Rider and horse personality/ character clash?

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rowy

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Was wondering if any of you have had this and how you have gotten over it?

My two main competition horses are each completely opposite rides.

Firstly my mare who I have owned for 8 years and is extremely hot and sensitive. You cannot be angry with her at all or she will have a melt down. I am a patient and kinda gentle rider anyway but over the years this has developed more so now I feel I can really get the most out of her.

Secondly is my gelding. He is 6 years this year and I have owned him since he is 2 1/2 years. I backed him and have trained him so far to elementary level dressage but we have a sort of character clash. He is half welsh but has inherited the typical welshie character. He would rather do nothing but eat, he will take advantage of you if he thinks he can to do the least possible work. I have found recently that he needs a really tough rider to get the most out of him. One that will not take no for an answer and be really almost rough with him because he is a bit numb, I think made worse by the fact he was hand reared due to his mother dying when he was 4 days old.
I am really struggling being tough with him. It really doesn't come naturally in my riding. It does sometimes feels like he is taking advantage of my more gentle, quiet approach.
I have ambitions to get to a really high level of dressage but I am wondering if this clash of personality is going to hinder us or maybe he isn't cut out mentally to compete to such a high level.

Has anyone else experienced similar and have any tips? Should a excellent rider be able to easily change styles according to the horse they ride?
 
I know exactly what you mean. I much rather ride R who is forward going, spooky and needs gentle reassurance, than F who is nappy, annoying (for me!!) and needs being told what to do.

I suppose in answer to your second question it depends on your ambitions. If you would like to be a professional rider you certainly need to get on and ride everything you are given. If you ride for fun you might still view a different type horse as a challenge to learn from but if it's no longer fun why keep that horse and not one you might like more?

I keep F because my horses are pets and I just can't bear to sell him. I've only ever sold two horses (one given to the person loaning him) and I still feel terribly guilty about both.
 
Previous horse was homebred v. sensitive TB mare. Went to thuggish WBx and wished I'd been harder on him at the start as he had the opportunity to push me around a bit in the beginning.

I think if I'd been harder on him at first it would have allowed me to be softer with the ground rules established.

It wasn't how I wanted to be with him but necessary evil and he didn't mind it nearly as much as I did!
 
I've had the same but the opposite way around.

I'm not hard on my horses by any account, but firm and fair and don't take no for an answer. This has resulted in me standing for five hours next to a water complex before mare decided it was easier to go through, but it solved the issue, I won the war and she was never a pain again with water.

I then bought a warmblood, who was sensitive and spooky and frankly I couldn't be doing with it. Yes, she was stunning and good when she got it right but my goodness she could drop her shoulder and b*gger around. Any question she didn't quite understand would result in a rearing fit. So I sold her to a gentler, more patient soul, and now have my homebred who is exactly my type.

AKA she has character, naps a lot, but give her a growl and she'll get on with it rather than having a total meltdown :p I can deal with the odd spook, naps and temper tantrums, but not meltdowns and brain farts like my dumb-blood used to have! It's so nice to go to a competition and not feel like your steed was about to cack itself at the judge, or the banner :D

ETA: Sorry, hardly the most encouraging story is it! I have changed my riding for my homebred, however, in that I've had to be more patient as she hasn't previously been taught what I'm asking so I don't expect her to know it. But I think some horses and riders don't necessarily get along; even the pros have to admit defeat with some and change.
 
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I don't think it's unusual at all to have a personality clash with a horse. Top riders swap horses all the time because they are not suited.
I had a horse on trial once, she was everything I wanted. 15.1 coloured mare, very flashy ISH out of Pauldrays Top Tiger, loads of ability, safe, schoolmistress in every way.
Didn't get on with her. I had her for a couple of months but even though she was perfect on paper she wasn't for me. Went and saw the chap I have now, scrawny 4yr old ex racer with a spinning habit out hacking and felt right at home straight away! Thought I'd died and gone to heaven the moment he walked off the box on the day I got him.
Just the way it is sometimes.
 
