Sad I think I have put my daughter off

[Limbo1]

So I posted a little while back about issues we are having with a little loan pony. The long and the short is he is not working out. I have been looking for another pony. My daughter has told me she does not want to ride just groom and lead a nice pony along. It breaks my heart that I have picked the wrong pony and put her off something she loved! She is so wary now around them and whilst in the stable with my horse or the pony she is so scared and can't wait to get out. What should I do?

 

[MyDappledConnemara]

My advice is to take her for some lessons at a riding school, so she can get her confidence back. Another option is to try and find a horse that is very calm and experienced so she feels more secure around horses. Take her along to the yard and let her groom your horse, and if it is safe to do so let her have a little sit on him if she would like to. Hope this helps

 

[Limbo1]

Thanks, they are in the yard behind our house so kids are there all the time. She will do things with my mare but only from the other side of the door, put in feed and clean tack etc. She is a saint so would happily have my daughter groom her but there is no way she will get that close.

 

[MyDappledConnemara]

Perhaps find her a very safe loan, and help her to understand horses won't hurt her! Try finding one which you can get on after months and still be the same ride.

 

[smellsofhorse]

You can't force her to like or do something.
It's like a parent insisting their child does s ballet even when they don't want to.
Send pony back. Let her have a break, maybe go for some lessons and hacks at a riding school and perhaps pony days.
Then if she wants to try again then look for a more suitable pony.
If not, then let her choose her hobby.

 

[WelshD]

relax. not putting any pressure on or showing any disappointment may well rekindle the spark

 

[rowan666]

agree with the others saying send pony back and don't push her into riding again, she will gain confidence in her own time

 

[Pearlsasinger]

relax. not putting any pressure on or showing any disappointment may well rekindle the spark

This!

Send the pony back and take notice of what your daughter is saying. She does not want to ride. Maybe when she gets a bit older and bigger, she will become a bit more confident around your own mare and decide for herself that she would like to sit on your mare. If she does, great - you might be able to build on that. If she doesn't, I'm sure that she wil develop other interests and hobbies.
Please don't try to live out your own ambitions through your daughter.

 

[honetpot]

I would just forget it for now. My youngest daughter fell off her pony and broke her arm two years in a row at 7&8,not the ponies fault and not her fault. she was very nervous but loved the pony, so I told her she didn't have to ride and we would keep the pony and left it at that.

She found the courage in the end and did PC and hunted but on a 100% rock of a pony would could put up with her screams. I think that her sister rode and all her friends at school rode may have been the deciding factor but I never forced her.
She is only small and they think nothing bad will ever happen and anything with fur must be a friend, and so cuddly, so when they find out its seems like its out to get them its a bit of a shock. I would find her something important to do round the yard and let her have fun doing something else.

 

[Clare85]

I would just let her be as involved as she wants to be atm. My daughter loves grooming and helping me with yard chores but gets very upset at the suggestion of riding. Therefore, I don't push it, I just let her do what she wants to do - I know that the more I try and push her into it, the more she will pull away. I'm hoping she'll ask to try riding one day, my 15 month old son tried his first 'sit on' the other day and loved it, so hopefully she will see him riding and want to try too. However, if not, we will find her a different hobby. It makes me a little sad as I had always imagined riding out together with both the children, but I don't want her to be forced into something she's frightened of or uncomfortable with.

 

[LovesCobs]

How old is she?
Don't worry that this is forever. My daughter decided she never wanted to jump her pony and hardly rode at all, I took the pressure off (after initially having a rant when she froze on her pony!) and she has built back up slowly initially on a really steady loan pony. She's now jumping well and gaining confidence. This happened when she was ten after a few years of riding, she's now 12 and went to pony club camp last summer x

 

[Merlod]

Don't push it! If she just wants to groom and handle, then just let her groom and handle.. she will build the confidence herself and the more confident she gets the more she will want to do.. like ride again!

Personally i'd her a darling little older shetland that she can be in charge of - dote on, groom and take for walks. Ideal as they are small enough to not be intimidating and cute and happy to help her confidence, plus she could even hop on for a bareback. I know shetlands get a bad press sometimes but I have one and he is AMAZING with children.. you just need to find the right one!

 

[Luci07]

I had a friend whose daughter was overhorsed unwittingly. They sold the pony and went out and found a very very elderly kindly old pony. Pony blossomed into a rather stunning little Welsh but was so easy and quiet that small daughter could do everything safely. I remember years ago reading that Harvey Smith had done the same with his boys so he sold the ponies ..and bought a donkey for his sons to get their confidence and enjoyment back.

 

[wills_91]

Send the pony back and let he do what she wants with your mare even if it is just helping around the yard and putting feed in etc. I had a terrible fall aged 9 & again 13 and was convinced I'd never ride again. Pony went back both times. After 6 weeks (was longer after the fall when i was 9 )away I started going back to the yard and helping with mucking out etc etc I was riding again both times within a year.

 

[Jericho]

get her an absolute dope on a rope, the older the better. we had a little welsh. very nicepony but had her moments and it only took a few moments to scare my then 8 year old. I wondered if I had done exactly the same as you by giving her an unsuitable pony.

Was then offered a very ploddy and absolute saint of pony - in reality he was a bit of an old goat - cobby, old, couldnt canter a circle, would never have won a beauty contest but he was the best boy ever. Safe as houses, would never ever dream of hurting a little one, bombproof and predictable. He absolutely became my little girls best friend and she learnt all the basics on home. As is often the way, she quickly outgrew him in ability (to be fair there was no way he wanted to be jumping and whizzing around the way she did!) and he went on to another loan home teaching another little girl to love horses. I owe that old boy a lot, bless him! We then had another couple of 'interesting' ponies before we found another legend. I am dreading the day she outgrows this one but thats another story...

