Rusty returner and the confidence rollercoaster… Give me a pep talk!!!

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ClaireinDorset

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So I had my own horses 15 years ago, a 6 yo ID gelding and 14 WB mare. Mare was an absolute angel and was just what I needed. Gelding was the epitome of green plus green and I think him and the marriage breakup I was going through at the time totally zapped my confidence. He was absolutely lovely (the horse not the husband - the husband was awful) but I don’t think my confidence was ever great. I never really did much on them, just having and some flat work lessons. But I loved them and it was a happy time!

So I had a huge break and got back to riding 3/4 months ago. I’ve had some lovely hacks and volunteering at a school and found a solid horse I trust implicitly who’s done wonders for my confidence. I’ll take him out on my own, I just know I’m safe on him. Only problem (or one of my many problems) is I rode a different horse last week and came off after quite a spook. I had a lesson in a different school today so it wasn’t too long between rides (riding the solid one tomorrow) and my nerves were shot, I was forgetting how to breath and trotting over poles was hideous because I was just tensing up and forgetting to breath.
So, I need a pep talk that if I keep going my confidence will get there, but do I need to ride different horses so I push myself out of my comfort zone? Before I stopped years ago an instructor asked me if riding was really for me if I was getting myself that nervous (that has stuck in my mind), that’s niggling in my head that maybe my nerves will never go.
I’m also so intent to get my own again as feel that surely with the chance of having my own again and building up a bond is something I really want to do again, or am I being far too optimistic?
Sorry, utter word vomiting but I’m just pondering my equestrian future 😔
 
Welcome to the forum!

I am working on my confidence with riding and have found Sports Psychology sessions really compliment my weekly riding lessons, so would really recommend that and can make a specific recommendation if you would like.

A couple of key things (among many!) that I have taken away are: importance of self-compassion (beating ourselves up doesn't especially help) and the balance of getting out of comfort zone but not into 'panic' zone.

There are some days life has been life-ing a bit too much (I have a long-term health condition) so I let myself stay in the comfort zone while recognising that if I do that continuously, I won't progress. Equally, learning/development can't happen if we keep putting ourselves into panic zone (it's also really not a fun place to be and we want to ride/be around horses for fun right?!) So it's looking for that sweet spot in the middle - which does involve accepting that there will be some level of nerves. That zone in the middle can also vary depending on lots of factors - so it makes sense that it will look different on different horses.

An understanding and patient instructor is so valuable! There have been times my instructor has maybe not been so understanding, but the psychology sessions have helped me to communicate more clearly and now it feels like things are working really well.

Sorry that's a really rambling answer but I hope there's something useful for you in there.
 
Hello, from a fellow returner! :) One thing I've learned since coming back to horses is that no two riding establishments are the same, even if they claim to have the same ethos so if you've found one that you like, where you feel safe, stay there. Your confidence will grow through repeated good experiences and if this means spending months or even a year or more sticking to the safe confidence-giver that you've found, do that. It is far better to take your time and enjoy the process than to put yourself in more challenging situations and end up a nervous wreck.

It's great that you're thinking to the future and wanting to get another horse of your own but enjoy the journey, get yourself back to riding fitness, establish a support network with other like-minded local people and that day will come. Good luck! :)
 
SaddlePsych'D said:
Welcome to the forum!

I am working on my confidence with riding and have found Sports Psychology sessions really compliment my weekly riding lessons, so would really recommend that and can make a specific recommendation if you would like.

A couple of key things (among many!) that I have taken away are: importance of self-compassion (beating ourselves up doesn't especially help) and the balance of getting out of comfort zone but not into 'panic' zone.

There are some days life has been life-ing a bit too much (I have a long-term health condition) so I let myself stay in the comfort zone while recognising that if I do that continuously, I won't progress. Equally, learning/development can't happen if we keep putting ourselves into panic zone (it's also really not a fun place to be and we want to ride/be around horses for fun right?!) So it's looking for that sweet spot in the middle - which does involve accepting that there will be some level of nerves. That zone in the middle can also vary depending on lots of factors - so it makes sense that it will look different on different horses.

An understanding and patient instructor is so valuable! There have been times my instructor has maybe not been so understanding, but the psychology sessions have helped me to communicate more clearly and now it feels like things are working really well.

Sorry that's a really rambling answer but I hope there's something useful for you in there.
Click to expand...
Not rambling at all, a very well thought out thing to read. Thank you. I think for the moment I need to just ride who I trust until I feel like I can push myself a little more…
 
kaiserchief said:
Hello, from a fellow returner! :) One thing I've learned since coming back to horses is that no two riding establishments are the same, even if they claim to have the same ethos so if you've found one that you like, where you feel safe, stay there. Your confidence will grow through repeated good experiences and if this means spending months or even a year or more sticking to the safe confidence-giver that you've found, do that. It is far better to take your time and enjoy the process than to put yourself in more challenging situations and end up a nervous wreck.

It's great that you're thinking to the future and wanting to get another horse of your own but enjoy the journey, get yourself back to riding fitness, establish a support network with other like-minded local people and that day will come. Good luck! :)
Click to expand...
Good point about the riding fitness too - bloody hell I forgot how much doing it properly gets muscles aching you didn’t know you had 😂
 
There are lessons that can teach you balance.
After a year of RS lessons and some hacking, I eventually went to a highly skilled teacher who specialised in lunge lessons. Her aim was purely to improve ones balance and thus reduce the likelyhood of a fall. I started to trot without stirrups and eventually (with a bp) rode the lesson horse bareback. My fall rate reduced from an average of once a year to almost nil.

It isnt just the physical training, it is the awareness of how and when one's balance may fail and how to correct it. I know I am less stable on a left bend and I know that I must correct it by keeping my body straight and my right shoulder back.
 
Skib said:
There are lessons that can teach you balance.
After a year of RS lessons and some hacking, I eventually went to a highly skilled teacher who specialised in lunge lessons. Her aim was purely to improve ones balance and thus reduce the likelyhood of a fall. I started to trot without stirrups and eventually (with a bp) rode the lesson horse bareback. My fall rate reduced from an average of once a year to almost nil.

It isnt just the physical training, it is the awareness of how and when one's balance may fail and how to correct it. I know I am less stable on a left bend and I know that I must correct it by keeping my body straight and my right shoulder back.
Click to expand...
Sorry to jump in… who did you go to for lunge lessons and where were they based? I’m finding good ones rare as hen’s teeth
 
I life there seems a general pressure to do things, and with riding the is extra pressure from outside( the constant you don't want to do it like that) and the constant pressure from our selves to improve or make challenges, when reality as long as we do no harm to the animal its OK just to be happy,
I always think of it like swimming, most of us can swim, or can paddle in the waters edge, but most of us are know we will never be competitive, there is just pleasure in being in the water, floating on your back and looking up at the sky, or even just the sound of water. I do not swim very well, I am long past the stage that I need to push my self, make myself nervous or get approval from others. I think you need to enjoy what ever you do, there is no point in being 'perfect' or 'improved' if it makes you anxious.
If I was going to ride again I think I would take some time on mechanical horse to improve core strength, and just the fact you only have to think about yourself. Who ever gives you guidance I think you have to be clear in your own mind what you want, because you only need one opinionated person to undermine your objectives.
 
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