Rider lost confidence jumping - any advice?

[[134919]]

Hi everyone,

I'm struggling a lot with my confidence/ self-belief at the moment, which is probably attributed to my depression to quite a degree. I am fortunate enough to have lessons 3-4 times a month with two instructors. In my most recent lesson with one instructor (who is a top eventer), he told me that I can ride well, have a really strong/ stable lower-leg etc. and need to start pushing myself out of my comfort zone/bubble that I've ended up in (he meant this encouragingly).

My new gelding (8 y/o Connemara) hasn't had a lot done with him for the past few years, so I've been building it up carefully, giving him a varied/balanced routine. He is scopey and has so much potential, tending to respect 'bigger' fences more. I can have one session where I manage to achieve something others may think is tiny (jumping 70cm), but the next time I am falling to pieces.

I am scared I'm holding him back and worried about ruining him. I've jumped 75cm with him at a show, and I felt scared all the way around- he looked after me, he will feed off me giving him confidence and vice versa, and because I wasn't doing my best, we had a few fences as I'd hold him rather than letting him go!

My comfort zone is probably 50/60cm, but I have no idea why jumping bigger fills me with dread, even though its something I want to do?

It's worth mentioning, my horse of a lifetime was pts in March due to a rare illness, he was mainly a schoolmaster and just a complete dream. He brought me from being scared of a cross pole to jumping up to 1m15 at home, 90s+ at shows. I love my new boy, but I keep comparing him to my last gelding (I know this is wrong), it's still very raw, to be honest as he was my best friend and kept me going in so many ways...

My dream is to be able to confidently jump 80-90 at a show by the end of this year, next year I want to go affiliated, and my ultimate goal is to ride at Bolesworth (doubt this will ever happen haha). I also would love to do XC with him but I've never done it before in my life, and the solid fences fill me with dread, yet I'd love to be able to do it.

Lastly, I'm in my mid-20s now, and I feel so much more apprehensive riding now; my old lad, I knew inside/out, now I second guess myself and don't like 'risking' things more than necessary (even though riding is a high-risk sport lol). I've never been a pony club kid or really razzed around, but I've always been able to have fun, and I'm terrified of losing my passion for horses as its the only thing keeping me going.

Pointless/rambling post... Just feel really lost and sad!!

Any advice/tips would be appreciated and cookies if you've read this far

x

 

[Mule]

I'm really sorry about your horse that had to be pts. Remember that anxiety and depression go hand in hand so the problem may not be completely down to jumping. I've had agrophobia in the past and i understand fear and the feeling of it not making any sense.

In regard to jumping, I would take it right back to basics. Start absolutely tiny, little crosspoles until you're really bored and then increase the height a half an inch. Basically it's then a case of rinse and repeat. I would take a break from lessons with a competition focussed instructor and look for someone who helps riders get through fear. I don't think you need to push yourself right now. You know you're well able but you're feeling a bit vulnerable atm. I think you need to be kind to yourself and talk about your emotions and feelings with someone understanding. I know you have goals that you want to achieve by the end of the year. In my experience that will happen quicker when you address the fear first. There really is plenty of time. There's no time limit in our sport

Aswell as trying the tiny jumps until you're bored, try to do horsey stuff that doesn't make you anxious, things that relax you and you enjoy. The things you can do when you're depressed and anxious reflect about one thousandth of what you will be capable of when your health is better. Good luck and I'm sure things like improve for you x

 

[Shay]

It might be worth seeking psychological support from your GP? Talking therapies - especially CBT - can be very helpful. Others respond well to the NLP approach. There are a number of self help books on regaining rider confidence. But it is easier to do this with someone than on your own.

Everyone gets scared -you are not alone. You have lost the horse you trusted and need to build your relationship with your "new" one (I know he isn't new - but the point is the same.)

I would venture to suggest your goal might be a bit ambitious for this year - we are already in July and the weather isn't helping. The ground is rock solid. That said - you know yourself far better than anyone on a forum will do and you know if an ambitious goal will motivate you or depress you.

What about aiming for a fun ride with optional jumps? Go with someone you know and trust. You can walk all the way if you want. Jump something if you want. No pressure. mule's suggestion of other non jumping things is good too. If you haven't discovered horse agility I can highly recommend it. A wonderful way to build your relationship.

 

[huskydamage]

I have a similar issue, in fact I am very happy if I jump 70cm lol I would never enter a class at 70. My old horse used to stop a lot, like gallop up and stop so last min she'd practically smash and fall over and I've developed a fear that the horse will stop, so I don't ride forward confidently. I've started jumping again with my new horse but still get nervous if the jumps get out of my comfort height. I think its better too just do what you enjoy and not push yourself before you are ready. Being older and being the small classes (and bigger!) against little kids that fly over everything makes me feel a right tit and like I need to jump bigger. When I entered a 75cm it was a disaster! Now I'd just rather have a nice round on my horse that I can do confidently and save the pushing myself bit for lessons. It supposed to be fun and it's a lot more fun for me to clear in a smaller class!

 

[electric_circus]

Hi OP - I'm full of sympathy for you, as I've been there myself. I had a terrible crashing fall and really lost my confidence very badly. I had lessons with quite a few different instructors/trainers and they were saying the same sort of thing 'you're a good rider, you can do this' etc etc. The problem was that yes, I could ride reasonably well... but unfortunately I was completely terrified and was more of an unhelpful passenger to my poor horse! And he would help me over small (tiny!!) things, but when the fences went up he actually needed me to ride positively and then the wheels would come off... I was not only not riding positively, but asking him to stop! So he'd stop, which would damage my confidence even more. It was a vicious circle.

The key for me was finding the right instructor, who actually addressed my confidence issues in lessons and pushed me (gently) to build my confidence again. There were three things that made a difference, alongside the lessons though: I always do my 'homework' between lessons, practising what we've done, and if I feel confident doing the same thing but raising the height slightly. I also NEED to jump at least a couple of times a week, or it becomes an issue that I overthink. It doesn't even need to be a full-on jumping session - a couple of cross poles at the end of a flatwork session helps, and the horse likes it too! The final thing was to take the pressure off myself and stopping saying things like 'I want to be out competing at x height by y date'. I have a rough idea of what I'd like to achieve with my horses, but I focus on practising my lessons and consolidating it by competing at the height I feel comfortable at. It takes time, and you will no doubt be up and down with it, but I have gone from being almost paralysed with fear over a 1' cross pole to jumping timber out hunting again. You'll get there - but I do think finding the right instructor would help. There are loads of great instructors out there, but some are better at dealing with confidence stuff than others. Sometimes it is those who have lost it and managed to find it again who can offer the most insight! Good luck x

 

[[134919]]

Thank you everybody for the advice, really appreciate it x