Riding a 'man's horse'

[arwenplusone]

Some of you will know that I have been struggling with my beautiful, beautiful mare lately. I thought we were getting somewhere and then she had another in a long line of hissy fits and I got unlucky & broke my wrist.
Anyway, she's been away for 4 weeks with my instructor for some training. I have been to see her about 8 times during this period and my instructor's son has been riding her. He is very dominant & 'aggressive' and in the space of 4 weeks he has more respect from my mare than I have ever had. He is after her all the time & almost bullies her into submission. SHe seems to really like this & has settled well to work for him. My instructor (who rides dressage to a very high level) will not ride her and says it is not ability that is the challenge but 'riding attitude.'

This mare is always looking for a weakness in her rider. She WILL school to a very high level & she has a superb jump but it is so hard to get her to work with you instead of against you.
I rode her yesterday (and will again tomorrow) but I am starting to wonder whether my determination with this horse is in vein.

I cannot change the fact that I am female, (without an expensive op

) OR my natural, quiet way about horses, nor do I want to, but I really want to make it work with this mare.
Seeing her with Tom though it has really made me wonder if I ever can & I am sitting here in tears thinking I will have to sell her.

So, sorry - to try and cut a long story short - are some horses just men's rides or is there some other way around this? Has anyone got a 'man's ride' and made it work out?

Any advice/thoughts on this appreciated. thanks

 

[pinktiger]

im sorry to hear about your wrist, and your situation is a tricky one,,, the only thing i feel is that you really should not change your quiet, nice temperment/riding to suit the mare!! Is this the only way the mare will compromise? maybe its the regime(sp) she has there aswell and maybe not just down to the agressive rider/very possitive rider,,,, ??praps???

 

[arwenplusone]

possibly but I had her in a routine at home & my instructor will not ride her/can't get on with her. Really think her temperament is suited to men (I bought her from a man) - if you treat her with kindness she does not respect you.

I just need to fool her into thinking I am male. Codpiece perhaps?

 

[pinktiger]

[ QUOTE ]


I just need to fool her into thinking I am male. Codpiece perhaps?

[/ QUOTE ]

PMSL

buy some linx and start talking in a deep voice + the codpiece should do it!!!


can you see how she is after her 'Male Fix'? maybe she just needs 'tweeking' every so often,,, tbh tho if your instructor wont get on her, and you have broken your rist she is clearly very quirky, and not much fun for you, it does sound like you have given her every option to conform, but maybe she likes the men. I think there are alot of horses out there like that!! !

 

[kerilli]

what happens if you are nice and quiet but if she starts taking the mickey, give her a smack immediately? does she object, or take it? if she'll accept it, that's what i'd do. i don't give up on anything unless it is a truly dangerous horse, and i don't think there's such a thing as "a man's ride"... never met one yet, anyway! i'd try her with a determined woman rider, see how she is, and if they can give you any pointers, perhaps?
personally, i don't like bullying riders, i think they take the horse's initiative away, and for jumping (particularly xc) the horse needs to know it still can think for itself, and do so in extremis.

 

[arwenplusone]

If I am nice and quiet she will object when I hit her - she needs to be 'under the thumb' - you cannot take your eyes off her for one minute

I'd like to think I AM a determined female rider but could try and find someone likeminded who may have a different style. That might be a good idea.

I agree about the initiative btw but this mare's initiative is not sound so she HAS to be told what to do!!!

 

[cobden99]

Hi, I dont mean to sound negative but maybe if your mares attitude is that she cant be trusted for a minute to do the job you want her to - maybe she is not cut out for it ? Having the looks and ability is part of it but if she doesnt (and never will) want to, you could be wasting such a lot of time and effort that you could be directing at a more willing horse ?
Just an idea - I think she is beautiful btw ...

 

[arwenplusone]

cobden - you are not negative - just a realist! Part of me thinks the same - but then I just think I should NOT give up on this horse. It's difficult to know how to go forwards. Going to give it one more shot I think...

