Returning prickly livery - a funny situation...

F

Flicker

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 January 2007
Messages
4,004
Visit site
We've got this livery returning to the yard after being on another yard (Yard A) for about 9 months. She left Yard A to come to our yard, then spent all her time moaning about our yard and said how she missed Yard A, before finally leaving to go back to Yard A. Well, apparently the grass wasn't greener, because she's back. She is a bit of a moaner and basically won't speak to anyone under the age of 50 (literally) because she doesn't think they have anything useful to say.

Anyway, before she arrived, I heard from the guy who helps out and from the YM that she was coming back and was thinking of having a word with me because she wanted her horse to share my lad's field. My boy is pretty aggressive in the field and I know she would not want her horse going out with him, but because my horse is only out for part of the day this could be very easily accommodated and arranged with only a short conversation.

So anyway, she's been back at the yard for over a week and I've not seen her as she keeps different hours from me. Fair enough. Then I saw her at the yard over the weekend and she completely blanked me - I mean totally just walked right past me like I wasn't there!

Twice!!

I really wasn't bothered because it's her horse that is missing out on the turnout, not mine. Then I heard from my friend and trainer (who is over 50) that this livery had been quizzing her about what my horse's turnout arrangements are. I have a sneaky suspicion that she's just going to chuck her horse out when mine is in and not speak to me about it at all, which I think is pretty rude, but as long as it doesn't interfere with my horse's turnout I suppose I will just have to put up with it.

But, there is a wicked part of me that is really tempted to put her on the spot and make her talk to me.
I am tempted to either padlock my field one day to see what happens or bounce up to her the next time I see her and just be really gushy and friendly and babble on about being 'field buddies' and say how much my horse will enjoy having hers in with him as a play-thing, sorry, play-mate...

Am I evil?
 
I would be upfront and really nice to her. I would want to know what her plans are to ensure it didnt interfere with my horses turnout in the future.

Its is usually very entertaining if nothing else seeing people like try and react to you when you are being all chatty and pleasant plus you are not going to get on her bad side straight off if she is as bad as people make out and if she isnt then you may make a friend.
 
I would definately speak to her, just for my own satisfaction as well as to find out what her plans are! It's not hard to speak to someone if you're planning on sharing their field! I mean her not you.
 
If you have the right to refuse the turn out in your paddock then I would suggest a simple padlock.

She may be shy but she needs to ask you what she wants not everyone else. I would suggest that you politely decline if she does ask.

If she is talking to everyone else about it now then what do you think she will be like when you do share? Oh she left her poo's in there, oh she did this she did that comments spring to mind immediately...

Do you really need that hassle in your life?
 
I have a sneaky suspicion that she's just going to chuck her horse out when mine is in and not speak to me about it at all, which I think is pretty rude
Click to expand...

Surely this is not up to her - what exactly is the role of the YM or indeed YO???? Or do liveries just decide where to put horses??
 
I would def go for the bouncy gushy approach - no way she can get out of talking to you then. I would want to know about someone going out in my mares field first - just basic good manners. You also need to then sort poo picking and worming.
 
padlock the field, and then the ball's firmly in her court. There is no excuse for rudeness, and I really would not pander to her. If she's such a b****, she needs to learn some manners pretty damn quick ! After all, you'd have to arrange (and keep to) worming and poo picking arrangements..... sm x
 
***giggles nervously***

She scares me a bit...

She's not shy - she just hates us all, I'm convinced.

Tee hee, next time I see her I'm going to go down the ultra-nice route. Thinking on, much as I would LOVE to padlock the field, I think it will just cause too much grief and she'll probably end up taking it out on the YM. Also, I can't really decline use of my field as YM has already told her she can go in it and I'll look a bit mean keeping it all to myself when my chap is only out part of the day. Flicker must take the high road this time...

With any luck, she'll hate us as much this time as she did last time and push off back to Yard A (or any other flippin' yard that will have her)!!

Why can't people just get on with each other???
 
glosgirl said:
I would def go for the bouncy gushy approach - no way she can get out of talking to you then. I would want to know about someone going out in my mares field first - just basic good manners. You also need to then sort poo picking and worming.
Click to expand...

I agree! Nothing worse than being confronted by an amazing nice person lol
 
At the end of the day it is your YO or YM's responsibility to make all liveries aware of exactly what the grazing arrangements and everything else are for all of the liveries. The fact that they have not done so has caused all this and it should be those who are to blame for any awkwardness or anything else between the returning livery and yourself.
 
Ow how tricky, I think you need to pin her down. Just keep saying hello to her till you wear her down, I hate this type of ignorant behaviour though she may be over 50 but sounds like she needs to grow up-what a grumpy pants!xx
 
ISHmad said:
At the end of the day it is your YO or YM's responsibility to make all liveries aware of exactly what the grazing arrangements and everything else are for all of the liveries. The fact that they have not done so has caused all this and it should be those who are to blame for any awkwardness or anything else between the returning livery and yourself.
Click to expand...

Agree totally. However YM is a study in conflict-avoidance. I think a lot of the time YM's just get so sick of liveries bickering amongst themselves about turnout etc (not that I intend to bicker at all) that they just leave them to get on with it.
 
