just at walk. I would take it really steady and not push her. Everything on the lead and holding her leg until she is happy.

 

[Bobthecob15]

I think I would change the equipment so she is not in danger of being hung off the side of the horse again, and tell her that the new equipment will stop that happening again, for a start.

I would not try riding again until new, safe, equipment is bought. I would tell her that she isn't allowed on the pony until you have made it safe. I would make a thing of changing it so she is safe and in the mean time just have a nice time not riding.

When the new safety stirrups, smaller leathers or whatever arrives, she can test them just at walk. I would take it really steady and not push her. Everything on the lead and holding her leg until she is happy.

Totally agree, you need to go back to basics until she's ready to move on. Even if it means sticking to groundwork for a while. Lots of Lead rein and no lunging until she feels safe again x

 

[maya2008]

I found peacocks did not release when my children were small. They are fine now at age 8 and 10, but we used bent leg stirrups when they were tiny. I believe some of the newer safety stirrup ones release for a lighter child. We also moved to wellies as then the child’s foot actually came out of the whole boot even if the boot didn’t come off. Not sure it would work for everyone or if boot type dependent there!

It does sound like your child is very unbalanced and maybe only just learning rising trot? Mine learned without stirrups at first, so they could default to sitting if any wobbles. My daughter could canter and sit spooks before she was willing to rise!

I never lunged my kids as it’s just the worst movement to try to stay on. Constant turning. Straight lines are much easier, even if it means you have to run with them. Remind her it was not the pony’s fault, but maybe Mummy was a bit too keen, and that you won’t do that again. Then get her some lessons so you have an instructor to guide you.

 

[bonny]

I would just tell her she doesn’t need to be ride if she doesn’t want to or you are in danger of putting her off forever. If she owns the pony maybe try and find a loan or share for a while and just wait until your daughter shows an interest in trying again. Lunging a six year old is crazy in my opinion and I wouldn’t do that again. Easy to be wise after the event I know!

 

[Abacus]

Totally agree about making a big thing about the equipment, as it is something that is within your control and you can convince her that you've made everything safer for her. I did the same when my son's little horse had him off quite badly after a spook/swerve, by putting on a market harborough and saying he had more control in that, which was partly true but did give him confidence for a few weeks. Otherwise though, confidence restoration is a funny thing, for months after that we had good and bad days, and the only thing you can do is encourage but don't push her. Enjoy time around the pony and change out the lunging so that you are next to her. I also found that bribery worked with my other son: I actually paid him (not much!) to get back on when he had a wobble, and amazingly it worked.

 

[Winters100]

Riding is not an essential thing for either children or adults. Personally I would explain that I had made a mistake, and that I could change equipment to avoid the same situation happening again, but I would see no reason to push a child to continue if they were not keen. Just because we enjoy this hobby is no reason that our children should have the same interests. I would let her have fun around the pony, find another child who would like to ride the pony if she does not want to, and just wait. After some time it will become clear whether she is just not that interested in riding again, of if seeing another child riding the pony gives her some wish to get back up. Good luck, and do remember that success for children can be in many forms, it might be that she is a pianist / ballet dancer / football player instead of a rider, but as long as she has some hobbies it really does not matter what they are.

 

[littleshetland]

My daughter was about 6 or 7 when one sunny day she thought it would be nice to have a trot round the field on her big sisters pony with me on my big fella. I got on, and the OH got the little one on the pony, and off we went - it was all going so well then smiles turned to tears as the saddle was suddenly upside down and little one hit the deck - OH forgot to tighten the girth (ffs!) It took me at least 40 mins to persuade her back on so I could lead her quietly, back to the yard, which we did. She never wanted to ride after that, and that was fine, I never pushed her. Her big sister, who fell off countless times, always wanted to get back on and has always been a keen rider.....I guess Im trying to say if they really want to ride, they'll ride, but for now, don't push it, she'll let you know if she wants to ride, and if she does just do really easy, confidence giving gentle things.

 

[TheMule]

6 is very young to have a pony and to cope with the inevitable ups and downs. I wouldn’t try to get her back on the pony, let her ask. And she might be happier having some lead rein lessons at a riding school for a bit

 

[Bobthecob15]

6 is very young to have a pony and to cope with the inevitable ups and downs. I wouldn’t try to get her back on the pony, let her ask. And she might be happier having some lead rein lessons at a riding school for a bit

Agreed, ours was 7 when we got her pony and to be honest perhaps a bit young! She's almost 9 now and had a rocky few years confidence wise...we are on her 2nd pony and she's definitely more into it now than she was. With her a change of pony totally transformed her confidence but more than that it's the set up..she has other kids to ride with every day at a new yard which has been a massive boost for her motivation! Kids need kids to ride with it increases their enjoyment and I think the nerves fall away when they are having fun with friends on their ponies.

Could she ride with some other kids? Would probably make a massive difference to her confidence x