 

[H's mum]

Can I just say that if you go back 5 years or so on HHO and read my posts about H you sound just like me!!! I was at a complete loss with H she was so bossy and I just couldn't figure her out at all - she totally made mincemeat of me - and I'd watch whilst a male friend of mine wrapped his strong legs around her and squeezed the submisson out of her... It's taken us years to build up the relationship that we have now and I'd never swap her - but IMHO with mares it's difficult - she's definitely alpha mare and in order for me to be in charge on top, I needed to be in charge full stop! I think if you can find the buttons with your mare you'll learn a lot with her!

Kate x

 

[luckilotti]

a quicky reply as our pizza has just arrived

My old MW Hunter i was told was a 'mans horse' but i never really had any issues with him, others however did, he just seemed to take the mick out of them for some reason.
actually, thinking about it, i make a habit of it!
my late ISH mare also belonged to a gentleman, he ended up being decked and wouldmt get back on, but his wife also did the odd bit with her so i wouldnt have said she was a gents horse, when friends rode her, she would either go perfect or refuse to move depending on who it was.
Then i have my new mare, she belonged to a gentleman also however i have bought her as a broodmare, if she is scanned not in foal again at the end of this month i will start riding her, i'll have to wait and see how that goes!
Not sure why i tend to end up with these horses? i do hate to say i do tend to also go for horses with a strong 'character'....
i would say i am a confident, strong rider but also really soft with it and just have fun and never take it too seriously.
also, i am very much female lol, a girly voice, big boobies, etc so i am sure my neds know i am a lady.
I would say keep working with her and try not to think about it as i am sure it will work out

 

[redmerl]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time.

Just wondering, does your mare have a bond with you on the ground and is she respectful to handle?

 

[arwenplusone]

H's mum - that's encouraging, thank you!

 

[Marchtime]

I'm certain my gelding is a man's horse. I bought him as a 4yr old off a male event rider who had spent three months backing him and bringing him on. I spent two long hard years battling with this horse and having two instructors refuse to ride him. Even now aged 10yrs he is not the easiest horse. In truth I'm not sure I'd still have him now if it wasn't for the fact that he was so accident prone he was never sound for long enough to sell! He, like your mare, needs constant attention. The second you take your leg off or let your rein contact go you've lost it! Whether you continue depends on how far you wish to progress with this mare. I came to the conclusion I didn't mind progressing slowly and adapting my goals to fit better in line with his! He has all the talent in the world and paces to die for but he simply doesn't wish to work hard. As a result he'll never be a top level competition horse unless I want to battle all day every day with him. However, he does (or did until injury!) very nice medium dressage.
If competing at a high level is something you wish to do I'd change horses. It can be very frustrating to have a horse with potential but a bad attitude. If however you have the patience of a saint stick with her, she'll come right in the end.

 

[horseygirl28]

I do think some horses are suited to just men or just women riders. 8 years ago, my parents purchased me a 16.2HH eventer he had evented upto Intermediate with a lot of success, he was a stunning horse to look at and was everything I was wanting. However he had always been ridden by men, however at the time I didnt think anymore about that factor. I tried him twice and he went very well, jumped him etc and he was very easy to ride. So we went ahead and bought him at a considerable expense as you can imagine for an intermediate eventer. Anyway got him home and started to ride him and he turned into a TOTAL nightmare, he hated me riding him and by the third day he reared over backwards with me on him and landed on me. I was totally devistated, this wonderful eventer turned into a nightmare. Anyway spent loads of money trying to work out problems, i.e back, saddles, health probs etc and everything was fine. He was absolutley fine for me on the ground. Sadly i had to give up and we sent him to a male event rider and he has had loads of continued to success and been a very happy chappy ever since. It was a totally gutting time, but he was a true mans horse not for some light weight girl!

So if i bought a horse that had been ridden by men for a considerable amount of time I would be very wary!!