 

[rachk89]

Seriously don't buy another pony. Sell the current one and let her do what she wants. Offer lessons at a riding school but make it clear that its her choice. Don't force her, thats the worst thing you could do.

 

[twiggy2]

Thanks, they are in the yard behind our house so kids are there all the time. She will do things with my mare but only from the other side of the door, put in feed and clean tack etc. She is a saint so would happily have my daughter groom her but there is no way she will get that close.

give her time, with your mare if she chooses, she may become more interested when the weather improves again, is there a problem if she just wants to do stuff at her pace and on the ground, as long as she enjoys being outside and the company of horses then if it is in her she will ride again.

 

[*hic*]

With those who have said don't push it. If the pony's the wrong one send it back now. Keep your ears open for a perfect child's pony even if it will be fairly quickly outgrown, get it and let her play with it but no pressure to ride. For example my section A will stand for hours being brushed and cuddled and sung to and plaited. When being "led" by a toddler that falls over she stands still for them to climb up her leg to stand. She just loves children. No pressure to ride. If you go out for a hack then she can come with you leading the pony on one side whilst you lead on the other. Always make sure the pony is correctly tacked up for riding and she has her riding clothes and hat on but never suggest she rides the pony. At some point she'll be tired and fed up and want to get on, but only when she feels comfy with the idea.

If she never gets back to riding then she probably wouldn't have stayed riding for long anyway. But if you make it no pressure and just cruise along with her not riding but doing everything else then she may well come to love it again.

 

[Sandstone1]

Seriously don't buy another pony. Sell the current one and let her do what she wants. Offer lessons at a riding school but make it clear that its her choice. Don't force her, thats the worst thing you could do.

Don't become one of those horrid pony club mothers. If she wants to ride she will. Just because you are horsey doesn't mean she has to be!

 

[FfionWinnie]

Get something totally safe and crack on. She'll take her confidence from you so jolly hockey sticks but make sure she's safe and it's fun.

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

If you're sending the loan pony back, why don't you look at rehoming one as a companion? Not all children want to ride. My youngest doesn't, now and again he asks to ride but I don't make him.

 

[Merlod]

If you're sending the loan pony back, why don't you look at rehoming one as a companion? Not all children want to ride. My youngest doesn't, now and again he asks to ride but I don't make him.

Might be worth taking a look at the Blue cross, Bramble looks particularly sweet!

 

[Queenbee]

So I posted a little while back about issues we are having with a little loan pony. The long and the short is he is not working out. I have been looking for another pony. My daughter has told me she does not want to ride just groom and lead a nice pony along. It breaks my heart that I have picked the wrong pony and put her off something she loved! She is so wary now around them and whilst in the stable with my horse or the pony she is so scared and can't wait to get out. What should I do?

at my yard we have two little ladies, they both have set backs... the first pony for one turfed her off and hurt her so a brilliant old timer was purchased and he (although being too big, gave her -and her mum, their confidence back) now little 'S' has her own dartie x shettie... a saint, it took a hell of a long time, starting with just that - grooming, walking and bonding... then she rode the confidence giver, next the DxS was purchased, a darling in fur... she took a step back because it was a new horse. Now, the world is their oyster three weeks on and they are a force to be reckoned with! Little 'L' had a similar experience, she is utterly bold as brass but took a tumble off a school master that belonged to her mum, of course that rattled her a bit, a smaller more pint sized pony was purchased for her. Now a few weeks on for both of them (without pushing, just gentle encouragement and support) Little 'L' and Little 'S' are battling each other at the 12" jumping competitions on their steeds!

A set back is not the end of the road, return the pony and find something that will build her confidence back up and take care of her

 

[Limbo1]

Thank you all for advice. My husband is unhorsey so this has really helped. My daughter has lots going on in her little head, school not great etc and I think getting a pony that she was desperate for and it not working has hit her hard. I will take the pressure off but look out for a suitable pony as I have a son whi is keen. That way if she wants she can ride, if not just groom and play with it. She loves all animals and their care so maybe that will be her thing.

 

[windand rain]

Not quite the same thing but my youngest son was terrified of water right from birth he hated it bath time involved screaming blue murder washing his hair was like we were throwing boiling water over him. We are a swimming family the other two were swimming independently before they could walk. Both loved it so we had to take the young one when we went. We let him sit in his trunks at the side of the pool if there was a baby pool until he was 10 he would eventually put his toes in the shallow water. The summer of his 11 year he asked if he could go swimming with his mates I was dubious as I didnt want him to be upset and bullied for not going in the water. He came home an hour later with his width and lenght badges and has loved swimming since. I do think perhaps if horses are the normal in any family the kids take them for granted and dont appreciate them or they are as crazy about them as the parent you cannot say which way it will go. All my kids learned to ride, none do now all including me love horses and are happy keeping them, grooming, feeding poo picking but dont care one way or the other if they ever sit on one. My granddaughters love to ride when they come as we have a safe as houses highland pony that looks after them and makes them feel safe but she is the only pony they will ride. they ride her walk trot and canter but you cannot get them near either of the others as they are much sharper they have never asked for riding lessons near their homes either so are not particualrly interested in any other pony except Hazel