I much prefer that type. I had a sharp sensitive tb mare when my warmblood (who was just like your spotty) was PTS and I learnt to ride her, but I found it hard to get along with her. I could cope as I just had her to ride and didn't have another of different type. But tbh as much as I liked her, I didn't love riding her so now have 2 more chilled types. They might be a bit stubborn, but I know exactly how to deal with them and enjoy it all so much more.

Life is too short to mess about with horses who aren't quite right for you. At the end of the day we do all this for the love of the ride
 
I think the only way to really get around it is to send him to live with me and Saffy.


:D


If that doesn't immediately take your fancy, then yes I do think it's very common for horses and riders to have personality clashes, but both parties can change to help that. In my case, I had always been used to riding ex-racers and arabs in Dubai. A lot of them were quite hot headed, but I didn't mind that as long as they had a strong work ethic. I hated riding the ones that wanted you off so they didn't have to work. I had no time for them at all and avoided riding them like the plague.

When I got Saffy, at first anyway, she was very quick off the leg and green as grass (as you'd expect from a just backed baby!) but the work ethic was there. As she matured, the quickness died down (probably both our faults, I wasn't hard enough on her to stop it because she was my princess) but the work ethic has always remained. Yes, sometimes I despair because I feel like we're not moving forward enough (literally!!) and that she's nowhere near the light, forward horses I was used to riding, but that willingness to want to do well, even if she doesn't know *how* to at the time, keeps me going.

I've started waffling, but what I mean to say is, does Rowan have the drive to want to do well? Is it you that has to carry him every step? If it is, it will make getting to the top extremely difficult on you, because past a certain level it is impossible to carry the horse around a test. That doesn't mean you can't get to a very good level on him, but getting to the top would be much harder. That said, I've obviously never met Rowan so it may be the case he's just being a teenager and it won't always be the case. Only you can know that, or at least make an educated guess.
 
Last one I had a personality clash with I sold, but it did take me quite a long time of dithering to actually do it.
The older I get the more I'm realising that there are very specific types/personalities of horse that I really get on with!
 
not at all uncommon and nothing to be ashamed of-i sold a horse that on paper was ideal for dressage, 17.3hh warmblood, super uphill, medium/ext trot for a 9 every time, canter that screamed pirouettes etc........................he really lacked a lot of personality and heart and his wishy washy blah blah blah attitude drove me insane. I sold him and bought Star who is on paper a waste of space as a dressage horse but has proved he's got the heart to make up for his lack of breeding and makes my heart sing every day.

i dont think its time to give up on Row yet, but maybe set yourself a time scale of 6 months, or a year etc and if you still feel the same, that YOU are carrying HIM, and he really doesnt have the get up and go to want to help you out/make life a bit easier, that it might be time to concentrate on your other girly (who i think is going to be an absolute super star btw) who will maybe suit your natural style a bit better.

Row has all the talent in the world, but he isnt hugely generous with it and if being ultra firm to the point of being a bit hard, isnt *you* it might suck the fun out of dressage in the long run?

big hugs, not easy xx
 
It tears me apart to think about selling him as he is so special and we have been through everything together and he is the first horse I have backed and trained right from the beginning.

However, its just getting to the point where 2 years worth of training and we are scraping low 60s at novice level.

I will def give him another year and I will really try to be more forceful towards him. It is worth giving it another go and at least I have 2 other horses which more suit my riding style to ride in between.
 
I bought a little warmblood to get me going BS which tbf he did but then things just went a bit sour, he was not the most generous of horses and had to be bullied a bit to give a bit more. It became a vicious circle with neither of us enjoying life so I made the decision to sell him, he was sent to a yard to be sold and the atmosphere on my yard changed overnight, all the other horses became happier and I started to have fun and enjoy it all again.

Don't forget that it is supposed to be fun, if neither of you are happy then it is, IMO, far better to hold your hand up and say it is not working out and find the horse a suitable home where they will be loved and appreciated.