Flicker said:
Also, I can't really decline use of my field as YM has already told her she can go in it and I'll look a bit mean keeping it all to myself when my chap is only out part of the day.
Click to expand...

So surely, it's not your place to say anything as she's already been told she can so therefore doesn't HAVE to have anything to do with you if she chooses not too? Ok, it would be easier for you both if you got along and new each others routines, but it's not VITAL. I wouldn't do anything, it's being arranged whether you want to do it or not. Padlocking it will just make you look immature. If you want to speak to her then, sure go ahead but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
 
Last edited:
Definately bouncy gushy lovey approach required here :D

How about buying a pair of friendship necklaces - you know the type, 1/2 a heart on each one, put them together to see the phrase "best friends". or get a couple of cheap dog tags and achieve the same effect with a local engraver: "field buddies".

You could buy matching headcollars and leadropes for the horses, too. If you do it enough gooey justice, you could make her wish she never moved back onto the yard ;) :D
 
Spread the rumour your horse may have ringworm - it may force her to speak to you.

I would be naffed off tbh. How do you know she had wormed - or when. What will you do if you want to turn out and hers is in there, if you don't communicate. Does she want you to leave her notes.
 
uh-so someone doesn't want to speak to you-for whatever reason..and this makes them a bad person...how??Perhaps they find you rude or non approachable to their minds
And your YM says she can use the field-so that means I'm afraid you should be talking to them if you have a problem
 
OP I think you are jumping to a lot of unfair conclusions.

How do you know what this woman is like? Only through what other people (who may have a grudge) have had to say?

Have you approached her and experienced her for yourself? Sounds like you haven't, poor woman is new on the yard would it be so hard to introduce yourself and say hello in a nice normal way? No need to go deliberately looking for conflict.

At the end of the day the YM decides who turns out with who, if you don't want to turn out with this woman your grudge is with the YM not the poor new woman.

Jeez no wonder people think livery yards are the most bitchy places in the world!

This sort of thing actually makes me worry about having a horse at livery. I can just imagine it, you turn up on a new yard, are told where to turn out by the YM, and you find when you arrive, no one introduces themselves, or tries to be friends and the person you're to to share a field with is openly hostile padlocking the gate....... :eek:
 
Flicker said:
Agree totally. However YM is a study in conflict-avoidance. I think a lot of the time YM's just get so sick of liveries bickering amongst themselves about turnout etc (not that I intend to bicker at all) that they just leave them to get on with it.
Click to expand...

I can so relate to this! We have one woman at our place who is sort of like the one you describe. Most people who move in ask questions about the way things are done or where to park or that sort of thing and most of us regulars make an effort to introduce ourselves and be helpful.

I intro'd myself to this lady when she moved in and mentioned the parking situation and how the pasture feeding works - that sort of thing - but she dances to her own drummer and the YO pretty much lets us sort things out.

She parks wherever she wants to, often in places that are in the way of routine things like the hay delivery or right in front of the gates to various paddocks.

She feeds her horse in the wash rack! I can't figure that one out. He gets a big feed of beet pulp and other stuff and it takes him forever to eat. He spills all over so when you bring a horse to hose off, it's trying to hoover up the bits (which I don't want my horse to have). And if someone wants to use it, she's in the way.

I finally spoke to her about the feeding in a very friendly way - "Hi. Do you think you could feed your horse over here by the tack boxes [I assume she uses the wash rack as there's a concrete pad and there is one by the tack boxes as well as tie rings] instead of the wash rack? It's sometimes awkward when someone needs to rinse off their horse."

Her response - "Oh, he doesn't take long." :confused:

Well, he does. So I soldiered on. "Well, even so, if someone is waiting it's rather awkward. It's meant to be used for washing after all."

Her - "Oh, it's fine."

Not being in any position of authority, there's not much more I can do. Sometimes people are very odd.

Sorry for the long tangent. That one's been bugging me for a bit. :o
 
I wouldn't choose either the gushy or padlock routes. If she chooses not to talk to you, then sod it, you will need to be the adult. Go up to her, say "I understand from the YO that you are going to be sharing my field, so I wanted to discuss the arrangements/poo picking/worming.

If she is not comfortable talking to your age group - thats her problem, not yours. However, if you don't confront her, then nothing will be agreed. Be polite, state your case and like I said, you be the grown-up!
 
What is it with YM's and trying to avoid conflicts. Doesn't their job title, Yard Manager, mean someone who (dare I say it) Manages the Yard? If she has already said it's OK for this woman to turn her horse out in your field, then she's made her bed and she needs to lie in it. She needs to talk to you, and the other woman, separately or preferably together, and lay down the ground rules ..... turnout, poo picking, worming, etc. etc. I wouldn't go the petty padlock route. I've seen that kind of thing happen before, and the people involved have always cut off their noses to spite their faces. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but these things always backfire. You're all adults - have an adult conversation. Communication is key. There, I've preached. I feel cleansed!!! :D
 
NO NO NO !!! dont let her use your field, you dont want her horse eating all the grass :rolleyes: and you having none for the winter ! keep all the grass as long as possible saves on hay :D:D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top