Obviously you feel much more obliged to make it work as you bred this horse, but you have done your very best and there are no guarantees that when you breed one you will actually like or get on with it. If he were a bought in horse would you feel you had to perserver or would you sell?
 
sillygillyhorse said:
I bought a little warmblood to get me going BS which tbf he did but then things just went a bit sour, he was not the most generous of horses and had to be bullied a bit to give a bit more. It became a vicious circle with neither of us enjoying life so I made the decision to sell him, he was sent to a yard to be sold and the atmosphere on my yard changed overnight, all the other horses became happier and I started to have fun and enjoy it all again.

Don't forget that it is supposed to be fun, if neither of you are happy then it is, IMO, far better to hold your hand up and say it is not working out and find the horse a suitable home where they will be loved and appreciated.

Obviously you feel much more obliged to make it work as you bred this horse, but you have done your very best and there are no guarantees that when you breed one you will actually like or get on with it. If he were a bought in horse would you feel you had to perserver or would you sell?
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I didn't breed him, just bought him when he was 2 1/2 years. I am in contact with his breeder and she follows his progress on facebook and she is so pleased with how I have him going because he was the last foal she bred and her husband died shortly after and I think he wanted her to keep him entire as the next stallion to breed from but she couldn't manage it after he died so she sold him.

He does have a lovely, if cheeky, character on the ground. He makes me laugh all the time and the rest of my family loves him too. Its just when riding really which is making it a difficult decision.
 
My misunderstanding regarding the breeding. Being in touch with the breeder and her being so pleased adds to the difficulty I guess but you are the one that has to ride the horse.

Over the years I have become quite tough and if the horse and I are not working out then we have a parting of the ways. With both of the more recent ones I sold I was working along with them and one day, for whatever reasons, my decision to sell became crystal clear in my mind. Both horses have gone on to enjoy their new jobs with suitable riders and I have moved on to other horses who suit me better at the moment, that is not say they always will though!

In your heart of hearts you can be aware that selling is possibly an option, which I guess is why you asked the question. These situations are ones that only you can answer I am afraid. If you still like the horse from the ground that has to be more positive than the situation I was in when I began to detest the sight of the horse!
 
Perhaps dressage isnt his forte? Maybe try some jumping alongside the dressage, I dont mean just at home I mean actually go to a few comps, make it fun for you too :)

Im forever having people tell me 'I dont do Mares, im too mareish myself'.... well good for you I say!! lol. I'm pretty much well matched with Magic but there have been plenty of horses in my life Ive clashed with, mares and geldings. mostly ones who lack in personality.
 
I've just made the decision to sell my horse of 5 years partly because I think my style of riding doesn't suit him and I don't enjoy riding him really, I never have! I've struggled for years and it's crazy.
 
Well Frank is all of the welsh, and it has been said that he is a little bit ungenerous at times (more so when jumping though!) and that you only get out what you put in. Equally I don't think that is such a bad thing and when you get it right it feels amazing! :D I tolerate his sense of humour ;) and I think I would struggle with anything overly sensitive. To give him his due he doesn't half pull the stops out when I take him competing though :D
 
I know what you mean. I have two horses; one I got one I was thirteen and he was four. We both had a hell of a lot to learn and it probably wasn't the best match at the time. He has a fab temperament and is very easy to be around on the floor, but by god is he opinionated. If he doesn't understand what you're asking him to do, he doesn't try - just bury's his head and goes "can't, can't, can't". He's a slow learner, it took months to teach him anything, it was serious slow going. I was a teenager that had to learn some patience and he never tried to help me out if I got it wrong or even if I got it right. The amount of times I used to get off, before I snapped, untack him with tears streaming down my face asking him why he couldn't just try. He was spooky as well, spooky for reason other than 'cause he could. We could trot past a poster three times and nothing, then he'd throw an utter tantrum and be arsy about it for the rest of the session. There was never any question of selling him - I loved him too much for that - but it wasn't much fun. So we tried somthing else instead - took him Hunting and XC and he's a paragon of virtue. Clever, quick thinking never gets us into trouble and is honest and as generous as the day is long. I trust him implicitely and we have a ball of time. He isn't in regular work, gets picked up and dropped as when I can fit him in, but it suits him. He enjoys doing something when we do it as opposed to me hammering away at something day in and day out. Trying to get him to do Dressage simply made us both miserable. We both enjoy having fun, tootling round the countryside and jumping big hedges. I very rarely school him now, once every two months probably less.

My other horse I've had since a three year old, he's the total opposite. He loves schooling, loves being tested and is so willing to try everything. You have to be quiet and he hates being told off, it upsets him and he goes to pieces. He's always with you 100% in a test and isn't at all spooky or silly. I really enjoy working with him and competing him but in a totally different way to how I enjoy my other horse. He's only schooled once/twice a week but he's still only young and is bursting with enthusiasm.

I'm very glad I got my youngster when I did as it totally took the pressure of me and my other horse, but I love having him around for my "fun time". No pressure, not trying to achieve anything, just having a good time.

I'd certainly take the pressure off and look at playing at something else for awhile - it might well be the making of him.
 
With Zoon I found I needed to concentrate 100% of the time for my riding to be perfect. If I lapsed for a millisecond (saying hi to a friend walking past the arena for instance) he'd take advantage. If anything it made me ride better!
 
Mine is welsh & through & through as stubborn as they come. As such my riding style adapted to be firmer & tougher (although not riding often meant I wasn't always fit/strong enough to ride effectively)
A lovely HHO-er was kind enough to let me ride her her horses, and whilst beautifully schooled & lovely I wasn't competent enough to adapt my riding style and certainly on one of the more senstive horses there was more than 1 embaressing moment where I couldn't stop!
Chap I'm having sort of lessons from at the moment summed my riding up in 2 seconds - 'you've got an electric bum & you're firm but fair'.
Therefore whilst I would love to ride 'hotter' horses, all the ones I've ever ridden like that I've not been able to ride half a side of, so to me it wouldn't be fair to persist with one that my style didn't suit.
So whilst I'm the opposite to you I do get where you're coming from.
You're obviously not doing a bad job by any means going on how far you've got with him but at the end of the day, horses are an expensive hobby & if you're not enjoying it how far is it worth persisting?
On the one hand riding different horses & having to adapt your style will certainly make you a more rounded rider & open you up to more experiences and you obviously have a strong emotional attachment so as an outsider it is very easy to be black & white about these thing but sometimes you just can't fit a square peg into a round hole and it becomes uncomfortable and pressurised for those involved.
I sometimes think it takes a bigger person to accept the situation doesn't work for them & fix it than some-one who persists against all odds and is always battling.
Chances are if you're not enjoying it, he might not be either - certainly my welsh flourishes under firmer handling - waiver for a second and dependant upon the situation he'll either try every trick in the book to get away with something or panic because the reality is he doesn't actually like being in charge & can be quite nervous.

I know nothing about horses in comparison to most on here & am very much a hobby rider but thought I'd throw my 2 pennies in.
 
I agree that certain horses suit certain types of horse, it's a shame when someone persists with a horse they don't click with BUT, I think it's really good to learn to adapt to suit different types of horse.
I have completely changed the way I ride for my current horse in many ways and love the sense that there's always new stuff to learn and new ways of tackling a problem.
I would add that Rowy may just be still feeling like a Kevin. My gelding has suddenly matured and knuckled down to work - aged 7!
 
I brought a horse when my last horse did his tendon, it became clear quite soon,that me and him just didn't get on, he had his good and bad days but his bad days out weighted his good days, even hacking on his own was becoming a problem, he needed a firm rider and that just wasnt me,and there was no way he was going to do want I wanted him to, even tho he had a very good jump he was just plain nappy with it, I then sold him as it just wasn't fun anymore riding him. I then got given a little exracehorse, who everyone said he wasn't going to be much good to me but 8 years down the line we have shown everyone wrong and he really has become my best friend who will give his all to me
 
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